Life stories
- Thread starter canadiancutie
- Start date
Okay. I'll go.
I am very much a product of my parents... my mother is a brilliant, strong-willed woman, who made her career from her own gifts, rather than education... though in her early 40's she got a national certification in purchasing. She is a hard worker, a steady, logical thinker, and she struggles a bit emotionally... it's like she's a child sometimes, having trouble figuring out things other people get so easily... but her innocence is beautiful.
My dad is an artist. He is a cultured, fine European man. He can paint, and sing, and dress well, and has a taste for the finer things in life. He's excellent with children, which is fitting, as he's been a teacher for 30 years now. He's one of those people who inspires people to send their kids to his school, because as loud and Dutch as he can be, he genuinely cares.
My parents have nothing in common, which explains why, after 26 years of marriage, they got a divorce. My mom was born into poverty, my dad was born into ridiculous wealth. You can tell.
Any way.
My childhood.. I will always look back on my childhood with happiness. I had a great childhood. My mother bought toys that would encourage my brother's and my imagination. Building blocks, legos, kinex sets, paints, cardboard boxes to play in, things like that. Sure, I had dolls, but I liked the less conventional stuff more. My brother was a hellion, and my mom worried that he would be the first kid to be expelled from kindergarten. He wasn't.
My entire life, even from such a young age, was based on, and filled with religion: Roman Catholic. All four of us were active participants in the running of the church, through various programs. Sunday school, altar serving, committees, etc.
At the age of 10, my mom put me on my first diet. I lost 17 lbs. For 8 years after that, she hounded me about my weight, my dad said mean things about my body, everyone around me teased me about my body, and finally, two eating-disorders later, at 15, and 17, I told everyone to fuck off. During my teens, my mom and I grew very distant, because she was becoming less and less happy in her marriage with my dad, and she was eating to deal with her stress. She ballooned, at 6 feet tall, to 350 lbs, but spent her days criticizing my weight, even when I was fit enough to be the high school football team's weights coach. I was on multiple teams, I was on every committee, I was a straight A student, and yet, I didn't have the approval of my parents.. or at least, it felt like I didn't.
Then there's my brother. My brother is the good kid. He liked classical music like my dad, worked really hard in school, is brilliant beyond belief, is fit, etc. Everything my brother did, I was allowed to do, except for the sports. Because I am a girl. If my brother didn't like a tv show, I wasn't allowed to watch it.
At 15, the guy I was dating, who was 19, tried to rape me. I broke his jaw, and ran away, and he stalked me for 6 months after that, sending letters, poetry, phone calls, and hanging out on the corner of the school property, just watching. I didn't tell anyone what had happened. At 17, I went to confession in the Church to get it off my soul, and the priest got a boner, felt up my thigh, and when I called him a perverted fuck, in the church, condemned me to hell, yelling that I deserved it.
At 18, I lost my virginity to rape to my ex-fiance. Stayed with him afterward, cus it fucked me up so badly, and ended up knocked up. When I miscarried the baby, I broke up with him, and rebounded. The rebound brutally raped me, so bad the nurses cried, and I swung WAY down. The Catholic church, through the judgement of two more, separately consulted priests, told me I deserved everything that had happened to me, and called me a harlot.
I officially left the church at the age of 19.
But then my life got really good. The shit I'd been through inspired me to search out a spirituality that worked for me. That spirituality has helped me to deal with all that happened. The attacks made me realize, for the first time in my life, that I actually am pretty. At the same time, I decided I never wanted to be pretty enough for it to ever happen again, and I began putting on weight left and right. And yet, all the while I was getting fatter, I was learning to love myself, and fixing all the crap on the inside.
What I've experienced has led me to my lover, my life... he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I fully believe that, had I not undergone the changes that resulted from the dark stuff, I would not have been made ready for my honey to come into my life. We've been together almost four years now, we've made and lost a child, we've lived through my family troubles, and plan a long future together.
My parents got their divorce, and are currently working on an annullment in the Catholic church. That's painful.. but this has allowed me to see my parents thrive individually. Their marriage was not conducive to their success as individual people.. they survived, but did not flourish, they did not grow, and improve as people. Now that they are on their own, I have developed SUCH a great appreciation for them, and I know that this is better for them, despite the times that it gets me down.
As I grew up, my mother's unhappiness always forced her to teach me that women can be strong individuals, that we can be outside the home, can and should have jobs, be contributing to the financial fabric of a home, etc. It was how she dealt with things. And for most of my life, I have fought defiantly to believe as she did. Lately, I see myself mellowing, and wanting, more than anything, to be an at-home mom. I want to be able to raise my kids, and teach my kids, and be there for them.. I want to be at home, and keep the house, and prepare meals for my husband (when we marry), and I want to serve.. as serving makes me happy.
