Letters

[Shadowann2]

Dear J.,
It seems that I got over you too well! In my time alone that I took to get over my feelings for you, it seems that I got over my need for you as a friend as well. Perhaps I'll try just because what we had was so great but I don't know. I'll think about it and decide when you get back.

Yours In Indecision,
Shadwann2

 

[Nora]

Dearest Asshole, Fucktard Telemarketer Who's Called My House 800 Times in the Past Hour,

Fuck off you syphilletic fleck of puke. Die. Go do something productive like getting hit by a bus. You're obviously too fucking stupid to be operating a telephone if you can't grasp that when someone doesn't answer their phone when you ring, it is NOT an invitation to call back 799 more times.

I hope when I picked up the phone then slammed it back down in your ear that I did permanent damage.

Fuck you,

Nora.

 

[red_rose]

Dear God,

Please let my friend Nora find a nice boy who will fuck her brains out so she won't give herself a heart attack flipping out on telemarketers behind their backs.

Amen.

 

[red_rose]

P.S.

Please don't let her hurt me.

Thanks.

 

[Nora]

Dear God,

Please let my friend Nora find a nice boy who will fuck her brains out so she won't give herself a heart attack flipping out on telemarketers behind their backs.

Amen.

Dear red_rose,

I stopped making nice boys. They all turned out gay.

Sincerely,

The Allmighty.

 

[*AlmightyGod*]

Dear Red Rose,

Your friend is a sacriligious heathen. I will now send her a domineering man with an enormous cock who will not rest until she quits her bitchin'.

Sincerely,
God

P.S. I'd never let her hurt you. You are pure and wholesome and represent all that is good.

Now stop postong on this porn board and go do your laundry.

 

[Nora]

Dearest Red_Rose,

See? Even G-d does it.

love & smoochies anyway,

Your soon to be jailer.

 

[red_rose]

What does God do??

And why am I going to jail??

 

[Dougy]

Dear red_rose,

I stopped making nice boys. They all turned out gay.

Sincerely,

The Allmighty.

Dear Allmighty,

I am a nice boy and am not gay. Perhaps it would be best if I tracked down your friend Nora and fucked her brains out in order to overcompensate for this implied attack on my manhood.

Sincerely,
Dougy

 

[*AlmightyGod*]

Dear Allmighty,

I am a nice boy and am not gay. Perhaps it would be best if I tracked down your friend Nora and fucked her brains out in order to overcompensate for this implied attack on my manhood.

Sincerely,
Dougy

Dear Dougy,

That would please me greatly. Don't forget to borrow a digicam.

God

 

[Nora]

Dearest Rosey-posey,

Can you taste the irony?

Bleh, ignore me. shitty day.

Love and freedom,

Nora.

 

[red_rose]

Ah... I get it.

Bleh. Silly me.

Lock me up, warden.

http://www.newwestpolice.org/Jail.gif

 

[Nora]

Dear Dougy,

You're one of the better ones. Sorry about the implied attack on your masculinity.

Love,

Nora.

 

[*AlmightyGod*]

Dear Nora,

I'm sentencing that Rosey gal to eternity in hellfire for sucking and not being funny.

Please keep her company as you will be joining her - you're still a sacrilegious heathen.

Thanks,

God

 

[Nora]

Ah... I get it.

Bleh. Silly me.

Lock me up, warden.

Dearest beloved love of my life Rosarita,

Nope. Not unless I can get locked up with you. =)

Love and groping,

Nora.

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora,

I'm sentencing that Rosey gal to eternity in hellfire for sucking and not being funny.

Please keep her company as you will be joining her - you're still a sacrilegious heathen.

Thanks,

God

Dear Almighty One,

Not that I don't appreciate Your assistance and all, but maybe you should go listen to some XTC.

Drinking some Maneschevitz in Your honor,

Nora.

 

[Guest]

 

[red_rose]

Dear Almighty One,

Not that I don't appreciate Your assistance and all, but maybe you should go listen to some XTC.

Drinking some Maneschevitz in Your honor,

Nora.

I thought this sad "Drinking some Manwich in Your honor" at first... I was kinda worried about you.

Manwich is some pretty hard shit.

 

[Nora]

Nora:

See..... I told you that altar boy outfit would get you in trouble with the authority

Catholically Yours,

MaxP

Dearest Max,

Do you have sacramental robes? If so, call me.

Waiting by the phone,

Nora

 

[Nora]

I thought this sad "Drinking some Manwich in Your honor" at first... I was kinda worried about you.

Manwich is some pretty hard shit.

hehehehehe! I'm tipplin' the sloppy joes, baby!!!

 

[Guest]

 

[superlittlegirl]

Dear God,

Could you please send a Pope by as soon as possible?

I need absolution.

Sincerely,
Freya

 

[*AlmightyGod*]

Dear God,

Could you please send a Pope by as soon as possible?

I need absolution.

Sincerely,
Freya

Dear Freya,

I will give Godspeed* to my most faithful pope - Rasta Pope. May he absolve you of all your sinful ways.

God

*Rasta smokes a lotta reefer and therefore "Godspeed" will only seem like normal speed. Please do not hold God responsible for the slowness of this rastafarian.

 

[Nora]

My Dear Nora:

Have Holy Water will travel.

Convertingly Yours

Fr. Max

Dear Friar Max,

Wait 'til I show you the neat new things you can do with that crucifix!

Disturbingly yours,

Nora.

 

[Guest]