Let love in...

[SoulAssasin247]

I can relate. Cj felt like home to me, he was my rock, my lover, my best friend, etc. when things ended I didn’t handle it well. At all. Even now, I’m still heartbroken. I’ll never love someone the way I loved him again. What we had was too special. I hold those memories in a very special place, locked up, and only I have the key. Ugh, just typing about it now I’m in tears. We’ve both moved on, I’m getting married this fall to a great man whom I love very very much. But there will always be a special place in my heart and soul for Cj.

Breakups hurt. They suck, they suck bad. I’m just glad we’re able to maintain some level of friendship.

It was hard for me to move on, I didn’t want to and I certainly wasn’t looking for it when my now fiancé asked me out on a date. Then two months later he proposed. My heart wasn’t healed, I don’t know that it ever will be, but I do love my fiancé and I know he loves me.

Glad you moved on.


I know people talked about CJ, but I still wonder who the fuck was this guy lmao. I never seen him on LIT.


Apparently It doesn't matter, all that matters is you being happy.

 

[tolyk]

Ruby, beautiful words. I've subscribed and will add what I can later

 

[Angedesoleil]

I would like to let love in.

I've got a lot of hurt still going on.

Don't get me wrong I can feel genuine, fierce affection and protection for someone.

But the L word... Scares me a bit now.

If Love wants to be let in it needs to stand outside my house with a boom box held above its head.

And that's just for starters.

A boom box... why not a blue horn? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O7tD5E2TR9o

 

[neakman]

very nicely put. Eloquent in fact. And I agree it makes sense when trying to negotiate life.

Best wishes to you Ruby (BNOLBN)

 

[LostGirlTink]

A boom box... why not a blue horn? https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O7tD5E2TR9o

I'm a fan of the get messy part of Ghost.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

It's funny, I look at where I was two years ago and where I am now and it's like night and day.

Two years ago I had the wrong people around me and I ended up hurt and destroyed. It was probably a full year before I was "myself" again. But that time was interesting. I traveled, I reconnected with family, I discovered meditation. Looking back now I realize that the girl I was with at the time was...kind of a mess. She had little to offer. She treated me like she was doing me a favor by being with me. She belittled any interest that I had. And in the end she saw herself out. But once she was gone the sky was the limit. I took the bad hand that I was dealt and turned it into something positive. There was a lot of pain but I tapped into the positivity reserves in my soul and in time fought my way back.

And now? Things are much, much better. I truly love my life and where I'm at. I've entered this interesting Zen wizard phase and purged out a lot of the negative energy.

So yeah, love is a wonderful thing. And it takes on many, many forms.

 

[makemewet69]

Glad you moved on.


I know people talked about CJ, but I still wonder who the fuck was this guy lmao. I never seen him on LIT.


Apparently It doesn't matter, all that matters is you being happy.

He didn’t post a lot

 

[Twlightdreamer]

Ruby... *gives ya the biggest of bosom hugs* I'm glad you've found a way to love again. You deserve happiness and love.

 

[JJonah]

I’m a waller.

Not about love, about friendships, about work. I’m a waller about everything. It’s a personality trait. And it’s come in handy 99% of the time.

Walling keeps you functional when you need to stay functional, and I come from a family background where staying functional is important: if you’re not contributing what you can, your worth is diminished in every way. Sitting around worrying or moping was never an option: you sucked it up and got on with it. This gave me limited patience for drama. And my training and life experiences have tended to reinforce this.

So I’ve always tended not to cross beams, in the Ghostbusters sense. Separation has always been important to me, in terms of letting things go and retaining focus on other aspects of my life.

Psychology has a term for this: schemas, or mental categories. Mine almost always stay separate. I accommodate, in technical terms. I don’t assimilate. There aren’t many things that have been able to breach those walls and cross over out of the schema where my brain puts them when I encounter them. It’s an obstacle in my interpersonal relationships, and has been since I was a kid.

