Litiquette VII

[SMNaughtywife]

Good morning and Happy Monday.

Talk of mental health from the other day inspired todays questions. So let’s go there.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Breaks and time away from Lit.

Maybe you don’t log in for a bit but are still close to others on Skype/email/text.
Or you log in only to return PMs and don’t browse the boards.

When do you know it’s time to step away and regroup, get your center back?
Do you feel there’s a healthy amount of time to spend here and how do you know when you’ve crossed that line?

 

[Pervy_Sage]

Good morning and Happy Monday.

Talk of mental health from the other day inspired todays questions. So let’s go there.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Breaks and time away from Lit.

Maybe you don’t log in for a bit but are still close to others on Skype/email/text.
Or you log in only to return PMs and don’t browse the boards.

When do you know it’s time to step away and regroup, get your center back?
Do you feel there’s a healthy amount of time to spend here and how do you know when you’ve crossed that line?

I know the signs in myself when Lit has no longer been good for me. There’s a mental shift and then I know that it’s time to step away. Or only lurk and not interact. When that line has been crossed, I feel myself wanting to engage in the attention seeking behaviors that I loathe. I’m not me. When I recenter, I focus on writing, recording, music. Art brings me back to myself. As long as I’m creating, I’m always me.

 

[Richard_C]

I almost never remember my dreams at all. The only time I recall them with any regularity is if I sleep soundly and then wake up, but maybe its the weekend and I fall back to sleep (that almost never happens as once I'm awake I'm awake) but on those rare occasions, that I doze off again, I will remember a dream during that period. They're usually weird.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

Good morning and Happy Monday.

Talk of mental health from the other day inspired todays questions. So let’s go there.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Breaks and time away from Lit.

Maybe you don’t log in for a bit but are still close to others on Skype/email/text.
Or you log in only to return PMs and don’t browse the boards.

When do you know it’s time to step away and regroup, get your center back?
Do you feel there’s a healthy amount of time to spend here and how do you know when you’ve crossed that line?

Wow...this one, I could write a book about.

I know...know beyond a shadow of a doubt...that too much of this place is bad for me. Bad for my mental health, especially bad for my self-esteem. This is not a great place for someone with self-esteem/body issues a lot of the time.

I know myself well enough to acknowledge those points and once I notice them, to walk away for a bit.

Last year, I was in the throes of depression, and I was using this place as a crutch. Screaming into the void.

I walked away, twice last year. Killed my accounts both times (knowing myself well enough that I would be here again immediately if I didn't). I told those I'm close to on other media that I was going away there too...but only took a few days to recenter. I don't need Lit to have them in my life, thankfully.

I only came back when I felt sure I knew better how to curate my existence here. To liberally use the ignore button. And when to pull back...other than last week when offline stresses led to me being all dopey and depressing on the boards - and the friends here that I am oh so grateful for called me on it. Both to check on me and to tell me to get my shit together.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

Wow...this one, I could write a book about.

I know...know beyond a shadow of a doubt...that too much of this place is bad for me. Bad for my mental health, especially bad for my self-esteem. This is not a great place for someone with self-esteem/body issues a lot of the time.

I know myself well enough to acknowledge those points and once I notice them, to walk away for a bit.

Last year, I was in the throes of depression, and I was using this place as a crutch. Screaming into the void.

I walked away, twice last year. Killed my accounts both times (knowing myself well enough that I would be here again immediately if I didn't). I told those I'm close to on other media that I was going away there too...but only took a few days to recenter. I don't need Lit to have them in my life, thankfully.

I only came back when I felt sure I knew better how to curate my existence here. To liberally use the ignore button. And when to pull back...other than last week when offline stresses led to me being all dopey and depressing on the boards - and the friends here that I am oh so grateful for called me on it. Both to check on me and to tell me to get my shit together.

I can relate to so much of what you’ve said. I’ve killed multiple accounts and started over. I’ve been away as long as 2 years at a time. Lit depression can be a tough, tough thing to beat.

 

[QuietCanadian]

Talk of mental health from the other day inspired todays questions. So let’s go there.

I'm not sure I can separate my mental health from Lit time, so I'm gonna generalize all about my own mental health and how it might affect me.

I'm far more in tune than I was five years ago and that's a good thing. When my anxiety spikes you will likely not see me around bantering like I usually like to (and makes y'all roll your collective eyes), but probably popping in to say hi to friends in PM or on a thread. I want to say I don't stop checking in with friends when I'm really anxious, but that's not true. Sometimes it's pretty bad and I disconnect from 99% of people. That's not a complaint or a woe is me, just a reality of the anxiety that I get (and it's so different for everyone.)

