Let love in...

[Wild_Honey_66]

Death is the most extreme form of heartbreak, esp. unintentional, unexpected death.
It is finite. There is nothing to rile against, not sense of closure. The relationship just freezes as it was. Anyone new is an addition.

It's hard to let new people in let alone love.

You have the strength of the late love, but also the fear of it happening again, and unless you are lucky enough to die first, the chances are high that it will happen again.

Noor!

 

[rubydlite]

Thank you, and thanks again for the thread.

But there are times I wonder which is the “recovery:” removing the walls, or building them back up. I’m used to feeling the other way.

And it’s certainly simpler, most times.

You are welcome
I recover by building walls and now I'm recovering further by letting someone in. I agree, walls can be simpler because you know where you stand. But sometimes just being true to your own emotions feels genuine and healing as well.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Alright, Miss Ruby.
I see what you did there.
That was pretty cunty and I love you for it.
I'll let you know when the eels stop screaming.

 

[tolyk]

Death is the most extreme form of heartbreak, esp. unintentional, unexpected death.
It is finite. There is nothing to rile against, not sense of closure. The relationship just freezes as it was. Anyone new is an addition.

It's hard to let new people in let alone love.

You have the strength of the late love, but also the fear of it happening again, and unless you are lucky enough to die first, the chances are high that it will happen again.

*HUGS* So good to see you Noor.

Awww...you guys are so sweet. This post wasn't really meant to be about me but about the situation. But I love the love anyway.
See what I did there☝☝☝☝

Nope, you were far too subtle. I see nothing.

 

[rubydlite]

Alright, Miss Ruby.
I see what you did there.
That was pretty cunty and I love you for it.
I'll let you know when the eels stop screaming.

I know not what you speak of

 

[rubydlite]

*HUGS* So good to see you Noor.

Nope, you were far too subtle. I see nothing.

That's me..uber subtle.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I know not what you speak of

See? Cunt.

 

[rubydlite]

See? Cunt.

Xoxoxo

 

[Noor]

I feel like a lit legend has just graced my thread. (Is that weird?)
I remember reading bits of your heartache and at the time I was so new or shy or whatever to say anything.

I have only ever experienced loss as a young child with some grandparents and can not imagine how you are feeling but my heart aches for you. I hope time brings to the surface all the happy thoughts and the sadness becomes less ❤❤❤

Thanks! I am not really sad at this point, but I am very aware of the transience of life.

Noor!

Hey! How are you? Kind of swamped here, right now, but when things let up, I will find you for a chat.

*HUGS* So good to see you Noor.

Thanks!
Nice to see you too!

 

[Jada59]

Thank you, and thanks again for the thread.

But there are times I wonder which is the “recovery:” removing the walls, or building them back up. I’m used to feeling the other way.

And it’s certainly simpler, most times.

I posted this elsewhere here. I'll post it again here. I actually wrote this years ago. Building is easy. Tearing down is difficult. Fighting the urge to build again is the hardest, but I try. Every day, I try. And it's a beautiful thing!

TEARING DOWN THE WALL

I have built a wall in my mind
To shield myself from the world.
It’s not an ordinary wall;
But the wall of a child,
Built of Lego bricks.
Each one safely interlocked
In a multicolored pattern.
Carefully constructed
In a pleasing design,
But with one major flaw.
I failed to install any doors
or windows.
With each passing day,
The wall grows a little higher.
Now I would like to be
On the other side of that wall,
But I have nothing to grab on to.
The surface is too slippery
For anyone to climb.
So I have taken on
The arduous task
Of tearing it down;
Brick by brick.
It is frightening to do;
For I have stored memories
In the hollows of those bricks,
And they flow out with
The removal of each one.
I am forced to confront
A barrage of emotions
That I have not allowed
Myself to feel for years.
The process is slow and painful;
But I am making progress.
Now I can see over that wall,
And I like what I see.
But old habits are hard to break,
And it’s too convenient
To reach for a new brick
Any time I desire.
So I will force myself
To stop and think, each time
I feel compelled to construct.

