Lifers

[IrisAlthea]

We have known each other for 24 years, been a couple for 23 and married for 17.

We met very young and I think one of the reasons we have stayed together is that we decided to not get in the way of the other person, to let each other grow but also to always let each other in on what we were thinking about and learning - enough space but not to much distance, I guess you could say.

It has been hard work sometimes and I have a hard time understanding the people who say that they are living together without fighting... Like others said there is ebb and flow and sometimes after a hard time, the rush is there again.

Will it last a lifetime?
I don't know and I don't think anyone can promise such a thing. I know that I would hate to lose my best friend though.

 

[YourCaptor]

Sure. Of course. The difference between the first few months and fifty years later, however, is that, fifty years later, the experience is less intense and tends to happen in bursts and not 24/7.



I think you did already encounter someone like that. I recall a time when you were quite smitten. She just didn't turn out to be the right gal for you. Unfortunately. (Her loss).

There's more out there. Trust me.

That's what I described though. What kind of scares me a little is how fast it all went away with her. The second she admitted she'd been lying it was just gone, like a light went out. At the time it was nice, cause I was hurting at that point and being rid of it was great. But what else does that say about me. Ugh and now I keep seeing her everywhere. Why did I show her all my cool fun stuff I like to do. I've even gotten use to buddys running up to me and going, "dude, guess whos here".

On the other hand I've also had it get stronger before. It wasn't long term like you mean hear, but double digit months into it and things got even better.

 

[culloden]

Twenty five years.

We love each other, enjoy each other's company, and our strengths compliment the other's. We trust each other absolutely. If you want to know the chief benefit of a very ltr, knowing that another person always has your back is it. Well, that and the fact she's a bloody awesome cook.

It's hard to imagine living another life.

 

[midwestyankee]

Congrats on 33 years! And I have to know...did you two see Star Wars together?



Oh yes, there is work. Rewarding work but...work. Long term relationships as Ecstatic Sub describes her marriage - where everything is easy and there's hardly ever a disagreement or major problem - those are so rare as to almost be legend.

Work is the litmus test. If you are both prepared to roll up your sleeves and get to it when it's the last thing you want to do, then you're lifers. If one or both of you would rather walk away from, or continue to ignore, the work that needs to be done, (when it becomes obvious it needs to be done), then you're not.

I feel for you Yanks. Good for you for sticking it out.

Thanks, Keroin.

Yes, we saw all three original Star Wars movies in first run.

 

[teknight]

Thanks, Keroin.

Yes, we saw all three original Star Wars movies in first run.

OK. Now for the hard question:
What about the prequels?

 

[midwestyankee]

OK. Now for the hard question:
What about the prequels?

I can plead the fifth, right?

 

[teknight]

I can plead the fifth, right?

Yes, sir, but, in the public's eye, you'll have incriminated yourself.
What about the Extended Universe?
The multiplayer games?

As for being a lifer, I commuted my own sentence, despite what my ex was hoping, planning and pining for...It might not be nice to say (which is sooo out of habit for me, I know ) I had a grin on for a week afterwards. I'd have been worried about Bell's Palsy, had I not felt so damn good.

 

[graceanne]

K and I will have 14 years this August, and I can't think of anything to add that isn't on yours. I mean, I know tons of stuff about our relationship - things like calling him when he's late makes him feel loved. I guess all I can think of is that sex isn't always as fun as it was when you first started having sex, but it cycles. Somedays your happy to get a quickie in and other days you can't keep your hands off eachother. Also, that sex should be a priority in a relationship (barring health problems that make it difficult) because one of the main factors (that I've seen) of a relationship falling apart is when people stop having sex.

fyi - sorry about typo's I"m typing without my contacts in.

 

[Chiara_searches]

I was in a lifer (9 years married, 11 years when you include dating/engagement). There's a long list of things I want to do right the next time around.

This thread affirms things I've identified as what needs to happen, with accommodation for my future partner's style, of course. It makes me feel like I am actually aligning myself for a much better go around the next time I get on a lifer track.