Oh yes.. BDSM.. *smile* I arrived here through abuse, I think. I took a lot of the harsh things that my exes did, which were done in the name of abuse, not in the name of BDSM, and I started to claim some of it as my own. I claim masochism as my own.. I do enjoy pain. I claim sadism. I enjoy inflicing it. I own my submission, and I revel in my domination. I think my penchant for servitude comes from my mother... seeing her always fight so much to be strong, to admit no weakness, and moulding myself after her in that way.. it's always made me crave the release of giving up control. It's made me long to simply rest, and be female... to enjoy my vulnerability, to relish my strengths, to work to improve, and yet, to do so without trying to wear the pants. It's really hard to explain.. and I'm sure someone's going to argue with me about it, but I am not arguing about this with you guys. I am still growing, still developing my ideas and philosophies, and still figuring myself out. I'm complicated like that.
... I think I've gone on quite long enough...
I am very much a product of my parents... my mother is a brilliant, strong-willed woman, who made her career from her own gifts, rather than education... though in her early 40's she got a national certification in purchasing. She is a hard worker, a steady, logical thinker, and she struggles a bit emotionally... it's like she's a child sometimes, having trouble figuring out things other people get so easily... but her innocence is beautiful.
My dad is an artist. He is a cultured, fine European man. He can paint, and sing, and dress well, and has a taste for the finer things in life. He's excellent with children, which is fitting, as he's been a teacher for 30 years now. He's one of those people who inspires people to send their kids to his school, because as loud and Dutch as he can be, he genuinely cares.
My parents have nothing in common, which explains why, after 26 years of marriage, they got a divorce. My mom was born into poverty, my dad was born into ridiculous wealth. You can tell.
Any way.
My childhood.. I will always look back on my childhood with happiness. I had a great childhood. My mother bought toys that would encourage my brother's and my imagination. Building blocks, legos, kinex sets, paints, cardboard boxes to play in, things like that. Sure, I had dolls, but I liked the less conventional stuff more. My brother was a hellion, and my mom worried that he would be the first kid to be expelled from kindergarten. He wasn't.
My entire life, even from such a young age, was based on, and filled with religion: Roman Catholic. All four of us were active participants in the running of the church, through various programs. Sunday school, altar serving, committees, etc.
At the age of 10, my mom put me on my first diet. I lost 17 lbs. For 8 years after that, she hounded me about my weight, my dad said mean things about my body, everyone around me teased me about my body, and finally, two eating-disorders later, at 15, and 17, I told everyone to fuck off. During my teens, my mom and I grew very distant, because she was becoming less and less happy in her marriage with my dad, and she was eating to deal with her stress. She ballooned, at 6 feet tall, to 350 lbs, but spent her days criticizing my weight, even when I was fit enough to be the high school football team's weights coach. I was on multiple teams, I was on every committee, I was a straight A student, and yet, I didn't have the approval of my parents.. or at least, it felt like I didn't.
Then there's my brother. My brother is the good kid. He liked classical music like my dad, worked really hard in school, is brilliant beyond belief, is fit, etc. Everything my brother did, I was allowed to do, except for the sports. Because I am a girl. If my brother didn't like a tv show, I wasn't allowed to watch it.
At 15, the guy I was dating, who was 19, tried to rape me. I broke his jaw, and ran away, and he stalked me for 6 months after that, sending letters, poetry, phone calls, and hanging out on the corner of the school property, just watching. I didn't tell anyone what had happened. At 17, I went to confession in the Church to get it off my soul, and the priest got a boner, felt up my thigh, and when I called him a perverted fuck, in the church, condemned me to hell, yelling that I deserved it.
At 18, I lost my virginity to rape to my ex-fiance. Stayed with him afterward, cus it fucked me up so badly, and ended up knocked up. When I miscarried the baby, I broke up with him, and rebounded. The rebound brutally raped me, so bad the nurses cried, and I swung WAY down. The Catholic church, through the judgement of two more, separately consulted priests, told me I deserved everything that had happened to me, and called me a harlot.
I officially left the church at the age of 19.
But then my life got really good. The shit I'd been through inspired me to search out a spirituality that worked for me. That spirituality has helped me to deal with all that happened. The attacks made me realize, for the first time in my life, that I actually am pretty. At the same time, I decided I never wanted to be pretty enough for it to ever happen again, and I began putting on weight left and right. And yet, all the while I was getting fatter, I was learning to love myself, and fixing all the crap on the inside.
What I've experienced has led me to my lover, my life... he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I fully believe that, had I not undergone the changes that resulted from the dark stuff, I would not have been made ready for my honey to come into my life. We've been together almost four years now, we've made and lost a child, we've lived through my family troubles, and plan a long future together.
My parents got their divorce, and are currently working on an annullment in the Catholic church. That's painful.. but this has allowed me to see my parents thrive individually. Their marriage was not conducive to their success as individual people.. they survived, but did not flourish, they did not grow, and improve as people. Now that they are on their own, I have developed SUCH a great appreciation for them, and I know that this is better for them, despite the times that it gets me down.
As I grew up, my mother's unhappiness always forced her to teach me that women can be strong individuals, that we can be outside the home, can and should have jobs, be contributing to the financial fabric of a home, etc. It was how she dealt with things. And for most of my life, I have fought defiantly to believe as she did. Lately, I see myself mellowing, and wanting, more than anything, to be an at-home mom. I want to be able to raise my kids, and teach my kids, and be there for them.. I want to be at home, and keep the house, and prepare meals for my husband (when we marry), and I want to serve.. as serving makes me happy.