 

[rubydlite]

Thanks! I am not really sad at this point, but I am very aware of the transience of life.
❤/QUOTE]

 

[rubydlite]

I posted this elsewhere here. I'll post it again here. I actually wrote this years ago. Building is easy. Tearing down is difficult. Fighting the urge to build again is the hardest, but I try. Every day, I try. And it's a beautiful thing!

TEARING DOWN THE WALL

I have built a wall in my mind
To shield myself from the world.
It’s not an ordinary wall;
But the wall of a child,
Built of Lego bricks.
Each one safely interlocked
In a multicolored pattern.
Carefully constructed
In a pleasing design,
But with one major flaw.
I failed to install any doors
or windows.
With each passing day,
The wall grows a little higher.
Now I would like to be
On the other side of that wall,
But I have nothing to grab on to.
The surface is too slippery
For anyone to climb.
So I have taken on
The arduous task
Of tearing it down;
Brick by brick.
It is frightening to do;
For I have stored memories
In the hollows of those bricks,
And they flow out with
The removal of each one.
I am forced to confront
A barrage of emotions
That I have not allowed
Myself to feel for years.
The process is slow and painful;
But I am making progress.
Now I can see over that wall,
And I like what I see.
But old habits are hard to break,
And it’s too convenient
To reach for a new brick
Any time I desire.
So I will force myself
To stop and think, each time
I feel compelled to construct.

This is beautiful Jada.
The bold is resonating with me.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

I posted this elsewhere here. I'll post it again here. I actually wrote this years ago. Building is easy. Tearing down is difficult. Fighting the urge to build again is the hardest, but I try. Every day, I try. And it's a beautiful thing!

TEARING DOWN THE WALL

I have built a wall in my mind
To shield myself from the world.
It’s not an ordinary wall;
But the wall of a child,
Built of Lego bricks.
Each one safely interlocked
In a multicolored pattern.
Carefully constructed
In a pleasing design,
But with one major flaw.
I failed to install any doors
or windows.
With each passing day,
The wall grows a little higher.
Now I would like to be
On the other side of that wall,
But I have nothing to grab on to.
The surface is too slippery
For anyone to climb.
So I have taken on
The arduous task
Of tearing it down;
Brick by brick.
It is frightening to do;
For I have stored memories
In the hollows of those bricks,
And they flow out with
The removal of each one.
I am forced to confront
A barrage of emotions
That I have not allowed
Myself to feel for years.
The process is slow and painful;
But I am making progress.
Now I can see over that wall,
And I like what I see.
But old habits are hard to break,
And it’s too convenient
To reach for a new brick
Any time I desire.
So I will force myself
To stop and think, each time
I feel compelled to construct.

That is absolutely beautiful.

 

[Jada59]

This is beautiful Jada.
The bold is resonating with me.

Thank you!

 

[Jada59]

That is absolutely beautiful.

Thank you!

 

[barefootgirl69]

Awwww thank you. I'm glad it resonates ❤

"But what if it's not"...exactly!!!


It's like starving ourselves because we've eaten one bad apple.
So I say....Eat!

What If by Kane Brown

https://youtu.be/fM8V1XOI-14

 

[JJonah]

Thank you, Jada. Did you write that?

 

[Jada59]

Thank you, Jada. Did you write that?

I did. I think I was about 25 when I wrote that. Walls still down!

 

[PrettyLilPussy]

Thank you for this thread and to everyone who has posted in it.
The wall/door analogy is perfect. I think walls are important. Not everyone wants or has earned your heart and, I think it's ok to ask someone who wants even a sliver of it to put in a little work.

For me, LOVE is such a huge word. It's scary for me to say about anyone, especially on Lit. But I dont know another word to accurately describe caring about someone so much they have the power to break you... or put you back together.

I think for me it will always feel uneven... never equal. I usually get the heart flutters for people who are so above my level. I think for me.... it's not a door but a drawbridge. And I also think, people can bypass a door or a drawbridge and sneak over your walls before you know what hapened.

Perhaps, I got lost in the weeds with that analogy but while I haven't been "in love", I do love more than a few friends here. Think about them, want nothing but happiness for them, cheer in their successes, mourn in their disappointments, and enjoy every minute with them.