I've met a guy that so far seems to be the complete opposite of the ex and this new guy (K), hits most of my top 10 "This is What I Want" list. The only thing he doesn't hit: he's not, as far as I can yet discern, a natural dominant (but at least he's willing to accommodate the kinks I do have and I've shared most of them already 'cause there's only a few). The few times we've had hiccups, we've talked things through and seem to be on the right path initially.

Even if things with K don't survive the rosy glow stage (although I really hope they will), he's already taught me that the communication and working through the hiccups can happen. He's affirmed that I was right to leave a broken marriage.

So I think the advice to communicate, to realize "real life" does exist, to learn how to fight appropriately, to know that the ebb and flow happens and who is there in the end is the best possible person for you - all that is really right. I just hope I have that if not with K, then someday with someone.

 

[Bandit58]

K and I will have 14 years this August, and I can't think of anything to add that isn't on yours. I mean, I know tons of stuff about our relationship - things like calling him when he's late makes him feel loved. I guess all I can think of is that sex isn't always as fun as it was when you first started having sex, but it cycles. Somedays your happy to get a quickie in and other days you can't keep your hands off eachother. Also, that sex should be a priority in a relationship (barring health problems that make it difficult) because one of the main factors (that I've seen) of a relationship falling apart is when people stop having sex.

fyi - sorry about typo's I"m typing without my contacts in.

Agreeing with the bolded part But it's not necessary to have a lot of sex, but it IS necessary to have intimacy (kissing, cuddling, touching and yes, groping - which Sir is very good at ). With all His health issues sex often takes a back burner, but the intimacy is always there.

We have been together now for 7 1/2 years and this is definitely for life - His may well end up being a lot shorter than mine though, but for however long we have we will love each other lots

 

[satindesire]

His may well end up being a lot shorter than mine though, but for however long we have we will love each other lots

Aw, honey. That's so sweet.

 

[graceanne]

Agreeing with the bolded part But it's not necessary to have a lot of sex, but it IS necessary to have intimacy (kissing, cuddling, touching and yes, groping - which Sir is very good at ). With all His health issues sex often takes a back burner, but the intimacy is always there.

We have been together now for 7 1/2 years and this is definitely for life - His may well end up being a lot shorter than mine though, but for however long we have we will love each other lots

Oh, I agree. I didn't say that you should have sex every day or anything like that, but just that it should be a priority. How often you have sex depends on the couple involved - some people aren't as sexual as others, and some are more sexual. Plus add in daily life, which gets in the way of sex more often than not, and sometimes it's just not possible to have sex as often as you like, or to have great sex as often as you like. But it's really just the intimacy that's important, and the commitment to intimacy. It can help hold things together when stuff gets difficult.

 

[69manwoman]

I first met my wife at 12.Dated her at 17 and married her at 19.Been married 31 years.Had ups and downs.Love her for the good and bad.Sex is still good.Just not as often.We did it 12 times in 1 day down to maybe 1 a week/I think because we are busy in our lives.When we are together its 1+ hour.Not 10 minutes.We cuddle more now on the deck in the tub and in bed.We grown in to our different hobbies.Most our friends have changed over the years.We watched our life building our savings and paying off the house together 10 years early.We go out only once a month and like saving for our vacations to have big fun time things.

 

[Cattypuss]

Well I never would have guessed that leaving out the space after every full stop would make a paragraph so tediously hard to read that I'd give up half way through.

My longest relationship to date lasted 11 years, for ten of which we lived together.

We were each other's best friends and we made each other laugh a lot. Still do. It ended 11 years ago now and we're still very close friends. We met when we were both 20 and we were best friends before we became a couple. Now we're 43 and we're probably more "family" to each other than our own families are to us.

 

[satindesire]

Well I never would have guessed that leaving out the space after every full stop would make a paragraph so tediously hard to read that I'd give up half way through.

Full stop is period in UK-speak, right? I just want to make sure because my girlfriend is English and I am totally not up to date in the slang.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Full stop is period in UK-speak, right? I just want to make sure because my girlfriend is English and I am totally not up to date in the slang.

Yes that is correct

 

[graceanne]

Well I never would have guessed that leaving out the space after every full stop would make a paragraph so tediously hard to read that I'd give up half way through.

I didn't make it past the first sentence.