Leahaven

[9to5]

so sorry for this. I really don't know what to say that could help you

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Oh Leah, Im so sorry. These arrangements always come with risks but hopefully communication might help? He needs to talk to you- not something you can control.

I wish I could hug you right now.

 

[P0peye]

I would suggest that the three of you sit down and have a discussion to iron out the details of your "arrangement" and lay out the ground rules. You Leah, are in charge of the relationship and you must tell them both what you expect from them, politely but firmly.

 

[13Fantasies]

-Hugs-

 

[cascadiabound]

Be kind to yourself

 

[Toro1886]

I will not give many sex details in this post, because I want to tell you about something important that happened this past weekend.

Overall, my birthday, that day itself, was nice. I teased Travis all day long, at times giving him oral sex in the backseat of the car but not letting him cum. And since all my teasing was right there in front of Robbie, or over his shoulder, since he was driving, I was teasing him, too. More than once, I noticed that little sigh with closed eyes Robbie does when his little erection reaches its hard limit at the steel confines of his cage, but he tried to hide it each time. He didn't want Travis to see, because Travis does not know that sometimes I lock up Robbie's little cock. At one point while I was teasing Travis in the backseat, I removed my mouth from his thickness and I told him "Don't you cum," and then I leaned forward to Robbie and whispered in his ear. "Don't you cum either, boy, but I don't think that will happen, now will it?" I giggled at his caged predicament and then returned my attention to Travis' glistening erection.

All that fun made for a very, very enjoyable birthday. Teasing Travis with my mouth, getting him so hard and then stopping and leaving him so frustrated and complaining. And knowing all the while that Robbie's cock was straining against his cage because of what I was doing to Travis' cock...it all put me in a crazed level of arousal. God, I love this stuff. And I made a note to myself: "A caged husband, but another, more capable lover makes for a very enjoyable birthday."

We went to a nice restaurant that evening and sat in a booth. Me and Travis on one side, Robbie on the other. By then it was probably around 7:00 PM or so. As was planned, Travis and I had spent the day together. It was all planned to be a "date" for him and me with Robbie as our driver. As we waited for our meals, Travis pulled out a small box, like a jewelry box, and placed it on the table in front of me.

"What's this?" I said.

"For your birthday!"

"I told you not to get me a gift."

"It's just a little thing," he said.

I opened the box and inside, nestled in white, cotton-like backing, was a beautiful, red, round-cut gemstone. My heart sank. This was a "lover's" gift, and Robbie and I were already worried that Travis was seeing me as a "true love." Robbie was looking at me from across the table through the tops of his eyes, like he was saying, "I told you so."

I said, "Travis, how much did this cost?"

"Is that all you ever think about?" he replied. "It was like $50."

$50 was too much, but it tamped down my concerns about it being a lover's gift. He told me it is a garnet. He said he knew that it is not my birthstone, but he thought it was a better "fit." I told him it was beautiful, and I asked him why he thought garnet is a better fit.

"Garnet stands for passion, love, protection, and friendship," he said. "That's what you give to me."

God. I didn't know what to say. In my heart I knew it was true, but hearing it from him, it felt kind of scary. Was it a lover's gift or a gift of friendship? I couldn't honestly tell, and I didn't want to pretend like I'm so incredibly irresistible. And while most guys would know that a gift of this sort is very personal, I wasn't at all sure that Travis would know that. Honestly, I would not be surprised if Travis was torn between buying me a gemstone or a really nice pocket knife with an eagle etched on the side. Of course, I have absolutely no interest in a pocket knife, but Travis wouldn't know that. He lives in his own world, and in his world, people like pocket knives.

I don't know what time we got home, but when we did, I went and put on my tiny, sexy dress and heels, touched up my makeup, ran a brush through my hair, and then walked out to the boys. You should have seen Robbie's face. He was like, "WHAT THE FUCK!?" Travis was no different, and he exclaimed, "Christ-A-Mighty!"

That kind of attention feels really good!

I don't have time to go into everything that happened, maybe later, but we had great sex which went on for some time, with lots of teasing, and eventually ended in my bed. I was lying on my side with one leg pulled up and Travis was fucking me from behind, kind of slow like, long strokes, taking his time and "enjoying good pussy." (His words, not mine) Robbie was lying next to us, and my face was right up to his. He was gently kissing my lips, my cheeks, my forehead, brushing my hair out of my face, just kind of adoring me while I bathed in the luxury of a good boy giving me big cock and a good husband whose little cock was fighting to break out of its cage. I whispered to Robbie, "I think he is really enjoying your wife. Aren't you glad?"

