Litiquette2

[pfflyerhot]

I have a vertical scar from my belly button down from having an emergency C-section in 1984. I got my wonderful son the day I got this scar... Admittedly, I'd rather have given birth naturally, and I'd rather have a discreet horizontal scar, but I don't. So, yes... some scars can reflect life's joy.

 

[All_4_Love]

Scars. An outward(mostly) symbol of something difficult, something we had to overcome. While our most joyous times are basically invisible, nothing but an internal feeling. Wouldn't it be great if we could see remnants of everyone's joys as well or instead of their scars?

No, I don’t suppose it would be great.

We have our smiles, a most beautiful outward expression of our joys, without fail.

Happiness is fleeting. It doesn’t stay around like a scar. It comes in precious moments that are meant to be cherished and shared with one another.

I think it’s rather beautiful the way that works out.

And to look into the eyes of someone who is truly happy, experiencing a moment of pure joy… There is nothing more joyful than that.

 

[makinmepurr]

I' ve been walking around with a scarred heart, and scarred confidence, and a scarred spirit. None of which are visible. But they are part of me. I often wonder what emotional or spiritual scars others carry around. I don't know anyone who doesn't have them. Maybe coming here is a way of coping. I know it is for me. Although there are times when scars are so deep and soul-shaking that even seeking distraction is too hard.

Sorry, I lost track of the topic. Sharing my thoughts anyway.

 

[Thandi]

I' ve been walking around with a scarred heart, and scarred confidence, and a scarred spirit. None of which are visible. But they are part of me. I often wonder what emotional or spiritual scars others carry around. I don't know anyone who doesn't have them. Maybe coming here is a way of coping. I know it is for me. Although there are times when scars are so deep and soul-shaking that even seeking distraction is too hard.

Sorry, I lost track of the topic. Sharing my thoughts anyway.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...."

 

[Pervy_Sage]

My posts here are always fairly innocuous, but where scars are concerned, I love them. Scars are beautiful reminders of where we've come from and what we survived.

 

[Thandi]

My posts here are always fairly innocuous, but where scars are concerned, I love them. Scars are beautiful reminders of where we've come from and what we survived.

I agree. All my scars, whether internal or external have made me who I am.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

I agree. All my scars, whether internal or external have made me who I am.

I think this is the first time a post of mine here has ever been replied to. Lol.

 

[TheSilverLining]

I think we all survived Suz_anne's fashion sense with minimal scars

Scars. An outward(mostly) symbol of something difficult, something we had to overcome. While our most joyous times are basically invisible, nothing but an internal feeling. Wouldn't it be great if we could see remnants of everyone's joys as well or instead of their scars?

My scars, mostly are reminders of my joys.
Ironically, they are also one of the most difficult things I've tried to deal with, and have caused the most internal scars.
Such is life.
<shrug>

 

[jameslewis]

I carry a few scars around, physically, but the emotional ones I'd just as soon keep hidden. Also any scars of joy. I think I'd like to choose when they're seen, and not be read like a book.

 

[ViciousTease]

I think we all survived Suz_anne's fashion sense with minimal scars

Scars. An outward(mostly) symbol of something difficult, something we had to overcome. While our most joyous times are basically invisible, nothing but an internal feeling. Wouldn't it be great if we could see remnants of everyone's joys as well or instead of their scars?

I have many scars, inside and out. I don't mind them.

I think it would be great if joy left it's mark as well. I guess it does in some ways. Someone mentioned C-section scars and laugh lines. I have both. I think joy, more often than not, leaves it's mark on our lives instead of our bodies. It can also leave a mark on those around us.

Then again, maybe you just need to get a tattoo, Chainey. I wonder what you'd get ... and where ...

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I have many scars, inside and out. I don't mind them.

I think it would be great if joy left it's mark as well. I guess it does in some ways. Someone mentioned C-section scars and laugh lines. I have both. I think joy, more often than not, leaves it's mark on our lives instead of our bodies. It can also leave a mark on those around us.

Then again, maybe you just need to get a tattoo, Chainey. I wonder what you'd get ... and where ...

http://img.izifunny.com/pics/2014/20140113/640/some-terrible-tattoos_41.jpg

 

[ViciousTease]

http://img.izifunny.com/pics/2014/20140113/640/some-terrible-tattoos_41.jpg

Nice!

