Litiquette2

[GiggLeGasm]

What about when you discover someone isn't as good of a match as you had hoped, or you discover an annoyance that you'd hope would go away but never has?

this is actually a perfect example. "you know.. there are parts of us as a couple that are really compatible.. and parts that aren't"
how does dragging it along make it seem more kind?
I've had people pretend to drift away slowly, asking for patience and time.. and afterwards, I would have loved the opportunity to move on without thinking that the other person was hoping that time would fix things

 

[ChainedUp]

There's always those that consider discussions like those as confrontations and think sticking their head in the sand is a more viable option.

this is actually a perfect example. "you know.. there are parts of us as a couple that are really compatible.. and parts that aren't"
how does dragging it along make it seem more kind?
I've had people pretend to drift away slowly, asking for patience and time.. and afterwards, I would have loved the opportunity to move on without thinking that the other person was hoping that time would fix things

 

[GiggLeGasm]

There's always those that consider discussions like those as confrontations and think sticking their head in the sand is a more viable option.

lol.. sometimes there is more than one way to tell the truth

 

[SpicySweets]

Lies. Non of us are perfect. We've told little lies and big lies during our time at Lit. Some tell them to get into something, others to get out of something but whatever the case, lies are told. Be they little white or big & bold. Assuming telling a lie to get something is universally bad, does Litiquette-ville think telling a lie to spare someone's feelings is okay. Or should it be the honest, brutal truth all the time, feelings be damned?

Interesting topic, and an interesting back and forth between you and GiggLeGasm. I feel that white lies are sometimes the way to go, to spare one's feelings. But there does come a point where the truth, ugly as it may be, is necessary.

 

[Violetvixen1]

I'm generally a pretty truthful person. I don't find the need to lie to terribly often. There are times though that to spare a person's feelings I will sometimes tell a small white lie. But when it comes to RL stuff anyone who knows me knows I don't hold back. If it's just not right with someone here, I'm pretty upfront, but not hurtful.

 

[BreezySnow]

Alright, time to get off my ass and get back to my duties as the OP of these parts. My apologies for my lack of attendance, I'll get a note from ChainedUp's mom to excuse myself.

Lies. Non of us are perfect. We've told little lies and big lies during our time at Lit. Some tell them to get into something, others to get out of something but whatever the case, lies are told. Be they little white or big & bold. Assuming telling a lie to get something is universally bad, does Litiquette-ville think telling a lie to spare someone's feelings is okay. Or should it be the honest, brutal truth all the time, feelings be damned?

What about when you discover someone isn't as good of a match as you had hoped, or you discover an annoyance that you'd hope would go away but never has?

If you don't feel you are a good match, isn't better to tell the person then to lead them thinking otherwise? I would say it is better to just say something and if they ask for more detail then you give it to them. Like GG said, don't ask if you can't handle the truth.

I would rather say they didn't feel we were a match then let me think they really want to be with me. (in real life and on lit)

 

[Paul_Chance]

Alright, time to get off my ass and get back to my duties as the OP of these parts. My apologies for my lack of attendance, I'll get a note from ChainedUp's mom to excuse myself.

Lies. Non of us are perfect. We've told little lies and big lies during our time at Lit. Some tell them to get into something, others to get out of something but whatever the case, lies are told. Be they little white or big & bold. Assuming telling a lie to get something is universally bad, does Litiquette-ville think telling a lie to spare someone's feelings is okay. Or should it be the honest, brutal truth all the time, feelings be damned?

A couple of thoughts popped into my mind on reading this topic:

First, the truth, even the straight up honest truth, does not have to be delivered brutally. The brutality is a choice. The people who are rude, mean, confrontational, and so forth and then try and hide behind "But, it's the truth" are making the choice to behave in that manner, independent of the truthfulness of any statement.

I don't see telling a lie as universally bad, even a selfish lie that is intended to get something, whatever it is. It all depends on the circumstances to me. On the spectrum of evils, telling a lie slides up and down. If the cheeseburger sucks but I know you worked hard at it - I will say something kind, up to and including lying about it. If you show up at the door at midnight and say "help me bury the body", hell yeah I'll lie as I pocket dial 911. In both cases I want something and I am will to lie and the lie is the lesser of the evils.

It is hard enough being human without setting impossible standards for yourself. Be human.

 

[SpicySweets]

A couple of thoughts popped into my mind on reading this topic:

First, the truth, even the straight up honest truth, does not have to be delivered brutally. The brutality is a choice. The people who are rude, mean, confrontational, and so forth and then try and hide behind "But, it's the truth" are making the choice to behave in that manner, independent of the truthfulness of any statement.

I don't see telling a lie as universally bad, even a selfish lie that is intended to get something, whatever it is. It all depends on the circumstances to me. On the spectrum of evils, telling a lie slides up and down. If the cheeseburger sucks but I know you worked hard at it - I will say something kind, up to and including lying about it. If you show up at the door at midnight and say "help me bury the body", hell yeah I'll lie as I pocket dial 911. In both cases I want something and I am will to lie and the lie is the lesser of the evils.

It is hard enough being human without setting impossible standards for yourself. Be human.

Yes! Well said.

 

[Miasorrow]

A couple of thoughts popped into my mind on reading this topic:

First, the truth, even the straight up honest truth, does not have to be delivered brutally. The brutality is a choice. The people who are rude, mean, confrontational, and so forth and then try and hide behind "But, it's the truth" are making the choice to behave in that manner, independent of the truthfulness of any statement.

I don't see telling a lie as universally bad, even a selfish lie that is intended to get something, whatever it is. It all depends on the circumstances to me. On the spectrum of evils, telling a lie slides up and down. If the cheeseburger sucks but I know you worked hard at it - I will say something kind, up to and including lying about it. If you show up at the door at midnight and say "help me bury the body", hell yeah I'll lie as I pocket dial 911. In both cases I want something and I am will to lie and the lie is the lesser of the evils.