"Yes. I am very glad," he told me. We were talking so quiet, I don't think Travis could hear.

"He deserves it, while you're NCD, isn't that right, baby?" (NCD means "no cum day." It's something I made up.)

"Yes, he deserves it," he replied. He gently kissed my face, looked me in the eye, and added, "You always make sure we each get our just rewards."

I smiled so big. I was totally delighted in life at that moment. I kissed Robbie on his forehead and then turned over onto my back, so that Travis could finish his just reward. As he slowly fucked me, he looked deep into my eyes. But it quickly felt like he was fixated on a girl he loved, and suddenly that moment felt less like a moment of sublime joy and more like a moment of deep regret. Travis was getting close to cumming (he gets this look on his face), and with the most sincere voice, he said, "You're the perfect girl." Two strokes later, he began to cum. He plunged his cock as deep and he could possibly get it, and pushed against me with short, buried thrusts. When he was done, he collapsed on me, breathing heavily, but I could feel that his mood had totally changed. The mood in the whole room had changed. No one was feeling joy anymore. It was a room full of sadness and regret. Travis was lying on the woman he couldn't have, and Robbie and I had set him up for this devastating let down. I also realized that all the attention I had been giving to Robbie while Travis was fucking me only made matters worse.

Travis got off of me, and without looking at me, he headed out of the bedroom. I called to him with concern. "Travis!" But he kept walking. He walked to his bedroom and shut the door. I got up from the bed, threw on a robe, and chased after him. I gently knocked on his bedroom door.

"Travis?" I said, gently, but he didn't answer. I stood there trying to listen. "Travis?" I called again, softly, looking at the blank white of the door, but there was no response. Then I thought I heard him quietly crying. My stomach felt sick, and I wanted to push through the door and go to him, but I knew I couldn't. And now my heart was completely broken. I ran back to Robbie, I couldn't stand to hear the sound of Travis crying, and I fell onto the bed. "God, what have I done?" I said, "What have I done?" I had torn apart the heart of a "big dummy," naive and innocent, who loves everybody and everything. He has never meant any harm to anyone, and he would walk though the fires of hell for me. It was all I could do to hold back my own tears.

Robbie tried hard to convince me that I had done nothing wrong, but it wasn't working.

At work on Monday, Erin asked me to do lunch, but I told her I couldn't. "I've got to run an errand." I walked across the boulevard to the shopping center and went to a jewelry store. I asked the woman if she could give me an appraisal on the gemstone. As she looked it over, she asked me what I thought it was worth. I wasn't buying the $50 number from Travis, and I told her $100. She looked at me like I was stupid, and she decisively said, "This is not a $100 stone." I felt my shoulders drop, and I thought, "Wait. Did Travis buy me some kind of fake, $2.00 piece of junk?" My mind was swirling, and I was so confused. A hundred questions swirled in my head. Was he "in love" with me, but he bought me a $2.00 gift? Is that the real Travis? Or am I just a FWB, and he doesn't think any more of me than a fake, $2.00 rock? If so, why was he so upset the other night?

It was taking forever, and she consulted with a guy who also looked it over, then she came back and handed it to me. "I would put the replacement value in the $1,000 to $1,500 range, but certainly not less than $1,000." She might as well have hit me with a brick. Now I knew what I meant to Travis. I put my hand to my mouth, trying to hold back tears, but it was no use. I remembered how happy Travis was for our day together. I remembered how excited he was to give me the stone. I remembered how he ran out of our bedroom. Standing there in the store, looking that poor woman in the eye, as hard as I tried not to, I began to cry. I rumagged though my purse and pulled out my wallet, but the woman said, "You don't owe us anything." I think she felt sorry for me, or maybe she just didn't want a crying customer in her store. I told her, "Thank you," and walked out as fast as I could.

I debated lying to you all about what happened. I even debated never visiting this thread again. I am so ashamed of myself, and I didn't know if I could face you and tell you all this. Travis has been avoiding me, and I don't know how to fix the mess I've made. I am so upset, I even called in sick yesterday.

