Litiquette2

[ViciousTease]

THAT! My dear, is Mr. Sully Erna, the most beautiful man on the planet. You should Google him... he has more

I googled .. and nearly licked the screen. Thanks!

 

[MercedeSexy]

I remember learning this in psych101:

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Viktor E. Frankl

​

Replace the word "response" with "perception" and you get pretty much the idea that somewhere between what we project and what is perceived is a process that we cannot control.

I may very well behave a certain way in an effort to manipulate how others perceive me, but it would be a hit-and-miss effort at best because I can't control, or even know, all the past experiences and prejudices that will influence that person's judgment of my behavior. For that reason, we manage it by only divulging bits and pieces of factoids about ourselves, starting with the less inflammatory bits first until we feel confident that we can open our kimono without being misinterpreted or dismissed completely.

I have a tattoo. Person A will think I'm cool because he knows someone else cool who has one. Person B will think I'm trying to act young when I'm not ... Person C will assume I'm hedonistic because...
I can't say that I don't give a shit what others think of me because I do. In fact, I care very much. I'm surprised at times by how off base a perception can be - of me, but also of people I'm just getting to know. I find myself adjusting what I think of a person with each interaction I have with them, trying not to place too much emphasis on one detail about them, trying not to judge who they are based on one or two things.

I really liked what DesEsseintes said here:

I think the key is to lose this perception of the 'real you' hidden somewhere underneath all the different masks. We live in those masks. Our self is an amalgam of them all, or perhaps of the spaces in between.

Okay, if I keep going, I'll just start rambling.
GREAT question of the day, Chained but awfully deep for a Friday. Shit, I popped in hoping it was another free-for-all.

 

[ViciousTease]

Holy fuck, that was a long post.

I had that same thought after posting my answer to today's question.

I thought you made an excellent point about appropriate behavior. That's how I was raised and it is a part of who I am on such a deep level that I rarely have to think about it. It's an automatic response, if that makes sense.

 

[Suz_anne]

GREAT question of the day, Chained but awfully deep for a Friday. Shit, I popped in hoping it was another free-for-all.

Maybe I should post more pictures of my recent leggings shopping spree?

 

[All_4_Love]

Holy fuck, that was a long post. Also, I wonder what people think of me now? Maybe I'm perceived as a shy coward? Maybe someone thinks I'm your garden variety introvert. Maybe you think this is all bullshit. I don't really care, though. This is a freestyle thread.

It is the rawness and beauty of deep self reflection. I remember something previously from this thread about radiating simple humanity.

In my eyes, this is what your post is...simple humanity.

And courage.

It takes a lot of courage to go that deep into oneself and then write it out for the world to see, knowing you will be judged, because that is our fear, right? We, as humans, fear being judged. We worry what others will think of us.

Beautiful post, BR.

Thank you.

 

[PanamaJaxxx]

There are three perceptions....how we see ourselves, how we think others see us and how others actually see us. These can overlap, intersect or they can represent three totally different perceptions.

The good thing about getting older is the tendency to not worry so much about the outside perceptions any more. I know who I am and I am comfortable with that. Either you see what I see or you don't and we move on....I no longer take those things and make them personal issues. I can value and respect other opinions but know their importance does not outweigh my own..and the same goes for perceptions.

 

[All_4_Love]

There are three perceptions....how we see ourselves, how we think others see us and how others actually see us. These can overlap, intersect or they can represent three totally different perceptions.

The good thing about getting older is the tendency to not worry so much about the outside perceptions any more. I know who I am and I am comfortable with that. Either you see what I see or you don't and we move on....I no longer take those things and make them personal issues. I can value and respect other opinions but know their importance does not outweigh my own..and the same goes for perceptions.

Wow, thank you. So much to aspire to in this post. It is beautifully written and succinct.

 

[dutchrain]

Oh, you're just getting started Dutchy

Oh, I'll do the big, nutty looking, green eyes too.

****


Chained's question of the day was a heavy one. I read all the responses. Many good things were said, but I think Des' covers my understanding, of how I perceive myself and how and why I want or hope others perceive me in which way, the best.

One isn't just a singular being who all the time willingly decides how to behave to be perceived in the most profitable/positive way. Most of the time one doesn't even realize one is behaving differently, the changes often are very subtile.

Most happens subconscious and simply changes ( a bit more or or a bit less) slightly with each person we interact with. We wear many hats during the day, and each one requires a certain behavioral "pattern".

I think we all do that. We are our own PR firms, even if the image we are trying to portray is that of the person who doesn't care about their image. That's an image, too, and one of the most deceptive.

I think the problem is with the idea of the single self. We humans never just are, like an animal born with its instincts and abilities virtually ready made and needing no more than practice. Our lives are an imperfect process of becoming, often in several different directions at once, and each mode of our lives requires a slightly different approach. The mother behaves differently from the wife, who behaves differently from the daughter, sister, boss, etc, etc. Yet they are all the same person.

