Letters

[Spinaroonie]

Dear X-plosive videos, inc.

While reviewing one of my recent purchases from your company, I came to view a copy of "XXX-treme Anal penetration vol.261". Familiar with the previous entries into the series, I was hoping to indulge in a cinematic delight. However, thus was not the case. While the video was better than many of the competitors, I gradually became more and more disappointed with the penetrations. Using the Hofling-Miller scale of penetrations, some of them only ranked "moderate" many were into "heavy" and "hardcore" rankings, and, to my shock, one ranked "light to normal". You would not believe my surprise when I calculated the figures to discover that a mere 48% of penetrations shown ranked in the X-treme catagory. I then began to think that perhaps you were using the metric ranking of penetration, but that was met by even less favorable results. It saddens me to say this, but volume two hundred and sixty one was NOT up to my satisfaction, and I would like a refund credited to the future purchase of volume two hundred and sixty-two in the same series.

Thank you,
Mr. Roonie.

 

[Nora]

Dear N.,

My title is largely cerimonial, but I will do what I can. I will also have to try a mango, I believe. I never liked strawberries anyways.

For the sake of the frut,
~St. V~

Dear St V,

You've never had a mango? The most luscious, sensuous fruit ever?? I may have to sacrifice another in your honor this holiday season.

Best wishes,

-N.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Nora,

You have me humming "The Mango, Maureen" from Rent.

Oh wait, that's "The Tango Maureen". Whoops.

Still Humming,
Moodiebutt

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora,

You have me humming "The Mango, Maureen" from Rent.

Oh wait, that's "The Tango Maureen". Whoops.

Still Humming,
Moodiebutt

Dearest moody 'Moodie,

I just wanna make raspberry sounds all over your tummy like I do with my cats while I tickle your sides with my fingers.

All my lubs,

-N.

 

[Eumenides]

Dearest moody 'Moodie,

I just wanna make raspberry sounds all over your tummy like I do with my cats while I tickle your sides with my fingers.

All my lubs,

-N.

Dearest No-lesbian-Ra

Maybe you shouldn't post like this if you don't want stoopid boys to think you are a lesbian.

Yes, that's a face to you.
Moodiest

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear St V,

You've never had a mango? The most luscious, sensuous fruit ever?? I may have to sacrifice another in your honor this holiday season.

Best wishes,

-N.

Dear Nora

You don't seem to have mentioned mango ice cream yet. Where as some people say that mangos are better than sex, mango ice cream is said to be better yet -- and more easily combined with aforementioned act.

Quack

the D

 

[Saint Valentine]

Dear St V,

You've never had a mango? The most luscious, sensuous fruit ever?? I may have to sacrifice another in your honor this holiday season.

Best wishes,

-N.

Dera N.

I adore sacrifices of flesh...err, fruit in my honor.

Looking for my cerimonial juicer,
~St. V~

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Bedilia,

I am noticing a general lack of slushies.
Would you like a delivery of your usual?

Yours with lots of yummy cherry flavored syrup,

Dark Ops Commander
SlushieDelivery Service
(promoted for successfully escaping the Naked Horde)

 

[amelia]

Dear Bedilia,

I am noticing a general lack of slushies.
Would you like a delivery of your usual?

Yours with lots of yummy cherry flavored syrup,

Dark Ops Commander
SlushieDelivery Service
(promoted for successfully escaping the Naked Horde)

Dear Dark Ops Commander:

Actually, i'd like some hot chocolate. My toes are cold. Please deliver as soon as possible.

congrats on the promotion!

with ice toes,
Amelia

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

Dear Pretty Boy,

I can't sleep without you. I toss and turn all night. I'm sad and I miss your touch. Bella's ignoring. I've burned all the pans. I peaked into your drawer tonight and fondled your goods.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you.


Schmoopie Girl

 

[Vilac]

Dear Cupid,

Suck my ass. Hard.

Sincerely,
Scrooge

 

[Guest]

Dear Cupid,

Suck my ass. Hard.

Sincerely,
Scrooge

Dear Cupid,
I wanna watch this or at least buy the video. Happy Sucking!



Sincerely,
Asshound

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Dark Ops Commander:

Actually, i'd like some hot chocolate. My toes are cold. Please deliver as soon as possible.

congrats on the promotion!

with ice toes,
Amelia

Dear Amelia,

We have infiltrated your house and are setting up a tray with not only the hot chocolate you requested, but also some lovely chocolate chip cookies.

Yours with a mint on your pillow,
*tries not to smirk*

DOC
SDS

 

[WaxNWane]

To: You

Feel better soon.

From: Me

 

[amelia]

Dear Throat:

It's ok with me if you stop hurting. Really, i get it. You can make me miserable. I understand. Also, Left (no right..no left) nostril, I can't breath. Do something about that too.

Thanks ever so much.

With Fevah,
Amelia

 

[Saint Valentine]

Dear Sleep,

Why hast thou forsaken me?

Cranky from no naptime,
~V~

 

[Nora]

Dear Eumenides,

I haven't taken the opportunity lately to thank you for being my friend. You're da coolest, babe, and I'm a lucky girl to have you in my corner. I trust you more than just about anyone, and you always make me smile, even when I don't wanna. =) <---see?

I'd even let you cook eggs for me.

Love,

-N.

 

[Jim_Henson]

Dear N

I'd ditto you, but it looks cheap.

Me

 

[Nora]

Dear N

I'd ditto you, but it looks cheap.

Me

Dear Feltboy,

Get your own material.

-N.

 

[Summery]

Dear Sweet Cheeks,

I've really been missing you.

In my thoughts,
Agent Summery

 

[Jim_Henson]

Dear N

I do, its called felt.

Muppet

 

[Summery]

Dear "Sneaky" Emoodie,

Your cheap ploy almost worked.
The keyword here being, almost.

Now, if you would kindly release me from these handcuffs, I will forever lick you in much gratitude.

Lickably yours,
Summery

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Summery,

While I doubt that you will follow through, I will give you the key and hope against hope.

With crossed fingers and stuff,
Emoodie

P.S. You are very naughty.

 

[Smiley777]

Dear Global Weather Control,

I request a really good thunderstorm. A great, big, whompin storm...complete with tremendous amounts of lightning and booming thunder. Also, if you could see fit to have said weather last into the night, so that the lightning lights up my room like a camera flash, that would be cool too.

Much thanks,
Smiley

 

[Marxist]

Dear Saffron,

I miss your rude hellos.

Signed,
Man On A Mission.