It is hard enough being human without setting impossible standards for yourself. Be human.

Litiquette 2 ?? Where was I?

God Paul, I love the way you write...and whenever you do I rarely have something to add..
Indeed there are many ways to tell the same truth..

 

[Paul_Chance]

Thank you Spicy.

 

[Paul_Chance]

Thanks Mia

 

[SweetSam42]

So I'm guilty of the white lie on Lit. I hate making people feel badly, or telling them that I just don't want to talk to them. I'm not saying it's OK, I'm just saying I'm totally guilty. I'd hate for someone to do the same to me, so I really should cut it out. You don't have to be a dick about it, but tell me if it isn't working out, please.

I would rather say they didn't feel we were a match then let me think they really want to be with me. (in real life and on lit)

Because this. ^^

After all, isn't this all supposed to be in good fun here on Lit? If it isn't fun, then stop doing it. I don't like feeling like an idiot, thinking a lit relationship is going well only to find out I've been totally naive and silly about how I thought things were going. Honestly, it's what I fear most around here - that I've totally got things wrong and someone's just not that into me.

I've said it before - I'm completely naive about a lot of things, so I tend to doubt myself often. I should take my own advice and start saying what I feel (without being a bitch).

 

[ChainedUp]

Litiquette 2 ?? Where was I?

Come on Mia, keep up.

 

[BtwntheEars]

Relatively new to posting on Lit boards and I appreciate the insights shared on this thread. The honesty that's coming across in answering Chained's question, especially Sam and Paul, is refreshing.

I haven't engaged in extended communication with many people on Lit yet, but telling a lie to protect a person's feelings is something I've done. It usually happens because I often assume the truth, itself, will be brutal even if I say it in a nice way. Ironically, the internal convo I have with myself replaces the considerate, honest discussion I should have with the person about the issue at hand.

I think my decision about whether to tell the truth or lie comes down to living with the outcomes of whatever I say. As I've grown, the truth becomes easier to say but it can still be illusive.

 

[rubydlite]

Because this. ^^

After all, isn't this all supposed to be in good fun here on Lit? If it isn't fun, then stop doing it. I don't like feeling like an idiot, thinking a lit relationship is going well only to find out I've been totally naive and silly about how I thought things were going. Honestly, it's what I fear most around here - that I've totally got things wrong and someone's just not that into me.

I've said it before - I'm completely naive about a lot of things, so I tend to doubt myself often. I should take my own advice and start saying what I feel (without being a bitch).

^^^^^^
Exactly this!

 

[SmileyGirl]

I agree with everything Sam has said above.

I don't think you need to lie. Telling someone the truth saves a lot of problems.
Telling lies either hurts someone or can leave them hoping for something that isn't there.
It's cruel and needless to lead someone on. I don't understand why people would do it.
Does it make them feel good? maybe it's the attention they like, knowing that person has feelings for them.

 

[Aquagal]

The good and bad thread helps for truth.

Hello, Smiley.

^^^ not a lie.

 

[SmileyGirl]

The good and bad thread helps for truth.

Hello, Smiley.

^^^ not a lie.

Hey aqua
Noone seems to post there anymore. It used to be a popular thread.

 

[ChainedUp]

Happy Saturday Litiquette-izans!

Weekends for most of us means the chance to relax, do some things you want to do and maybe even doing something you really shouldn't be doing or maybe even do someone you should or should not be doing

So fess up, what Lit indulgence are you planning on partaking in today.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Happy Saturday Litiquette-izans!

Weekends for most of us means the chance to relax, do some things you want to do and maybe even doing something you really shouldn't be doing or maybe even do someone you should or should not be doing

So fess up, what Lit indulgence are you planning on partaking in today.

I'm canning.

Pickles, Bread and Butter Pickles, jalapenos (both red and green) and cuke-a-penos - which is a mix of pickles and jalapenos. I have a bushel of pickles and a bushel of jalapenos coming in from the farmer's market and 60 pint jars.

This is one of those things that doesn't seem like work to me although it is a lot of work...slicin', dicin', cookin' and cannin'.

Hopefully, while I'm working, Gracie won't be wearing a bra. Although that gets distracting.

 

[Bitesback]

I'm canning.

I assumed BBB had a typo and someone was in for a whipping with a cane....
I need to get out more...

By the way, it sounds great. Love a good pickle.
I've just bought Seville oranges and will make marmalade in a few days.

Chainedup can hope his readers will persevere and
actually get back on the Lit indulgence topic, we'll preserve!

 

[BradBigBrain]

I assumed BBB had a typo and someone was in for a whipping with a cane....
I need to get out more...

By the way, it sounds great. Love a good pickle.
I've just bought Seville oranges and will make marmalade in a few days.

Chainedup can hope his readers will persevere and
actually get back on the Lit indulgence topic, we'll preserve!

I'm a visual kinda guy, so if I was :caning: I'd have said so!

 

[dutchrain]

I cleaned and prepared five kilos of green beans for the freezer.

Now I am lounging. I a little while it will be bbq in the garden until it gets too dark to see what is going on.

Such industrious people hanging out here!

 

[rubydlite]

I'm having old friends over for a bbq today....and building a new kitchen table.....so probably no lit indulgences....but I'll definitely be thinking of how I could use the table in other ways ....making sure it's sturdy and who could help me test it out.....
....now off to marinate chicken.....

 

[Aquagal]

Hey aqua
Noone seems to post there anymore. It used to be a popular thread.

Ouch. Ahhhh, the changing of the guard extends beyond people too.

Good day, Lovely