Letters

[Nora]

Dear Video Pirate:

I would like to place an order for the Central Texas Lit-Together Best Of tape, The Bootlegged Version that you have advertised on your web site for $14.99. The free shipping is a coup.

Many thanks,

MaxP

Dear Mr Pee,

I'm afraid that you've misunderstood our advertisement for the "Central Texas Lit-Together Best Of " which ran in Smut-For-Hire magazine.

Free shipping is only available for those who come and pick up their tapes in person. Additionally, the bargain rate of $14.99 reflects a discount of $34.96 which is ameliorated upon rendering of "special services" to the videographer.

With hopes of continued business,

Nora
Videographer Extraordinaire

 

[Nora]

Dearest Nora,

While it is of my darkest fantasies to join you three lovelies for some roll play and whimpering, it is but my work and my demanding family that keeps me away from you. One day, I will set eyes on your beautiful face..and...

Shit, I can't pull off that mushy crap.

Will an I O U do?


Poverty Perving,
ME

Dearest YOU,

See ya in April, baby. Then you're all mine! Muahahahhaahhaha!

Hey wait. Who's gonna operate the camera for us?

Eagerly awaiting the spring,

Nora.

 

[Guest]

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora:

I have a genuine interest in pursuing a second career in the video industry. Although not completely familiar with the teminology, would being a gaffer fall under the "special services" umbrella?

Not a videographer, but is willing to learn
MaxP

Dear Max,

*sigh*

Not exactly what I had in mind, but if you'll handle the taping for the April gig with Eumenides so I can have my hands free, that might work out.

Willing to teach,

Nora

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

Dear Santa,

Forget the presents, can I have an elf? Can it be a female elf? I'd like one that's sweet, smart and sexy too. Can she come with one of those white fake fur lined little tiny outfits on? As long as you're taking requests, can she be one that likes to hold hands, to talk, likes to "play" a lot and can cook well too? While you're at it, can you get someone to teach her to do those little tricks with a candy cane that Perky's so good at?

Thanks.

 

[Guest]

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Maximus

We at Special Services Film School Incorporated can help you learn not just gaffer, but also much more widely appreciated skills such as 'fluffer', and the female-star equivalent, 'muffer'. We are happy to give you the special rate of only $450 for the full 6 hour course, if you call within the next 45 minutes.

Yours sincerely,

Quack McDrakely
Chief Demonstration Cock
Special Services Film School.

 

[amelia]

Dear Maximum Pee:

i have nora doing a little job for me right now. i'm auditioning her for your audition. you will be so pleased.

working hard...so you don't have to,
Amelia

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora:

I'm still confused over your requirements. I have my own boom mike if that would help. In a pinch maybe I can also supply one of those "zoom lenses". Will "hands on" training be required? Also, will I need to be interviewed or is this an audition type of position?

April you say??

Checking my calender,

MaxP

Dear Mr Pee,

As my eyes are currently bleeding from the tast Ms Bedelia set me to, I'm unable to fully answer your query. However, I'm sure that you have all the right tools for the job.

I'm very impressed by a man with his own boom and zoom lenses!

The position is very hands on and does require an audition, but I'm sure you'll nail it.

Sincerely on my way to the eye doctor,

Nora.

PS. I've heard there are charletans offering overpriced "film school" scams out there. Please be wary of them. I'd hate for you to get taken in.

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Ms Nora

I assure you that we are one of the top institutions in our field, internationally. I have personally trained students who have later gone on to fluff and muff some of the longest names in amateur porn!

To show you our good will, we would be pleased to offer you access to some of our interns. They are still in training at the moment, but they undoubtedly have a fantastic cock sucking future in store for them.

Yours touchingly,

Quack McDrakely
Chief Demonstration Cock
Special Services Film School.

PS Please feel free to look at some of these cocksuckers' work:

student one
student two

PPS We also have something in the funny, witty, clever, caring category if that is more along your line of interest.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Drake,

Who would want an intern when they could have the real deal? How much do your services cost? More importantly, what do your services include?

