Legal separation?

[entitled]

my Husband and i are having... problems. He suggested a legal separation a couple of days ago. The point behind this is to get a no-contest divorce in 18 months instead of having to go through the whole fiasco of pointing fingers and naming names.

I know that there's a document that will help with the division of property, custody, child support, and all that jazz. What is it? Is it basically something written up by the people getting the separation that is then signed and witnessed? What needs to be covered in it?

i would like to know as soon as possible so we can get started on the process. With the way things are, it would be best for everybody involved.

Thanks.

 

[silverwhisper]

entitled: i think these documents are generally state-specific (assuming you're in the US). i just found this site, which looks like it might be helpful.

ed

 

[EJFan]

i'm sorry to hear this news and wish you the best of luck in moving forward.

laws vary from state to state. you can get a lot of information from your local library and maybe even some free legal advice.

someone who's done so can probably address it better than i can but i believe the point of a legal separation is exactly what you said... to abbreviate and simplify the divorce. there's software that you can get that allows you to just plug in the necessary information and then it spits out the appropriate forms to be signed, notarized and filed with the courts. i THINK.

 

[Eilan]

my Husband and i are having... problems. He suggested a legal separation a couple of days ago. The point behind this is to get a no-contest divorce in 18 months instead of having to go through the whole fiasco of pointing fingers and naming names.

I know that there's a document that will help with the division of property, custody, child support, and all that jazz. What is it? Is it basically something written up by the people getting the separation that is then signed and witnessed? What needs to be covered in it?

i would like to know as soon as possible so we can get started on the process. With the way things are, it would be best for everybody involved.

Thanks.

Sorry to hear it.

If you live somewhere where a dissolution is an option, the legal process will be much quicker/smoother. It doesn't work, however, if you disagree on things like custody, division of property, etc.

When my ex and I got a dissolution, I drew up a separation agreement with my attorney. My ex read over it (he chose not to have an attorney) and we tweaked it here and there until we were both relatively satisfied. I imagine that the paperwork involved in a legal separation would be somewhat similar.

In my case, custody was not an issue. My attorney used a worksheet to determine the amount of child support that my ex would pay. Once she had this figure, she put it into the separation agreement. Keep in mind that the child support situation will be reviewed every so often and will likely change with respect to changes in income.

We both signed it (witnessed by my attorney's secretary on separate occasions), and within about 45 days or so, we had our hearing.

Hope that helps a bit. Your mileage may vary, depending on where you live.

 

[Bandit58]

When my husband and I separated (we were in New Zealand) we went to a lawyer and had an agreement drawn up regarding the distribution of property, custody of child and anything else involved in the dissolution of a marriage. I had my own lawyer and she specialised in matrimonial property and explained to me my rights and what would happen should I waive those rights.

It took a few months of arguing back and forth but eventually everything was sorted out and I filed for divorce two years after the separation (which is the minimum length of time apart there before you can file).

I strongly advise you each to have your own lawyer if possible, that way no one is disadvantaged.

 

[grrrowl]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Best wishes for an easy process.

I just went through this, barely two months ago. Some factors do depend on the state you're in. My state is a no-contest state, for example, so one partner cannot be more blamed than another, although support and division of property can still vary through the legal process.

The two parties can draw up a Marriage Settlement Agreement, which is attached to the court papers (Petition for Dissolution of Marriage). Depending on how amiable the negotiations are, you can draw this up with a lawyer, or a mediator. In my situation, we found the court papers to include all the expected logistics in a form -- support, debt, property, insurance -- and while she did not want to use/pay a lawyer, I insisted we utilize a mediator to help us through the details. We seemed in agreement about everything, but details about a single thing can inflame disagreement between the most amiable of negotiations.

Again, best wishes.

 

[Slightly AsQ]

I'm sorry to hear you're having these problems.

What was said above is true, especially the part about the documents needing to be tailored to the jurisidction that you're in. I really recommend that you contact a lawyer. You may think that your situation is simple, but a lawyer will see potential problem areas that you don't. FYI, there is a new trend among US matrimonial attorneys called "collaberative law" where the parties and attorneys work together to problem solve rather than being argumentative. If you and your spouse are still talking to one another, this may be an option. If you google it, you may find the national organization with a list of attorneys.

Best wishes,

AsQ

 

[MR.GGG]

You're both mature adults

Call a time out, divvy up the goods agree on it even if you feel the other one is getting 35¢ more out of the division than you are. #1 RULE is don't go near the blood sucking lawyers. They figure out how much both of you have in assets then they piss around for 5 years writting each other letters every 2 months and charging you $1000.oo a crack. Meanwhile they are dreaming up shit that you might be saying about him and vice versa so that you both go from a friendly separation to raving homicidal lunatics hell bent of using every last dime you and your family have just to completely ruin the life of your soon to be X and their families and all your friends. It happens every minute of every day and people are so blinded by hate that they play right into the lawyers thieving plots.

By the time the lawyers have sucked you both dry you MIGHT have enuf coin to get first and last months rent under an overpass in some hole in the wall city. Your friends won't have anything to do with you. Your family thinks you've both lost your minds and actually deserve each other at this point. Financially you are ruined, will be for the rest of your lives and will even have to have your dog picked up by the pound and gassed - either that or eat him. It may just be the last full meal either of you will ever have.

Somebody up above wrote,""FYI, there is a new trend among US matrimonial attorneys called "collaberative law" where the parties and attorneys work together to problem solve rather than being argumentative.""

Never heard of it. IMHO absolute unmitigated BS. Lawyers by their nature and by all their training and certainly by their life's blood (well actually YOUR life's blood) BILLABLE HOURS, the more they can rile you up and get you pissed at each other and maintain the confrontation the more they get paid and the more YOU LOSE. A "new trend" ? HA. That's like teaching an old whore a new trick. Ain't gonna happen. She may TELL you she has a new trick but you're still about to get FUCKED!!

Understand what I'm suggesting here?

STAY AWAY FROM THE FUCKING LAWYERS !!!!

 

[entitled]

STAY AWAY FROM THE FUCKING LAWYERS !!!!

You've obviously never met my brother in law - or my cousin. Both actually very reasonable and nice people despite the lawyer status.

Thanks, everybody. We've done some more research for our state and have pretty much decided to split everything as we see fit, then contact a lawyer to get it all written dow in legal-ese. I'm just glad this will be a friendly split.