Litiquette3

[Paul_Chance]

Hmmm...the waiter/waitress rule. It seems quite logical. However, in my experience, I have known someone who was always, for almost 15 years consistently, polite to waitstaff and also to the majority of people in public. Behind closed doors, he was one of the most ruthless and cruel men I have ever known. There was no such thing as personal boundaries, common courtesy, or standing your ground with him. When he wanted something, or wanted his way with something, he got it...period.

I have also known someone who is consistently impatient and rude to the public. A bit unbecoming? You bet. But he also has one of the most beautiful hearts of any man I've ever known.

What the first man taught me was to pay attention to how someone treats others when they have nothing to offer them. What the second man taught me, or moreover reminded me, was that some of the most beautiful people lay underneath the roughest exteriors.

Well said - both come down to paying attention to how the person acts across the spectrum of life (or across the variety of threads they post in online). We humans are wonderfully layered and complex beings. For me, it always comes back to what we allow in our lives. We never get a pure person - each is a mix of good and bad and we decide what mix is acceptable to us. There are a lot of fine lines that weave back and forth in human relationships. Everyone is a box of puzzle pieces - some that fit, some that don't fit - then we toss all our puzzle pieces into the mix and, hopefully, together we get to build something cool from the mess.

 

[All_4_Love]

Well said - both come down to paying attention to how the person acts across the spectrum of life (or across the variety of threads they post in online). We humans are wonderfully layered and complex beings. For me, it always comes back to what we allow in our lives. We never get a pure person - each is a mix of good and bad and we decide what mix is acceptable to us. There are a lot of fine lines that weave back and forth in human relationships. Everyone is a box of puzzle pieces - some that fit, some that don't fit - then we toss all our puzzle pieces into the mix and, hopefully, together we get to build something cool from the mess.

I love your thoughts, Mr. Paul Chance.

 

[Little_Sister]

Interesting collection of responses.

Quickie this morning. Can a single post by someone change your mind completely about them, or make you form your opinion? Has it happened to you where you see someone post and think "oh, I thought he/she was pretty cool but not now". Have you ever not posted because you know your response will be viewed as unfavorable, so it's best just to say nothing and move on?

Absolutely, just as IRL a single interaction can change my opinion about someone, or even more recently a single FB posts. Who knew my uncle was crazy? I had no clue until he got a FB account.

Well said - both come down to paying attention to how the person acts across the spectrum of life (or across the variety of threads they post in online). We humans are wonderfully layered and complex beings. For me, it always comes back to what we allow in our lives. We never get a pure person - each is a mix of good and bad and we decide what mix is acceptable to us. There are a lot of fine lines that weave back and forth in human relationships. Everyone is a box of puzzle pieces - some that fit, some that don't fit - then we toss all our puzzle pieces into the mix and, hopefully, together we get to build something cool from the mess.

Very well said.

 

[Suz_anne]

Absolutely, just as IRL a single interaction can change my opinion about someone, or even more recently a single FB posts. Who knew my uncle was crazy? I had no clue until he got a FB account.



Very well said.

Soooo nice to see you around here!

 

[Little_Sister]

Soooo nice to see you around here!

Thank you!

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Interesting collection of questions.

I think you'd have to be very quick to judge people if you allowed a single post to completely change your opinion about someone or if you formed an opinion of him or her from the one post.

I could add, but why?! Nicely said.

 

[ChainedUp]

The waiter/waitress discussion yesterday was an interesting read. It was along the lines of "integrity is what you do when no one is watching". And I do beleive that in those glimpses, you get a sense of who a person is. Troubled but kind, kind but mean, I think all we want is for people to be consistent. Just be who you are, and if you don't like the results than find the flaw, correct it and move on.

So when was the last time someone pointing out a correctable flaw in you? Did you agree? Did you try and change? Or did you decide "I am who I am" and move on?

 

[Lord Pmann]

This wasn't the last time, but it was the most memorable. It actually happened about 10 years ago.

Someone told me the following:

You might be the smartest person in the room but you are not smarter than everyone in the room.

I was being a cocky little bastard about something. A know it all. And the girl's point was, while you might be smart, your life experience certainly can't exceed the collective experiences of everyone else in your life.

I try not to be an arrogant bastard now. TRY.

 

[All_4_Love]

Oh, the flaws, for which I have many. Indeed, they are a part of what makes me who I am. Knowing that I can't change what I don't first acknowledge, and then here's the paradox...accept. I've always said, if it wasn't for the darkness, we wouldn't need the light.