Oh yes.. BDSM.. *smile* I arrived here through abuse, I think. I took a lot of the harsh things that my exes did, which were done in the name of abuse, not in the name of BDSM, and I started to claim some of it as my own. I claim masochism as my own.. I do enjoy pain. I claim sadism. I enjoy inflicing it. I own my submission, and I revel in my domination. I think my penchant for servitude comes from my mother... seeing her always fight so much to be strong, to admit no weakness, and moulding myself after her in that way.. it's always made me crave the release of giving up control. It's made me long to simply rest, and be female... to enjoy my vulnerability, to relish my strengths, to work to improve, and yet, to do so without trying to wear the pants. It's really hard to explain.. and I'm sure someone's going to argue with me about it, but I am not arguing about this with you guys. I am still growing, still developing my ideas and philosophies, and still figuring myself out. I'm complicated like that.
... I think I've gone on quite long enough...
E
esclave_PP
Guest
Aeroil said:Did you want to see them?
lol, no I didn't.
I filmed it
Damn. Share?
Private_Label
In the kink toddler pool
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2005
- Posts
- 1,054
canadiancutie said:
*comes in and looks at the puddle of water on the floor*
*goes looking for reason for said puddle*
CC, Aeroil, and Xelebes, thanks guys I needed that laugh....
canadiancutie
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 8, 2004
- Posts
- 1,639
Aeroil said:
he only says this because he knows I have the only copy and am not about to share
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
malcah_ms said:I think that you and Marquis should go.
Didn't you see what Marquis said? After AA went . . . in other words when hell freezes over.
Besides I can't fit my life story in one of these things. I'd bore the hell out of everyone.
Aeroil
Aerouille, Ma Chérie
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2005
- Posts
- 3,227
Then do what I did lol, was mine boring?graceanne said:Didn't you see what Marquis said? After AA went . . . in other words when hell freezes over.
Besides I can't fit my life story in one of these things. I'd bore the hell out of everyone.
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
Wow, these are good reads. I'll go, but I'm not a linear thinker by nature, this is tough.
Kidhood:
I was born, illegitimate hippie child, in 1973 on the coast of northern california in a communal house that used to belong to Steinbeck. My mom promptly had to fly me back to NYC and move in with her parents when she learned (shock!) that my dad was not going to come running back to her because I now existed. I've never met him.
I grew up an only child in a loud, crazy working class NYC household. I always spent a lot of time alone and I always found words a good refuge and a good weapon.
Neither abused nor neglected, I suffered from the opposite problem, manic, crazy overparenting from three directions. Family philosophy: something terrible is going to happen. I was not allowed to ride a bus alone till I was 16 without my grandmother following me, I don't exaggerate here. Think Woody Allen.
I went to a very accelerated NYC prep school, token scholarship girl among the fabulously wealthy. I went on to an accelerated midwestern private college, token scholarship girl among the less ostentatiously wealthy. My class consciousness was slow in coming -- you don't know you are poor, you just know you are different.
My mother remarried when I was in 3rd grade, and my stepdad died when I was a senior in HS. He was a passive, quiet, intelligent and ultimately tragic alcoholic. I don't really have a lot to say about him, because I feel like I never really knew him, despite many a very interesting conversation or debate.
Sex n Love:
I met and fell madly in love with my first serious partner when I was 19. A good egg, a good guy. Not pervy. We split 7 years later, officially ending what I was already branching off from with semi-permission I knew was making him miserable.
I met an incredible woman online and maintained a long distance thing with her for almost 2 years, a lot of drama and a bad end, mostly my fault that. She's happily married to a bi poly guy too now.
I fell in with a married guy. Bad, bad horrible I know, but it's happened to better people than I and he throughout the history of the world. I think this folie a deux exists just to prove to me that all my logic and all my intelligence does not get to govern the human heart after all, no matter what. It's the thing I can't be logical about. I think everyone has one person somewhere who understands them perfectly all the time, that's the person who understands me like that.
I then met M about 3 years ago. I got smitten badly fast, first on a shallow, purely physical level (mmmm pretty) then we had a coffee breakfast date that resumed the same day after work, and that pretty much sealed it, I was hooked and hooked fast. I laid it on the line really fast that he'd have to be poly to handle being involved with me and that I am bi and prefer other bi partners... and he came out to me as bi, much to my total delighted surprise and much to his relieved and delighted surprise. (M isn't flaming --he does pass as a metrosexual-ly straight boy and I assumed wrong)
I never thought I was going to get married. We're trying our best to reform the institution. Neither of us have interest in having babies and if we do get smitten by the kid idea we really like the idea of adopting. Turns out I have shitty genes anyway, after being diagnosed with Crohn's this year.
Curriculm Vitae:
I graduated the accelerated college with no good plans, got pulled into a loop of chronic underemployment in administrative jobs that were supposed to point up and never did. I found work in the arts, but found it just as demeaning to be underpaid as it was to be understimulated. I currently work in the worlds of virtual erotica: I do phone work, I peddle quality smut, I write erotica and sell it to anthologies. I find that I have more interest in selling my jewelry and art these days, and I'm beginning to think that's really what I'm meant to be doing -- not that the message was not always loud and clear, but recently it's become clearer.
