Let's Talk About... 'Ghosting'

[Wild_Honey_66]

Let's talk about online ghosting. (whoo000oooOOOO)


How do you define it?

Why do women do it? Why do men do it?

Who do you think does it more often?

Have you ever had someone 'go ghost' on you? How did you feel about it?

Have you ever gone ghost on someone else? Why? Did you ever regret it later?

What have you learned from your experiences with it?

Is ghosting ever the right thing to do?


Thank you for joining in the conversation.

 

[GlitterTaco]

I would define ghosting as abandonment of a relationship, cutting off all ties or ways of communication, especially without any sort of end-of-times convo or closure given to the other party

this has happened to me with a close friend who misunderstood something I said, read WAY into it, thinking I was talking about him (even though I told the story in third person..)

it took me a while to figure out what had happened. we had no mutual friends to go to for insight. he deleted every way for me to contact him and I'm still confused and hurt. we were very close

I do think there is a time and place for ghosting, but usually just in extenuating circumstances. most people deserve that talk and that explanation.

it's a great way to make someone feel replaceable

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I would define ghosting as abandonment of a relationship, cutting off all ties or ways of communication, especially without any sort of end-of-times convo or closure given to the other party

this has happened to me with a close friend who misunderstood something I said, read WAY into it, thinking I was talking about him (even though I told the story in third person..)

it took me a while to figure out what had happened. we had no mutual friends to go to for insight. he deleted every way for me to contact him and I'm still confused and hurt. we were very close

I do think there is a time and place for ghosting, but usually just in extenuating circumstances. most people deserve that talk and that explanation.

it's a great way to make someone feel replaceable

((hug))

 

[Farawyn]

I don't know any women that have done it. No. I have never ghosted anyone, nor would I. Someone I know, I mean. That I have a relationship with.

I think it sucks and is the most cowardly thing someone can do.
Can you tell it was done to me?
By a friend. I expected us to stop talking. I just never thought after a 15 year friendship there wouldn't even be a goodbye, or any closure.

Boo to ghosts.

 

[beachbaby179]

Has happened to me twice. Once, a friend assumed too much and decided he should step away and uncomplicate my life. More recently, a real life relationship developed and he was too chicken to tell me. In both instances, I contacted them with a 'wtf' message and we straightened it out. But it's not the same.

It's one thing to end or change a relationshop. It's quite another to just go silent. Do they think you're not going to notice?

If I'm guilty of it myself it's probably because I'm busy with RL and I would hope that someone calls me on it.

 

[meop79]

Sounds awful, no, haven't, no wouldn't...

 

[GimpyIntellect]

Once I was convinced my house was haunted by ghosts, but it turned out it was just a bad acid trip.

Anyway, to answer your question, Honey, I would never do that to someone. The thought of torturing someone without me around would be so cruel.

Ironically, it's happened to me all the time.

I don't get it!

 

[Lord Pmann]

I feel like there are a shit tonne of people who should ghost themselves from this forum in order to make it a more readable place. Pretty much anyone who has ever said, "That's offensive." They should all disappear and be banished to a forum where they can vela me together.

Also, people who listen to Nickelback should be ghosted.

 

[SweetnTuff]

I was ghosted twice the last time it was by a lady who promised to never do it, in fact when we first met I asked that she never do that and she said "what is ghosting? oh I would never do that " Well she either broke her promise or she is dead. I really don't like to think she died...

I will add we were both married and seeing each other fairly regular, so there could be other reasons I may not want to know about...


It really hurt my feelings more than a goodbye would have.

 

[LadyVer]

I feel like there are a shit tonne of people who should ghost themselves from this forum in order to make it a more readable place. Pretty much anyone who has ever said, "That's offensive." They should all disappear and be banished to a forum where they can vela me together.

Also, people who listen to Nickelback should be ghosted.

Really?

 

[SoulAssasin247]

It happened to me it's irritating but their loss.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Once I was convinced my house was haunted by ghosts, but it turned out it was just a bad acid trip.

Anyway, to answer your question, Honey, I would never do that to someone. The thought of torturing someone without me around would be so cruel.

Ironically, it's happened to me all the time.

I don't get it!

Hi Gimp!

I don't understand, either, but I'm trying to. I've had it happen several times, usually online, but a couple of times irl. Thankfully only twice with a primary partner; that really knocked the wind out of me.