Thanks again for the thought provoking thread.

 

[Jada59]

Thank you for this thread and to everyone who has posted in it.
The wall/door analogy is perfect. I think walls are important. Not everyone wants or has earned your heart and, I think it's ok to ask someone who wants even a sliver of it to put in a little work.

For me, LOVE is such a huge word. It's scary for me to say about anyone, especially on Lit. But I dont know another word to accurately describe caring about someone so much they have the power to break you... or put you back together.

I think for me it will always feel uneven... never equal. I usually get the heart flutters for people who are so above my level. I think for me.... it's not a door but a drawbridge. And I also think, people can bypass a door or a drawbridge and sneak over your walls before you know what hapened.

Perhaps, I got lost in the weeds with that analogy but while I haven't been "in love", I do love more than a few friends here. Think about them, want nothing but happiness for them, cheer in their successes, mourn in their disappointments, and enjoy every minute with them.

Thanks again for the thought provoking thread.

I agree with you there. I'm all about light and love. I love many. But in love? Different thing.

 

[rubydlite]

What If by Kane Brown

https://youtu.be/fM8V1XOI-14

That's a great song..and his voice..woo..totally not what I expected.

Thank you for this thread and to everyone who has posted in it.
The wall/door analogy is perfect. I think walls are important. Not everyone wants or has earned your heart and, I think it's ok to ask someone who wants even a sliver of it to put in a little work.

For me, LOVE is such a huge word. It's scary for me to say about anyone, especially on Lit. But I dont know another word to accurately describe caring about someone so much they have the power to break you... or put you back together.

I think for me it will always feel uneven... never equal. I usually get the heart flutters for people who are so above my level. I think for me.... it's not a door but a drawbridge. And I also think, people can bypass a door or a drawbridge and sneak over your walls before you know what hapened.

Perhaps, I got lost in the weeds with that analogy but while I haven't been "in love", I do love more than a few friends here. Think about them, want nothing but happiness for them, cheer in their successes, mourn in their disappointments, and enjoy every minute with them.

Thanks again for the thought provoking thread.

You are so welcome.Parts of this resonates so loudly. I'm glad you have a group you show love to. I know it's a word we use loosely sometimes. I'm not here to argue the definition of it but i do think, as you said in bold, about power to break or rebuild you is a good definition.

I agree with you there. I'm all about light and love. I love many. But in love? Different thing.

I'm definitely not saying love and in love are the same thing. But for me personally, I'm speaking of your own personally definition.

 

[rubydlite]

For all the fantasy land and real life debates...I was in love with a capital L. I don't know how his heart felt or want to define love when he used it. In the end this is recognizing how I (and all of you) feel and I guess part of the point. I love easily and fully if I let myself, regardless of an agreement, or discussion or time or space or whatever.
I am sure some of you may say...that's not love it's infatuation. Ok..go be infatuated then. Lol (I say this light heartedly)
In the end...I can love my co workers and my kids and the hot guy in Outlander...I really do love the temp post guy...he's a gift. A few of my farmers mkt peeps...I love them....literally., and my point is...I shut them out too. They're huggers...and complimenters...and inviter overerers. (Love my grammar?) And I shut their love out. BUT...lately I've taken the hugs...gone out with them. ..told the post guy he's a life saver. I've shown love back and it's amazing the change.
Sooooo
..does this post have to be about sexy sex? Well it can be...but man..my walls were non discriminatory. So I let people in..and then I felt confident enough to let a boy in (although I think he really snuck in)
I'm letting myself love and be in love regardless of the other side.

We feel sad and happy and angry without needing someone to be those things with us. Why do we need someone else for us to feel love?

Wooo..getting a little preachy there Ruby...ooops lol

Xoxoxoxox

 

[rubydlite]

Since Jada shared her lovely piece I thought I'd share as well.

This is a poem I wrote just after my heart broke.