I've showed my art sporadically, but consistently. At 31 I've come to accept that I'm not going to get writeup in ArtForum and set NYC on fire. I do plan on selling some of this crap before I leave this planet.
This year:
Sick has been the project this year. Getting off prednisone, trying to get this crap under control, learning what it's like to be in the hospital for longer than I'd like. Learning more about the GI tract than I ever wanted to know. My faith in Western medicine, completely unwavering at first, thrown into question, but not so much so that I'm not taking my immunosuppressants! I approach illness with an "I pray to ALL the Gods" approach.
The good part is that I've been making a lot more art, learned 2 new craft processes (beads and knitting) and I really really really do not sweat the small stuff, which includes being underinsured and unlikely to have any money not owed a hospital well into my 50's. It still does not help to be solvent when you are dead, as I see it.
Kidhood:
I was born, illegitimate hippie child, in 1973 on the coast of northern california in a communal house that used to belong to Steinbeck. My mom promptly had to fly me back to NYC and move in with her parents when she learned (shock!) that my dad was not going to come running back to her because I now existed. I've never met him.
I grew up an only child in a loud, crazy working class NYC household. I always spent a lot of time alone and I always found words a good refuge and a good weapon.
Neither abused nor neglected, I suffered from the opposite problem, manic, crazy overparenting from three directions. Family philosophy: something terrible is going to happen. I was not allowed to ride a bus alone till I was 16 without my grandmother following me, I don't exaggerate here. Think Woody Allen.
I went to a very accelerated NYC prep school, token scholarship girl among the fabulously wealthy. I went on to an accelerated midwestern private college, token scholarship girl among the less ostentatiously wealthy. My class consciousness was slow in coming -- you don't know you are poor, you just know you are different.
My mother remarried when I was in 3rd grade, and my stepdad died when I was a senior in HS. He was a passive, quiet, intelligent and ultimately tragic alcoholic. I don't really have a lot to say about him, because I feel like I never really knew him, despite many a very interesting conversation or debate.
Sex n Love:
I met and fell madly in love with my first serious partner when I was 19. A good egg, a good guy. Not pervy. We split 7 years later, officially ending what I was already branching off from with semi-permission I knew was making him miserable.
I met an incredible woman online and maintained a long distance thing with her for almost 2 years, a lot of drama and a bad end, mostly my fault that. She's happily married to a bi poly guy too now.
I fell in with a married guy. Bad, bad horrible I know, but it's happened to better people than I and he throughout the history of the world. I think this folie a deux exists just to prove to me that all my logic and all my intelligence does not get to govern the human heart after all, no matter what. It's the thing I can't be logical about. I think everyone has one person somewhere who understands them perfectly all the time, that's the person who understands me like that.
I then met M about 3 years ago. I got smitten badly fast, first on a shallow, purely physical level (mmmm pretty) then we had a coffee breakfast date that resumed the same day after work, and that pretty much sealed it, I was hooked and hooked fast. I laid it on the line really fast that he'd have to be poly to handle being involved with me and that I am bi and prefer other bi partners... and he came out to me as bi, much to my total delighted surprise and much to his relieved and delighted surprise. (M isn't flaming --he does pass as a metrosexual-ly straight boy and I assumed wrong)
I never thought I was going to get married. We're trying our best to reform the institution. Neither of us have interest in having babies and if we do get smitten by the kid idea we really like the idea of adopting. Turns out I have shitty genes anyway, after being diagnosed with Crohn's this year.
Curriculm Vitae:
I graduated the accelerated college with no good plans, got pulled into a loop of chronic underemployment in administrative jobs that were supposed to point up and never did. I found work in the arts, but found it just as demeaning to be underpaid as it was to be understimulated. I currently work in the worlds of virtual erotica: I do phone work, I peddle quality smut, I write erotica and sell it to anthologies. I find that I have more interest in selling my jewelry and art these days, and I'm beginning to think that's really what I'm meant to be doing -- not that the message was not always loud and clear, but recently it's become clearer.
I've showed my art sporadically, but consistently. At 31 I've come to accept that I'm not going to get writeup in ArtForum and set NYC on fire. I do plan on selling some of this crap before I leave this planet.
This year:
Sick has been the project this year. Getting off prednisone, trying to get this crap under control, learning what it's like to be in the hospital for longer than I'd like. Learning more about the GI tract than I ever wanted to know. My faith in Western medicine, completely unwavering at first, thrown into question, but not so much so that I'm not taking my immunosuppressants! I approach illness with an "I pray to ALL the Gods" approach.
The good part is that I've been making a lot more art, learned 2 new craft processes (beads and knitting) and I really really really do not sweat the small stuff, which includes being underinsured and unlikely to have any money not owed a hospital well into my 50's. It still does not help to be solvent when you are dead, as I see it.
chris9
enjoying life
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2005
- Posts
- 3,657
What a boring life I have been leading... And I do think that I must be living in Paradise or something...
My parents are still (after 26 years of marriage) very much in love. After my sis and I moved out they are now preparing to grow old together. I get along very well with both of them. My sister is one of my best friends.
