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Leahaven

LeaHaven said:
After what just happened (planning a lunch date with Derek), I am LOVING this trip. I used to think I stayed aroused all the time. Now the word "aroused" doesn't begin to describe the constant buzz I feel.
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better check to see if your panties are wet LOL
 
LeaHaven said:
Robbie and I got some texts from Travis yesterday. Mostly they were pictures of him and Crystal at a "beach" people go to in that area, but it's not really a beach. It's a secluded sandbar on a river surrounded by forest, and it is a great place to spend the day if you know how to find it. Just keep your eyes peeled for gators and cottonmouth.

Anyway, we had seen pictures of Crystal before, and she is a pretty girl, but she was in a bikini this time, and Robbie was studying those pictures. At the time, Robbie and I were at an outdoor concert, and he was standing in line for beer. (I don't drink beer. Yuck!) I was standing next to him, watching him drool over the pictures of Crystal. I got up close to his ear.

"And just think," I said, "ten days ago he was fucking your wife."

Robbie blushed and stuck his phone back in his back pocket. We stood waiting in line for several seconds, and then I turned to him and added, "regularly." The people around us could hear that, but they didn't know what I was talking about. Robbie looked away to try not to think about it, but then he stuck his hands in his pockets like he always does to hide an erection. I quietly asked him, "Are you having a problem there, baby?" Robbie spoke under his breath.

"Leah, stop."

I got up close to his ear again.

"I'll give you a turn tonight, baby. Sometimes you get to fuck your wife, too."

Robbie took a deep breath, and he wouldn't look at me. He didn't want to see the innocent look on my face, because, you know, I am such a kind wife, giving him a turn and everything. I leaned in for one more comment.

"Is your little penis hard?"

Robbie stood there with his hands in his pockets to hide his erection. Too bad he wasn't caged. I didn't let him know that his shirt would cover any little bulges.

Next I have to tell you about how it went when he got his turn.
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This is so simple...but so effective! I'm sure you can have so much fun with similar "inappropriate" comments at opportune moments! Devilish!
 
LeaHaven said:
The bike ride was cancelled again. More rain! Do we now have a monsoon season or something?

So, very early this morning, here I was answering DM's on Literotica. While I was in here, I got a text. It was Derek asking the group if anyone wanted to meet at Starbucks for coffee. I was like, "sure!" And then no one else responded, at least not in the time it took me to put on shoes, grab my keys, and make it to the Starbucks. It was just Derek and me, and I was glad, and I could tell he was glad. He gave me a hug that lasted a little too long, but that was OK with me. We had gotten seated, and talking and everything was going great, smiles and laughs and just getting along great...and then guess who walks in?

Jack.

I was like, "this can't be happening." Jack AND Derek? Are you kidding me? I'm not like your most experienced dater ("dater?" What do you call someone who dates?), and now I've got TWO guys of interest sitting at a table with me? How do I handle that?

Honestly, this could only happen to me. I seem to attract uncomfortable social situations.

Derek's demeanor changed instantly, uneasy, less talkative, passive even. It was like he admitted defeat as soon as Jack walked in the door. But I didn't know Jack was back in town, and I think the look on my face when I saw him told Derek all he needed to know. Looking back on it, I feel so stupid! When I saw Jack, I lit up like a firefly hoping to mate.

Jack got a coffee, and as soon as he sat down at the table, he owned the space. He is that calm, collected, accomplished guy who radiates supreme self-confidence, but he never talks like he is that person. He is self-deprecating and always interested in YOU. (He just spent several weeks in South America, and he didn't say a word about it until I asked him.) He is so far out of my league that being around him is titillating and intimiating at the same time. I just smile non-stop like an idiot.