I don't know what else to say.

Thanks for sharing. We are all rooting for you all.
All I can say is...Try to keep communicating, go slow and keep calm.

 

[LeaHaven]

From a recent DM...

...you don't know how much I needed those words right now. There is so much that you said that has been rolling around in my head. When I first read Popeye's advice I was in such a bad frame of mind that I thought his suggestion was ridiculous. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized he is totally correct. Now I have to build up the courage and decide what to say and how to say it. And that will have to include a conversation about the gemstone.

It is not actually a ring. It is a loose gemstone. (But it would make a beautiful ring.) I am completely torn as to what to do with it. To ask Travis to send it back would be very hurtful to him. To keep it sends the wrong message. I guess this is the most difficult part of this whole mess, because the stone isn't just about Travis' feelings toward me. Now that I have it, it represents the entire relationship between me and Travis. I love Travis to death, but I don't love him. He's not Robbie, and I can't imagine I could ever have the same level of connection with another person that I have with Robbie. But when Travis and I have sex, there is meaning to it. I care deeply for him, and I so admire his gullible innocence. I find myself constantly trying to protect him from the world. And that brings up what Robbie has learned.

On Monday, Travis had a long talk with Robbie, and Robbie says I am viewing Travis' feelings toward me all wrong. He said that Travis doesn't want to be my "boyfriend." But I am not ready to talk about that. I have not completely processed all the things Robbie told me.

In another DM, someone suggested that maybe Robbie could become an advocate for Travis, but as you can see from what I said in the above message, that has already happened.

I only have a minute for now. I will check back in here at lunchtime.

 

[LeaHaven]

I would suggest that the three of you sit down and have a discussion to iron out the details of your "arrangement" and lay out the ground rules. You Leah, are in charge of the relationship and you must tell them both what you expect from them, politely but firmly.

You are right. Please see my post above, #464

 

[P0peye]

Travis must be made to understand that while you and Robbie have an "unorthodox" marital agreement, he is still your husband and mate, while you and Travis can only be "friends with benefits".

 

[Purple_Fronds]

I echo the sentiment to be kind to yourself. This is also a good reminder that men are just and often more emotional than women and this goes double for young men.

There’s this weird notion that men just want sex and they’re not emotionally engaged but it’s just not true. By your own account you’ve described him as your boyfriend and he’s acted accordingly including developing deep feelings for you and maybe even love. This is where the 9 years of additional life experience can make a big difference.

I say this not to be harsh to you but I see women often make this mistake of not taking into account how emotional men are especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. It’s in the same category when a woman is shocked by that guy friend of hers who she’s hung out with all the time “suddenly” professes his love for her. in short there’s much less difference between men and women than society will have us believe. In some ways age gaps can be more of a differentiating factor than gender.

With all that said I’m a big believer that if you’re an adult, you see yourself as such and you engage in adult behavior then the responsibility is ultimately on you. Therefore as sympathetic as I am to Travis he has to be the one that chalks it up to a super fun life experience.

In terms of what you should do next, I think that’s largely up to both you and Travis, I don’t think this has anything to do with Robbie. For what it’s worth my advice would be to take a walk with Travis, tell him how beautiful the stone is (I would make it into a necklace that you can wear when you want) and how much it and he means to you. I think he has the choice of continuing with you (if that’s what you want), but he needs to understand that you’re not going to be his partner in life, you can only be his very close friend. I think you have to be ok with and encourage him to explore other relationships that has the possibility of becoming more, ie what you and Robbie have and that you’ll be his biggest supporter. That you guys can continue with your fun but understand if that’s too difficult for him to do. I can’t emphasize enough that he should be ok with being emotional it’s ok to cry over not being able to have something that your heart desires.

The last thing I would add and one of the reasons why I wouldn’t include Robbie in any of this is because he needs to understand that the deeper connection he craves with his “perfect girl” isn’t going to happen with you irrespective of where things are at with Robbie. You guys are not a match to be life partners and he needs to hear you say that.

Again men and women are no different and the last thing you need is for him to think that it could all be different if only you weren’t with Robbie.

Good luck and I love how caring you are, you’re a good person.

 

[Dom70]

I echo the sentiment to be kind to yourself. This is also a good reminder that men are just and often more emotional than women and this goes double for young men.