Until, well, now.

Lovely thread, Ruby.

 

[Suz_anne]

Will it be a fling, will it go down in flames or will we grow old together? Who the fuck knows. But I forgot how much I love to love and I will try to never deny myself that again.

So....
Build your walls if you must...but let love in.

So happy to hear that you're letting it happen. You deserve so much.

And now? Things are much, much better. I truly love my life and where I'm at. I've entered this interesting Zen wizard phase and purged out a lot of the negative energy.

So yeah, love is a wonderful thing. And it takes on many, many forms.

And you... it's so good to know that you're in a good place.

 

[BlackCashmere]

and put a teeny tiny door in your big, giant wall.

This isn't a post for me to to talk about myself...but I will for a second.
A brief History...Once upon a time I fell in love with a man...more than I had with anyone online or in my everyday life. I was ruined for anyone else, consumed ...and when it ended (whatever our definition of it was) I cried and felt gutted for almost a year. A YEAR .....
His words...I never meant to hurt you...my words. You may love a butterfly and want to hold it, but kill it it the process.
I'm not placing any blame. ..just stating how I felt.

I read a post somewhere by someone and I felt the grief through the screen of my phone as I read her words.

This is not a post about ghosting, or lieing, or any of the debates about real vs not real so please don't bring it up.

This is a post about love. How it feels real to you and how you need to let it back in...any version that works for you.


So...back to my point in summary.
I loved a man more than ever.
I lost him.
I put the biggest baddest rule bound wall around me....and I stopped living life.
I stopped loving. I love to show love and I stopped.

I read THE post ...and I cried for her because she'll do the same.
BUT...put a door in your wall and someone will just sneak in when you least expect it.

Someone, I've casually known for a long time, found my door last week (don't be pervs). One comment and he broke through...
Will it be a fling, will it go down in flames or will we grow old together? Who the fuck knows. But I forgot how much I love to love and I will try to never deny myself that again.

So....
Build your walls if you must...but let love in.

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability...touching...

I am deeply sorry for your heartache...But I am smiling because you are opening up again...and have that glimmer...that is where the healing floods in little at a time and opens you up to love and be loved...and nothing is like it...You are such a beautiful soul and deserve all of this...

See my profile pic...The quote is meaningful for me...

 

[Farawyn]

Ruby, thank you for sharing.

It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff and all of a sudden you just jump. It’s scary, but joyful.
I don’t know any other way to be.
I’m so happy you’re taking the leap.

 

[BlackCashmere]

It's funny, I look at where I was two years ago and where I am now and it's like night and day.

Two years ago I had the wrong people around me and I ended up hurt and destroyed. It was probably a full year before I was "myself" again. But that time was interesting. I traveled, I reconnected with family, I discovered meditation. Looking back now I realize that the girl I was with at the time was...kind of a mess. She had little to offer. She treated me like she was doing me a favor by being with me. She belittled any interest that I had. And in the end she saw herself out. But once she was gone the sky was the limit. I took the bad hand that I was dealt and turned it into something positive. There was a lot of pain but I tapped into the positivity reserves in my soul and in time fought my way back.

And now? Things are much, much better. I truly love my life and where I'm at. I've entered this interesting Zen wizard phase and purged out a lot of the negative energy.

So yeah, love is a wonderful thing. And it takes on many, many forms.

I love the Zen you...I remember your pain then...and for me it is so beautiful to see how you could heal and turn that into such a positive and meaningful journey forward...

This post touched me too...and you are so right in that love does take on so many forms...and those are even more meaningful, at least for me ...

So happy for you...you deserve it all

 

[Azuldrgon]

I'm in love again.

But considering she broke down my walls, it's worth it.

 

[rubydlite]

Fucking boombox that shit. Yes.
https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/warehouse-13-artifact-database/images/d/d5/Boombox_say_anythin.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20160709125601

And yeah. The L word gives me actual panic attacks sometimes. Even the idea of it. It's not just you.
But sometimes... you need to remember that it's actually a pretty beautiful thing.