There have been 2 occasions recently where I had to take a very hard look at myself and trust in others what they see in me. It wasn't easy. I can be a stubborn little thing when I want to be. That said, I am a very conscientious person, probably to a fault, and I am very sensitive to how I affect others. So, I welcome the criticism. I really sincerely do.

My most recent epiphany came when someone close to me said that I assume too much. Now, this is something that even my own parents used to tell me when I was growing up. And here I am, in my 40s, still assuming. *rolls eyes*

So, I approached a friend, in desperation, and said I have this, I do this, but I have no idea how to fix it. And she looked at me and said, quite simply, "just give people the benefit of the doubt". My jaw hit the floor. Something that, to me, seemed so overwhelming, and yet the solution was just that simple.

My other major flaw that I've just recently acknowledged, which seems to be the one that is causing me the most problems, is that I'm a runner. This is deep. I've always done it. I've always cowered down until I could run away from things that hurt. The solution for this doesn't seem to be as simple. I have much work to do.

 

[DarkSimian]

we all have flaws; some we can change, some we can't. I know I'm far from perfect, but I've always tried to do my best and take care of the people I care about. But recent events have shown me that some people can never be happy with your best. Yes, I was selfish, yes I looked after myself first, yes I followed my heart, and tried to be happy. I've asked for forgiveness and received none. So I'm just tired of trying. I'm broken and I guess that's the way I'll stay. I just can't fake it any more...

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

The question today does not apply to me since I'm, well, yanno..perfect

 

[italiansexylady]

I guess a flaw of mine would be that sometimes I put everyone's needs up high before mine in everyday life that from time to time I let myself and my own needs slip away. I always feel I will seem selfish if I think of myself first. I am working to find a healthy balance and finding myself increasingly happy with the results

Oh, and I'm kinda mean and impatient when I'm driving..oops! It's like I am a different person behind the wheel...my whole family has told me so...I'm definitely working on being nicer!

 

[DarkSimian]

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one." Star Trek II
"The needs of the one sometimes outweigh the needs of the many." Star Trek III

 

[All_4_Love]

I guess a flaw of mine would be that sometimes I put everyone's needs up high before mine in everyday life that from time to time I let myself and my own needs slip away. I always feel I will seem selfish if I think of myself first. I am working to find a healthy balance and finding myself increasingly happy with the results

It has taken me years to humble myself enough to realize that this was a flaw in me. I don't know how to fix it entirely, although I've gotten better. I don't know how to say no, although I'm learning. I tend to need others who are stronger than myself in this to help me say I've done enough, it's time to stop and take care of me, too. (Hug)

 

[italiansexylady]

I guess a flaw of mine would be that sometimes I put everyone's needs up high before mine in everyday life that from time to time I let myself and my own needs slip away. I always feel I will seem selfish if I think of myself first. I am working to find a healthy balance and finding myself increasingly happy with the results

It has taken me years to humble myself enough to realize that this was a flaw in me. I don't know how to fix it entirely, although I've gotten better. I don't know how to say no, although I'm learning. I tend to need others who are stronger than myself in this to help me say I've done enough, it's time to stop and take care of me, too. (Hug)

You and I are so much alike!

 

[All_4_Love]

You and I are so much alike!

Yes, yes we are.

Except the driving. I need lessons. First off, I'm a terrible driver. Second, I don't recall a single road rage incident on my part. My daughter tells me all of the time "mom, you need to get more aggressive! Quit telling people you're sorry when they're honking and screaming at you!"

I'm over there like a little sad puppy, like oh crap! I'm so sorry mister! It's bad. I'm such a damn pushover. I do have the Italian temper. I just have a very long fuse. But when I've reached the end of it, watch out!

 

[Paul_Chance]

This is a tough question for me because, well, I have no flaws. (He says while casually leaning against the Skeleton Closet door to keep it from popping open.)

Just kidding there, plenty of flaws in action. Probably the most recent one I've tried to correct is I have a thing about dealing with other peoples self-inflicted drama. When people around me are caught up in drama I tend to do a very quick evaluation of whether it's external drama, caused by an event or another person outside of them, or internal drama, caused by their perception/reaction to something.

Someone I love pointed out that this can make me appear dismissive of other peoples drama and that is true. I always approach it this way - life happens and you have two choices when it comes to drama. If it's external, then you suck it up, get a shovel and start digging your way out. If it's internal, then you need to do the inner work or contemplation, meditation, counseling, etc., to - suck it up and work your way out of it.