How do I know? Usually I feel it physically, first. My arms get tight, in through my elbows. It's hard to describe because it's subtle, but distinct. Like there's no "oh you pulled a muscle at hockey" explanation. Sometimes it's emotionally. I recognize that I'm on edge a little bit and I try to think why that might be. Have I been eating terribly? Drinking too much? Not active enough? I can usually trace it to something I'm doing that gets me off balance and start doing what I haven't been doing. It happens more in the winter. Less sunlight, less ability to be active outdoors, it's kind of natural so being aware helps.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's to not be judgemental of myself when I'm feeling anxious (or anything, really.) A lot of times it is as it will be and recognizing it (for me at least) is half the battle. I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel, but sometimes it comes out square and I can't roll on, that's OK. I'll keep working on it anyway.

Effing deep question, SM.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Happy Sunday

*yawwwwn strrrrretch*
J/k I’ve been up for hours.

So, dreams.

Do you ever....
Dream in another language?
Dream in black and white?
Have recurring dreams?
Dream about Litsters?
Dream your SO did something *bad* and you wake up pissed as hell? Lol...

Do you believe dreams have symbolism and signs in them? Or are our brains just doing their brainy nightly maintenance while we sleep?

ETA: If you’ve dreamt about Litsters, bonus points for detailed descriptions!

When I can get decent sleep. I dream a lot. Very Vividly. I often wake up thinking it was real.
I can dream one thing one night, and jump back into it the next. I often dream of what I was thinking/doing/watching before I fell asleep. MANY times they have been about Litsters. The most common is about Lit-get togethers. Before I've met a Litster. I dream about how it will go. What it will be like. What we will do.

I don't think I've ever had a dream in black and white. I have only had a few dreams where I spoke another language. Usually when I'm getting ready to travel, or have been talking to others who speak other languages.

I don't dream as often as I used to about a friend of mine. But growing up, after she was kidnapped/murdered. I had recurring dreams of her kidnapping/what she went through. That guy coming for me. I'd hear her voice all the time. Calling for me. I'd swear I saw her somewhere we'd go. (until they found her body)

Now I typically only have those dreams around the anniversary of her kidnapping. (which is in September) or if I re-read the book about it.

So yes. I've woken up crying many times.

Also un-related tears.. Sadness over something. (mostly my parents passing) I wake up and think they are still alive. Reality hits.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Good morning and Happy Monday.

Talk of mental health from the other day inspired todays questions. So let’s go there.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Breaks and time away from Lit.

Maybe you don’t log in for a bit but are still close to others on Skype/email/text.
Or you log in only to return PMs and don’t browse the boards.

When do you know it’s time to step away and regroup, get your center back?
Do you feel there’s a healthy amount of time to spend here and how do you know when you’ve crossed that line?

I've stepped away several times. I don't usually stay away long.. Damn addiction!

I know when it's time to step away because I'm becoming extra sensitive to things that I know I shouldn't.
My PMs are only on to a buddy list. So I honestly don't get many. But yes. I do at least leave that on and check that. On most occasions.
I do have most of the closest friends on other messengers. So that is helpful. But I also end up missing the daily interactions. Even for people I don't talk to much, Sometimes it's just nice seeing that they are doing well, or hearing how their life is. I guess the reason I still use Facebook.

For me. The only "healthy" is not based on how much time I spend here, or don't. It's how I'm taking lit. If it's too serious, I need to step back. if I'm having fun, I don't worry about how often I'm here.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I don't really stop posting altogether as much as I do this:

...curate my existence here. To liberally use the ignore button. And when to pull back...

I might have taken a few days off here and there, but it's been important to me to not only change how often I post, but how and where I post. I learned that I've got to hold this place loosely, you know? Stop investing so much of myself, and stop expecting (or hoping for) so much from Lit.

I put people on ignore, I unsubscribe from threads temporarily or permanently, I don't necessarily answer PMs right away, or ever, depending on who it is and what they want. When something starts to bother me, I've learned to step away sooner rather than later, which has enabled me to avoid having to go full-on turtle mode, and the result is that I have less baggage to deal with. I give myself a lot of breathing room.

I think the biggest change, and the thing that keeps me sane here more than anything else, has been my decision to hold the people here loosely as well, and not just the idea of Lit. No more deeply intimate connections, no more romance. It's made my participation here optional, and it's broken the grip of any addictive hold Lit had on me beyond simple habit.

When I came to Lit, it was an escape and a crutch and I really needed both. Over the years, I've stopped needing the crutch, and it's become more entertainment than escape. There is still a gap that only Lit fills for me, but it's getting smaller and its voice is getting quieter. And that feels really healthy.

