Let me show you the ropes in my closet

[Sweetwood]

Let me show you the ropes in my closet
Her words like a motto across the vista
Of conversations laced with intimacy
Walking the edge – excitement exploding
Tracing the contours of the unfamiliar
Familiarity she has - just so
The edge of my world hazed with crimson shadows
Leaves the image of her - stunning
Without interpretation –
Drawn into Her – and with the lingering of the first touches
Feeling the taste of her teeth grazing
The willing softness of my lips,
She murmurs – possibilities



Let me know what you people think?

Sweetwood

 

[KatPurrs]

Let me show you the ropes in my closet...

and I'll show you mine, Sweetwood. LOL

Well I liked it...very much. In reading it out loud, however, I stumbled in places. The hyphens were a bit bothersome. I wonder if it could be improved with some punctuation and the development of stanzas. Kind of like this, but I'm just playing with it....

"Let me show you the ropes in my closet."
Her words, like a motto across the vista
Of conversations, were laced with intimacy,
Had me walking the edge, excitement exploding,
Tracing the contours of the unfamiliar.

Familiarity she has; just so the edge of my world,
Hazed with crimson shadows,
Leaves the image of her stunning,
Without interpretation.

Drawn into Her, and with the lingering of the first touches,
Feeling the taste of her teeth grazing
The willing softness of my lips,
She murmurs possibilities.


As I said, Sweetwood, I'm just playing with it. Now I'll post one so you can play with mine.

Kat~

 

[KatPurrs]

Open for critique

Edited to not hijack this thread! sheesh!

 

[~Dream~]

With Artful's permission,

.thank-you for treating me with the respect i deserve wicked i apologize to SWEETWOOD i truly did not know ..i loved Your poem as for the kitty ..he he here drink some of this nice warm(oops poison? ) milk lol..j/k i was raised on a farm with 24 cats gotta love em and their comments..

 

[KatPurrs]

Re: With Artful's permission,

Very beautiful poem Sweetwood, now may i add 1 of my own? :


Screw Artful's permission! You should get Sweetwood's permission to hijack his thread. Start one of your own...if you must... God, I'm getting tired of the bdsm scene...am I the only one?

Artful.....It seems you are allowing your sub to get whatever she wants! Squelch your wench or at least teach her some manners. Perhaps suggest she READS before posting. (note my post above)

I'm not normally such a bitch. I must have a "hair"....But I refuse to remove it....It feels kinda good!

Kat~

 

[WickedEve]

Why am I picturing KatPurrs with her back arched and claws out? lol Where's that hissing sound coming from?

Artful's dream, when a poet starts a thread strictly for critique of his/her poem, then (in most cases) you do not post your own poetry on that thread.

If you like, you can click edit and delete the poem, and then post it on a new thread or one of the threads you've already started. That way you'll have a better chance of getting feedback on your poem.


Wicked Eve

(That damn kat just scratched me!)

 

[WickedEve]

Sweetwood

I really do like this poem. I don't have much to add. I agree with what kat said.

 

[KatPurrs]

Why am I picturing KatPurrs with her back arched and claws out? lol Where's that hissing sound coming from?

Wicked Eve

(That damn kat just scratched me!)

Sorry about that Eve, but you KNOW how I get! Especially when I'm in the throes of a back-arching, claws out frenzy! Why, when I'm lying down like that, my back arches so, you could throw a Kat through the space between me and the bed!

And that hissing sound? That damned smithpeter and his fudgecicles!! I TOLD him that would happen!!

Kat~

 

[Sweetwood]

KatPurrs

Hey KatPurrs:

Thanks for the comments:

Quote:

Her words, like a motto across the vista
Of conversations, were laced with intimacy

It changes the reference to what is laced. I meant to express that the conversations were laced, not only her words.

Quote:
Had me walking the edge, excitement exploding,
Tracing the contours of the unfamiliar.

Familiarity she has;

Again both were walking the edge; and unfamiliar has a double meaning in this context. It is the unfamiliar, new, strange but also the sudden familiarity brought about by the intimate conversation.

"Tracing the contours of the unfamiliar
Familiarity she has - just so"

I was savouring the last word of the first line before going on to find that the situation was not only unfamiliar but also filled with inexplicable familiarity.

I use the hyphons in the german meaning of the word: Gedankenstriche = thoughtlines.

Quote:

Drawn into Her, and with the lingering of the first touches

I felt the comma was not enough to express the swooning of the head when the crimson shadows descended. I wanted to convey, that the process of being drawn into her was a deepening of the sensual fog in my head. Thus, the hyphon.

Thank you very much for your comments. Feedback such as yours makes me want to stalk my poetry and hunt it down so capture it's essence. You made me contemplate - and that is good.

Sweetwood

 

[KatPurrs]

Re: KatPurrs

Hey KatPurrs:

Thanks for the comments:

Thank you very much for your comments. Feedback such as yours makes me want to stalk my poetry and hunt it down so capture it's essence. You made me contemplate - and that is good.

Sweetwood

And you me, Sweetwood. It's good for me as well. Thank you for your lovely poem and response to my recommendations. I rescind them, learning to never throw in punctuation and words where they don't belong!

I think you've already captured your poetry's essence. I just came along and opened the cage...slap me! LOL

Best Wishes,

Kat~

 

[KatPurrs]

Re: With Artful's permission,

as for the kitty ..he he here drink some of this nice warm(oops poison? ) milk lol..j/k i was raised on a farm with 24 cats gotta love em and their comments...[/QUOTE


GASP!!!! Ack! Ack! Ack!! BITCH!!! I was raised in the city with 24,000 bitches..I'll nerver love em or their comments! j/k lol


Laurel!!! Got a sec? We need to talk...



Kat~