Letters

[amelia]

Dear Islandman:

The Giants are going DOWN! (and not only on each other this time).

yeah..i don't even know who they are playing..i just hate them.

Raiders Rule,
Amelia

 

[Guest]

Dear drip drip,
You are a fat fool.

Now get yo bitch ass in the kitchen and bake me a pie.


Sincerely,

Psycho headjob

 

[Epiphany]

Dear Mattel:

Is it absolutely necessary to sew Barbies hair to the back the cardboard box??

Frustratingly yours,

SaraPet

 

[superlittlegirl]

Dear Psycho headjob,

I don't have any pie for you, but I do have a big fat knuckle sammich. Grr.

Love,
sweetness and light

Dear drip drip,
You are a fat fool.

Now get yo bitch ass in the kitchen and bake me a pie.


Sincerely,

Psycho headjob

 

[TWB]

To whom it may concern:

Yada Yada Yada.

Bada bing bada boom.

Love and Kisses,

Faux Italian

 

[Guest]

 

[TWB]

Dear Mattel Rep:

You should box that humor. It would be a hit.

Best Regards,

TWB

 

[Shadowann2]

Dear Self,
You need to stop worring about it so much. This is the body you were given and if people don't like it, they don't have to look. Learn to love yourself!

Lovingly Yours,
You

 

[amelia]

Dear WaxNWane:

You're making me hungry. Hungry for soul food...and pizza..and chocolate chip cookies.

not really high..just hungry,
Amelia

 

[WaxNWane]

Dear Mz. Fresh & Clean Smartie Four-Eyes,

Pizza is served. Hop to it.

Cheezily yours,
Your fellow four-eyes boy, Daddy Fat Sacks (B-I-G B-O-I is that same muthafucka that put them knuckles to yo eye)

(...and now I've got to go dig out that CD...)

 

[amelia]

Dear fellow four-eyes boy, Daddy Fat Sacks:

i'll bring the salad. (who am i kidding..salad-smalad..we don't want salad..i'll bring the chocolate!)

Your Pink Bottomed Baker,

Mz. Fresh & Clean Smartie Four-Eyes

 

[Nora]

Dear Apple Pie,

Why does it take you so long to be cool enough to eat? I have French Vanilla ice cream awaiting your pleasure...

Oh, I know I could eat you now, easy bitch that you are. But I know that you'd burn the fuck outta my tongue. Then I wouldn't be able to taste your spicy, appley goodness. And that would be a shame.

Yours in anticipation,

Nora.

 

[Guest]

 

[superlittlegirl]

Dear Nora,

I think you know the answer here. You need to take a big creamy white dollop of that vanilla ice cream and let it make sweet love to the spicy apple filling in the pie.

--Chef

Dear Apple Pie,

Why does it take you so long to be cool enough to eat? I have French Vanilla ice cream awaiting your pleasure...

Oh, I know I could eat you now, easy bitch that you are. But I know that you'd burn the fuck outta my tongue. Then I wouldn't be able to taste your spicy, appley goodness. And that would be a shame.

Yours in anticipation,

Nora.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Dear Best Friend Who's Lying To Me,

I really don't appreciate that you used my name to lie to my brother. I understand that his massive crush on you is good for your ego, but you're just stringing him along, and you're going to hurt him, and then there are going to be some problems between us. I love you to death, Best Friend, but this is just not coshure. If you truly have feelings for him (which if you do, you lied to me about), I hope that you two figure something out, but that you don't end up breaking his heart in the end. I know that you will come out of this situation okay, but I know he will not. He is fragile. And you are lying to him, me, and my mother (we've all cross-referenced stories, Best Friend), and I don't appreciate it. I figured, after 17 years of being best friends, we were beyond shit like this. I suppose I was wrong.

Best of Luck, and I won't let myself get in the middle of this.

Write me when you've figured your shit out.

Best Friend.

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora:

Learn to play with pain!

Satanically Aromatic,

That Apple Pie

Dear Hot Stuff,

Come and make me.

Nora.

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora,

I think you know the answer here. You need to take a big creamy white dollop of that vanilla ice cream and let it make sweet love to the spicy apple filling in the pie.

--Chef

Dearest Chef,

Now I'm craving pie AND sex.

Whimperingly yours,

Nora.

 

[red_rose]

I love you to death, Best Friend, but this is just not coshure.

Spelling Buddy says:

"Kosher"

(Nora will give me kisses for this, yes?)

 

[superlittlegirl]

Dear Whimperingly,

Don't forget the cherry on top.

--Chef

Dearest Chef,

Now I'm craving pie AND sex.

Whimperingly yours,

Nora.

 

[Guest]

 

[SVP]

Dear Nora,

Boys are stupid.

Sincerely,
Master of the Obvious.

 

[Nora]

Spelling Buddy says:

"Kosher"

(Nora will give me kisses for this, yes?)

Dearest Spelling Buddy,

Nora will give you kisses for oh so much.

Nora.

Dear Whimperingly,

Don't forget the cherry on top.

--Chef

Dearest Chef,

Would I ever?

With love and a cherry on top,

Nora.

Dear Thinks She Can Handle It,

You can't handle the pain. (typed in that Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men voice).

Smokingly Yours,

MP

Dearest MP,

Try me, baby.

But for now I'm gonna go sharpen my knives.

Yours in agony,

Nora.

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora,

Boys are stupid.

Sincerely,
Master of the Obvious.

Dearest SVP,

Yes, yes they are. I'm on both yahoo and MSN and my phone line's free.

Sincerely,

One who grasps the obvious.

 

[red_rose]

Dearest Spelling Buddy,

Nora will give you kisses for oh so much.

Nora.

Dearest Nora,



Spelling Buddy

 

[Guest]