Letters

[Eumenides]

Dear Letter Thread,

Thank you for existing.

That is all.

Eumenides

 

[naaki]

Dear Sweet Jesus,
deliver me.
Love N.

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Eumi

That's a great av. Is it the post-Literati award ceremony?

Quack

the Drake

 

[Nora]

Dear Sweet Jesus,
deliver me.
Love N.

Dear Naaki,

On behalf of Jesus and all of the Disciples, we're sorry to inform you that due to scheduling conflicts arising from the season, Jesus will not be able to deliver until after Christmas. Current lading times are showing an estimated possible delivery date of March 2006.

Should you still care to process your order for delivery, please inform us at your earliest possible convenience.

David
Archangel Division
Heaven

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Eumi

That's a great av. Is it the post-Literati award ceremony?

Quack

the Drake

Dear Drakester,

Thank you for your av appreciation. Unfortunately, it is but a wish of the post-Literati award ceremony as the winner is so far away from me.

Moo,
The Moody 1

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Moody One

Ain't distance a poo... I commiserate heartily.

Quack

the D

 

[Eumenides]

Dear D,

Commiserate. What a lovely word. It rolls off the tongue like sugar.

I'm sure you know far better than even I the bitch distance can be.

Let's kick distance's bum, k?

Puttin on my ass-kickin boots,
Moody 1

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Distance

You're so fucked. We're coming for you. You can run, but you can't hide. Your ass is grass. You're cruisin' for a bruisin'. If you don't watch out you'll be late, like 'the late Distance'. These boots were made for kicking and kicking's what they'll do...

Asta la vista dista.

Moo-Quack

Eumi'n'me

 

[Minkey Boodle]

Dear, Sweet Eyeballs,

While I realize that I have not gotten enough sleep the last two nights, is that any reason to torture me? The redness and dryness have got to stop, really. Soon. Like, now. Please.

Conjunctively Yours,
Owner

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Landlord,

We are thirsty little eyes, and this is the only way we know how to communicate to you that we need liquid. Visine is preferable, as most other liquids only hurt us. Please attend to this promptly.

Socketin' it to ya,
Eyeballs

 

[st4nton]

dear lakers,

please start winning some games so i can ressurect my dying lakers thread. it would bring me great joy to see you win a fourth straight championship, but at this rate its looking rather dissapointing. also, if theres anything you need, anything at all, please contact me.

your loving fan,

shane

 

[TheDR4KE]

Dear Shane

If it is indeed a "dying lakers" thread then our current record seems to be in order, no?

Yours sincerely,

the Lakers

 

[st4nton]

axl rose,

what the fuck happened to you? when you suprised me on this years mtv awards show i just about passed out from the excitement, only to be let down when you started singing.. for years ive heard all the talk of a g n r reunion tour and ive really wanted to go. but now im not so sure, you have extensions in your hair and thats not cool. i need you to start kicking some ass again so i can come to one of your shows and get my butt rocked. thanks

shane

 

[st4nton]

dear moderator,

can you please make some of these people put some clothes on? i have to say that in my month or so at lit i have been exposed to some pretty disturbing things. i know this is a porn board and all, but i just dont understand why certain people insist that i see their naked body.

sincerely,

st4nton

 

[Minkey Boodle]

Dear Sclera and Pals,

You all should know by now that I don't put foreign objects in you, and that includes chemicals. I feel this is a good thing, and you should too. If you need some moisture, tell those lazy lacrimal sacs to make with the waterworks and deliver it to the papilla and punctum ASAP. I'll inform the nasolacrimal duct that they should have a delivery of moisture headed their way soon and that they will need to forward it to the proper sacs for distribution.

Sleep will exedite this process and I shall attend to that shortly.

Helpfully Yours,
Brain and the Restofus

 

[Nora]

dear moderator,

can you please make some of these people put some clothes on? i have to say that in my month or so at lit i have been exposed to some pretty disturbing things. i know this is a porn board and all, but i just dont understand why certain people insist that i see their naked body.

sincerely,

st4nton

Dear st4nton,

Forgive the rude tone of my letter. Or not. Instead of waiting for a mod to hold your hand and re-adjust the Lit-world to your liking, why don't you take responsibility for your own preferences. Literally. Go to the control panel. Go to 'edit options' turn off avatars. There ya go, problem solved and everyone at Lit doesn't have t readjust their lives to suit you.

Signed,

A poster who's managed to turn off avs/sigs/pics and lead a happy, normal life

 

[st4nton]

dear nora,

your forgiven. i dont want to turn my avs off, then i wouldnt be able to see mine.

shane

 

[amelia]

Dear Wal-Mart:

i hate you. You are a vile, pathetic and loathsome creature. Sometimes when I have to come to see you, i want to pull out my hair and shove it in the screaming children's mouths.

with active hate,
amelia

ps: thanks for having a lot of the things i need at a cheaper price.

 

[amelia]

Dear Sleep:

You are a mother fucking bitch. When i can sleep in and take advantage of your loving care, you will not allow it. I want to punch you in your fucking hell bound tummy!

a;lkjdfailsydfh[oaiu,

Amelia

 

[Guest]

Dear Passive aggression,

You suck big, fat, dirty, donkey dicks.

You suck.

That is all.

Sincerely,

"I'm sensitive until someone shoots an eye out."

 

[TWB]

Dear Nora:

I did not read this entire thread, so forgive me if you answered this previously.

Is the subject of your av bending forward or backwards?

Frustrated in not knowing,

TWB

 

[hockeymandan]

Dear American Airlines,

Please return the backpack of mine that you lost. Preferrably with all of my backpacking equipment still inside. Failing this, please at least pay me for what you lost. Then promptly burn in hell.

All my love,

hockeyman

 

[Nora]

Dear Nora:

I did not read this entire thread, so forgive me if you answered this previously.

Is the subject of your av bending forward or backwards?

Frustrated in not knowing,

TWB

Dear TWB,

I had to actually look at my profile (I keep avs off, as noted above) and she is most definitely leaning forward.

I hope that assuages your frustration.

Pliably yours,

Nora

 

[TWB]

Dear TWB,

I had to actually look at my profile (I keep avs off, as noted above) and she is most definitely leaning forward.

I hope that assuages your frustration.

Pliably yours,

Nora

Dear Nora,

Now armed with that knowledge, I am certain that the only frustration will be that she is clad with anything at all. Never mind the flag.

Not yours in texas, but truly yours anywhere else,

TWB

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Landlord,

I appreciate your concern for the apartment, HOWEVER! A piece of paper on the ground and my books on MY coffee table is not going to hurt your precious property. I have complied with all your wishes, reasonable or not, and only still have one room to deep clean before I leave for vacation. This, I will do tonight, as I have already taken the time to mop my kitchen floor and vaccuum when I know that you can hear it. So kindly get your bah humbuggery outta here. I'm ready for a liottle Christmas cheer from you.

Your Frustrated Tenant,
Emoodie