So my childhood was very protected, but I do feel I learned to 'stand on my own feet'. I had a short difficult period the last few months of elementary school, when none of my class-mates wanted anything to do with me and were quite mean and stuff. As I didn't go to secondary school with any of them, this period ended quite fast.
I always received good grades in school.
I spent a year in the US when 16/17, living in a host family and going to highschool. That was fun, I would have liked to stay.
Shortly after I got together with my present bf.
I've been studying the law for 4 years, one semester in Italy.
In January I moved into an apartment with my bf.
Lately we have started talking a bit more serious about marriage and kids.
So, yes, my Paradise...
My parents are still (after 26 years of marriage) very much in love. After my sis and I moved out they are now preparing to grow old together. I get along very well with both of them. My sister is one of my best friends.
So my childhood was very protected, but I do feel I learned to 'stand on my own feet'. I had a short difficult period the last few months of elementary school, when none of my class-mates wanted anything to do with me and were quite mean and stuff. As I didn't go to secondary school with any of them, this period ended quite fast.
I always received good grades in school.
I spent a year in the US when 16/17, living in a host family and going to highschool. That was fun, I would have liked to stay.
Shortly after I got together with my present bf.
I've been studying the law for 4 years, one semester in Italy.
In January I moved into an apartment with my bf.
Lately we have started talking a bit more serious about marriage and kids.
So, yes, my Paradise...
Cherrysweetdeal
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 17, 2005
- Posts
- 494
I highly dislike thinking back on the first....12 years of my life because as much fun as I had, I had to deal with and still deal with the people that use and abuse me every other day.
Childhood...
Born in Montreal(which I don't remember at all) I spent my first year there...there are pictures of which i don't recognize at all. After that I moved here to Saskatchewan with my family and for awhile went to a school down the street for kindergarten and part of grade 1. I can remember making rice krispie shapes in my pre-school on the opposite side of my house from the school. I can also remember the two kids in my life who seem to stick in my mind, kylie the girl who lived right beside me was my best friend and there were birthday parties in badly decorated late 80/early 90's houses. Also the boy down the street and the walkway at the side of his house....why I remember the walk way I don't know. I can remember the two boys who bullied me until I cried and I would still like to find those two and beat there asses to pulps....
After moving to the east side of the city, I started going to the school 3 minutes walking distance from my house. Have lived here almost for 14 years.... anyways i digress. Most of my schoolyears were spent not trying hard in school and failing most of the time getting bad grades except in computers(its in my blood ugh). For most of elementary school i was fine...until grade 6 when one girl spent the last three years of my elementary school career making fun of me and emotionally crushing me so I cried every day and that has since then bloomed into a depression that somehow I mostly overcome. I still have days when if I am severely silent then there is something wrong and noone will notice.
Highschool came and slowly i came to be the way I am now. At the start shy and horribly afraid and unsure of where to go where as of now, I am still unsure of where to go but I am not afraid. I know I am smart enough to get by I just need a foot in the door and a way out of this job in the deli. I don't plan on spending 40 years at a fuckin safeway. Career wise I am heading towards management or something office related I use a computer easily and efficiently and have always been a fairly fast typer although most of the time I type uninteresting stuff*coughlikethishack*
As a person I bloomed in highschool did plays and choir found a few people who were really worthwhile and a lot who weren't. Still dealt with people making fun of me although I have no clue why because I rarely said bad things about anyone. I enjoyed performing and singing and found that I wasn't horribly stupid after all and ended my highschool career with a 79.4 average...not enough to get honor roll by .1 percent feh.
I went through a relationship the last 2 years of my highschool life and it lasted almost 3 years before the guy ended it by email....the one sent to all of our friends at the time. We are friends now and still bug eachother once in awhile about our little stupidities and I am still useful when it comes to art. The joys of dating a film student. Ah exhibitionism. Far to many pictures, webcam experiences, and films with me in them.
After him I went through a streak where i started just having a bunch of one nighters and found my way into bdsm. So that started my search for someone strong who could hold me down sometimes but still let me be my own person. The most recent ex boyfriend was a bit of an asshole although he cared deeply and I have stopped talking or thinking about him as much as possible not one word will be said even if i do see him on the streets. He does not deserve what he gave up. My relationship now is with a boy who is 5'8 and I am 5'10 but he can overpower me and enjoys slapping my ass...I have the pictures to prove it...ouch. It has only been two weeks so I am not going to overly expect anything major.
Throughout my life I have had 3 or 4 major friends but I won't go into that. There are only two that have stuck with me through good and bad. If i go on that path I will start to cry. *dries eyes with tissue*
Enough of my life...why am I like this???
Why because of my mother and father. My mother taught me to read and told me to read everything I could about something before I did it. Know all you can before you do anything far safer. Also she is artistic and paints and got me painting, my father writes wonderfully and I got a bit of my poetic side from him. Most of my looks from mom but my spiritual attitude mostly from my father. He is an atheist and i just choose to believe in life, love and friends. I live doing things that make me happy and stick to being around people that will appreciate my stupid jokes and my smiles and my just being around. Although not totally there sometimes I am plenty strong having a slight sadistic side and mostly masochistic attitude. I am like this because I was smart enough to learn about what is around me and how to do things and how to push past my emotional fears to go where I want to go.
