Lit Love

[AbsintheFather]

Lit Love - Poll and discussion

I was having a conversation with a friend last weekend during which we spoke about online love.

Thinking about it later, It seemed to me that some folks use the term loosely, others it make it a point to stay far away from it. Is it possible to love several people? Is it possible to fall in love on line or simply in lust? Is it something you use freely or reserve for very special use? Have you fallen in love here at Lit?

 

[ViciousTease]

Interesting poll. I'm bumping it back to the top of the list so hopefully it will get more votes. I'm curious to see what the masses have to say.

 

[AbsintheFather]

Interesting poll. I'm bumping it back to the top of the list so hopefully it will get more votes. I'm curious to see what the masses have to say.

Thanks VT. I'll be interested in the comments too, if it's not too personal for people to discuss.

 

[Leigh81]

It works with some people & if it does then it's a good thing.
I suffer from Lit lust lol
It's usually with straight gals, but also a couple of guys & no one knows who they are

L

 

[Highnine]

Interesting thread.

I do believe that you can love more than one person at a time (and I am assuming you mean romantically). Never believed in the ONE. That being said, I think it is almost impossibly difficult to express that love in multiple relationships. You only have so much energy, time, and resources. So, so difficult to give each relationship the necessary energy required to maintain it as I don't think most of us have enough to give around.

Can you love online. Sure. But, as with other people, online lust is much more likely.

I do use the L word but I save it for people and relationships where it is real for me. I don't just throw it around.

Have I fallen in love on lit. Close a couple times.

 

[lacandy]

Interesting thread.

I do believe that you can love more than one person at a time (and I am assuming you mean romantically). Never believed in the ONE. That being said, I think it is almost impossibly difficult to express that love in multiple relationships. You only have so much energy, time, and resources. So, so difficult to give each relationship the necessary energy required to maintain it as I don't think most of us have enough to give around.

Can you love online. Sure. But, as with other people, online lust is much more likely.

I do use the L word but I save it for people and relationships where it is real for me. I don't just throw it around.

Have I fallen in love on lit. Close a couple times.

Yes - this I think is the biggest issue...time. (Though you've only been here for a few months and have had a couple close calls? May need to slow your roll a bit )

I do believe that you can love more than one person. There isn't a finite amount of love that we have. Anyone with more than one child knows this...(yes, I realize the difference between parental love and romantic love - but the concept is the same.)

I think that the internet has changed a lot about the perception of love and the idea of commitment and monogamy. My thought is that there is more than one person on this planet who you are "meant" to be with... and the internet has opened up a whole new pool of those people. People that you never would have met otherwise.

Most of what happens here, I think is lust - I have been in lust more than a few times here - and I still do. I don't throw the "L" word around lightly. That being said, I know myself and my heart, so when I do use it...I mean it. I have friends that I do love in a sisterly way (though there are only a few that I would say that about), and yes - I have found love here. Coming up on four years and it's still there...

 

[Leigh81]

I do believe that you can love more than one person. There isn't a finite amount of love that we have.

I firmly believe this as I am but in RL not online.

L

 

[Highnine]

Yes - this I think is the biggest issue...time. (Though you've only been here for a few months and have had a couple close calls? May need to slow your roll a bit..

Haha... Yes. Well played. But you know, the heart wants what it wants.

Although truthfully they are from another time and place.

 

[beachbaby179]

I'm glad you could choose multiple answers because its such a multilevel topic. I believe its possible; sure. No matter how you meet someone you connect with their soul. You find you have common interests, he/she makes you laugh and genuinely cares about you as a person. It can build from there. Of course if its real love you need to take it to the next step...if only to find out if they hang their t.p. the same way as you. That could be a deal breaker.

 

[AbsintheFather]

Personally, I believe we can love many. Like we do with our kids and families I suppose. Personally, I've felt lust a lot and love a few times here. But I'm very cautious about expressing it. I wouldn't want want it to be construed as more than an expression of deep affection or as a commitment that might extend past our Lit boundaries.

 

[coacheric]

Here, major lust but not love. Lust comes in many flavors also and when the flame dies out or that person decides to take a break or leave it still hurts.

Love...Not here but online I have. Over time the connection grew and that connection had nothing to do with physical touching, seeing and doing. It was based on an emotional connection. And that grew from the words and feelings within them words, again, over time.

AND, yes, I believe you can love more than one person.

 

[Backdoor_Bella]

I voted that I can only love one person (romantically) at a time...I feel like if someone loves me romantically, but loves someone else romantically at the same time, then they don't fully love me the way I would want.

I have fallen in love with someone online before I met them in person

 

[meop79]

Fascinating results, way off the norm outside Lit I think...

 

[suckonsimon]

Just today I wrote 'I love you!' to a couple of litsters - who are in fact a couple as happens. And not for the first time. I think I mean I have an abounding affection towards them, would love to meet up, and feel we'd make great friends in real life.

That said, I do tell people I know in person that I love them - in that sense of abounding affection towards them. It isn't lust; there may be chemistry goin' on and I've learnt to handle that as I have a commitment to monogamy. Strange: I think it is because of that commitment, and having confidence in it, that I feel free to be quite expressive in my affection towards people really dear to me other than my wife - men and women.

I think my loving of other people is different to my loving my wife, not that those other loves are simply 'less', but that they are less 'complete', less 'every kind of connection and affection and commitment' than what I have with my wife.

Would it be delightful to express some of those other loves sexually? Yeah it would! But I choose - we choose - not to go there, beyond fleeting connection of look or caress or in some contexts kiss - again men as well as women.

 

[RawHumor]

I personally would have trouble loving more than one woman, but I know people who prefer to love more than one person...

