Letters

[amelia]

mi amiga Nora:

Martha told me you would request i do that.

well i say, if you want me..come and claim me (yeah..i borrowed that from the fellowship of the rings).

we all float down here. oh wait, that's stephen king stuff. i'm getting so confused.

craftily yours,
amelia

 

[perks]

Dear Bedilia,

You make me sing blondie songs in my head. I know that has nothing to do with Marth Stewart, but I imagine her singing blondie when she's drunk.

I bet she gets drunk in 12 easy sanctimonious steps.

forever ducky,
ruffles

 

[amelia]

Dear Sweet Phone Hoe Knee:

The letters in this thread do not have to go together. think of it as a blurt thread in a letter format, but if you see a letter that you want to respond to..feel free.

I miss playing with you (and yes, i mean in THAT way )

yours,
amelia

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

An old letter but ...

To Whom It May Concern:

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a six year old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks.I want to think M&Ms are better than money, because you can eat them.I want to play kickball during recess and paint with watercolors in art. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summers' day.I want to return to a time when life was simple.When all you knew were colors, addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.When all you knew was to be happy because you didn't know all the things that should make you worried and upset. I want to think that the world is fair.That everyone in it is honest and good.I want to believe that anything is possible.

Somewhere in my youth...I matured and I learned too much.I learned of nuclear weapons, war, prejudice, starvation and abused children. I learned of lies, unhappy marriages, suffering, illness, pain and death. I learned of a world where men left their families to go and fight for our country, and returned only to end up living on the streets...begging for their next meal.I learned of a world where children knew how to kill...and did!What happened to the time when we thought that everyone would live forever, because we didn't grasp the concept of death?When we thought the worst thing in the world was if someone took the jump rope from you or picked you last for kickball?

I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life and be overly excited by little things once again. I want to return to the days when reading was fun and music was clean.When television was used to report the news or for family entertainment and not to promote sex, violence and deceit.

I remember being naive and thinking that everyone was happy because I was. I would walk on the beach and only think of the sand between my toes and the prettiest seashell I could find. I would spend my afternoons climbing trees and riding my bike. I didn't worry about time, bills or where I was going to find the money to fix my car.I used to wonder what I was going to do or be when I grew up, not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out.

I want to live simple again.I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind and making angels in the snow........

I want to be six again......

 

[perks]

Dear Bedilia,
you horny slut. I am still a phone sex with girls virgin. It's quite mortifying, but not as much as my old crush on PC which is well documented.

However, I'm over him, and unfortunately I still have the phone sex with girls thing to haunt me.

If you know Dear Abby, please ask her what I should do, as I am too embarrassed.

sincerely,
not as slutty as I thought

 

[nasty1]

And, in that sense

To Whom This May Concern,

I would like to go backwards in life. You start very old, &, continue to go backwards. As a teen you get to have fun with your friends. As a kid, you get to just be jolly, without any care in the world. Then, you die having an orgasm.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Ms. Rufflebutt,

It has come to our attention that your recent posts have brought up your sordid past, and questionable judgement. Which begs the question:

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Respectfully,

Ume

 

[perks]

Dear Ume,

way to kick a duck when she's down. It's not like we can run fast with our orangey webbed feet.

If I still loved you tomorrow, would my judgement still be clouded?

and by the way, I'd like to lick your nipples.

sincerely.


heh.
sincerely,
ruffles

 

[Guest]

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Rufflenotsoslutty,


It has been decided that your judgement would only be misty if you still loved me tomorrow. And the forecast is looking clear and sunny for the nipple-licking aspect. I am easy to please.


Easily yours,

Umewannabeameanieslut

 

[perks]

Dear Striped Minty Stick Man,

do you yahoo? I know my mouth is full, but you should be able to feel it. You're inspirational.

with christmas cheer,

sticklicker

 

[perks]

Dear Wannabe,

Fuck you.

please,
ruffles

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Wannabe,

Fuck you.

please,
ruffles

Ruffles,

To quote the greatest fantasy movie ever:

"As you wish."

Fuckingly,
Ume

 

[perks]

dear princess bride,

can we just shack up? I'm monogamously challenged.

heart,
ruffles.

 

[Nora]

Dear Timex:

I seem to be having this awful bout of B.T.S. (Bad Timing Syndrome). See what you can do to rid me of this.

Sincerely

M_P

Dear Mr Phalicus,

Thank you for your letter. We here at Timex take our responsibilities to our customers very seriously.

However, upon reviewing the facts, we realized that you did not read the instructions that came with your Timex "BigBoobies" timepiece carefully.

The directions, and I direct your attention to paragraph 4, subsection 18, clearly state: Timex. It takes a licking, and keeps on ticking.

Clearly you did not provide the requisite licking required to keep your "BigBoobies" Timex timepiece in good working order.

Our technical support team suggests that you take a few days and provide the "BigBoobies" with the licking they need to stay functional and precise.

If you have any further questions, or would like some tips on how to best lick your "BigBoobies" please don't hesitate to contact us.

Bouncily,

M. Ammeries
Technical Support Team
Timex "BigBoobies" Division

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Ruffles,

Of course. Who needs monogamy anyway?


U,me,and,a,love,shack,in,the,woods.





Dear Nora,

Please stop making me urinarily challenged.

Loving Eyes,
Emoodium

 

[Starblayde]

Dear All posters to this thread,

What the hell is going on here? I post my comedy letter and then leave Lit for a few hours to fuck a particular girl's brains out. I come back and the thread is now onto three pages.

I suggest to every member that they get a life and do not post in this thread further

Yours exhaustedly

Starblayde

 

[Nora]

Dearest Eumenides,

Ok, I'll stop mentioning waterfalls, leaky sinks and babbling brooks. My apologies.

Dependantly yours,

Nora.



Dearest Starblayde,

Bite me. I'm jealous. *sniffles*

Enviously green,

Nora.

 

[Starblayde]

My Dear Nora,

From biting many parts of her body, including shoulder and earlobe, it now appears I have a taste for human flesh. If you would kindly supply me with the correct geographical information I shall be more than willing to bite places on your body too.

Yours excitedly

Starblayde

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Starblayde,

Your attempts to rub in our faces that we are not getting laid, and you are, are incorrigable indeed. Please refrain from such jealousy-making statements.

But, the details you can PM me.

Emoody

 

[Nora]

My Dear Nora,

From biting many parts of her body, including shoulder and earlobe, it now appears I have a taste for human flesh. If you would kindly supply me with the correct geographical information I shall be more than willing to bite places on your body too.

Yours excitedly

Starblayde

Dear Starblayde,

As happy for you as I am, I think I'll have to pass on sloppy seconds. But I do appreciate the thought.

Yours..not,

Nora.

 

[Starblayde]

Dearest Emoody,

Details? Get lost.

Starblayde





Dear Nora,

Its just such phrases like 'sloppy seconds' which precludes me from sleeping with you

Yours,

Starbladye

 

[perks]

Dear 5pointboy,

you broke my heart. Now you know why I am queer.

thank you,
ruffles

 

[Starblayde]

My Ruffles,

Since when where you queer?

your 5pointboy

 

[perks]

My Ruffles,

Since when where you queer?

your 5pointboy

Dear 5pointboy,

I'm queer half the time,

your ruffles.