There’s this weird notion that men just want sex and they’re not emotionally engaged but it’s just not true. By your own account you’ve described him as your boyfriend and he’s acted accordingly including developing deep feelings for you and maybe even love. This is where the 9 years of additional life experience can make a big difference.

I say this not to be harsh to you but I see women often make this mistake of not taking into account how emotional men are especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. It’s in the same category when a woman is shocked by that guy friend of hers who she’s hung out with all the time “suddenly” professes his love for her. in short there’s much less difference between men and women than society will have us believe. In some ways age gaps can be more of a differentiating factor than gender.

With all that said I’m a big believer that if you’re an adult, you see yourself as such and you engage in adult behavior then the responsibility is ultimately on you. Therefore as sympathetic as I am to Travis he has to be the one that chalks it up to a super fun life experience.

In terms of what you should do next, I think that’s largely up to both you and Travis, I don’t think this has anything to do with Robbie. For what it’s worth my advice would be to take a walk with Travis, tell him how beautiful the stone is (I would make it into a necklace that you can wear when you want) and how much it and he means to you. I think he has the choice of continuing with you (if that’s what you want), but he needs to understand that you’re not going to be his partner in life, you can only be his very close friend. I think you have to be ok with and encourage him to explore other relationships that has the possibility of becoming more, ie what you and Robbie have and that you’ll be his biggest supporter. That you guys can continue with your fun but understand if that’s too difficult for him to do. I can’t emphasize enough that he should be ok with being emotional it’s ok to cry over not being able to have something that your heart desires.

The last thing I would add and one of the reasons why I wouldn’t include Robbie in any of this is because he needs to understand that the deeper connection he craves with his “perfect girl” isn’t going to happen with you irrespective of where things are at with Robbie. You guys are not a match to be life partners and he needs to hear you say that.

Again men and women are no different and the last thing you need is for him to think that it could all be different if only you weren’t with Robbie.

Good luck and I love how caring you are, you’re a good person.

I think this is very sound advice. Well said

 

[LeaHaven]

Travis must be made to understand that while you and Robbie have an "unorthodox" marital agreement, he is still your husband and mate, while you and Travis can only be "friends with benefits".

Popeye, to be honest, Travis means more to me than a FWB, but it is hard to explain.

 

[P0peye]

Popeye, to be honest, Travis means more to me than a FWB, but it is hard to explain.

The term "friend" can cover a lot of territory, and some friendships are quite intense, often stronger than many marriages.

 

[LeaHaven]

Everything is good, but please bear with me. I have been drafting an update, but it is really hard to talk honestly about some of this out here. I know you have heard that from me before, and I am sorry it is taking so long. I want to be open and honest, but as I am writing the update and I know others will read it, it feels scary. I have overcome this "block" before. I will overcome it again. I just need some time.

I hope everything is good for all of you.

 

[Artfan2]

Everything is good, but please bear with me. I have been drafting an update, but it is really hard to talk honestly about some of this out here. I know you have heard that from me before, and I am sorry it is taking so long. I want to be open and honest, but as I am writing the update and I know others will read it, it feels scary. I have overcome this "block" before. I will overcome it again. I just need some time.

I hope everything is good for all of you.

Glad to hear that things are going well now.

 

[P0peye]

Leah, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I check these pages often to see if you haven't submitted a new posting. I'm VERY anxious to learn the latest development in your sexual saga, but the bottom line is that it's YOUR story, and YOU have to feel comfortable with what you put into words.
I can appreciate that it takes time to compose your thoughts and decide precisely what it is that you're willing to divulge openly. Post whenever you feel ready.

 

[LeaHaven]

I appreciate everyone's comments and concerns. Thank you so much. I am sorry this is so long, and I am sorry it took so long, but I wanted you to be able to understand everything, so I wrote a lot. Anyway, here is the update....

Not much happened for a couple of days after Travis got so upset. And to me it didn't seem necessary to talk to him about where he fits in the scheme of things. He obviously got that message loud and clear; otherwise, he would not have been so hurt. But I wanted to talk to him about, "What do we do going forward?" The problem was that I didn't know the answer to that question myself, so I was afraid to bring it up. All I could do would be to tell him what I want, and ask him what he wants. Robbie said that when he and Travis talked, Travis told him that in one way I am like a girlfriend, and in another way, I am like a mom. How do I navigate that? I really didn't know, and so I avoided doing anything.


