Little things

[MillieDynamite]

My editor listens to my story using a text-to-speech reader and catches most of my spelling consistencies or mistakes and missing words.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

"reach across" is how I'd fix it.

But yeah, I do notice things like this and this particular one does grate.

I thought of that but 'reach across' sounded less intimate than 'leaning'. Reaching is what you do when you have to get something, but when you want something, you don't mind leaning and getting close, if that makes sense. Leaning more coveys getting into someone's space and in a sexual scene that conveys intimacy. We're also talking about one line out of context and I felt that changing 'lean' to 'reach' might ruin any intimacy that may have already been in the (unseen) context. If I knew the whole context then I could make a better decision and then maybe reach would have been okay after all.

 

[jaF0]

Andrea seductively stretched her lithe, willowy arm across the table to caress Cliff's lean, solid shoulder.

 

[StillStunned]

Andrea's cleavage showed. She must have moved or something. I think there might have been someone else there, but I had better things to look at.

 

[Illinoisguy1980]

Sorry, a video with Natasha Nice, @Illinoisguy1980 ? Which one?

Went to the wrong thread sorry

 

[TheWritingGroup]

To be clear, I did change that sentence once I noticed the repetition. and the story is already submitted.

I think part of it was rushing to get it out, because it's part of an experimental "trilogy" of shorter stuff we wanted to pump out fast.

-Annie

 

[TheWritingGroup]

I noticed something in a newish story's description. I'm not mocking the author, I just think it's (in its way) similar to what I did:

Sarah broadens her sexual taboos with her man.

Broadening the taboo means making more things taboo. I suspect the author meant the opposite, something like, "stretches her limits".

-Annie

 

[MillieDynamite]

Is it a cuckold story? But yeah, it's an odd way of wording it. Sarah explores her sexual taboos with her man, which might be more to the point as well.

I noticed something in a newish story's description. I'm not mocking the author, I just think it's (in its way) similar to what I did:

Broadening the taboo means making more things taboo. I suspect the author meant the opposite, something like, "stretches her limits".

-Annie

 

[TheWritingGroup]

In a current WiP, a person who has very sore muscles:

Moving brought back pain ...

Rereading, I realized that this looks as though I'm talking about back pain, pain in her back. I changed it to, "Moving brought the pain back ..."

--Annie

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Rereading, I realized that this looks as though I'm talking about back pain, pain in her back. I changed it to, "Moving brought the pain back ..."

Movement caused the pain to resurface.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Movement caused the pain to resurface.

The sore-muscled woman is working-class and doesn't read a lot. She wouldn't think or say "resurface," so it feels out of place to have the narrator (who is following her) use that word.

 

[TheLobster]

In a current WiP, a person who has very sore muscles:

Rereading, I realized that this looks as though I'm talking about back pain, pain in her back. I changed it to, "Moving brought the pain back ..."

--Annie

If the boxes are heavy, moving can definitely bring back pain.