Lit folks, I'd like your thoughts on something

[Sniper 1]

I am a 47 y/o male, married for 20 years. After a 5 year hiatus I've been having very strong submissive fantasies again. 100% of these involve a female domme. Another fetish/fascination of mine has returned too: shemales.

I've never engaged in any type of homosexual activity other than receiving oral 25 years ago when I was too intoxicated to resist or climax. I don't know where my fetish with shemales comes from, other than I view them as females with penises, not males. Many of the ones I see on the internet look like females to me until I look between their legs.

Anyway, I was searching through the eros-guide.com ads featuring femdoms in the DC area when one ad completely stopped me in my tracks. It's an ad featuring a shemale named Diane, whom I personally think is gorgeous and advertises herself as a transexual dominant. Almost immediately my sub fantasies switched to being in her control and, well, you can imagine what followed.

Last night I got the courage up to call her and inquire about pricing. I was so nervous I was shaking and was completely thrown off when a female answered, only it wasn't a female, it was Mistress Diane. She sounds so feminine she makes my wife sound like a man. After just a minute or two of conversation I went from barely-able-to-hold-a-phone nervous to completely, thoroughly aroused. Just by the sound of her voice.

She has agreed to meet with me any day I want for a long lunch at her apartment. Now I need your advice, PLEASE.

I am terrified of STDs. Who isn't? What scares me is once I'm bound to a spanking horse and gagged, what is to stop her from sodomizing me (anally)?
Will she expect me to orally service her (to completion) as well? I'm really lost/torn about whether to persue this or play it safe and go see a female. I don't know this person at all, and although sucking a penis might be fun for me to try, I don't know about sucking hers.

Please folks, what are your thoughts on this?

 

[submitter]

I don't have any experiance with pros but from what I understand, if sex is involved, it is then considered prostitution and is illegal - as I am sure you know. That said, I don't know how many pros break that rule once they get in "session". I guess that your concerns are warranted, but is they are really a pro, and not a prostitute in desguise, I doubt they are going to risk their freedom and health to have sex with you.

 

[Quint]

I completely agree with submitter. If this is a professional you're dealing with, I can almost guarantee there will be no penetration involved, orally, anally, etc. It might be a good thing to lay out on the table beforehand, although I expect that Diane will set your fears to rest. Have fun and be safe!

 

[cati]

I have to agree with submitter. If the lady is indeed a pro Domme I don't believe that sexual penetration is in the cards.
How convenient for you that your "dream girl" meets both of your fantasy requirements.

 

[Chicklet]

I don't have any experiance with pros but from what I understand, if sex is involved, it is then considered prostitution and is illegal - as I am sure you know. That said, I don't know how many pros break that rule once they get in "session". I guess that your concerns are warranted, but is they are really a pro, and not a prostitute in desguise, I doubt they are going to risk their freedom and health to have sex with you.

Like the others, I have to agree with this.

Maybe, though, if you're scared, it might be a good idea to meet with her and set up the rules first? You'd probably have to pay for that, I don't really know... but if you could meet this Domme in a non threatening scenario beforehand maybe it'd make you more sure and confident about your scene with her.

Also, if you're scared enough, perhaps you could ask to not be gagged for this first session, just to be more at ease? It might be easier for you that way.

I totally understand your fears. They're perfectly reasonable. What sane person wouldn't be concerned about STD's and the possibility that a new Top might take advantage? I would be.

 

[caela]

Just out of curiosity does your wife know you are making arangements to meet a Pro Domme? If not you might have more to worry about than just whether or not Diane will be expecting penetration or for you to pleasure her but but how your wife will react when she finds out as well.

 

[Still Falling]

Sorry i’m confused?? What is it that you actually want from this meeting and be serious with yourself? i have been to a prostitute, if they are professional then it is in their interests to look after there own health even with penetration which is obviously the point with paying for sex.

If you want domination without sex then obviously then that is what you need to negotiate for? You need to make a judgment then about if you trust the professionalism of who you are paying – just like if you hire a plumber? Of course there are no grantees, however trustworthy they appear or how sensible you are in your selection or how much research you do – in the end you are taking a risk. You need to decide if the risk (as small as you can make it) is worth taking.

Of course you should consider your wife as you could also be putting her health at risk let alone your relationship (depending of course on the nature of your relationship). But i can understand that you may still have a desperate need to try and explore your fantasy and that isn’t necessarily something you should repress (that could be detrimental to you as well).

Do so research. Not just into what services are available, but things like actual data on the risks of STDs. i’m making some assumption here that you may be less informed about the actual risks than you are – if that is the case i apologize. But don’t just rely on media hype, or urban myth that exists around the STD issues. Also do some real research on what risk you would still be exposing yourself to even with safe sex practices – remember wearing a condom is not a 100% grantee!

By no means take what i’ve said as an attempt to talk you out of exploring your fantasy – but don’t leap around and make ill informed decision either out of fear or out of arousal. The bottom line is that you can only mitigate the risks if you choose to pursue your fantasy – not eliminate them or have an iron clad grantee. But suppressing your desires out of fear can also be very unhealthy.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I am a 47 y/o male, married for 20 years. After a 5 year hiatus I've been having very strong submissive fantasies again. 100% of these involve a female domme. Another fetish/fascination of mine has returned too: shemales.

.....Please folks, what are your thoughts on this?

My thoughts on this? Regarding the Pro, I have no concerns. If she's in the business and advertising, she's keeping it legal or she'll get busted and she knows it.