Then one evening I was in my (home) office doing some work, and I heard Robbie and Travis in the family room talking. Travis was talking about moving out, and Robbie was being supportive of that idea. Honestly, I rolled my eyes. Robbie knew better. Travis is a new hire. He has been in his job for what? Two months? And the economy is not looking good going forward. Not to mention, his whole industry depends on China. If things don't change soon, he will be lucky to have a job in a year. Him signing a lease now would be really stupid. I walked in there and told them both that Travis is NOT moving out.

"Why not?" Travis said, in a rather bitchy way.

I explained what I said above in greater detail, and I didn't leave out the part about the idea being "really stupid." It was sort of confrontational, but it got Travis and me talking. (I think it made him feel a lot better to hear me say that I didn't want him to move out.) I told Robbie to give Travis and me a minute (or two). I wanted Travis to feel free to speak honestly, but also, I feel like my relationship with Travis is only between me and Travis. It doesn't include Robbie. I know that probably sounds really bad, like you might be thinking, "Shouldn't your husband have a say in that? Isn't he the one who is allowing you to have the relationship anyway?" In my opinion, no. Robbie didn't help me build this relationship, and I never once conferred with him that it would be "OK." And I never felt like I needed to. Something changed in me back there in time where I came to understand that I am pursuing a life goal that includes Robbie, and his role is to help me achieve those objectives for us. That works for us, it always has. We tried being equals. That was a disaster.

So Robbie, the good boy that he is, went to my bedroom and shut the door like I told him, and I sat down on the couch facing Travis, one leg folded in front of me, the other foot on the floor.

"Travis," I said, "why are you living here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. Why are you living here with Robbie and me?"

He looked away, because he knew where this discussion was headed, but he turned back to me and admitted, "To save up some money."

"That's the goal, right? You don't want to live here forever." He raised an eyebrow as if maybe that wasn't such a bad idea, but I wasn't going there, and I went right ahead and told him that I had the garnet appraised.

"What for?" he shot back.

"Because I wasn't believing your price." He dropped his eyes and sat there quiet. Now he knew that I had not trusted him and with good reason. I softened my tone and said, "Travis, you can't afford to be giving gifts like that. You have to stay in budget or you will never be able to move out." He looked away, only more ashamed and embarrassed, because the real hurt didn't have anything to do with me not trusting his little white lie. He had presented me with a gift from his heart, a gift that, to him, really meant something, and it had not gone over in the way he expected. On the very night he gave me such a special gift, I was paying attention to someone else while he and I were having sex. God, how completely stupid of me! I felt so sorry for him. I took his hand into both of my hands, and I told him, "The stone means a great deal to me, Travis, it really does. I am thinking about having it mounted to make a ring." His eyes lit up.

"Really?"

"Yes. Would that be OK?"

"That'd be great! But would you wear it?"

"I would wear it all the time."

He looked at me like everything between us had become OK again, but I could see he had another thought on his mind. Then he said, "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me whatever you want."

"Do you like sex with me?" he said. I tilted my head down at him like, "seriously?"

"Travis," I replied, "do you really have to ask that question?"

That clearly bolstered his ego, but he was still looking at me like there was something else on his mind.

"What?" I asked.

"I guess it's just that...you know...why?" he said. "Is it about me, like you want to have sex with me, or is it because you're not getting what you want from Robbie?"

God! Could I really answer that question? Should I answer that question? There was a long pause. I really didn't know what to say, but then, yes I did know what to say. I knew that Travis already knew the truth about Robbie. He had already done things that made that evident. He just wanted me to confirm it. What he didn't necessarily know was if I found him desirable or if he was just a convenient replacement. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Honestly," I said, "it's both."

"Which one's stronger?" he asked.

I chuckled. "Travis," I said, shaking my head. Sometimes he seems so YOUNG! "If I wasn't getting any sex at all, I still wouldn't have sex with anyone that I didn't like as a person and find sexually attractive. Does that answer your question?"

"Yeah," he said with pride beaming from his face. "So you like having sex with me?"

"Yes," I chuckled, "I like having sex with you. Very much so."

But I decided that if we were asking those kinds of questions, then OK, "So now I've got a question for you," I said.