 

[ChainedUp]

Perceptions. We try to manage them but it's a never ending job. We say we don't care what others think but we do. We hope our deeds speak louder than our words but often they do not.

Vicious surmised that I wouldn't have a tattoo. Do I want to foster that perception? If I have one, should I correct her? What if I want my perceived persona to be someone who wouldn't have one. Maybe I can use this as an opportunity to say I do have one an weave that fact into the perception model.

How often do you work on managing how others see you.

 

[DesEsseintes]

Perceptions. We try to manage them but it's a never ending job. We say we don't care what others think but we do. We hope our deeds speak louder than our words but often they do not.

Vicious surmised that I wouldn't have a tattoo. Do I want to foster that perception? If I have one, should I correct her? What if I want my perceived persona to be someone who wouldn't have one. Maybe I can use this as an opportunity to say I do have one an weave that fact into the perception model.

How often do you work on managing how others see you.

I think we all do that. We are our own PR firms, even if the image we are trying to portray is that of the person who doesn't care about their image. That's an image, too, and one of the most deceptive.

I think the problem is with the idea of the single self. We humans never just are, like an animal born with its instincts and abilities virtually ready made and needing no more than practice. Our lives are an imperfect process of becoming, often in several different directions at once, and each mode of our lives requires a slightly different approach. The mother behaves differently from the wife, who behaves differently from the daughter, sister, boss, etc, etc. Yet they are all the same person.

I think the key is to lose this perception of the 'real you' hidden somewhere underneath all the different masks. We live in those masks. Our self is an amalgam of them all, or perhaps of the spaces in between.

 

[JoyDyan]

Perceptions. We try to manage them but it's a never ending job. We say we don't care what others think but we do. We hope our deeds speak louder than our words but often they do not.

Vicious surmised that I wouldn't have a tattoo. Do I want to foster that perception? If I have one, should I correct her? What if I want my perceived persona to be someone who wouldn't have one. Maybe I can use this as an opportunity to say I do have one an weave that fact into the perception model.

How often do you work on managing how others see you.

Honestly, I don't much care. I'm happy with myself.

As for tattoos...I have about fifteen. None where they can be seen with clothes on, but that's because of my job. Otherwise, I wouldn't much care if people saw them one way or another. I am who I am.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think we all do that. We are our own PR firms, even if the image we are trying to portray is that of the person who doesn't care about their image. That's an image, too, and one of the most deceptive.

I think the problem is with the idea of the single self. We humans never just are, like an animal born with its instincts and abilities virtually ready made and needing no more than practice. Our lives are an imperfect process of becoming, often in several different directions at once, and each mode of our lives requires a slightly different approach. The mother behaves differently from the wife, who behaves differently from the daughter, sister, boss, etc, etc. Yet they are all the same person.

I think the key is to lose this perception of the 'real you' hidden somewhere underneath all the different masks. We live in those masks. Our self is an amalgam of them all, or perhaps of the spaces in between.

*like*

 

[All_4_Love]

Perceptions. We try to manage them but it's a never ending job. We say we don't care what others think but we do. We hope our deeds speak louder than our words but often they do not.

Vicious surmised that I wouldn't have a tattoo. Do I want to foster that perception? If I have one, should I correct her? What if I want my perceived persona to be someone who wouldn't have one. Maybe I can use this as an opportunity to say I do have one an weave that fact into the perception model.

How often do you work on managing how others see you.

I respectfully disagree; deeds always speak louder than words, sir.

Perhaps, I am not capable of going as deep or submitting to as much self reflection as this question demands this early in the day, so if this sounds like bullcrap, I apologize…

That said, I don’t truly believe that I spend much time managing how others see me. I am pretty much “what you see is what you get”. However, this does not mean that I am one of those people that comes off as loud, brash, and uncaring of what others think of me. I’ve seen that persona, and I agree with Des, it is most deceitful, and you can see right through it. These are usually the people that are in so much emotional pain, it’s heartwrenching to see them suffering.

I am quite the opposite, in fact. I am actually very, very sensitive to how others perceive me and maybe this is because I don’t manage how others see me, if that makes any sense. I just am who I am. Because of that sensitivity, I am quite guarded most of the time, and being shy and introverted on top of that really makes for a quiet and aloof girl. Is this how I manage how others see me? I am totally rambling right now. It's almost as if I have contradicted myself here. Hmm...

