Letters

[Alphasarge]

Dear Baby New Year,
I know you think you're being all coy and what not, with not gviing me even an inkling of how the new year will be but trust me when I say...it's not freaking funny anymore. Now grow the hell up and throw me a bone, tell me I'll be promoted, tell me about the lottery, tell me I'll find inner peace and the world will be a safer place, tell me freaking anything at all you selfish, narcisistic, evil, plotting little baby--TELL ME!!!!!!!

Okay, got that out of my system.

 

[theGatsby]

My Dear Raindancer,

Over the past year we have begun a fantastic journey of mind and spirit. At time yoiu have lead, holding my hand through the darkest night. At times I have steadied your step as rocks fell before us. We have climbed mountains, and forged rivers together. We have comforted each other through storms and celebrated in the rain. We have relaxed in the wamrth of each others glow and taken solace in our touch. Every journey begins with the first step, and ours is no different. I look forward to many years to come in our journey through life together.

Thank you.

I love you,
Gatsby

 

[BgMma]

i have been pulling my hair out because I am so worried about you.
Please be okay....please.......

Love, princess

 

[amelia]

Dear You:

I burned the bad last night and I have to admit, your name was on that list. It was pretty hurtful when you cut me out of your life, but I've finally gotten to the point where I don't care anymore and I'm actually thankful for it. It's funny the difference a year can make.

So, good riddance.

me

 

[Oscuridad]

Bedelia,

I be hopin' that you be feelin' better for the removal of some narsty carbuncle from the hull of yer life.

Futher, as captain to captain on the waves an' swells of Lit, I must say I ad mire the cut o' yer jib.

As well as that of yer underthings.... Arr.

*comfort*

 

[MercyMia]

Dear Spirits of Literotica,

I thought I would never again see a post by Oscuridad. This has been a good day.

Mia

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Mia,

Lit works in mysterious ways. It's wonders to perform.

I am merely one of it's performing wonders.

...

Or was that one of the performers you wonder about...

Or maybe you wonder if I can perform...

*shuts up before this gets even worse*

Yours in mild bewilderment,

- O

 

[perks]

Dear lit,

why can't I do a search by post? Everytime I ask for posts, you give me threads anyway. This does not help me,

love
the duck

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Duck,

We the divine manipulators of Lit require the sacrifice of a graven (if digital) image of your personal lustiness in order to make the universe right again.

We are sorry for the inconvenience, but this is how Lit works.

Yours ineffibbly,

Lit Deities Amalgamated Union - Local 342 (LDAU)

 

[amelia]

Dear Cowgirl AV:

Where did i get you from originally? i can't find you anywhere!

With Longing,
Amelia

 

[johnny_sway]

Dear Ronald McDonald,

I regret to inform you your staff of geniuses who create dazzling new McNames for your menu has failed. It's okay, Mr. (Ima Lil Too) Happy Clown.

The McGriddle, as you advertise it, is nothing more than a greasy, compact version of a meal children have been enjoying for years & years in the sanctity of their momma's kitchens still wearing their PJ's & watching Saturday morning cartoons.

I guess no one mentioned the McPig-In-A-Blanket.

Ohhh, that's right. I'm on to you now, you McBozo wannabe! So, take your purple mushroom headed pal Grimace & RUN! like the punk-ass bitches you are.

To quote a real urban hero (Denis Leary)
I think you hear me knocking & I think I'm coming in & I'm bringing 500 pissed off tykes in their pajamas & a dozen pissed off Leprechauns who don't think you're even Irish to pelt you with McCrap!

-sighs-

Have a nice day.
Johnny

(the above message is not necessarily the view of the thread originator or its participants)

 

[perks]

Dear May visitors of the duck,

hurry up already.


kisses n stuff,
perquita

 

[erosman]

Dear perquita,

I'm peddling as fast as I can. I recently saw your satellite place in Sin City. I had a banana in your honor, but I did not invert it

peels on the floor to you,
banana man (a.k.a. erstwhile)

 

[paganangel]

dear paganangel,

Your whole life is a second chance.
Sleep. Read. Breathe. Run. Walk. Lift. Punch. Kick. Stretch. Ride. Learn. Save. Spend. Write. Watch movies. See shows. Watch tv. Clean. repairWork. Wake. Fight. Fuck. Make love. Laugh. Cry. Cook. Eat. Drink. Be music. Take your medicine. Brush your teeth. Get checkups. See your dentist. Take care of your feet. Wash behind your ears. Pay your bills. Roam. Read. Exercise. Make your bed. Clean your house.
You shouldn't be here. But you are. Sieze. hold fat the courage of your convictions.
Sincerely,

your more reasonable self

 

[Vilac]

Dear Self,

You let yourself get suckered into it again...didn't you? Even after the last time...when you said that it wouldn't happen again. I tried to tell you. You didn't listen.

