Letters

[Eumenides]

Mi hijo Jorge,

Si, yo comprendo, pero NO! BAD GATO!

Love,

Mom.

Dear Mom,

Bad=Mal...

With hooks in ya,
Georgie

 

[Rubyfruit]

Dear Mr. Nora,

With this note you will most likely have already noticed that the house is empty and your wife is gone.

Nora is my bitch now. She wants to come live with me and have my love child. I know this hurts you now, but I'm sure you'll find happiness again in life. (It helps to go out and fuck somebody else as soon as possible.)

Warm regards,

Ruby "homebreaker" Fruit

 

[amelia]

Dearest Amelia

I am so sorry I shot out of your nose. Do not talk anymore with that evil SaintPeter. He is trouble.

Sincerly yours
Chocolate Milk

Dear Sweet Chocolate Milk:

SaintPeteyPotPie is evil. He is trying to drink you up and steal you away. Don't let it happen!

With Mucho Desiro:
Amelia

 

[Nora]

Dear Mom,

Bad=Mal...

With hooks in ya,
Georgie

Dear Smartass Cat,

Do you remember being neutered? I can have them do it again.

With scars,

Mom.

 

[Nora]

Dear Mr. Nora,

With this note you will most likely have already noticed that the house is empty and your wife is gone.

Nora is my bitch now. She wants to come live with me and have my love child. I know this hurts you now, but I'm sure you'll find happiness again in life. (It helps to go out and fuck somebody else as soon as possible.)

Warm regards,

Ruby "homebreaker" Fruit

Dearest uh...*looks at letter again* Miz uh, Fruit?

Um..yeah, btw, did she leave or something? I was wondering when I didn't see her, but that was last week. I think. Something like that. I guess it slipped my mind.

Tell her that her mom called, k? I gotta go. I'm gonna be late for the symphony.

Distractedly yours,

Mr Nora.

 

[Rubyfruit]

Dear Clueless and Alone,

How you could have let a woman like Nora slip through your fingers is beyond me. It really makes me worry for the entire human race.

There's a pizza in the freezer and the milk expires on the 10th.

Ruby "she's all mine" Fruit

 

[Spinaroonie]

ATTN: All
Subj: This thread
MSG:
Hey d00ds. What's going on in this thread?

Spin.
Manager

 

[Shadowann2]

Dear Self,
You need to get your act together! You can't even think a good thought through anymore. You can hardly remember yesterday. Get a grip and pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You are better than this and you know it! You can get past this funk and be better than you were....just make it happen!

Sincerly,
Your brain

 

[amelia]

Dear You Know Who:

I'll meet you you know where. At you know when. Don't forget to bring you know what.

Sneakily Yours,
code name: barbie

 

[RawHumor]

To whom it may concern:

May I have the pleasure of spanking your sexy ass until it glows with a pretty and bright shade of red?

Warmly,

~RH

 

[arkansasromeo]

Dear God,

Why did you make me so horny but only give me one dick?

Romeo

 

[arkansasromeo]

Dear Amelia,

Tonite while laying in bed......spread those beautiful legs, close your eyes, and imagine me in your arms, deep inside of you..... as we make love until the morning sun......

Romeo

 

[arkansasromeo]

Dear exwife,

I gave you the moon, the stars, and multiple orgasms......you blew it baby.

Romeo

 

[Dillinger]

Dear Friends:

I hadn't realized how very many of you there were. I am truly a lucky man and I want to thank all of you for your offers of help and support and most of all... your friendship.

Dillinger

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Amelia,

Hordes find you tasty
unlike the cherry slushie
delivered for you.

Commander Special Ops
Slushie Delivery Service

 

[superlittlegirl]

Dear Amelia,

Hi.


Freya

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Freya,

I have you surrounded.

- O

 

[superlittlegirl]

Dear Oscuridad,

No, I've got you surrounded. Look outside. See?

Sincerely, Freya

Dear Freya,

I have you surrounded.

- O

 

[DarkAngel]

Dear Freya,

I have you surrounded.

- O

Dear Oscuridad,

I would like it if you would send more of those naked pictures of yourself with the dildos stuck in your ear.

Thanks,

DA

 

[superlittlegirl]

Dear Dark Angel,

Non sequiturs are good.

--Freya

Dear Oscuridad,

I would like it if you would send more of those naked pictures of yourself with the dildos stuck in your ear.

Thanks,

DA

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear DarkAngel,

Can't. You still haven't returned the second one I was using.

It's hanging out btw... Unsightly.

ew.

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Oscuridad,

No, I've got you surrounded. Look outside. See?

Sincerely, Freya

Dear Freya,

I surrender.

Yours with complete and utter capitulation and a box of chocolates,

- O

 

[perks]

Dear Newest Rubber Ducky,


AYAYYAYAYYAYAYYAYAYA!


loving you the mostest,

duckie

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Perky,

I love it when grown women correspond with things that go "bzzzz".


Yours with extra batteries,

- O

 

[perks]

Dear O,

please bring me more batteries, and something long and hard. The rubber duck doesn't fit.

in need,

perky