It is a beautiful thing. The feeling...the word...

I don’t know why men leave your life, but reading this post, it’s easy to tell why they chose to enter it. Your words show your tender soul so eloquently. Thank you for sharing so honestly. I wish you luck and much love on your journey.

It was a bunch of factors with a bunch of sides. And I think they entered it because of my tits ass and thighs lolol I joke mostly.
Thank you for your kind words

 

[rubydlite]

Rubydlite...

*sigh*

In my own world, I've got some stuff. I won't hijack your thread to discuss it since it's out there for anyone with even a modicum of curiosity to find.

All I will say is this; in my own recent experiences, I've come to find that a life without allowing myself to care was surviving more than living. And I owe it a sneaky Little One that somehow wormed her way through a chink in the cast iron sheathed stone walls I'd built around my own heart that I've come back from surviving to actually live. A little.

Ironically, she didn't want me to love her as much as I've come to. Nor does she return the feeling, at least that she will admit.


But, yeah, Rubydlite. I know what you mean. I'm not necessarily in it to win it, not anything specific any road. But, I am in it for whatever it is. And I'm skydiving again.

Any road, good on you for answering the knock at your heart's door.

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you're in it for whatever it is. ❤

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Congrats, sweet Ruby.

You deserve all of the joy that your max-pak-sized heart can hold, and then some.

Love looks good on you.

 

[rubydlite]

I can relate. Cj felt like home to me, he was my rock, my lover, my best friend, etc. when things ended I didn’t handle it well. At all. Even now, I’m still heartbroken. I’ll never love someone the way I loved him again. What we had was too special. I hold those memories in a very special place, locked up, and only I have the key. Ugh, just typing about it now I’m in tears. We’ve both moved on, I’m getting married this fall to a great man whom I love very very much. But there will always be a special place in my heart and soul for Cj.

Breakups hurt. They suck, they suck bad. I’m just glad we’re able to maintain some level of friendship.

It was hard for me to move on, I didn’t want to and I certainly wasn’t looking for it when my now fiancé asked me out on a date. Then two months later he proposed. My heart wasn’t healed, I don’t know that it ever will be, but I do love my fiancé and I know he loves me.

Hugs. I understand about holding those memories in a special place. I'm so happy you've found happiness again as well❤❤

Ruby, beautiful words. I've subscribed and will add what I can later

Thank you...add away.

very nicely put. Eloquent in fact. And I agree it makes sense when trying to negotiate life.

Best wishes to you Ruby (BNOLBN)

Me...eloquent?! Thank you. Also...what does bnolbn mean I'm so clueless.

It's funny, I look at where I was two years ago and where I am now and it's like night and day.

Two years ago I had the wrong people around me and I ended up hurt and destroyed. It was probably a full year before I was "myself" again. But that time was interesting. I traveled, I reconnected with family, I discovered meditation. Looking back now I realize that the girl I was with at the time was...kind of a mess. She had little to offer. She treated me like she was doing me a favor by being with me. She belittled any interest that I had. And in the end she saw herself out. But once she was gone the sky was the limit. I took the bad hand that I was dealt and turned it into something positive. There was a lot of pain but I tapped into the positivity reserves in my soul and in time fought my way back.

And now? Things are much, much better. I truly love my life and where I'm at. I've entered this interesting Zen wizard phase and purged out a lot of the negative energy.

So yeah, love is a wonderful thing. And it takes on many, many forms.

I'm so sorry this happened. And I'm so happy it was a path to discovery and loving your life.

Ruby... *gives ya the biggest of bosom hugs* I'm glad you've found a way to love again. You deserve happiness and love.

Smooshy smooshy hugs xoxoxoxoxo

I’m a waller.

Not about love, about friendships, about work. I’m a waller about everything. It’s a personality trait. And it’s come in handy 99% of the time.