We actually argued to a standstill and it put a serious strain on our relationship before we agreed to set it down. I am working on not coming across as dismissive, because of course, to the person suffering it, internal drama is very real and very serious.

I'm not sure I will ever be able to change that because it arises from a lifetime of experience and contemplation of those experiences and fundamentally I think my approach is right. I think, at the high level, all of life is a struggle, sometimes gentle, sometimes a full on rolling on the concrete bloody brawl. You have to fight, you have to fight hard, you have to fight smart, and you have to never stop fighting. I struggle with being compassionate towards people who pick the fight, then whine when they lose or with people who don't like the outcomes they're getting in life, yet ferociously defend the repeated bad choices they make - and make them over and over again.

 

[numeniusa]

I am a terrible interrupter, which I didn't realise until it was pointed out, but I'm much more mindful of it now, and that's a good thing.

I can also be incredibly argumentative after a dram or two of whisky, but there's no way I'm giving up whisky, so....

 

[Suz_anne]

I tend to withdraw when I'm uncomfortable or unhappy.

At work, I have learned that by being silent and saying nothing, which I often thought was better than expressing a negative opinion, was actually making the situation worse. A co-worker talked with me about it and made me realize that I was throwing out all sorts of negative cues when I thought I was being neutral. So I've been working on that.

In my personal life, it has manifested itself in withdrawing from friendships. It wasn't like I made a decision to cut someone out of my life, I always have chalked it up to life circumstances changing and certain friendships evolving and falling off. But I recently reconnected with a couple of old friends who told me that they felt like I cut them off. So I'm working on that, too.

And I've found that I was a lot less defensive about both of those conversations than I would have been in the past. I may finally be maturing past the mental age of 14.

 

[ChainedUp]

If the mental maturity of the people around here starts to raise above the level of a 14 y/o, it's going to start getting pretty dull and boring around here.

Which brings up an interesting topic. Is the maturity level at lit higher or lower than it is for the average adult outside of Lit? My instincts tell me it's higher here. Sure we get all excited at boobs that flash across the screen, and there's the cock pic crowd and the horrible random PMers but I still have a sense that there's more maturity here. Just take a stroll around a big box store or the mall, and you'll see a lot of folks not quite mature. Lol

Then again, maybe I'm telling myself a lie because I don't want to admit my own immaturity.......hmmmmm, something to ponder.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

If the mental maturity of the people around here starts to raise above the level of a 14 y/o, it's going to start getting pretty dull and boring around here.

Which brings up an interesting topic. Is the maturity level at lit higher or lower than it is for the average adult outside of Lit? My instincts tell me it's higher here. Sure we get all excited at boobs that flash across the screen, and there's the cock pic crowd and the horrible random PMers but I still have a sense that there's more maturity here. Just take a stroll around a big box store or the mall, and you'll see a lot of folks not quite mature. Lol

Then again, maybe I'm telling myself a lie because I don't want to admit my own immaturity.......hmmmmm, something to ponder.

My view of this may be slightly skewed but many of my personal friends share my professional loves so similarities evolve. I deal with some pretty hefty topics at work and the discussions can get very wholehearted. You see every little detail. You see the big picture. You see life and death and all the space in between. The responses to situations tend to be planned by a team of people, making the overall maturity level seem higher than it is here. Also, with a few exceptions, people are able to consider my opinion without asking to see my tits or hear me orgasm. And before you consider these random PMs, ask yourself if it's ever happened to you. Everyone will secretly admit that it has and come to the understanding that it is, in fact, commonplace.

 

[ChainedUp]

I'm not sure I'm following. What is common place, to be asked one's opinion without requests for boobs/orgasms or being asked for boobs/orgasms?

 

[GiggLeGasm]

I'm not sure I'm following. What is common place, to be asked one's opinion without requests for boobs/orgasms or being asked for boobs/orgasms?

no. you suggested that boob requests happened in random PMs. They happen all the time..

 

[ChainedUp]

no. you suggested that boob requests happened in random PMs. They happen all the time..

Ahh, yes, they happen in random PMs and in not so random ones as well, or so I'm told. It's not like I get requests for them random or not.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Ahh, yes, they happen in random PMs and in not so random ones as well, or so I'm told. It's not like I get requests for them random or not.

lol.. perspective is a big part of personal truth