Jack talked to Derek and me with great interest in our lives, but as hard as he was trying, Derek had already abandoned any efforts with me. I felt sorry for him, and I was disappointed in him, turned off, even. If you want something, you have to go after it. When Derek finished his coffee, he excused himself and left. As I watched him stand up from his chair, I was hit with this unavoidable comparison. "OMG! He's just like Robbie!" I couldn't get the similiarity out of my head...that instant capitulation in the face of sexual competition. In my head, I felt like I wasn't interested in Derek anymore. I don't need another Robbie, but is he really just like Robbie? Or is it more that Derek is no longer interested in me? Maybe I turned HIM off. The thoughts were so distracting, round and round in my head, I wasn't hearing anything Jack was saying. I had to turn it off. "I'll think about it later."

Jack and I talked, and talked, and talked. Neither one of us wanted to leave, but he has plans for today. Of course. He's Jack!

I soooo didn't want to leave that table. The sexual tension between Jack and me makes me feel that warm, tingly feeling inside. I would have done anything he said. What makes me so nervous is that....I think he knows that.

Guess what. The sun's coming out.
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Although it sounds like you have already rekindled things with Derek to some degree, I would still like to offer a thought on this. Whether or not you find someone attractive is very much a visceral thing, which I typically do not try to analyze too much. If they do something that turns me off I generally take that at face value and don't try to convince myself otherwise.

However, in an instance like this you do have to consider your own actions and how that may have affected Derek. If your response to Jack was the equivalent of an explicit rejection of Derek or expression of preference for Jack, that is quite different from Derek being intimidated by Jack. The latter is a response which may naturally diminish a man's appeal whereas the former is a reasonable response that is effectively respecting your wishes. None of that changes your visceral reaction to the circumstance, but maybe it offers an alternative perspective to put Derek's reaction in context.

As women, we have a powerful ability to affect how men see themselves in this kind of situation. One of the things that I think we get wrong sometimes is the tendency to want a man to fight for or pursue us even when we have rejected them. Wanting a man to pursue us is fine, but wanting him to do it in the face of rejection doesn't make a lot of sense. Besides being unfairly confusing to him it is actually a way of saying we want men who don't respect the boundaries we set out for them or we want men that will allow us to humiliate and reject them. If our actions put a guy in a position where he has to choose between these two possibilities the balanced man will simply walk away.

The point you made later on about Derek saying he doesn't want to share may need addressing. When you are with him it is ok to want one-on-one. But obviously he needs to know that he will have to share you with other men more broadly.

Personally, my relationship with most of my lovers is one-on-one when we are together. And frankly I feel that it is up to me to protect that dynamic as much as anything else. For instance, if I am with one of my lovers and another man (lover or otherwise) intrudes upon that situation I make sure that my reaction and body language send the message that his intrusion isn't welcome. If he persists I might expect my lover to take action (although there is no reason that I can't do so myself). But it is not reasonable for me to expect my lover to be the one to send him packing if I am openly welcoming this other man into our presence.

I don't say that to be critical of you. In the circumstance you describe you were not on a date with Derek and there was no reasonable expectation of exclusivity. I think that engaging with Jack probably helped set the stage for Derek to internalize the fact that you are naturally interested in other men and they are naturally interested in you. That way when you do have a one-on-one date with him he will be better able to keep it in context - i.e. yes we are one-on-one when a date but otherwise I will be with whomever I want and you have no claim on me. However, I would suggest that when that date occurs it is as much incumbent upon you to protect that one-on-one dynamic as it is on him - all within the bounds of good manners of course.
 
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policywank said:
Although it sounds like you have already rekindled things with Derek to some degree, I would still like to offer a thought on this. Whether or not you find someone attractive is very much a visceral thing, which I typically do not try to analyze too much. If they do something that turns me off I generally take that at face value and don't try to convince myself otherwise.

However, in an instance like this you do have to consider your own actions and how that may have affected Derek. If your response to Jack was the equivalent of an explicit rejection of Derek or expression of preference for Jack, that is quite different from Derek being intimidated by Jack. The latter is a response which may naturally diminish a man's appeal whereas the former is a reasonable response that is effectively respecting your wishes. None of that changes your visceral reaction to the circumstance, but maybe it offers an alternative perspective too put Derek's reaction in context.

