Left my wife and now have a great life

[jcallny]

So here is what happened.

For some reason or another I wound up getting married to someone I was not happy with. I chauck it all up to, mistakes need to be made. So that certain someone drove me crazy for sometime but because I got married to her I was not sure I could end it. It is a silly noting but at one point I really did respect the institution of marriage. I believed that if you got married and did not like the situation I would have to live with it.

As it turns out my marriage was a man trap. The sex was poor from the start but the person I thought at the time was great. I thought that I could change her in some fundamental way. I couldn’t or she did not respond to my therapy. So as it goes I went ahead and got married. Then the sex stopped. I thought it would be for a while but it wasn’t. She was comfortable having sex every three to four months. I stayed with her for about a year and a half. I can’t believe I lasted that long.

All throughout I would post and ask people on Lit erotica all sorts of questions, most of them were is this normal or why could this be happening. After enough heartache I felt that I had to move on.

I met up with this beautiful woman who captivated me. Took my breath away… She was what I was looking for. We made love after a few days and it has been getting better everyday since. She is incredible! Needless to say we live together and have set tentative plans for the rest of our lives. She is my dreams come true both sexually and in our regular day to day lives. I plan to make this work.

So you might ask why am I posting this? One to thank this great site for my ability to confess to complete strangers. To ask questions that I could not trust myself to ask anyone else. The other, well hopefully someone will read this with the same problems and think, my life is like this, and I need to get out too!

Comments…

 

[Eilan]

The sex was poor from the start but the person I thought at the time was great.

I have no sympathy for someone who gets married knowing that some aspect of the relationship (like sex) is less than ideal. People who think they can change their partner are in for a rude awakening.

I thought that I could change her in some fundamental way. I couldn’t or she did not respond to my therapy.

What kind of "therapy"? Are you licensed/qualified? If not, perhaps you should have left the therapy to the professionals. You might have done more harm than good.

I'd be interested in hearing your ex's side of the story. Not that it'll ever happen.

 

[MagicFingers]

Congrats, jcallny

I know how hard it is to be in a relationship where the spouse is not into it.
It sucks.

eilan, don't be so hard on him. It's not easy to trust that your new bride will be loving and caring, only to find out that after marriage, she would rather talk to anyone else but you, and sex once or twice a month is all she has time to schedule in to her other activities.

I'm happy that you found someone loving and caring who wants to do the things you want to do, like sex! Glad you discovered there is more out there than your spouse could offer for you.

And I'm happy that Lit could help you. It's a good place to turn to for help and guidance.

 

[Eilan]

eilan, don't be so hard on him. It's not easy to trust that your new bride will be loving and caring, only to find out that after marriage, she would rather talk to anyone else but you, and sex once or twice a month is all she has time to schedule in to her other activities.

He knew the sex wasn't that great beforehand, yet he chose to ignore this huge red flag waving in his face and go ahead with the marriage thinking he could change her. Big mistake.

I have been the disinterested partner in a relationship. It's generally not as simple as not liking or wanting sex; there are lots of other factors that can come into play. To say that it's entirely one partner's fault is to oversimplify the issue in a big way. Yeah, it can be all one partner, but I think that's pretty rare.

Again, we're getting just his side of the story. Maybe there's a reason she'd rather talk to anyone else but him.

 

[bobsgirl]

>snip<...As it turns out my marriage was a man trap. The sex was poor from the start but the person I thought at the time was great. I thought that I could change her in some fundamental way. I couldn’t or she did not respond to my therapy. So as it goes I went ahead and got married. Then the sex stopped. I thought it would be for a while but it wasn’t. She was comfortable having sex every three to four months.I stayed with her for about a year and a half. I can’t believe I lasted that long.

All throughout I would post and ask people on Lit erotica all sorts of questions, most of them were is this normal or why could this be happening. After enough heartache I felt that I had to move on.

Maybe I'm missing something. You said you stuck it out for a year and a half, and you said you posted at Lit throughout that time. Yet your profile says you joined Lit in April of 2006.

Did you post under another name?

 

[Norajane]

So here is what happened.

For some reason or another I wound up getting married to someone I was not happy with.

~

As it turns out my marriage was a man trap. The sex was poor from the start but the person I thought at the time was great. I thought that I could change her in some fundamental way. I couldn’t or she did not respond to my therapy. So as it goes I went ahead and got married. Then the sex stopped. I thought it would be for a while but it wasn’t. She was comfortable having sex every three to four months. I stayed with her for about a year and a half. I can’t believe I lasted that long.

~

Comments…

Man trap? Excuse me, but that's insulting to every wife and husband out there. No one trapped you into a sexless marriage. You did that to yourself, and then blame her for not responding to your 'therapy'.

Take responsibility for your own actions in creating your own trap.

 

[Raidho]

I have no sympathy for someone who gets married knowing that some aspect of the relationship (like sex) is less than ideal. People who think they can change their partner are in for a rude awakening.
What kind of "therapy"? Are you licensed/qualified? If not, perhaps you should have left the therapy to the professionals. You might have done more harm than good.

I'd be interested in hearing your ex's side of the story. Not that it'll ever happen.

While the original poster does sound like quite a bit of an ass, I probably have more sympathy for those who get married knowing that some aspect is less than ideal.

I've been there, and looking back, I realize that I thought I'd never get better. It was settling, plain and simple. It's still a mistake, and a sad one, but we all make them. They just come in different forms.

 

[fgarvb1]

jcallny,


I wish I didn't know what you were talking about.

I wish I didn't know how you felt, I wish...



I can't seem to find a rock to throw.