I think the key is to lose this perception of the 'real you' hidden somewhere underneath all the different masks. We live in those masks. Our self is an amalgam of them all, or perhaps of the spaces in between.

 

[All_4_Love]

Most happens subconscious and simply changes ( a bit more or or a bit less) slightly with each person we interact with. We wear many hats during the day, and each one requires a certain behavioral "pattern".

Yes, this is very true.

I think it's fair to say judging by my inability to control myself from commenting many times today that I have thoroughly enjoyed this discussion.

This reminds me of some of my favorite song lyrics:

Dig Down Deep - Marc Cohn

Baby let's go below the surface
And see what we can find
There's no reason to be nervous
Cause it happens all the time

I don't wanna go up to the mountain
I don't need to go down to the sea
I'm just gonna sit right here
Until we unravel the mystery

My apology for riding the "free for all" line today, Chained. *chastises self* Gee, what is wrong with me?

 

[makinmepurr]

Perceptions. We try to manage them but it's a never ending job. We say we don't care what others think but we do. We hope our deeds speak louder than our words but often they do not.

Vicious surmised that I wouldn't have a tattoo. Do I want to foster that perception? If I have one, should I correct her? What if I want my perceived persona to be someone who wouldn't have one. Maybe I can use this as an opportunity to say I do have one an weave that fact into the perception model.

How often do you work on managing how others see you.

As a recovering Nice Southern Girl, I sometimes still struggle with caring about how I am perceived. I used to funnel so much energy into doing or saying The Right Thing, looking The Right Way, and pleasing everyone else but myself. And no I did not mean that last bit in a sexual way. Jeez get your minds out of the gutter. Now that I'm older and wiser and, most of the time, secure in my self-esteem, I am no longer preoccupied with how others perceive me, and, most of the time, am not trying to manage that at all. I just try to always be straightforward and true to myself. And I' ve learned to let go of attachment to other's opinions of me. I do alter my manner of communication and demeanor according to which hat I' m wearing, as Des mentioned, but I see that more as a matter of following the social code.

 

[ChainedUp]

Happy Saturday everyone! Lots of deep thinking going on around these parts. I think a "Free-for-All" Saturday is well deserved. Come, run amok and enjoy!

 

[DesEsseintes]

someone's read foucault. and/or butler (probably not, though). and/or bourdieu. etc. etc.

Judith Butler? Pierre Bourdieu?

Of course I have. I'm not illiterate. But the above, for what it's worth, is mine own. The only Foucault I have much time for is The Archaeology of Knowledge, and I'm not a huge fan of Butler or Bourdieu.

 

[All_4_Love]

Judith Butler? Pierre Bourdieu?

Of course I have. I'm not illiterate. But the above, for what it's worth, is mine own. The only Foucault I have much time for is The Archaeology of Knowledge, and I'm not a huge fan of Butler or Bourdieu.

God, you make me so sapiosexual, Des.

 

[ViciousTease]

Happy Saturday everyone! Lots of deep thinking going on around these parts. I think a "Free-for-All" Saturday is well deserved. Come, run amok and enjoy!

I'm still waiting for clarification on the tattoo issue, sir.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

https://31.media.tumblr.com/b368f23fa73b9f197fc7f6eae79f9116/tumblr_nen5asLvKK1s2wio8o1_400.gif

 

[dutchrain]

http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-gif-cat-dog-fight-slap.gif

 

[ChainedUp]

Not exactly a wild & crazy group when given the freedom. Perhaps it's direction you crave.

 

[makinmepurr]

Not exactly a wild & crazy group when given the freedom. Perhaps it's direction you crave.

I was thinking that too.
When I read your post earlier about having free rein, I thought to myself, hmmm....what should i do? I got nothin. Maybe there's something to be said for rules after all. Shocking realization.
And anyway you look really hawt in that sheriff' s uniform.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

http://img.wondercostumes.com/imgzoom/sheriff-costume--6825.jpg

 

[makinmepurr]

RA you rock! I often think it but have never said it. Now it's out there.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

RA you rock! I often think it but have never said it. Now it's out there.

thanks, and you're welcome for the visual

 

[makinmepurr]

I wonder if that uniform comes in Chains' size?

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I found one a little bigger....

http://1.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/98/23/c5329de5064e7828282517595e06a904-mini-horse-dressed-as-a-sheriff-thats-all.jpg

 

[makinmepurr]

Oh my lord.... My cheeks need a massage. My face cheeks you pervs. LMAO.

 

[ChainedUp]

It's a quiet Sunday morning. How many of you are already planning Lit naughty fun for today? Maybe your man will be busy watching football. Or a partner is going to be out for a couple of hours. Do you make plans for your naughty fun or do you just let it happen?