As women, we have a powerful ability to affect how men see themselves in this kind of situation. One of the things that I think we get wrong sometimes is the tendency to want a man to fight for or pursue us even when we have rejected them. Wanting a man to pursue us is fine, but wanting him to do it in the face of rejection doesn't make a lot of sense. Besides being unfairly confusing to him it is actually a way of saying we want men who don't respect the boundaries we set out for them or we want men that will allow us to humiliate and reject them. If our actions put a guy in a position where he has to choose between these two possibilities the balanced man will simply walk away.

The point you made later on about Derek saying he doesn't want to share may need addressing. When you are with him it is ok to want one-on-one. But obviously he needs to know that he will have to share you with other men more broadly.

Personally, my relationship with most of my lovers is one-on-one when we are together. And frankly I feel that it is up to me to protect that dynamic as much as anything else. For instance, if I am with one of my lovers and another man (lover or otherwise) intrudes upon that situation I make sure that my reaction and body language send the message that his intrusion isn't welcome. If he persists I might expect my lover to take action (although there is no reason that I can't do so myself). But it is not reasonable for me to expect my lover to be the one to send him packing if I am openly welcoming this other man into our presence.

I don't say that to be critical of you. In the circumstance you describe you were not on a date with Derek and there was no reasonable expectation of exclusivity. I think that engaging with Jack probably helped set the stage for Derek to internalize the fact that you are naturally interested in other men and they are naturally interested in you. That way when you do have a one-on-one date with him he will be better able to keep it in context - i.e. yes we are one-on-one when a date but otherwise I will be with whomever I want and you have no claim on me. However, I would suggest that when that date occurs it is as much incumbent upon you to protect that one-on-one dynamic as it is on him - all within the bounds of good manners of course.
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This! ... and succinctly put.
 
I am so glad I stumbled on the thread. It will be a while before I am able to read all of it. But I am so impressed that I want to say a couple things to you even having having read only the first page or so. I think you are an unusually insightful young woman, I think that you write well and express your feelings and experiences with wonderful clarity.

And I am aware from my own experience how conservative religion can affect sexuality. How the many taboos can in their own way act just like a cock cage— how they not only intensify the desire for those things that are taboo, but how they lead into all sorts of kinkiness that a person might otherwise never experience. My own queerness, for instance— I wonder if it would be half as enjoyable as it is, if it had not been so terribly taboo through so many years of my life.

I'm glad that you're enjoying your sex life now, and I look forward to reading through the entire thread, in time.
 
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policywank said:
Although it sounds like you have already rekindled things with Derek to some degree, I would still like to offer a thought on this. Whether or not you find someone attractive is very much a visceral thing, which I typically do not try to analyze too much. If they do something that turns me off I generally take that at face value and don't try to convince myself otherwise.

However, in an instance like this you do have to consider your own actions and how that may have affected Derek. If your response to Jack was the equivalent of an explicit rejection of Derek or expression of preference for Jack, that is quite different from Derek being intimidated by Jack. The latter is a response which may naturally diminish a man's appeal whereas the former is a reasonable response that is effectively respecting your wishes. None of that changes your visceral reaction to the circumstance, but maybe it offers an alternative perspective to put Derek's reaction in context.

As women, we have a powerful ability to affect how men see themselves in this kind of situation. One of the things that I think we get wrong sometimes is the tendency to want a man to fight for or pursue us even when we have rejected them. Wanting a man to pursue us is fine, but wanting him to do it in the face of rejection doesn't make a lot of sense. Besides being unfairly confusing to him it is actually a way of saying we want men who don't respect the boundaries we set out for them or we want men that will allow us to humiliate and reject them. If our actions put a guy in a position where he has to choose between these two possibilities the balanced man will simply walk away.

The point you made later on about Derek saying he doesn't want to share may need addressing. When you are with him it is ok to want one-on-one. But obviously he needs to know that he will have to share you with other men more broadly.