It's been said that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I don't know if that's necessarily true, but what doesn't kill you sure does hurt a whole fuck of a lot. It's the pain that proves you're still alive.

Until next time....
Me

 

[amelia]

Dear You All:

I'm inviting most of you to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with me today.

You know who you are. and probably who you aren't.

With Popcorn money,

Amelia

 

[Vilac]

Dearest Amelia,

I would like to take you up on your gracious offer, however I do have some conditions:

1. In addition to the Popcorn we have either JuJu Beads or Red Licorice. You are allowed to choose from the two.

2. You are not allowed to "hog" the armrest. If you are that drawn to me you are allowed to sit on my lap, however that may make it difficult for me to view the production.

Lastly...if you do choose the "lap" scenario, then a skirt will be manditory.

That is all. Looking forward to watching Jim Carey with you.

Lights, Camera, Action....
V~

 

[johnny_sway]

O, Wise & Sexy One (aka Amelia):

Thanks for being such a sweetheart. You're truly one of the gems of Lit!

Enjoy your movie & have some popcorn on me. Well, not on me. On second thought, why not? I'm tall. You're tall. We aren't hurting for room. Or ... something.

Have fun.

- J.

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dear Me,

You need to remember to say thank you to some and fuck you to others. There are moments when this is crutial and you are forgetting to complete these assignments. You have to stay on the ball and just tell ______ to fuck off. Just as a reminder...

Sincerely in Stupidity

Me.

P.S. Your forgot to pick up limes.

 

[Oscuridad]

Dearest Bedelia,

Please find enclosed a box of Junior Mints with my regrets at having to miss this cinematic event.

Wish I saw you about the boards more often.

Yours in an extra large tub with butter and salt,

- O

 

[Vilac]

Dear Rora,

Sorry about the whole "forgetting the limes" thing. It won't happen again.

Btw....Fuck off. Afterall, you *did remind me to stay on the ball. heh

Yours in juicy-fruitedness,
V~

Dear Me,

You need to remember to say thank you to some and fuck you to others. There are moments when this is crutial and you are forgetting to complete these assignments. You have to stay on the ball and just tell ______ to fuck off. Just as a reminder...

Sincerely in Stupidity

Me.

P.S. Your forgot to pick up limes.

 

[glamorilla]

dear amelia,

i'm just glad you're you.

love,

glam

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dear V,

It better not happen again, and if it does...there will be consequences!

Also, you are required to use the correct terms. It was specifically mentioned that "Fuck you" was the term in lack-age and should not be altered without a sub-clause used to explain the changes. Please make sure to make a memo of this.

Yours in Nippilitis-ville,

Rora

Dear Rora,

Sorry about the whole "forgetting the limes" thing. It won't happen again.

Btw....Fuck off. Afterall, you *did remind me to stay on the ball. heh

Yours in juicy-fruitedness,
V~

 

[perks]

Dear heiferbeast (aka "the duckling")

Happy Birthday, leetle sugah. I can't believe you're three today, well in about 2 hours and 10 minutes. Your crazy life schedule was one of the reasons I got on line and found lit, so I could have company when roused in the middle of the night for feedings, probably the reason I met so many Aussies and Kiwis.

Anyway, you're such a cool kid. Which works out cause I wasn't really interested in having any. But you make lots of things better. I think you're so funny. I know you're going through some tough changes right now, and you will be for the rest of your life, but you're handling everything famously and I'm proud of you.

I just want you to know I love you, and even when I'm grumpy you're the most kickass thing in my life.

Now, do what I tell ya, damnit.

oh yeah, and feel better.

Happy three years, babyla.

mommy

 

[st4nton]

dearest amelia:

i feel like crying today.
i really miss you.

with love,

shane e