"OK. What?"

"Why do you call me 'Mom' sometimes when we're having sex? And you know when I'm talking about." Very often Travis calls me 'mom' when I leave the door open and he comes to my bedroom in the middle of the night. In other words, when I am giving him a blowjob.

"Cause I feel like you're taking care of me. It's like I've got this bad ache and I come to you and you make it feel better."

"Oh!" I said, totally surprised, not only at what he said but also my titillated reaction. I am not into incest - not at all, but God, that was hot!

"Should I stop doing that?" he asked.

"No," I said, "that's fine." I guess I was playing it down a little.

"And," he shrugged, "you're like a mom. You always tell me what to do, and you run things around here. I have to clean my wing of the house (I call it the 'wing.' It's the front, right section of the house that includes his room, his bathroom, and my office.), and park my car where you say, and keep my budget right, and help with the dishes...lots of things. And if I'm running late or stay out really late, you text me and ask where I am. That's just like a mom."

"I guess so," I said, and then in a heartfelt tone I added, "Well, Travis, you don't need a girlfriend you can't have. Right?"

He looked down and slowly nodded.

"AND," I added, breaking the pensive mood, "if you touch that thermostat again, I'm going to hand you the electric bill." There have been times that Travis has set the thermostat to 70, and I freeze!

"It gets hot in here," he replied.

"You heard what I said, and the same goes for where you park. I'm telling you, Travis, you block me in one day and I'm going to make your life miserable. Got it?" He cut his eyes up toward the ceiling. He didn't like being admonished. I had to lean over and put my face in front of him to get a response.

"Yes, Ma'am," he said sarcastically, but he got the point.

We were finished talking, and things between us felt so much better. I don't remember what night that was. Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday? I don't remember. But I asked him if he was going out (with friends) on Saturday night.

"Probably."

"Well, if you get to feeling an ache," I said, "send me a text and let me know. I'll make it feel better when you get home."

Travis looked at me with a gentle smile like he loved me to death, and I looked back at him in the same way. There was a whole new understanding between us, and our relationship was all the more stronger. What had seemed like a knife to the heart of our relationship, had turned out to be the painful beginning of a metamorphosis. And we were better having gone through it than we were before.

Finally, with the utmost sincerity, he looked me in the eye, slowly nodded, and said, "Yes, Ma'am."

 

[LeaHaven]

I echo the sentiment to be kind to yourself. This is also a good reminder that men are just and often more emotional than women and this goes double for young men.

There’s this weird notion that men just want sex and they’re not emotionally engaged but it’s just not true. By your own account you’ve described him as your boyfriend and he’s acted accordingly including developing deep feelings for you and maybe even love. This is where the 9 years of additional life experience can make a big difference.

I say this not to be harsh to you but I see women often make this mistake of not taking into account how emotional men are especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. It’s in the same category when a woman is shocked by that guy friend of hers who she’s hung out with all the time “suddenly” professes his love for her. in short there’s much less difference between men and women than society will have us believe. In some ways age gaps can be more of a differentiating factor than gender.

With all that said I’m a big believer that if you’re an adult, you see yourself as such and you engage in adult behavior then the responsibility is ultimately on you. Therefore as sympathetic as I am to Travis he has to be the one that chalks it up to a super fun life experience.

In terms of what you should do next, I think that’s largely up to both you and Travis, I don’t think this has anything to do with Robbie. For what it’s worth my advice would be to take a walk with Travis, tell him how beautiful the stone is (I would make it into a necklace that you can wear when you want) and how much it and he means to you. I think he has the choice of continuing with you (if that’s what you want), but he needs to understand that you’re not going to be his partner in life, you can only be his very close friend. I think you have to be ok with and encourage him to explore other relationships that has the possibility of becoming more, ie what you and Robbie have and that you’ll be his biggest supporter. That you guys can continue with your fun but understand if that’s too difficult for him to do. I can’t emphasize enough that he should be ok with being emotional it’s ok to cry over not being able to have something that your heart desires.

The last thing I would add and one of the reasons why I wouldn’t include Robbie in any of this is because he needs to understand that the deeper connection he craves with his “perfect girl” isn’t going to happen with you irrespective of where things are at with Robbie. You guys are not a match to be life partners and he needs to hear you say that.