 

[LurkingPhoenix]

When I came to Lit, it was an escape and a crutch and I really needed both. Over the years, I've stopped needing the crutch, and it's become more entertainment than escape. There is still a gap that only Lit fills for me, but it's getting smaller and its voice is getting quieter. And that feels really healthy.

This.

So fucking much this.

I love you all, those of you whom I count as my dearest friends here (whether or not I deserve the same in return). But I love you despite this place. Not because of it.

 

[SMNaughtywife]

Love all your posts!
Thank you for digging in deep and sharing.
Just you wait QC, I have a good one for next time too.

I haven’t really taken any breaks or stepped away for more than a few days or a long weekend. And that was only because of personal priorities and Lit was pretty low on the list.
Lit and my friends I have else where are two very different things.

When I’m quiet it’s because I feel my time and energy could be better utilized in RL doing more meaningful activities and engaging/reading or connecting to grow as a person. There’s nothing worse in my book then time wasted and nothing to show for it.

Healthy time here, depends on the day or how I’m feeling. If the vibe here is adult name calling and finger pointing or passive aggressive posts, I’ll check out. Not my gig.
If it’s fun and carefree, I’m game on for X amount of time. But I’m even conscious of my time, good chance I’m multitasking in the background.
It will be a cold day in hell before I let the opinions of anyone here, whom I know nothing about, nor ever spoken to get my panties in a bunch.
Its simply illogical thinking that I can’t wrap my head around.
Maybe that’s part of keeping a healthy mindset and a little fun flirty naughty.

 

[Trekka]

Good morning and Happy Monday.

Talk of mental health from the other day inspired todays questions. So let’s go there.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Breaks and time away from Lit.

Maybe you don’t log in for a bit but are still close to others on Skype/email/text.
Or you log in only to return PMs and don’t browse the boards.

When do you know it’s time to step away and regroup, get your center back?
Do you feel there’s a healthy amount of time to spend here and how do you know when you’ve crossed that line?

I’m thinking and more often than not when I am short on time, energy, and just want a brain break, I’ll pop in to post and *not* check PMs.

When I’m hanging out in my inbox and quiet on the boards I betcha something’s up.

Signs that I am over-Litting:
I get distracted and off task at work
The to-do list doesn’t get tackled, consistently
I get too wrapped up in Lit goings-on such that I over emote. About make-believe.

Kinda like what Sassy said. It’s not so much the amount of time I spend here that I watch, it’s the quality of the time. When it’s fun and carefree it doesn’t matter too much. When I notice this place is renting too much space in my head it’s time to check out for a bit. Sometimes a very long bit.

My longest MIA was almost a year and a half.

Also, when RL gets so absorbing that I need to focus my energy there, I do.
When work and kids and etc get too exhausting, I often don’t have much to give here.

And I try not to post when I’m in a bad mood. It goes poorly! That makes me stay away as well.

Unless I’m ovulating. Then all of the above is moot, all bets are off, and I stalk across the internet like an insatiable lioness looking to feast on her next kill.

...or an alley cat digging through dumpsters. Depends on who’s around.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Unless I’m ovulating. Then all of the above is moot, all bets are off, and I stalk across the internet like an insatiable lioness looking to feast on her next kill.

...or an alley cat digging through dumpsters. Depends on who’s around.

AH HA HA! Yes!!

 

[OGMG]

As somebody who has been here for decades, I find lot to be a nice path to meet like minded people. Or, at least, people who I find interesting. I don’t engage many people on a personal level. When I do I’m simply testing things out. If that person doesn’t engage back, it’s cool.

I take breaks regularly. In one aspect or another.

I don’t really do social media. Not like most people do. And my personal life is consumed with work. Lit has always been a nice place to meet people. Period.

When do I know to take a break?

Don’t force it. It either flows or I need to be silent.

 

[Suz_anne]

Happy Sunday
So, dreams.

I am a dreamer - I dream a lot. Never in another language, in black and white or about other Litsters. I very, very rarely have sex dreams, which is a bummer.

My sister passed away awhile back and she now visits my dreams. It makes me unbelievably happy every time I see her there.

Oh, and like SB - I talk in my sleep fairly often. I'm sure it is annoying AF to share my bed.

When I’m quiet it’s because I feel my time and energy could be better utilized in RL doing more meaningful activities and engaging/reading or connecting to grow as a person. There’s nothing worse in my book then time wasted and nothing to show for it.

Healthy time here, depends on the day or how I’m feeling. If the vibe here is adult name calling and finger pointing or passive aggressive posts, I’ll check out. Not my gig.
If it’s fun and carefree, I’m game.