Personally, my relationship with most of my lovers is one-on-one when we are together. And frankly I feel that it is up to me to protect that dynamic as much as anything else. For instance, if I am with one of my lovers and another man (lover or otherwise) intrudes upon that situation I make sure that my reaction and body language send the message that his intrusion isn't welcome. If he persists I might expect my lover to take action (although there is no reason that I can't do so myself). But it is not reasonable for me to expect my lover to be the one to send him packing if I am openly welcoming this other man into our presence.

I don't say that to be critical of you. In the circumstance you describe you were not on a date with Derek and there was no reasonable expectation of exclusivity. I think that engaging with Jack probably helped set the stage for Derek to internalize the fact that you are naturally interested in other men and they are naturally interested in you. That way when you do have a one-on-one date with him he will be better able to keep it in context - i.e. yes we are one-on-one when a date but otherwise I will be with whomever I want and you have no claim on me. However, I would suggest that when that date occurs it is as much incumbent upon you to protect that one-on-one dynamic as it is on him - all within the bounds of good manners of course.
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Policywank, you are correct, but all that takes too much thinking, and since I have to do a lot of thinking at work, I am just going to go after whatever I want and hope for the best.
 
You can scratch Derek off the list. I won't be seeing him anymore, except for the weekend bike rides. We met for lunch today, and all he did was trash his wife the whole time. It was very unattractive.

I will respond to DM's and comments as soon as I can.

I hope you are having a great day!
 
LeaHaven said:
You can scratch Derek off the list. I won't be seeing him anymore, except for the weekend bike rides. We met for lunch today, and all he did was trash his wife the whole time. It was very unattractive.

I will respond to DM's and comments as soon as I can.

I hope you are having a great day!
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at least now you know what you don't want! He'll still be lusting after you though!
 
After I posted that I was going to meet Derek for lunch, I got a few DM's encouraging me to dress sexy. I told them that I would be leaving to meet Derek from work, and dressing sexy in my industry is not acceptable. As I said in my responses, "Search 'wealth management team' and look at the pictures. You won't see anyone dressed sexy."

Btw, Derek texted me and asked if I wanted to meet for lunch again next week. I told him I was late getting back when I met him for lunch, and it's really hard for me to get away like that. (I was late getting back, but work doesn't care as long as it doesn't interfere with anything.) I left it at that, and he has not responded. I am sure he took the hint.
 
LeaHaven said:
After I posted that I was going to meet Derek for lunch, I got a few DM's encouraging me to dress sexy. I told them that I would be leaving to meet Derek from work, and dressing sexy in my industry is not acceptable. As I said in my responses, "Search 'wealth management team' and look at the pictures. You won't see anyone dressed sexy."

Btw, Derek texted me and asked if I wanted to meet for lunch again next week. I told him I was late getting back when I met him for lunch, and it's really hard for me to get away like that. (I was late getting back, but work doesn't care as long as it doesn't interfere with anything.) I left it at that, and he has not responded. I am sure he took the hint.
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You'll find out how much he took the hint at the next bike ride.
 
liqueur said:
I am so glad I stumbled on the thread. It will be a while before I am able to read all of it. But I am so impressed that I want to say a couple things to you even having having read only the first page or so. I think you are an unusually insightful young woman, I think that you write well and express your feelings and experiences with wonderful clarity.

And I am aware from my own experience how conservative religion can affect sexuality. How the many taboos can in their own way act just like a cock cage— how they not only intensify the desire for those things that are taboo, but how they lead into all sorts of kinkiness that a person might otherwise never experience. My own queerness, for instance— I wonder if it would be half as enjoyable as it is, if it had not been so terribly taboo through so many years of my life.

I'm glad that you're enjoying your sex life now, and I look forward to reading through the entire thread, in time.
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Oh gosh, thank you!

And you are right, the feeling of "sinfulness" and "Inappropriateness" has become an irresistible source of pleasure. Not too terribly long ago I wrote in a post that being "a bad girl" has become my objective. It really has, and I am enjoying it immensely!
 
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