Oh yea my mother also had me sitting at condom tables at the university when I was 8....she was part of the womens center...and she wonders why I am so screwed up.
Sorry it's so long guys but when I start I don't stop.
Thanks,
cherry
Childhood...
Born in Montreal(which I don't remember at all) I spent my first year there...there are pictures of which i don't recognize at all. After that I moved here to Saskatchewan with my family and for awhile went to a school down the street for kindergarten and part of grade 1. I can remember making rice krispie shapes in my pre-school on the opposite side of my house from the school. I can also remember the two kids in my life who seem to stick in my mind, kylie the girl who lived right beside me was my best friend and there were birthday parties in badly decorated late 80/early 90's houses. Also the boy down the street and the walkway at the side of his house....why I remember the walk way I don't know. I can remember the two boys who bullied me until I cried and I would still like to find those two and beat there asses to pulps....
After moving to the east side of the city, I started going to the school 3 minutes walking distance from my house. Have lived here almost for 14 years.... anyways i digress. Most of my schoolyears were spent not trying hard in school and failing most of the time getting bad grades except in computers(its in my blood ugh). For most of elementary school i was fine...until grade 6 when one girl spent the last three years of my elementary school career making fun of me and emotionally crushing me so I cried every day and that has since then bloomed into a depression that somehow I mostly overcome. I still have days when if I am severely silent then there is something wrong and noone will notice.
Highschool came and slowly i came to be the way I am now. At the start shy and horribly afraid and unsure of where to go where as of now, I am still unsure of where to go but I am not afraid. I know I am smart enough to get by I just need a foot in the door and a way out of this job in the deli. I don't plan on spending 40 years at a fuckin safeway. Career wise I am heading towards management or something office related I use a computer easily and efficiently and have always been a fairly fast typer although most of the time I type uninteresting stuff*coughlikethishack*
As a person I bloomed in highschool did plays and choir found a few people who were really worthwhile and a lot who weren't. Still dealt with people making fun of me although I have no clue why because I rarely said bad things about anyone. I enjoyed performing and singing and found that I wasn't horribly stupid after all and ended my highschool career with a 79.4 average...not enough to get honor roll by .1 percent feh.
I went through a relationship the last 2 years of my highschool life and it lasted almost 3 years before the guy ended it by email....the one sent to all of our friends at the time. We are friends now and still bug eachother once in awhile about our little stupidities and I am still useful when it comes to art. The joys of dating a film student. Ah exhibitionism. Far to many pictures, webcam experiences, and films with me in them.
After him I went through a streak where i started just having a bunch of one nighters and found my way into bdsm. So that started my search for someone strong who could hold me down sometimes but still let me be my own person. The most recent ex boyfriend was a bit of an asshole although he cared deeply and I have stopped talking or thinking about him as much as possible not one word will be said even if i do see him on the streets. He does not deserve what he gave up. My relationship now is with a boy who is 5'8 and I am 5'10 but he can overpower me and enjoys slapping my ass...I have the pictures to prove it...ouch. It has only been two weeks so I am not going to overly expect anything major.
Throughout my life I have had 3 or 4 major friends but I won't go into that. There are only two that have stuck with me through good and bad. If i go on that path I will start to cry. *dries eyes with tissue*
Enough of my life...why am I like this???
Why because of my mother and father. My mother taught me to read and told me to read everything I could about something before I did it. Know all you can before you do anything far safer. Also she is artistic and paints and got me painting, my father writes wonderfully and I got a bit of my poetic side from him. Most of my looks from mom but my spiritual attitude mostly from my father. He is an atheist and i just choose to believe in life, love and friends. I live doing things that make me happy and stick to being around people that will appreciate my stupid jokes and my smiles and my just being around. Although not totally there sometimes I am plenty strong having a slight sadistic side and mostly masochistic attitude. I am like this because I was smart enough to learn about what is around me and how to do things and how to push past my emotional fears to go where I want to go.
Oh yea my mother also had me sitting at condom tables at the university when I was 8....she was part of the womens center...and she wonders why I am so screwed up.
Sorry it's so long guys but when I start I don't stop.
Thanks,
cherry
I was born on a crazy superbowl sunday of '87. (eighteen.) My parents already had their first child and I could possibly name myself the 'spare' because they didn't have a name picked out for me yet, even though you do have nine months to find one. But they landed on 'rebecca' from the bible, and I was born on Sunday.
I was born on the military hostipal in Utah. I lived my life there until the 4th grade. We moved to Okinawa, Japan
I really wish we were able to stay there forever. Utah was a bad influence on my sister and I. When i think
of utah and me growing up. We use to be spat on because we didn't go to the same chruch. The kids on the block wouldn't play with us because we were different and went to a 'catholic' church. Because of our hard-ship with the kids on the block my mom thought it would be best if we did Sunday school, we did for about ten years.
I would have loved to explore Japan when I was younger but I just remember always being on the Military base because when you're in the 4th, 5th, 6th grade your mother wouldn't trust you to walk out the gate without getting kidnapped/raped, whatever.
I was always envious of my sister because she had the friends, she had the guys (the GI dorms were right by our house.)