My time here is a bit more limited in the summertime because we try to spend as much time as possible at the lake. And I'd much rather be fishing, boating, planting flowers, bbq'ing, making campfires, watching the sunset, etc.

Otherwise if I'm MIA for a bit it is most likely that I'm a bit bored with Lit. I rarely get too fired up about any of the goings-on around here. Not that I mind sitting back and watching drama blow up sometimes - it helps me to curate my Lit experience and who I choose to let in.

Now, you'll have to excuse me - I have a date with a Reese's s'more or two and a sunset.

 

[QuietCanadian]

...or an alley cat digging through dumpsters. Depends on who’s around.

Let me know when you're an alley cat.

Now, you'll have to excuse me - I have a date with a Reese's s'more or two and a sunset.

But I might be wherever this Reese's s'more is. Damn.

 

[Trekka]

Let me know when you're an alley cat.

But I might be wherever this Reese's s'more is. Damn.

Got plans for Sept 20?
Lol
And
I would completely understand
I’d pass me up for Reese’s S'mores too

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Off topic:. So it turns out that FB has a group called, 'I'm high and this is charcuterie.'

Yanno, in case anyone's interested.

 

[QuietCanadian]

Got plans for Sept 20?
Lol
And
I would completely understand
I’d pass me up for Reese’s S'mores too

Is it weird that I put this into my calendar?

 

[Orchidea73]

So last night I dreamt about meeting a Litster for tea. It was in this grassy park type area that looked little like a cafe, but tea was going to ordered and brought to us anyway. I was wearing flip flops which is weird for two reasons. One, I don't normally wear flip flops (and if we're getting specific, they are actually Nike slides circa 2001), and two, there was a foot of snow on the ground. But she informed me this was OK because they had recently cut the grass. I was also wearing basketball shorts, so apparently I was super dressed up for the occasion. I guess my subconscious wants to dress like a 15 year old boy for tea. We didn't actually have tea (who would want to if I showed up in this attire?), but went for a social distance walk in the snow. The snow wasn't cold though, and I found that weird, but not as weird as the golden retriever that was up to my chest. Either I was very short or this dog was a monster. Then I woke up which is unfortunate because I really wanted to see where this going but it's likely best I didn't.

LMAO!

 

[QuietCanadian]

LMAO!

It's all fun and games until I roll in for high tea in some slides and Jordan shorts.

 

[Trekka]

Off topic:. So it turns out that FB has a group called, 'I'm high and this is charcuterie.'

Yanno, in case anyone's interested.

It's all fun and games until I roll in for high tea in some slides and Jordan shorts.

I sense a theme here... lol

So let’s follow it up with a question.
What gets you high?
Not in the traditional sense. Not talkin about substances.
More like... a good, long run. A hot shower. Fixing something that’s broken. Cooking a meal to perfection. Catching a big fish.

What gives you a nice, healthy buzz?

 

[Pervy_Sage]

I sense a theme here... lol

So let’s follow it up with a question.
What gets you high?
Not in the traditional sense. Not talkin about substances.
More like... a good, long run. A hot shower. Fixing something that’s broken. Cooking a meal to perfection. Catching a big fish.

What gives you a nice, healthy buzz?

Creating something. Music, Poetry. Art. That, for me, is the ultimate high. Next comes bringing a smile to a sad face, helping someone who needs it, giving encouragement to someone who feels hopeless. Yeah. That’s my jam.

 

[Orchidea73]

I sense a theme here... lol

So let’s follow it up with a question.
What gets you high?
Not in the traditional sense. Not talkin about substances.
More like... a good, long run. A hot shower. Fixing something that’s broken. Cooking a meal to perfection. Catching a big fish.

What gives you a nice, healthy buzz?

Good food.

 

[QuietCanadian]

What gives you a nice, healthy buzz?

Hmmm, healthy buzz. Music can, certainly. Especially the right song at the right time, which doesn't always happen, but now that I say that, live music. Like a good concert, big venue, small venue, outdoors, doesn't really matter. Gets me going even without substances. Letting loose, dancing with your neighbors you don't know, singing song. Yup, is almost like I'm on substances.

Orchi hit another good one. Some good effing food gets me jacked up. Particularly making a dish or meal myself, especially slow and low BBQ. Up at 3 AM with a brisket? Hells ya. Getting everything right, the timing, the setting, the pairings. Like the cornbread hot out of the oven with the jalapeno mac and cheese, the ribs perfectly sauced, coleslaw on point... everyone digging in and that moment when I'm sitting at the end of the table with a beer and someone says "get in here, you worked all day" and I'm just like "nope, I'm good here for a minute." That gets me going.

But now I am hungry.