Letters

[Oscuridad]

Dear Neighbor,

Stop being so beautiful and pregnant at the same time. While I realize it's not your problem to worry over who you turn on as you lounge about your pool in a bikini, but you're making it difficult to not hit trees with my mower.

Yours with an abiding desire to apply suntan lotion,

O.

 

[perks]

Dear O,

I could use a good rubdown, dream away, stud,

love,
horny prego neighbor

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Horny Prego Neighbor,

Vaulting fences is all part of the service. Please do not be alarmed.

O.

 

[perks]

Dear O,

please don't hurt anything hopping the fence, I'll need all your muscles.

*locking alarm dog away*

love
horny prego neighbor

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Horny Prego Neighbor,

Thank you for securing the hound (How ever did you know about that?).

Presently applying Bain Du Solei to your abdomen and noting other things are already quite moist indeed,

O.

 

[perks]

Dear O,

How would I not know about my own dog?

love
horny prego neighbor

ps. lower

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear HPN,

Of course, how silly of me.

Also, I don't think you need any more lotion precisely there, but I shall do your hips and thighs while applying my best tongue-bath instead.

Yours... Okay just yours,

O.

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dear Programs-that-apparently-like-to-bite-my-ass,

Could you just be nice and let me log-in to things? I know I'm sometimes bitchy and try to open too many things at once and get easily distracted that way...but damn it, I like that! So quit being mean and just let me back in

Please????

Sincerely Yours, trying again,

~ Rora

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear 'Rora,

I cant imagine anyone not letting you into anything you might want to get into.

Naughty thing.

Yours with the contempt of a fellow end-user,

O.

 

[perks]

Dear O,

If I were preggers, I would show you my big belly

love

perks of the new webcam

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear O,

If I were preggers, I would show you my big belly

love

perks of the new webcam

Dear Perks of the new webcam,

I lust you like a lusty thing with very much lust.

Now show me your webcam.

Yours with a formidable erection,

O.

 

[lobito]

Dear Sirs,

When you said that, was I supposed to freak? Because I did.

Signed,
Skeered a bit in the Lou.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Waco,

I would like to hereby thank you for your existence. Without you, I would not have my yummy diet dr. pepper. Kudos to Waco, even if Treff's isn't open for lunch.

Your faithful drinker,
Eumiepeppah

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Dear Existance,

For 19 minutes and 17 seconds I am giving up.

Sincerely, in frustration

~ Rora

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

To Whom It May Concern,

"This" feeling has me fed up. As much as I attempt to make some sort of effort, there really isn't a point. That nitch that everyone seems to manage to place themselves in, doesn't work for me, which in my opinion is my own damn fault and my own misfortune. If I am too light, the process gets ignored, if I am too serious, the same results occur.

"This" isn't healthy. It isn't resulting in happiness. It isn't resulting in accomplishments. It's only resulting in a succession of nothingness that just is a waste of time and space. Even when I try, I don't even get shot down, just the blankness appears. Meh, whatever, right?

Maybe that is a good place for me to be.

Sincerely, with nothing really of any significance,

~ Rora

 

[raindancer]

Dear Letter Thread,

I still think you are a swell. You're a favorite thread of mine to reread.


Love,

nostalgic girl

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Napoleon Bonaparte,

You can't hide Josaphine's vibrator in your coat forever.

I suggest you give it up and learn how to use it so she won't need a second man for her DP fantasies.

And before you complain, I wasn't the one who got her started reading Sade.

O.

 

[Merrymaker]

Dear Acme Stapler Company,

I will require another gross of your fine product. A timely shipment would be appreciated, since plugging them up managements collective bums happens to be my only recourse for stress relief during the workweek. Due to the increase of managements assholier than thou attitude, I have been running through staplers at an alarming pace as of late.

Thank you in advance for my sanity,

Faithful Stapler Enthusiast

 

[Tathagata]

Dear Acme Stapler Company,

I will require another gross of your fine product. A timely shipment would be appreciated, since plugging them up managements collective bums happens to be my only recourse for stress relief during the workweek. Due to the increase of managements assholier than thou attitude, I have been running through staplers at an alarming pace as of late.

Thank you in advance for my sanity,

Faithful Stapler Enthusiast

Trouble in paradise dear??
LOL

 

[Merrymaker]

Trouble in paradise dear??
LOL

Is it only monday?

 

[Tathagata]

Is it only monday?

yeah
sucks huh??
but then again
sundays halloween



i'd give a battle of good scotch to see your costume

 

[Pseudomoniker]

My Dearest Piggy,

Heidi-ho. I have successfully found my way back to the pond of my tadpole youth. It's smaller than I remember, or perhaps it was simply I who was smaller. The lilypads have had lilypad children of their own, but they are now so ubiquitous that I believe any attempts at birth control would be futile. And newt gringich is still the same crotchety old slimeball. Still, the scent of pondscum in my amphibious lungs have done wonders for my constitution. Wading through the cool waters has indeed induced a tingle in my tiny frog genitalia.

Speaking of which, mother sends her condolences and wishes you could have joined me here. Alas, we both know you are far too busy with your latest ad campaign for SaltPETA, and I know you're making a difference in the lives of those barnyard animals with sexually-addictive personalities. Only you could take on the evil policies of Bob Barker and come up with that brilliant slogan: "Neuter *this*, Bob!" accompanied by a poster of your chubby porcine leg deftly impacting him in his withered beanbag. I shall miss your effervescent seductions of me as I pursue the procreation of my species with the arranged betrothal from my Pollywog-mitzvah. It's not easy being green, but imagine the hell of being green *and* jewish. The only one who truly understood my pain was that silly fellow with the glasses who wouldn't stop singing about mountains. I didn't want to kill him, but that kind of pansy-ass just couldn't be allowed to keep publishing songs.

Anyhow, I shall soon be meeting with Stella and I promise I will only think of you as we ensure the continuation of the Kermit clan. It will be only the scent of your sweet and sour pork that will bring me to arousal and only the visions of your lovely ham-laden loins that will guide me to the necessary release. If all goes well, I shall soon be back in your arms, paying appropriate attention to your dozen teats. Thank you for understanding all of this.

Fondly,

Kermie

 

[raindancer]

Dear Clitoris,

Over the years I've become fully aware of your power. Since hitting the big 3-0, I am humbled by the powers that lie within your bundle of flesh and nerve-endings. With two fingers sliding along your length, puffy lips no longer needing to protect you, I know what your new found pleasure can bring to my bed.

Squirt.

You rock.


love,

your owner in puss

 

[Oscuridad]

Dear Rainy,

Very pleased to hear you're finding your clitoris a continuing and intensifying joy as time goes on.

Yours with an umbrella and a smile,

O.

 

[amelia]

Dear Dr. Hardass:

Yes, i know that the syllabus says that there are no excused absences and that 4 pts will be automatically deducted from my FINAL FUCKING GRADE if i miss a class, but i thought you might actually have a little compassion and be a little understanding of the fact that i have a fever of 102 AND a Dr. note saying that i should not go to class because i'm contagious.

So, you're really going to deduct points from my final grade? that's cool but know one thing....I'll find a way to make you miserable. Mark my words..mark the calendar...it's inevitable.

Grudgingly yours,
Amelia

PS: I sent a copy of the doctor's note with a friend...in case you'd like to be human and change your mind.