Again men and women are no different and the last thing you need is for him to think that it could all be different if only you weren’t with Robbie.

Good luck and I love how caring you are, you’re a good person.

I didn't mention it in my last post, because it is long enough as it is, but Travis left a girlfriend behind when he came to live with us. They have been talking all along, and Travis has been trying to convince her to move to the city where we are. (I don't want her living with us. I don't know the girl.) She can't find a job back home, and as Travis sees it, if she got a job here, then he and she could move in together and afford it. I am not crazy about the idea, because it sounds like their relationship has been rocky, but it doesn't matter anymore. Just a day or two before my birthday, she told Travis that she would not move. So Travis had that disappointment on top of everything else. Also, the hope that she would move up here kept Travis from dating anyone seriously. I think that will change now.

 

[policywank]

I have always felt that in my role as a hotwife it is highly incumbent upon me to establish the nature and tone of all of my relationships. In addition to generally being in charge, I make a point of ensuring that each man knows where he stands. And I do so as proactively as possible.

In general I think that women tend to underestimate the degree to which men need communication to know where they stand and to address their emotions. Part of it is because we have been conditioned to think that men are simple creatures who don't dwell on things or think about them the same as we do. I think the reality is more that they think about and dwell on different things than we do. In this situation there are some things that are likely to be top of mind and the men may be hesitant to bring them up or not even know how they feel. Meanwhile as a woman that whole 'simple creature' notion means I am inclined to assume all is well unless I see signs to the contrary. But what I have learned is that I need to tune myself into the emotions that a man will feel and be pro-active in addressing them explicitly.

Women also often have a tendency to sugar coat things to the point of maybe embracing a bit of denial. That undermines our credibility. I remember early on in our relationship when my husband observed a guy hitting on me from across the room at a social function. When I made it over to him he asked me about it and I did the knee-jerk thing and said no the guy was just being nice. I say knee-jerk because women are sort of conditioned to respond that way to avoid confrontation. But the reality is that it fools precisely nobody. He got upset or maybe more just irritated. What he explained to me later was that he wasn't upset about the guy hitting on me or my flirting back. He was upset about my denial. In his mind the denial implied that either I was naive or I was intentionally misleading him. Neither boded well for his ability to have trust and confidence in me and how I conduct myself. Years later when I became a hotwife this became all the more important. My sexual exclusivity to him is not a feature of our relationship, but we still have a deep emotional commitment to one another, which I must protect. And I have learned that for him the best way to do that is to be forthright. Even if I seek to say things in the most palatable way, sugar coating it to the point of denial is not acceptable.

That said truth doesn't necessarily mean full disclosure. I have private intimate relationships with all of my men. Of course my husband is the prime relationship, but he has no "right" to intrude upon any of the others. I think of it a little like the way most spouses would regard their spouse's friends or family. It is fair for my husband to know the overall nature of those relationships and if there is some aspect to them that does affect him then I have to take that into account in terms of how I interact with them and what I share with him. I owe it to him to not do or say anything that reflects poorly upon him or which would hurt him if he knew about it. But whether I am with my friend for lunch or my lover for an afternoon delight I don't owe him a blow by blow of every little thing that was said or happened.

It is entirely appropriate that you addressed your relationship with Travis directly with him and without Robbie present. If Travis had said or done something that impinged upon or had consequences for your marriage that would be a different story. You would almost certainly need to redirect him and it may or may not have been appropriate to share that with Robbie separately.

By the way, I would steer clear of saying anything directly or indirectly about your sex life with Robbie to Travis or anyone else. It is fine to tell Travis that you enjoy sex with him. But any hint even indirectly that it is better than or replacing something that you don't have with Robbie has the potential to be problematic (either I'm terms of how Robbie would feel about that or what Travis's immature mind might infer).

 

[LeaHaven]

Hello everyone. I thought this thread might have run out of steam, but I am getting messages asking for updates. I am not used to people being interested in my life. Robbie and I are used to being the boring people. I guess in public we are still just another couple, but we're not so boring behind closed doors anymore. And in public, at least the way I dress is not so boring anymore. I am a lot more body conscious now. I like the attention it gets me.

Isn't that so weird? Two years ago I would have considered that kind of attention to be an attack on my marriage...even though deep down inside a little voice would tell me, "You like it!" And if Robbie sees other guys checking me out, all the better. Especially if he catches me looking back at the guy(s).