My concern is this - You are married. Do you have children? Are you prepared to loose them? Loose your wife? Do you work in a career field where you might lose your job if your activites are discovered? Are you prepared to do something that will alter your life, your sense of self and self-worth, in ways you have not even begun to imagine yet?

Having made a choice several years ago to be honest with myself, and to stop living a lie, I walked the path that lead to my divorce, and could have cost me my children. I _DID_ lose my job. I tried to explore this lifestyle with my then wife, and she could not make the journey with me. Ultimately I had to chose sanity, or deepening depression, I was suicidal at that point. I chose to live and to embrace the sadist that I am. But I paid a heavy price.

Financially, the cost of my lifestyle decision has been horrible. Emotionally I am the happiest and healthiest of my adult life. But never forget for one moment what the cost will be to your heart and soul if you cheat on your wife. If there is faith and trust in your relationship there, it will be shattered. I can not say if it could be repaired or not. But you will know.. and eventually, if you are not up front, open and honest with her before you take the plunge, she'll know.

Can you live with that decision?

 

[Andante]

(....) If there is faith and trust in your relationship there, it will be shattered. I can not say if it could be repaired or not. But you will know.. and eventually, if you are not up front, open and honest with her before you take the plunge, she'll know.

Can you live with that decision?

I absolutely agree with Geoff here.
I am not saying you shouldn't consider the other risks, like STD's etc. But some concerns, like STD's, are essentially about factual stuff and can be dealt with from a predominantly rational perspective whereas the emotional implications are far more unpredictable. Presently you are probably so focused on your sexual fantasies and desire that you tend to underestimate the emotional risks and consequences. Like others, I am not saying whether you should do this or not, but like Geoff I am saying that if there is compassion it will be shattered. It is not a question of "if", but "how" and "when".
So; can you live with that?
I wish you the best of luck and happiness, whatever your choice will be.

Edited for grammar *Bloody foreigners*

 

[cati]

Everyone has offered some excellent advice.

 

[Sniper 1]

All of you are absolutely right. I'm probably not going through with this. If I was, today when have been my best opportunity; I had the day off, the wife was at work, and had enough money in my pocket to cover the cost.

Instead I concentrated on getting my taxes done.

I think this fantasy of mine will just have to remain a fantasy. Thank you all very sincerely, for your thoughts and opinions. It gave me a lot to think about. I really appreciate it.

 

[Quint]

Don't you folks think it a bit unusual that "Diane" doesn't call her self "Mistress" Diane, if she even exists and is a pro Domme?
Perhaps that isn't the point of this thread *s.
Nevertheless, people have offered wise and wonderful advice.

No, I actually get tired of "Mistress X" and "Domina X." It seems pretty self-explanatory to me. Thank goodness for some variety!

 

[Stegral]

Ummmm..... maybe being a she-male... she could use either... even though the post says the Domme had a very feminine vioce...maybe until D knows what the "client" wants it is just D.... to save possible confusion????

 

[superlittlegirl]

In a session with a Pro-Domme, you have the absolute right (and obligation to yourself) to pre-negotiate the parameters of your play. Give this some thought before you make your appointment, and have some definite ideas or boundaries in mind. Make yourself some notes, if you think you'll get nervous and forget how to speak.

A professional is highly unlikely to risk her health in order to fuck your ass, no matter how handsome, ultra-submissive, or wonderful you are. I imagine that part of your titillation around seeing a TS Pro-Domme is the erotic fear that you'll be sodomized, but the reality is that this fear is more of a fantasy. It is perhaps likely that you will be used anally with toys or made to masturbate yourself, but still, all within pre-negotiated boundaries.

The vast majority Pro-Dommes are very quick to let you know that they are not prostitutes. This means they really get off on the idea that you are paying them lots of money to not fuck them. It's a very specific arrogance that's endearing, and delightful. This is their way of telling you right off the bat to not even expect it.

If you happen to luck out and find yourself engaged in some form of sexual contact with your Domme, insist on a condom. It's that easy! A Pro-Domme won't risk rape charges for the pleasure of sticking it in you.

I'd also suggest that you examine some of your ideas about what it means to be gay or transgendered. Just because someone is gay, even if they are dominant, doesn't mean they are a rapist, or even remotely after your ass. However, if being raped is your fantasy, by all means tell your Pro-Domme so she can create this illusion for you in a safe, sane, and consensual way!

Have fun....

Oh, one more thing. Go to www.theeroticreview.com or www.janesguide.com and do a search for your potential provider. If she's reputable and established, it is highly likely that others will have reviewed her, and you'll have the benefit of reading other people's experiences to determine if she's a good fit for your needs.

 

[Pure]

that's a real grab bag of advice-- i find quint, still falling, and superlittle to be right on the money

i agree that it's pretty likely the domme/shemale will protect herself. (and hence, very likely, you)

submitter said,

I don't have any experiance with pros but from what I understand, if sex is involved, it is then considered prostitution and is illegal

blowing weed is illegal too. so i wouldn't bet the ranch that no prostitution is involved. HOWEVER, I agree with super that it's common for advertised dommes (at least the females), to say (and practice) 'no sex' (which means at best you get whack yourself off), which tends to keep them on the right side of the law--most of the time.

i'm not sure how Evil G's experiences relate to the question; some 'comings out' are disastrous. but it's rather clear that most prostitutes' customers (who are mostly married, btw) don't lose marriage, job etc. leaving aside the junkies and crackheads, it's not really in a prostitutes interest to (have, get, or) transmit an STD that passes to the wife (in protecting herself, she likely protects you).