Walling keeps you functional when you need to stay functional, and I come from a family background where staying functional is important: if you’re not contributing what you can, your worth is diminished in every way. Sitting around worrying or moping was never an option: you sucked it up and got on with it. This gave me limited patience for drama. And my training and life experiences have tended to reinforce this.

So I’ve always tended not to cross beams, in the Ghostbusters sense. Separation has always been important to me, in terms of letting things go and retaining focus on other aspects of my life.

Psychology has a term for this: schemas, or mental categories. Mine almost always stay separate. I accommodate, in technical terms. I don’t assimilate. There aren’t many things that have been able to breach those walls and cross over out of the schema where my brain puts them when I encounter them. It’s an obstacle in my interpersonal relationships, and has been since I was a kid.

Until, well, now.

Lovely thread, Ruby.

Hello Waller...Welcome to recovery lol. I understand the survival need for walling. I'm glad there's an 'until now'.

So happy to hear that you're letting it happen. You deserve so much.
And you... it's so good to know that you're in a good place.

Awww...xoxoxoxkxk

Thank you for sharing your vulnerability...touching...

I am deeply sorry for your heartache...But I am smiling because you are opening up again...and have that glimmer...that is where the healing floods in little at a time and opens you up to love and be loved...and nothing is like it...You are such a beautiful soul and deserve all of this...

See my profile pic...The quote is meaningful for me...

Thank you for sharing the quote.
And glimmers are lovely little doors we must open!

Ruby, thank you for sharing.

It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff and all of a sudden you just jump. It’s scary, but joyful.
I don’t know any other way to be.
I’m so happy you’re taking the leap.

Thank you ❤

I'm in love again.

But considering she broke down my walls, it's worth it.

It is worth it!!! So happy for you

 

[rubydlite]

Congrats, sweet Ruby.

You deserve all of the joy that your max-pak-sized heart can hold, and then some.

Love looks good on you.

Awwwwww...xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Thank you sweet precious lady.

 

[TongueLust]

So happy for you rubydlite.

Enjoy every minute of it.

 

[hornyguy888]

Good for you! Such a heartfelt post, makes me truly happy for you!

 

[Noor]

Death is the most extreme form of heartbreak, esp. unintentional, unexpected death.
It is finite. There is nothing to rile against, not sense of closure. The relationship just freezes as it was. Anyone new is an addition.

It's hard to let new people in let alone love.

You have the strength of the late love, but also the fear of it happening again, and unless you are lucky enough to die first, the chances are high that it will happen again.

 

[rubydlite]

So happy for you rubydlite.

Enjoy every minute of it.

Good for you! Such a heartfelt post, makes me truly happy for you!

Awww...you guys are so sweet. This post wasn't really meant to be about me but about the situation. But I love the love anyway.
See what I did there☝☝☝☝

 

[rubydlite]

Death is the most extreme form of heartbreak, esp. unintentional, unexpected death.
It is finite. There is nothing to rile against, not sense of closure. The relationship just freezes as it was. Anyone new is an addition.

It's hard to let new people in let alone love.

You have the strength of the late love, but also the fear of it happening again, and unless you are lucky enough to die first, the chances are high that it will happen again.

I feel like a lit legend has just graced my thread. (Is that weird?)
I remember reading bits of your heartache and at the time I was so new or shy or whatever to say anything.

I have only ever experienced loss as a young child with some grandparents and can not imagine how you are feeling but my heart aches for you. I hope time brings to the surface all the happy thoughts and the sadness becomes less ❤❤❤

 

[JJonah]

Hello Waller...Welcome to recovery lol. I understand the survival need for walling. I'm glad there's an 'until now'.

Thank you, and thanks again for the thread.

But there are times I wonder which is the “recovery:” removing the walls, or building them back up. I’m used to feeling the other way.

And it’s certainly simpler, most times.