I want to know not only because it sucks to be left hanging, but because even when a friendship needs to change or end, it's helpful to get feedback on what worked and what didn't, and have an opportunity to express regret and apologize if that needs to happen. I like keeping my fences mended, when I can.

 

[jasonmason]

I got ghosted once. It totally sucks.

 

[DayMaker]

I've had a few friends "ghost" from here, without warning. It's one thing when someone warns you that they're busy with life and not going to be around much more, it's another when they just flat disappear. You wonder if you did something wrong, or if something happened to them. It makes you realize how much some friendships mean to you when you realize you may never talk to them again.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Really?

Mmmmm. Yes? I feel like there is a trick question in there.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

It's happened to me a few times here and in RL. It fucking sucks.

But I've done it myself, I admit. In RL it's if a date goes really badly, or there was literally zero chemistry. But 90% of the time I usually end up being friends with them. On Lit if I catch that someone is just all around cyber catting around I lose interest. I mean have fun all you but I'm not here to just be part of someone else's experience.

 

[GimpyIntellect]

Hi Gimp!

I don't understand, either, but I'm trying to. I've had it happen several times, usually online, but a couple of times irl. Thankfully only twice with a primary partner; that really knocked the wind out of me.

I want to know not only because it sucks to be left hanging, but because even when a friendship needs to change or end, it's helpful to get feedback on what worked and what didn't, and have an opportunity to express regret and apologize if that needs to happen. I like keeping my fences mended, when I can.

In all honesty, I can only really think of it happening once. This woman I knew from online had pancreatic cancer - not pretend cancer, but the real kind. Anyway, we really only talked sporadically, but she disappeared completely at the beginning of last year.

I'm pretty sure I know why.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

In all honesty, I can only really think of it happening once. This woman I knew from online had pancreatic cancer - not pretend cancer, but the real kind. Anyway, we really only talked sporadically, but she disappeared completely at the beginning of last year.

I'm pretty sure I know why.

((hug))

 

[LadyVer]

Mmmmm. Yes? I feel like there is a trick question in there.

Imagine having what you think is a good relationship with someone. You've known them for months or years on line or IRL. One day, they decide to stop talking to you. You have no idea why. You can only imagine. It is really hurtful, no matter the age.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

So, why might someone ghost?

I don't mean a new or perhaps very casual acquaintance. I mean someone with whom you have built a measure of emotional intimacy. Someone you've known for a while, and have grown to trust, and they seem to trust you as well.

Thoughts?

 

[SoulAssasin247]

So, why might someone ghost?

I don't mean a new or perhaps very casual acquaintance. I mean someone with whom you have built a measure of emotional intimacy. Someone you've known for a while, and have grown to trust, and they seem to trust you as well.

Thoughts?

Your reason for coming to lit might not fit theirs. In the process you might have unintentionally hurt her despite having the best intentions

 

[pfflyerhot]

Please clarify ghosting...

Is it someone disappearing without a word, who never communicates with you again, despite your attempt to find them? Is it when someone stops communicating regularly but will respond if you send them a message? That might be distancing, come to think of it. What exactly is ghosting, and does ghosting mean the same thing to different people?
Huh?
Me? I'm flakey, but I'm not ghosty.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Is it someone disappearing without a word, who never communicates with you again, despite your attempt to find them? Is it when someone stops communicating regularly but will respond if you send them a message? That might be distancing, come to think of it. What exactly is ghosting, and does ghosting mean the same thing to different people?
Huh?
Me? I'm flakey, but I'm not ghosty.

Good question! (hi Flyer! )

For the purposes of this thread, it's not distancing. It's zero communication.

 

[jasonmason]

So, why might someone ghost?

I don't mean a new or perhaps very casual acquaintance. I mean someone with whom you have built a measure of emotional intimacy. Someone you've known for a while, and have grown to trust, and they seem to trust you as well.

Thoughts?

There could be many reasons. They found someone new, which I suspect happened in my situation. Their real life got pretty complicated, kids, work, spouse or health reasons. They just moved on. All of these are what might have happened. In all of these cases though, in my opinion, the person should have been honest with the other person in the relationship. But sometimes, well most times I think, the ghoster doesn't really consider the ghostee's feelings. Although they might think they are trying to spare the ghostee's feelings.

 

[shescurious11]

I consider ghosting cutting all communication with no explanation.

I've had it happen to me several times. (rolley eyes)