Don't make her feel pretty
or make her feel loved.
Don't whisper sweet nothings
or place her above
the clouds with your words
that stick to her skin,
like dew on petals
reminders like pins
that push in her heart
and make her feel cold.
It doesn't matter what she's been told

She was like a flower
open to the sun
The heat made her blossom
your words made her cum

But now that the clouds
have covered the sky
the heat is gone
and now she just cries

She feels foolish and stupid
for not playing the game
for falling, for loving
for feeling insane

She's smart and she's wise...
lust made her a fool
Ranting and raving
where is the tool
to recover her senses
come out from the clouds?
All she can do is scream so loud

But not for real because it's all pretend...
in a world that is secret from all of her friends
'You should have known better',
is what they'd have said
'It's your very own fault
that your heart feels dead'

'But it doesn't', I cry
'I wish it were true
It's raw and it's bleeding
And I haven't a clue
how to look at the sun
without going blind,
without getting burnt or losing my mind'

So next time you see her,
Any girl that you lust
Don't make her feel pretty
Don't work hard for her trust.


***** and this one

There are moments in time when I feel so confused,
I'm a strong woman who wants, who needs to be used.

But used in a way, loving and kind,
not in a way that I need to remind
myself that I'm worthy and worth more than this.
Craving moments in time that feel like true bliss.

Not fakery and please, not when you're bored.
Not to pass time, gain a check or a score.

I give my whole heart because it's all that I know,
If I give you my trust, my lust, my love... I've given my soul.

Take care to know that some of your toys,
Don't just settle on just any old boy.
It takes a certain man to break their way in,
Bypassing the alarm, disarming, scoring the 'win'.

So much effort puts my guard down.
Why all this work to not stick around?
Teach me to trust, build me up, let you in.
Fall for you, need you, so it begins.
...

Wait, this isn't real, circumstance not right!
It was fun, it was play, passing time in the night.
But silly girl, you must know you're just a morsel, a taste...
You were the one that rushed to me in haste!

I had a desire I needed to fill,
You came to me of your very own will
....

The walls that I build are meant to be tough,
And now for the next it will be extra rough,
Too bad if it's real, I'll never know,
The thicker and higher go the walls, the more that I know.





This was a little jab at boys who work really hard to get in and then it all goes down in flames or they're fucking rock climbers and just wanted the damn trophy. I was broken.

BUT....those years were so lovely and I grew so much, I experienced a love (mine for him) that I hadn't even in my marriage. It taught me what I want and I won't settle for less.

*screams from her soapbo. ...ahem....her pile of dirty laundry

I'm going to let love in...so hug me damn it.

Ps. Autocorrect you were a jerk for this post and I have no love for you.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

It's not often that we have a thread where every page is worth the read like a perfect story that becomes a part of you.
It's not just lovely because it was created, but also because of how everyone has chosen to cradle it.

I can't be sorry for you that your heart was broken. I'm sorry it hurt you.. and I know that it did. Still, I can't let myself believe that we're not strong enough to allow ourselves to be human.. and what is more human than broad spectrum of emotion that comes from having loved.

I love human. I love how loving allows us to become a little more human in all the other aspects of living..
and it's not that I've never had my heart broken.. and it's not that I've never been betrayed..
but "human" is worth the suffering
and witnessing humanity through small moments such as those shared on this thread is worth the time it takes to read every page..



aaannnnddddd.. here is my musical contribution to the story being built..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6Cod9owCxg

 

[rubydlite]

It's not often that we have a thread where every page is worth the read like a perfect story that becomes a part of you.
It's not just lovely because it was created, but also because of how everyone has chosen to cradle it.

I can't be sorry for you that your heart was broken. I'm sorry it hurt you.. and I know that it did. Still, I can't let myself believe that we're not strong enough to allow ourselves to be human.. and what is more human than broad spectrum of emotion that comes from having loved.

I love human. I love how loving allows us to become a little more human in all the other aspects of living..
and it's not that I've never had my heart broken.. and it's not that I've never been betrayed..
but "human" is worth the suffering
and witnessing humanity through small moments such as those shared on this thread is worth the time it takes to read every page..



aaannnnddddd.. here is my musical contribution to the story being built..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2552Pn8egMc

This is lovely. Thank you for chiming in❤

"...and it's not that I've never had my heart broken.. and it's not that I've never been betrayed..
but "human" is worth the suffering..."