Letters

[Vilac]

Note To Self:

I'm so incredibly horny right now that if I do not cum..and soon, i think i might explode. I *need* to have sex. I *need* it really, super a lot. (preferably with someone)

Dear Amelia,

I would suggest ordering yourself a Large Pizza...and then jumping the guy who delivers it.

Serves many purposes: You get laid, he gets a great tip, and you even have a snack after you kick him out.

Best of luck, and hold the anchovies.....
V~

 

[lobito]

Dear MLF,

I'm sorry.

J.O.

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Eumenides

Beautifully said! It shows a lot to see those things.



the D

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Ruffleduck

I'm so glad I caught you yesterday, even if only for a very little while. I hope you slept well. I enjoyed thinking of you as you went to sleep.

I also love all those things about you that Eumi wrote.



your D

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Drake,

A duck sighting is good even in flashes, isn't it? It's like spotting gold in the mountain, but not being able to get to it. At least you have the memory of the gold jutting out of the rock.

Eumie

 

[Saint Valentine]

Dear Me,

Good call. Pat yourself on the back.

Proudly,
Me

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Dearest Blue,

Just let it go chica.

Someday it will all work out.

Always,
Me

 

[amelia]

Dear Coldplay:

I love you. Please marry me. (yeah, that's right the whole band...i'm not much of a one man girl..i guess).

With Love and Admiration,
Amelia

 

[perks]

Dear Ms. Pants,

You made me cry. Thank you for seeing those things in me. But thank you more for appreciating them, for appreciating me, for loving me.

You are my comfort, my safe haven. Thank you.

love,

ruffles.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Ruffles,
Can you not talk long?

Ms. Pants

 

[perks]

Dear Zuckerente,

It's always nice catching glimpses of you. It sucks that you're a world away. It's so wonderful when I sleep and get to dream of you. I hope that one day, you'll be more than a beautiful moment a lifetime away.

love,

bella

 

[kotori]

Dear Ms. Eumenides,

On behalf of the lads and meself, we'd like to thank you for the audition.

Sincerely, Sheep

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Mama Bella

Your words strike a chord in my heart that rings to my soul. I can feel your gentle touch through your post.

I yearn for you,

the D

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Fucktard,

Would you care to explain to me what in the world possessed you to invite *me* to *your* upcoming wedding? Were you hoping I'd come dressed in black and mourn the loss of you? Too bad, I'm over it. I don't however, get my jollies out of watching someone who claimed fidelity and practiced otherwise get married to Ms. Sleaze Queen Missouri 1992. So thank you for the invitation, it was on lovely burnable paper, and I feel that I can put it to good use.

May your marriage give you everything you never saw in me.

Burning,
Emoodie

 

[Saint Valentine]

Dear work week,

Thank you for being over.

Not sorry to see you go,
~StV~

 

[honeylick]

Memo

to: you
from: me

re: spaceheater
-------------------------
my ass is still hot. need a warm up?

please advise.

 

[TWB]

Dear Emoodie

It has come to my attention that you have been invited to the fucktard wedding. I was not invited, but plan to attend and would love the honor of being able to escort you to the same.

I was planning on wearing my bologna tux, with sheephead tie. I would, of course, require at least 5 Manhattans prior to the affair. We will arrive in my hearse/limo, smoke clove cigarettes, and I will cut in on the new bride and drop ashes on her dress.

We can urinate in the punch and then turf the lawn at the reception.

It should be a grand time.

Please reply soon.

Sincerely,

TWB

 

[Eumenides]

Dearest TWB,

Thank you for the offer to escort. I will glady accept your offer. As for the urination, I will leave that task to you and I will spill punch on the groom's white tuxedo. The fact that you would assist me in wishing Mr. and Mrs. Fucktard the very best for their annulment is so sweet. Thank you.

Sincerely and Beholden,
Emoodie

 

[Nora]

Dear Mr Fucktard,

Emoodie is much kinder than I am. I hope you get hit by an ice cream truck that rolls back and forth over your pain-wracked body for the rest of eternity with Pop-Goes-The-Weasel appropriately stuck playing over and over and over and over and over. I hope that the little Mrs never gives you sex again once you're married. I hope that you live a miserable, shallow, lonely existance in your craven little world. I hope that your marriage is exactly what you deserve.

Sincerely,

-Nora.

 

[curious2c]

Dear Mr. Fucktard:

I don't know you...but I have a lock of your hair. I am in the process of practicing a voodoo ritual that will make you suffer hell and damnation for being such a crass bore. If and when you get real pained...do not ask me for the needles...write to Eumenides, and perhaps, if she determines that you have suffered enough...she can set you free. I however would rather see you rot in hell.

 

[Nora]

Dearest, wonderfulest, most way coolest, C2C,

Please change that to read that he has to get MY ok to have the needles removed. Emoodie is much kinder than I am and won't allow suffering animal the pain he so rightly deserves *nearly* long enough.

With intense adoration,

Nora.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear C2C,

Thank you for your support in this matter. However, all correspondence will be "return to sender" in the future. So, you do that voodoo that you do so well, please. Nora and I will reward you with a kickass av!

Indubitably,
Eume

 

[curious2c]

Dearest Nora and Eumenides:

I thank you for your kind words. I will keep said needles in said doll for all time now. I will also twist them ever so often and cause great calamity on said dumb-ass...uh...fucktard and the Mrs fucktard too.

YOurs in friendship

C2C

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Pooky-Schnookie-Ukums,

You are my be all and end all. Another moment without you will make me weaker than I already am. You are the cause of my ups and my downs, and if you step on my heart one more time I might wither away and die. Either that, or you'll be nice to me and i'll be your love slave yet again.


Yours in life and the hereafter,
Me

 

[islandman]

Dear Vinny,

You fucker. The least you could do is keep me company during my insomnia.



I'll remember this.,


the man who feeds you sushi