Admittedly, because I am hypersensitive, I get my feelings hurt quite easily when I feel that someone doesn’t like me. I have learned to manage this by realizing with age and maturity that there are also others in this life that I don’t necessarily “like” (ugh, I dread the fact that there are actually some people that I don’t like) but by admitting that, it helps me accept that there are also others that won’t like me. It is just the way that it is.

So, no, I don’t think I spend much time managing how others see me.

Thanks Chained, I will definitely be spending a lot of time thinking about this question today. I see a light bulb going off over my head in the future, an “a-ha” moment where I may actually catch myself in the act of doing this very thing that I say I don’t do. *chuckle*

*waves* Hi Des!

 

[elli1]

I think the problem is with the idea of the single self. We humans never just are, like an animal born with its instincts and abilities virtually ready made and needing no more than practice. Our lives are an imperfect process of becoming, often in several different directions at once, and each mode of our lives requires a slightly different approach. The mother behaves differently from the wife, who behaves differently from the daughter, sister, boss, etc, etc. Yet they are all the same person.

I think the key is to lose this perception of the 'real you' hidden somewhere underneath all the different masks. We live in those masks. Our self is an amalgam of them all, or perhaps of the spaces in between.

someone's read foucault. and/or butler (probably not, though). and/or bourdieu. etc. etc.

 

[ViciousTease]

Perceptions. We try to manage them but it's a never ending job. We say we don't care what others think but we do. We hope our deeds speak louder than our words but often they do not.

Vicious surmised that I wouldn't have a tattoo. Do I want to foster that perception? If I have one, should I correct her? What if I want my perceived persona to be someone who wouldn't have one. Maybe I can use this as an opportunity to say I do have one an weave that fact into the perception model.

How often do you work on managing how others see you.

If you have one, you should show her. I hear she finds them quite sexy.

I find this topic interesting. In the tangible world, those who know me have little understanding of who I am. I don't make a conscious effort to hide myself. I don't try to be anything other than the real me, yet somehow I am labeled with qualities I don't possess. "She's so sweet. She is always nice. She is so laid back, never gets upset, calm under pressure, always willing to help." They are all admirable traits, but not true. I'm a bitch, through and through. I do what needs doing. I take care of things. I get things done. I'm not skipping around smiling about it. I just do it. The stress and weight of it all may be eating me up inside, but it still needs doing so I do it.

Here, I've made friends who seem to understand me rather quickly. I wonder if it's the sexual nature of our interactions here that is key. I'm not talking about actual (or virtual, I guess) sex. I just mean the sexual mindset. I would imagine that many come here feeling more open and confident about our sexuality than we do in RL. I suspect that same mindset makes us more observant, reading signals, learning each other's 'tells'.

In answer to your questions, I don't manage how others see me beyond what is required. I don't cuss at work because it isn't allowed. I don't tell dirty jokes for sexual harassment reasons. Those sort of behavior modifications are forced. If I could say, "Are you fucking kidding me?" at work, I absolutely would. Or, "this is bullshit". Yeah, that would come up a lot. Then, everyone could stop talking about what a sweetheart I am.

 

[Thandi]

I don't cuss at work because it isn't allowed. I don't tell dirty jokes for sexual harassment reasons. Those sort of behavior modifications are forced. If I could say, "Are you fucking kidding me?" at work, I absolutely would. Or, "this is bullshit". Yeah, that would come up a lot. Then, everyone could stop talking about what a sweetheart I am.

Thank god that those in my field are dirty minded, swearing, passionate people.
I'd hate to have to curtail myself.
I think we have to be that way....too much pain & sorrow in what we do...you need to have the "black humour" to get you through.

 

[All_4_Love]

If you have one, you should show her. I hear she finds them quite sexy.

Rawr!!!

Like this?

[URL=http://s1273.photobucket.com/user/all_4_love/media/sully_erna_godsmack-379970_zps188ba844.jpg.html]http://i1273.photobucket.com/albums/y417/all_4_love/sully_erna_godsmack-379970_zps188ba844.jpg[/URL]

 

[stickygirl]

Our lives are an imperfect process of becoming, often in several different directions at once, and each mode of our lives requires a slightly different approach. The mother behaves differently from the wife, who behaves differently from the daughter, sister, boss, etc, etc. Yet they are all the same person.