It was the mid-ninites. I was bored, shy and fat. I complained all the time.
Finally, in '99 we moved back to the dreadful states. South Dakota this time! It was open lands, I remember driving into South Dakota thinking 'this is were i'm moving too!? You've got to be fucking kidding me.' While our year long stay there, we ended up having three schools. Always transfering to another because we moved and a new school session was starting. This added to my family not having any friends.
It also made me aware that I'm never going to have any friends and I decided that I wasn't going to be fat anymore and lost around sixty pounds by not eating. My sister got into doing drugs, sex, it was the end of the 90's. It was my first time seeing weed, my sister was insane. I was jealous again because my friends were always the rich stuck up girls and heather hanged out with the low-lifes. They were more interesting.
Then we moved to Utah, again. I hated my father for taking us back to Utah because he promised that we would never live in Utah again. That sixty pounds that I lost in South Dakota, I've gained while living in Utah again.
This time we weren't hanged for being Catholic. Utah grew with it's citizens and I was able to have some decent friendships. I still only have friends that are not Mormons.
High School was horrible, failing grades but I was able to graduate with my class. I had a decent GPA, not the best but I was able to get into a University. I'm starting in the end of August.
I'm living with my boyfriend now, who I met online. He is from Wales and decided that we should meet and he lives here now. It's been my only relationship and we've been together for two years once September 2nd comes.
. . . and I need to stop typing, this is rather long.
I was born on the military hostipal in Utah. I lived my life there until the 4th grade. We moved to Okinawa, Japan
I really wish we were able to stay there forever. Utah was a bad influence on my sister and I. When i think
of utah and me growing up. We use to be spat on because we didn't go to the same chruch. The kids on the block wouldn't play with us because we were different and went to a 'catholic' church. Because of our hard-ship with the kids on the block my mom thought it would be best if we did Sunday school, we did for about ten years.
I would have loved to explore Japan when I was younger but I just remember always being on the Military base because when you're in the 4th, 5th, 6th grade your mother wouldn't trust you to walk out the gate without getting kidnapped/raped, whatever.
I was always envious of my sister because she had the friends, she had the guys (the GI dorms were right by our house.)
It was the mid-ninites. I was bored, shy and fat. I complained all the time.
Finally, in '99 we moved back to the dreadful states. South Dakota this time! It was open lands, I remember driving into South Dakota thinking 'this is were i'm moving too!? You've got to be fucking kidding me.' While our year long stay there, we ended up having three schools. Always transfering to another because we moved and a new school session was starting. This added to my family not having any friends.
It also made me aware that I'm never going to have any friends and I decided that I wasn't going to be fat anymore and lost around sixty pounds by not eating. My sister got into doing drugs, sex, it was the end of the 90's. It was my first time seeing weed, my sister was insane. I was jealous again because my friends were always the rich stuck up girls and heather hanged out with the low-lifes. They were more interesting.
Then we moved to Utah, again. I hated my father for taking us back to Utah because he promised that we would never live in Utah again. That sixty pounds that I lost in South Dakota, I've gained while living in Utah again.
This time we weren't hanged for being Catholic. Utah grew with it's citizens and I was able to have some decent friendships. I still only have friends that are not Mormons.
High School was horrible, failing grades but I was able to graduate with my class. I had a decent GPA, not the best but I was able to get into a University. I'm starting in the end of August.
I'm living with my boyfriend now, who I met online. He is from Wales and decided that we should meet and he lives here now. It's been my only relationship and we've been together for two years once September 2nd comes.
. . . and I need to stop typing, this is rather long.
E
esclave_PP
Guest
graceanne said:Didn't you see what Marquis said? After AA went . . . in other words when hell freezes over.
Besides I can't fit my life story in one of these things. I'd bore the hell out of everyone.
Well Dammit. Yours would be interesting. Mine was boring. Yawn.
tealsphynx
It Goes Both Ways...
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2005
- Posts
- 1,358
Oooooh a place to right a little novelette about ME!! Why CC you have some fun ideas!
Ok, When it comes to the way I am now I'm not too sure how my early childhood fits in, though I can remember being sadistic before I knew what it was, I just knew it was wrong to hurt people and even worse to enjoy it. I loved to hit people, mainly my little sister because she was an easy target. I would play "fight" games with her and go harder and harder until she would cry or scream, I'd enjoy it, but then try to get her to stop before my mom noticed. Junior High, I locked myself away inside my body, I wasn't popular in my school ( I tuned someone in for having cocaine on campus and forever marked myself as a target for hazings) I always sat closest to the teacher, security on duty or bus driver, depending where on campus I was. Highschool I was invisible until my parents divorced and I moved to a new state. Junior year I finally started to warm up to people though I would still do what I call a "social shut down" when being ina social situation got too overwhelming (and it frequently was) I would retreat into my shell of a body and observe from curiosity's mind's eye. The only reason I ever tried drugs was that I was curious why, if they are so bad, do people do them. I had a couple of awful experiences and still don't understand it.