So what I believe for me personally isn't what is real for everyone.

 

[emsway]

It is possible to fall in love with someone you've met online. I know couples who transitioned their online relationships to real life, and had it work out beautifully for them. But I do think that what some people think is love, is really infatuation. It's easy to romanticize the relationship, and fill in the blanks about the other person, creating an ideal that may be far from reality. And while I do believe that the love can be real, I wonder at how long it can be sustained if it never moves to flesh and blood. How long can you be content with not waking up beside this person? Knowing what they smell like?

 

[candygirl1200]

Whose to say that it isn't possible. I mean both parties involved share a lot in common, have fun with each other(although only through the Internet), and may already have a crush on each other(I guess). Well, isn't that how a relationship begins?

You only need the last step: meet each other in real and make sure you are comfortable with each other not only on the Internet but also in reality.

 

[smotherman]

I reserve it for very special use.

 

[TheSilverLining]

Interesting.
I posted about this earlier today, elsewhere:

"Can you fall in love with someone online?"

Tricky question.

Love. I think, is entirely possible. I've loved people that I've met online. Female, mostly - In the same way that I love my IRL friends. When you get to know a person, discover mutual ground, share their confidences, etc it can be very easy for that person to come to mean a great deal to you.

A love/lust combination, I think, is also possible. I found that you can quite easily love a man (or woman) for who they are. Lust after them, without doubt. Have an entirely physical - sexual - response to interaction with someone you've never met.

However, "in love" is something a little different...In love is all of the above, plus that little something extra that you just can't achieve online. It's the tangible stuff. The physical stuff. That desire to bury your face in someone and smell them. The dance of hormones and biochemistry that makes your heart race and your palms sweat. That feeling that completely fucks with your head and overwhelms all of your senses.

I don't get an oxytocin rush from my laptop screen.

Box full of puppies? Yeah! (it's ace, trust me)
Computer? Not so much.

Last week I was at a wedding. I put my arms around the bride and told her that I loved her.
"I can't believe you've just said that - you've never told me you love me!" was her response.
I've known her nearly 7 years.

Love takes many forms.

 

[cowslinger64]

IMO.. To fall in love and be "in love" requires being in their space and being with them physically... And not just in a sexual way. It's impossible to ever really know someone and how you really feel without that.

I know people have met and fallen in love online, but I don't believe that love was cemented until they were actually together.

This is my voice of experience...

 

[Violetvixen1]

I have a lot to say on this topic, but I'll keep it short. I do truly believe you can love more than one person, and love several people at the same time in infinitely different ways. There are a very few people here on lit that I would consider myself to love. Of those, only two have I ever said it to. Those that know me well know that I share who I am on a deep level and expect the same from them as well. I also believe there are different kinds of love. For instance I can love someone on an emotional level, but not have a deep physical chemistry/love for that person. I can love someone's mind and spirit, but not love them emotionally. I love my friends, but I'm not in love with them, I love my kids, but each in very separate ways. As was stated before, love is not a finite thing, but rather an infinite well to draw upon and share with those who you find deep connection with. Anyway, that's my two cents.

 

[Misshotndeep]

I think most people have a warped definition of love. They think it's flowers, candles and dinners. Real love is about wanting the best for a person over yourself. Being in love means having those sexual urges and deep emotional connection to another. Well it is in my opinion.
I think two people can fall in love online, through letters or any way people communicate. Being in the same room has very little to do with it. It may not cement till the actual meeting. But when you find the one you just know. Don't need a picture or visual. The soul just feels it. May sound cheesy or romantic. But ya just know. Shrugs. If one learns to listen to themselves ya just do.

 

[meop79]

I think most people have a warped definition of love. They think it's flowers, candles and dinners. Real love is about wanting the best for a person over yourself. Being in love means having those sexual urges and deep emotional connection to another. Well it is in my opinion.
I think two people can fall in love online, through letters or any way people communicate. Being in the same room has very little to do with it. It may not cement till the actual meeting. But when you find the one you just know. Don't need a picture or visual. The soul just feels it. May sound cheesy or romantic. But ya just know. Shrugs. If one learns to listen to themselves ya just do.

This.

 

[Zach_lost_in_Aus]

I have a lot to say on this topic, but I'll keep it short. I do truly believe you can love more than one person, and love several people at the same time in infinitely different ways. There are a very few people here on lit that I would consider myself to love. Of those, only two have I ever said it to. Those that know me well know that I share who I am on a deep level and expect the same from them as well. I also believe there are different kinds of love. For instance I can love someone on an emotional level, but not have a deep physical chemistry/love for that person. I can love someone's mind and spirit, but not love them emotionally. I love my friends, but I'm not in love with them, I love my kids, but each in very separate ways. As was stated before, love is not a finite thing, but rather an infinite well to draw upon and share with those who you find deep connection with. Anyway, that's my two cents.

You speak much truth Ms Vixen. There are so many ways that we love and no defined limit to the love we can give. For me though, I think I would find it difficult to be truly in love, in the deep sexual, emotional connection way, with more than one person at any one time. When it happens (not often in a lifetime) it is so all consuming for me that there is no mental or emotional space for the same feelings to exist for another. That's not to say that there is no more love to give just that when in love my focus is so very concentrated. But hey, that's only my experience and I know there are some I've encountered who are truly in love with more than one other... the wonderful variety of the human condition.

 

[NeonSubtlety]

I think it's absolutely foolish to speak empirically on the subject. These feelings are about as subjective as anything could ever be. So, I have no doubt, when others say it, that love is a possibility online. I don't think it's a possibility for me. Lust? Surely. Infatuation? I think so. But I'm not sure I could love someone without very consistent, in-person interaction. It's hard to imagine, anyway.