Curiously,
Eugotmeaskin

 

[amelia]

Dear Throat:

Please stop hurting. You are making it very difficult to sleep.

with soothing throat spray,
Amelia

 

[hockeymandan]

Dear Santa,

Please bring me a puppy for Christmas. I've been a good boy this year.

Thanks,

Hockeyman

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

Dear Throat:

Please stop hurting. You are making it very difficult to sleep.

with soothing throat spray,
Amelia

Dear Amelia,

I'm sorry that you feel ill. I hope that you feel better soon. There are lots of cookies, candies and cake and other special treats that are waiting for you when you feel better

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Dear Santa,

Please bring me a puppy for Christmas. I've been a good boy this year.

Thanks,

Hockeyman

Dear Hockeyman,

After they way you lost the camping gear I gave you last Christmas, I'm not so sure a puppy would be a good idea.

Also, I don't buy into your Clintonesque defintion of "good"

According to my records, you have at least two instances of "impure thoughts" per day, mostly involving the chests and bottoms of women. Normally I wouldn't know this, but the surveillance technology really is getting quite good these days.

Honestly, you deserve a lump of coal, but given the current state of the world, I'm hording the stuff. Figure on getting an old copy of MS Dos and one of those America Online Free 100 hours disks instead.

Ho, Ho, Ho.


Santa

 

[hockeymandan]

Dear Santa,

The technology can't be THAT good if you've only recorded two impure thoughts per day from me.


Hockeyman

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Dear Santa,

The technology can't be THAT good if you've only recorded two impure thoughts per day from me.


Hockeyman

Dear Hockeyman,

I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. I know the Easter Bunny personally. Don't mess up two holidays for yourself.

Merry Christmas, and maybe a Happy Easter,


Santa

 

[Guest]

Dear stomach,

You have a hole in you. Stop attempting to digest spicy foods and kick ass coffee. And while you're at it, stop holding all my stress and anxiety.

I say we celebrate the hole with lots of dancing and singing.

Thanks,

Your pod

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Dear stomach,

You have a hole in you. Stop attempting to digest spicy foods and kick ass coffee. And while you're at it, stop holding all my stress and anxiety.

I say we celebrate the hole with lots of dancing and singing.

Thanks,

Your pod

Dear Raindancer.

If I stop attempting to digest it, I plug up and the brain makes me vomit. Its not pretty. Might I suggest that you stop putting the stuff in me instead? After all, you are the boss.

I can't really help you on the stress thing either. I am reactive, not proactive. I do suggest a different outlet for the stress. Choking the cause of the stress is very theraputic. Not to mention the fact that it really does help improve your grip.

Dancing and singing is always good. Just go easy on the booze though. It makes me hurt.


Yours in Digestion,

The Stomach

 

[amelia]

Dear You:

Thanks for waking me up this morning. I had a blast (and then some).

hugs,
me

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Mom,

I'm not ready for Christmas with the family. Please forgive my tardiness due to lack of holiday spirit. I'm ready for some R&R.

Your lil one,
Eu

 

[amelia]

Dear Deitrich:

"PAPA SAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


knowing more about the christmas story then you,
Amelia

 

[Guest]

Dear Raindancer.

If I stop attempting to digest it, I plug up and the brain makes me vomit. Its not pretty. Might I suggest that you stop putting the stuff in me instead? After all, you are the boss.

I can't really help you on the stress thing either. I am reactive, not proactive. I do suggest a different outlet for the stress. Choking the cause of the stress is very theraputic. Not to mention the fact that it really does help improve your grip.

Dancing and singing is always good. Just go easy on the booze though. It makes me hurt.


Yours in Digestion,

The Stomach

HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[amelia]

Dear RainDancer:

do you yahoo? b/c if you do, i have something to show you.

hatlovers unite!

Amelia

 

[Shadowann2]

Dear God,
It's me, Margaret....no wait...sctratch that..I'm Shadwann...Anyway....Could you please let someting in my life go my way? Just so I don't get too discouraged and give up? Even one thing would be nice, then you can go back to letting me get screwed over. I would much aprechiate it! Thank you in advance.

Hopefully Yours,
Shadwann