Letters

[Eumenides]

Dear Scout and Calpurnia

Please stop climbing up my bare legs. It hurts, and my legs will never be the same again. Someone will see them and say, "OMG, did you get in a horrible car accident?" And I will have to blushingly reply, no I got in a horrible cat scratch accident...over time. I'd rather not resort to lying, but you're forcing my hand here.

Lovingly yours,
Mama

 

[MissTaken]

Dear Eumenides,

I have jello.

Sincerely,

MissT

 

[Eumenides]

Dear MissT,

I just wanted to say how lovely you look today. Hey, LOOK, OVER THERE!


Snatchingly Yours,
J-E-L-L-O

 

[amelia]

Dear Euarescarredforlife:

that is why declawing was invented. now come and let me rub soothing aloe vera gel all over your shapely legs.

yours (with medicine)
Amelia

 

[Guest]

Dear RainDancer:

do you yahoo? b/c if you do, i have something to show you.

hatlovers unite!

Amelia

Dear Hat lover,

Please forgive my lack of a speedy response. My snickerdoodles were calling me, from the oven.

I do yahooooooo(rainy_grrl). And, you and your hat rock!


Sincerely,
Hat ho

 

[MissTaken]

Dear Eumenides,

Thank you for your compliment. I always look best in flannel nighties.

Oh, BTW, I seem to have Miss Placed my Jello Pudding.

Tastily Yours,
Strawberry Jello Gelatin Rules!

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Euarescarredforlife:

that is why declawing was invented. now come and let me rub soothing aloe vera gel all over your shapely legs.

yours (with medicine)
Amelia

Dearest Medicinal One,

While I agree, my lil ones are too little yet. I must wait until they are six months old, the vet said so. So I must suffer alone.

Waiting for the aloe,
ME

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Eumenides,

Thank you for your compliment. I always look best in flannel nighties.

Oh, BTW, I seem to have Miss Placed my Jello Pudding.

Tastily Yours,
Strawberry Jello Gelatin Rules!

Dear Jellolover,

Well, dear me, how did that happen? I wonder where it could have gone to? And how did my tongue get red? Funny things, these tongues.

Caught Red-Tongued,
Jelloburgler

 

[MissTaken]

Dear Jello burglar,

Hmm well my date tonight is going to be very disappointed!

Ahhh, what to serve instead? And where to serve it?


Signed,

Dessert!

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Miss T,

I could serve it in my mouth. It's just a suggestion.

Yours,
Jelloburglar

 

[amelia]

Dear Ocean Blue:

What happened to you? I use to love listening to your songs when i was in High School. I googled you and came up with a lot of results, but it's not the same. I miss you.

Your Fan,
Amelia

 

[perks]

dear new boots,

I am in love with you. I wish I had a picture of you so I could show everyone what you look like. You're gorgeous.

Thanks for letting me put my orangey webbed feet inside you,

ducky.

 

[amelia]

Dear Raiders:

Way to go! I will of course live up to my end of the agreement.

The pure joy of seeing stinky rat faced shanahan super pissed brought a tear to my eye and made my panties so wet.

Next week it's the Chiefs, Double or Nothing???

Your Loyal Fan,
Amelia

 

[amelia]

Dear Consumers:

If you are going to the mall, just take a razorblade. If you do not end up slitting your own wrists, you will use it to kill someone else. As the boyscouts say, be prepared.

You better watch out,
Amelia

 

[erosman]

Dear Amelia,

Don't play with razor blades. Santa is checking his list, and razor blades are on the naughty list.

 

[amelia]

Dear Erosman:

I thought everyone knew I am on the naughty list?

Getting Coal and Switches this year,
Amelia

 

[HighSchoolJock]

dear ronald mcdonald:

what ever happened to mayor mccheese he used to be the mayor of mcdonaldsland then he suddenly just disappeared you whacked him didnt you just so you could gain control of mcdonaldland but im on to you clown and one of these days ill bring you down like the scum you are you think youre better than me? is that it punk? ill pin this on you if its the last thing i do you better sleep with one eye open and shower with your clothes on cause i plan on breaking down your door and hauling you to a place where they eat clowns for breakfast

 

[Saint Peter]

Dear Amelia

John Elway wants to show you his SuperBowl rings and sell you a Honda. Let me know if you are interested and I will pass that along to him. He would also be glad to chip in $15 for some good Cowboy tickets if you will be in Dallas anytime soon.

Love Your Wet Panties Always,

SaintPeter

 

[erosman]

Dear Sainted One,

I am thinking January 10 would be a good night to gather the Litties together. I know of one out-of-towner who'd love to rock with us.

prayerfully submitted,

E.

ps. John can come along, too, if he wants.

 

[LovetoGiveRoses]

Dear Amelia,

Your new AV is wonderful. It is one of the most erotic that I've seen.

I'm sure you've been naugthy if you say so. The proper treatment for such offenses is a spanking rather than a coal-fired Christmas.

Have a Merry Christmas.

 

[Nora]

Dearest Eumenides,

We took a poll and we all feel like crap that nobody was on before you left on your holiday. We all hope you have a safe trip and a fun and merry Christmas.

However, should you feel like coming home early, you should. I mean, afterall...how the hell do you expect us to live Eumenides-free for 11 days all cold-turkey like? Bitch. Should have at least left us a Eumenides-patch.

Missing you terribly already on day one,

Nora.

 

[Saint Peter]

Eros my son,

Your prayers have not fallen on deaf ears. The good book tells us not to build our LIT houses on sand, but rather on rock. Nothing is more solid than rock except for tittie bars. That is the best place to build one's house, or at least hang out at for a few hours to see the sights. Unless your visitor would not enjoy that in which case the best place to built the LIT house might be a smokey bar. Keep me posted.


Yours Truly,
SaintPeter
Patron Saint of Tittie Bars and Whore Houses

 

[amelia]

Dearest Eumenides,

Missing you terribly already on day one,

Nora.

Dearest Lola:

How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me, but to leave me for 11 whole days! thought you were going to be gone for 3 or 4..i had no idea is was 11 whole days *sob*

how will i cope???

i miss you terribly..already.

lovingly lonely for you,
Amelia

 

[amelia]

Dear Amelia

John Elway wants to show you his SuperBowl rings and sell you a Honda. Let me know if you are interested and I will pass that along to him. He would also be glad to chip in $15 for some good Cowboy tickets if you will be in Dallas anytime soon.

Love Your Wet Panties Always,

SaintPeter

Dear SaintPeter:

I've fallen for the "i wanna show you my superbowl rings" trick before. I won't be so easily duped this time. As for the $15.00, you and john can work together and shove that up his ass..ok?

Teasingly yours,
Amelia of the Wet Panties

 

[hockeymandan]

Dear Father Time,

Please slow time down on the weekends. Or add an extra day that work doesn't know about. These things pass much much too quickly. Thanks.

Hockeyman