I think the key is to lose this perception of the 'real you' hidden somewhere underneath all the different masks. We live in those masks. Our self is an amalgam of them all, or perhaps of the spaces in between.

I wish more people would accept this: too often I've heard people criticised for being "two-faced" if they react differently to different people... like duh! Sure, some people will be disingenuous, like acting all girly with the boss, then acting the cow to your colleagues, but our projected selves have to modify with the company or we'd all be Spock.
I'm far less sensitive to other people's reactions and opinions than I used to be - but that's why you pay good money to therapists - to teach you how to cope.

 

[ViciousTease]

Rawr!!!

Like this?

[URL=http://s1273.photobucket.com/user/all_4_love/media/sully_erna_godsmack-379970_zps188ba844.jpg.html]http://i1273.photobucket.com/albums/y417/all_4_love/sully_erna_godsmack-379970_zps188ba844.jpg[/URL]

Dayum! That's what I'm talkin' about.

 

[All_4_Love]

Dayum! That's what I'm talkin' about.

THAT! My dear, is Mr. Sully Erna, the most beautiful man on the planet. You should Google him... he has more

 

[BrokenRomantic]

Vicious surmised that I wouldn't have a tattoo. Do I want to foster that perception? If I have one, should I correct her? What if I want my perceived persona to be someone who wouldn't have one. Maybe I can use this as an opportunity to say I do have one an weave that fact into the perception model.

How often do you work on managing how others see you.

It's quite a coincidence that you asked this question today, since it touches a lot on a discussion I had yesterday with a friend, even though I never brought up this actual topic.

On LIT, I do care what people think of me. I'm sure I've said I don't, but I do. I may not consciously think about or even realize I'm doing it, but I know I am. All that really is, is the conscious part of me just being aware of my unconscious patterns and habits. I make a great deal of effort to act appropriately, with civility, and kindness to others if ever an interaction on a thread occurs. I feel I must always act appropriately.

Does that mean I'm often hiding who I am, so to speak? Yes. Is it dishonest? I don't think so. I hide the comfortable me: the one who can relax and speak his mind to others. The one who doesn't worry too much about something he says or thinks because he knows it's okay. If it's not okay, he knows the other person will at least understand and won't be too upset. I hide the me who can be himself without worry of others' perception. On extremely rare occasions, there's something in someone that I feel I can trust. These are the people who get to see the real me. I can open up to them and be myself without reservation.

It's very difficult for me to assess how someone I've never spoken to on a thread would respond to a comment or anything I've said. I worry and care about that because I don't know. For me, being appropriate is the proper way to be. I wouldn't want anyone to perceive me as a jerk, or mean, or cruel. I don't want people to perceive me as a horndog or a juvenile pervert. I don't want people to perceive me as needy or as an attention whore. None of those are who I am, and I would be very upset with myself if I found out that's how someone else saw me.

The smallest bit of writing can be taken out of context or the wrong way because another person doesn't know the back story or the real meaning behind those words. I'm very cautious about preventing that opportunity of someone misunderstanding my words and finding a meaning that isn't there. I rarely ever comment on others' posts and I only ever PM if I get something first, which is even more rare. Even if I like the person's posts. Maybe I kinda like who they seem to be. Maybe I might even enjoy talking about something with them. Maybe I even know for a fact that I have something worthwhile to contribute to their post. I just won't do it because I don't know how I will be perceived. My being so sensitive to others' thoughts, feelings, and emotions prevents me from being able to easily share of myself.

I will often post on threads I call, "freestyle threads." These are the threads where you could post something without reading what the previous poster wrote or worry about what the poster after you posts. I'm able to post something random or silly with little meaning or something serious with no consequence. It's not meant for anyone to even take interest in, so I don't worry about others' perception of me in those cases. Those posts are for my satisfaction, and as long as I'm satisfied with what I put, I'm good to go.

Holy fuck, that was a long post. Also, I wonder what people think of me now? Maybe I'm perceived as a shy coward? Maybe someone thinks I'm your garden variety introvert. Maybe you think this is all bullshit. I don't really care, though. This is a freestyle thread.