My boyfriend through highshcool was mentally and sexually abusive, this maybe some of the reasons why I have such a problem and resistance to even the idea of being submissive, I do not like the way being submissive feels. I will do things for my husband because I love him, but I will not submit to him, or any other man. I do not respond well to pain, I get violent and attack people, so again bottoming just isn't my thing. The first time I ever had anal sex it was a trade for trade per say. My a/b/f (asshole boyfriend from now on) wanted to try it, I didn't. I had a dildo, a goodly sized one too. I said I would try it if he did. So he lubed himself up and slammed in So I followed suit when we were done. 
That was the last time he ever asked me to try anything new...kinda, he did once ask me if I would fuck his dog, I didn't speak to him for a week. Thankfully he moved away which made breaking up with him easier, I had tried it before but in my weakened state from the mental abuse was incappable of doing so to his face. The a/b/f moved away and stole my copy of Anger Management the butt head. Anyway...On to my husband!!
He and I met at the Travis terminal both trying to catch a flight to hawaii. I was category five (on standby) he was Cat. 3. I had been there for 5 days, he had just got there. We spent all day talking, we walked to the bowling alley where we had lunch and then to burger king for dinner, talking the whole way. We talked for 24 hours straight and it was more than clear how compatible we were. We exchanged numbers and I got a flight on a comercial liner out of SanFrancisco, he caught a flight out of Travis that night. We went to the beach thatnext day and then to the Windward Mall for lunch. He learned on of my favorite games in public: Fake or Not (tits that it) LOL, I just think it's a good excuse to oggle tits in public. Over the next few weeks we spent as much time as possible together, I even got the key to his appartment We got pregnant and married, my school deal got fucked up, so now here I am a loving Wif, Dom and Mother. Wouldn't have it any other way.
I am a Dom because for once in my life I feel whole.
Ok, When it comes to the way I am now I'm not too sure how my early childhood fits in, though I can remember being sadistic before I knew what it was, I just knew it was wrong to hurt people and even worse to enjoy it. I loved to hit people, mainly my little sister because she was an easy target. I would play "fight" games with her and go harder and harder until she would cry or scream, I'd enjoy it, but then try to get her to stop before my mom noticed. Junior High, I locked myself away inside my body, I wasn't popular in my school ( I tuned someone in for having cocaine on campus and forever marked myself as a target for hazings) I always sat closest to the teacher, security on duty or bus driver, depending where on campus I was. Highschool I was invisible until my parents divorced and I moved to a new state. Junior year I finally started to warm up to people though I would still do what I call a "social shut down" when being ina social situation got too overwhelming (and it frequently was) I would retreat into my shell of a body and observe from curiosity's mind's eye. The only reason I ever tried drugs was that I was curious why, if they are so bad, do people do them. I had a couple of awful experiences and still don't understand it.
My boyfriend through highshcool was mentally and sexually abusive, this maybe some of the reasons why I have such a problem and resistance to even the idea of being submissive, I do not like the way being submissive feels. I will do things for my husband because I love him, but I will not submit to him, or any other man. I do not respond well to pain, I get violent and attack people, so again bottoming just isn't my thing. The first time I ever had anal sex it was a trade for trade per say. My a/b/f (asshole boyfriend from now on) wanted to try it, I didn't. I had a dildo, a goodly sized one too. I said I would try it if he did. So he lubed himself up and slammed in
So I followed suit when we were done. That was the last time he ever asked me to try anything new...kinda, he did once ask me if I would fuck his dog, I didn't speak to him for a week. Thankfully he moved away which made breaking up with him easier, I had tried it before but in my weakened state from the mental abuse was incappable of doing so to his face. The a/b/f moved away and stole my copy of Anger Management the butt head. Anyway...On to my husband!!He and I met at the Travis terminal both trying to catch a flight to hawaii. I was category five (on standby) he was Cat. 3. I had been there for 5 days, he had just got there. We spent all day talking, we walked to the bowling alley where we had lunch and then to burger king for dinner, talking the whole way. We talked for 24 hours straight and it was more than clear how compatible we were. We exchanged numbers and I got a flight on a comercial liner out of SanFrancisco, he caught a flight out of Travis that night. We went to the beach thatnext day and then to the Windward Mall for lunch. He learned on of my favorite games in public: Fake or Not (tits that it) LOL, I just think it's a good excuse to oggle tits in public. Over the next few weeks we spent as much time as possible together, I even got the key to his appartment
We got pregnant and married, my school deal got fucked up, so now here I am a loving Wif, Dom and Mother. Wouldn't have it any other way. I am a Dom because for once in my life I feel whole.
Killishandra
Literotica Ghost
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2005
- Posts
- 1,528
Tealsphynx: Okay, I was WONDERING why when I'm out with you guys you two are always pointing out tits and debating aloud if they're fake or not.. I didn't realize you guys played it all the time. LOL (I thought you were just pervs... oh wait, I guess that's true anyway...)
LOL (I thought you were just pervs... oh wait, I guess that's true anyway...)
Aeroil
Aerouille, Ma Chérie
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2005
- Posts
- 3,227
LOL, that's awesome.Killishandra said:Tealsphynx: Okay, I was WONDERING why when I'm out with you guys you two are always pointing out tits and debating aloud if they're fake or not.. I didn't realize you guys played it all the time.
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