Letters

[islandman]

Dear Mr. Lobito,

Private jet? Very stylie!


Regards,


Mr. Not-quite-the-dumbass-I-was-yesterday dumbass

 

[freakygirl]

Dear King Dumbass (or whatever you are calling yourself now)

Handrails are already installed as one of our staff is disabled. The shower is clean and there are fresh towels in the closet. Mints are to the right of the sink, soap to the left. Please don't get the two confused or you will be in a world of shit (pun intended).

Sincerely,

Me

 

[freakygirl]

To whom it may concern,

Can I play on the jet too?

Sincerely,

Seriously in need of a vacation

 

[lobito]

Dear former Dumbass & Seriously in need of a vacation,

Planes are cool, brings lots of strawberries & whipped cream, and it's a party in mid-air.

Yours,
Lo

 

[erosman]

Dear time,

You have lousy timing.

sincerely,

not-so-patient

 

[amelia]

Dear Phone:

You're weird. Why are you playing that song from the McDonald's commercial? Are you going to split pea soup me soon?

worried and considering consulting Stephen King,
Amelia

 

[Cleopatra]

Dear Cable People.

When are you going to send an actual person out to bury this orange cable in my yard? It's been sitting here for months, and yet for the last ten times I've called, I've been assured that they will be coming within two days. I would just like you to bury the damn thing, or take it away, as I can't handle talking to your customer service reps, nice people, really, but unaware of how many times I've called before.

Thanks, and you're paying for my dish.

Cleo

 

[islandman]

Dear Fatso and Snaggletooth,

I've never worked for a more incompetent bunch of morons in my life! You assholes have fucked me over for two straight weeks now. And now, you've managed to dick me over again for this weekend and the next!

I don't like to wish ill will on people, but should something happen to land on your car while you're in them, I wouldn't shed a tear. They're going to crucify you next week, and I'll be laughing my head off when they do. You all deserve it.

Fucking bastards. This gives me even more motivation to clean up my CV and go find another job. Right now, I don't give a fuck if I leave you high and dry. You fucking deserve it.


Hoping to shaft you as deep one day,


islandman

 

[perks]

Dear Ms. Pants

I long for you. I want to do stuff with you; us stuff.

soon,

ruffles

 

[perks]

Dear sugahduck,

I saw a guy on tv today with the name "Drake" and I said, that's such a sexy name, and the man said, isn't that your friend's name online?

love,
bella

 

[Nora]

Dear Ex-friend,

It hurt me a lot when you blew me off the way you did. Well yeah, and angered me. Lots. Which I'm figuring you knew. Although, oddly enough, a whole lot of the anger part was on someone else's behalf.

What you didn't know when you didn't even bother to contact me to cancel our appointment for tequila and pool, is that I had needed to talk to you so badly and I'd been holding it in for weeks until you were available to talk. I pissed off another friend cuz I finally had to bluntly tell her that I wouldn't talk about what was bothering me 'til I talked to you first. I felt that you would understand and listen and care about what I was feeling at the time. I needed that pretty badly.

I felt all kinds of foolish that I'd finally worked myself up to answer all the questions you once suggested that I sidestep in conversation. It made me feel as though the friendship stuff was disposable. *smiles* You know how much I love that word, eh? I also felt foolish cuz (even though I didn't let on that I believed you at all) I actually did believe you when you said that you weren't just another dumbass guy. I wouldn't have trusted you as much as I did if I'd felt that way about you.

There've been times since then when I've unthinkingly said to myself, "ohh! I gotta tell him about this!" and then it hits that I can't. And it hits pretty hard that you didn't care enough to at least tell me what was going on, or just to flatly say, "I'm sorry, but I can't be your friend anymore for reason x."

So there's my angst for the day. I truly do hope that everything's worked out the way you wanted it to, and that you're happy. That's pretty much it.

-Me.

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear sugahduck,

I saw a guy on tv today with the name "Drake" and I said, that's such a sexy name, and the man said, isn't that your friend's name online?

love,
bella

Dear







&

Your

 

[amelia]

Amelia:

Yes, you made an A on your Literature test. I give you that. Don't get to use to it, I know you're not as smart at some people think you are.

Your "Friend",
the little voice inside your head

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear A is for Amelia

Congratulations. Stick it up on your wall so that you can smile at it when the little critic in your head makes you doubt.

Quack

The D

PS Trust me, I'm a doctor.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Drake,

I'm feeling alone in my missingtude. Please commisserate with me.

Lonely in Lalaland,
Eumie


Dear Amelia,

Congratulations! Im so proud of you. The voice in your head can go to hell. It's wrong.

Love,
Lola


Dear keyboard,

Why are you fucking up on me? Damn!

Frustratedly,
Emoodie

 

[WaxNWane]

Dear Smartie pants,

Literature tests are your bitch. Uh huh.

Eating my fries myself (none for my dumb brother, hands off they're mine, allllmiiinnnee),
Waxxle Rose

 

[Saint Valentine]

Dear Me,

Why do you do this to myself? Is this who you want me to be? A little goes a long way. Just remember that.

Concernedly mine,

Me.

 

[Oscuridad]

Amelia:

Yes, you made an A on your Literature test. I give you that. Don't get to use to it, I know you're not as smart at some people think you are.

Your "Friend",
the little voice inside your head

Dear little voice,

*bitchslap*

Leave my friends alone.

Yours in deepest contempt,

- O

 

[amelia]

Dear little voice,

*bitchslap*

Leave my friends alone.

Yours in deepest contempt,

- O

Dear O:

ya know the little voice comes from inside my head...right?

your friend,
Amelia

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Responsible Time Man,

Set your watch back an hour next time. You'll never notice it.

Sillily,

Eumiepop

 

[amelia]

Dear YOU:

when you told me ______________, it made me feels so __________. I'm really glad that we ______________ and _________. It was amazing!


your ____________,
Amelia

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Dear Drunkie,

I miss your saucy ass.

That club was too loud and your words slurred.

But my answer is Yes.

Call me in the morning and I will sooth your aching head.


Much Love,

Slick

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Ruffles,

I'm sitting here at three thirty in the morning, unable to sleep, checking on kitty every so often. I started in my mind a ten things I love about you list. I love your honesty. What you see is what you get and that is rare. I love your sense of humor. Your wit and talent at twisting words is so great. But then you can easily, and without loss of yourself, slip into the sophomoric humor that I used to hate. Long live the 12yob. I love the way you trust and how much trust a person can have in you. I love that you are a good friend who knows how to give and how to let someone else give. I love that you are committed to the things and the people who are important in your life. That speaks volumes about you. I love that you are so forgiving of faults in others. I love that you have faith in people and the things they can do. I love that you can say I told you so without sounding like you are saying it. I love the fact that you love so openly and with so little reservation. And lastly, but certainly not leastly, I love that you make no excuses or apologies for who you are and what you choose.

You may gag now.

Googly-eyed,
Ms. Pants

 

[Jim_Henson]

Dear you,

Hopefully one day I will be able to make you understand. (Its a near fucking impossible task though)

Me

 

[amelia]

Note To Self:

I'm so incredibly horny right now that if I do not cum..and soon, i think i might explode. I *need* to have sex. I *need* it really, super a lot. (preferably with someone)