We are worried that Travis is about to lose his job. I know I already mentioned that I thought this was a possibility, but I sure didn't think it would be anytime soon! It is only rumors so far, but it seems people made all their big purchases to beat the tariffs, and now purchasing has dropped to a trickle. (Travis had been working almost every weekend. I thought it was because of the season change, but it was the surge in purchasing.) To make matters worse, the company has already had to increase prices, and so it is not looking good.

Way back when, someone (or two?) in this thread said I should put Travis in a cage. At that time the idea sounded kind of overzealous to me, since I didn't think Travis and i had that kind of relationship or even the potential for it. But after our "relationship car crash," I wanted to take more control of his connection with me. I got to thinking about how he calls me his "city mom," and I wondered if I could use that. And then I wondered if whoever made the suggestion about putting a cage on him could see something I could not see. A secret, personal challenge formed in my head. "COULD I get Travis in a cage?" And then I thought, "No, better than that. Could I find myself sitting in church with both of my boys caged and the keys in my purse?" God, how that thought arouses me! And I love a good challenge.

I have already begun being "mom" in all my interactions with Travis, and I try to give him a special chore every day, just to make him comply. That was going along fine, until one night when I told him to clean out the filter in the washing machine. He replied, in a very aggitated voice, "What the fuck? I'll do it later." I leaned up to him and whispered, "Do you want mom to still suck your cock?" His shoulders dropped with defeat, and he looked at me like I wasn't being fair. I looked back at him with an innocent expression that said, "It's your choice." Reluctantly, he turned and headed for the laundry closet, and he did what I told him to do. Later that night I very seductively whispered in his ear, "You're a good boy," I put my hand on his crotch and added, "and I like good boys." He tried to hide it, but I could see his whole being glow like the sun. He liked that! Sometime this weekend I am hoping I can arrange his first NCD (no cum day). I will bring him to the brink of cumming and then stop. I will tell him he is not allowed to cum until I give him permission, and then I will leave the room. We will see how that goes.

Wish me luck

 

[9to5]

I wish you a lot of luck, he wants you bad so he will do as you wish. taking control of him and giving him his reward is a great start. having him horny and wanting and not being able to cum without you is a start. if he does cum without you do you cage him then?
i like the idea of them both caged and sitting in church next to you. keys in purse or on a neckless

 

[9to5]

and a BIG thank you for the update. its great to hear what your doing and how you feel about it

 

[Toro1886]

I wish you a lot of luck, he wants you bad so he will do as you wish. taking control of him and giving him his reward is a great start. having him horny and wanting and not being able to cum without you is a start. if he does cum without you do you cage him then?
i like the idea of them both caged and sitting in church next to you. keys in purse or on a neckless

Imagine the three of them in church...The delightful innocent Leah sitting in-between her two locked lads...discreetly stroking their thighs and whispering naughty things in ears...smiling smugly at the squirming! Love it! ;-)

 

[policywank]

Hello everyone. I thought this thread might have run out of steam, but I am getting messages asking for updates. I am not used to people being interested in my life. Robbie and I are used to being the boring people. I guess in public we are still just another couple, but we're not so boring behind closed doors anymore. And in public, at least the way I dress is not so boring anymore. I am a lot more body conscious now. I like the attention it gets me.

Isn't that so weird? Two years ago I would have considered that kind of attention to be an attack on my marriage...even though deep down inside a little voice would tell me, "You like it!" And if Robbie sees other guys checking me out, all the better. Especially if he catches me looking back at the guy(s).

We are worried that Travis is about to lose his job. I know I already mentioned that I thought this was a possibility, but I sure didn't think it would be anytime soon! It is only rumors so far, but it seems people made all their big purchases to beat the tariffs, and now purchasing has dropped to a trickle. (Travis had been working almost every weekend. I thought it was because of the season change, but it was the surge in purchasing.) To make matters worse, the company has already had to increase prices, and so it is not looking good.

Way back when, someone (or two?) in this thread said I should put Travis in a cage. At that time the idea sounded kind of overzealous to me, since I didn't think Travis and i had that kind of relationship or even the potential for it. But after our "relationship car crash," I wanted to take more control of his connection with me. I got to thinking about how he calls me his "city mom," and I wondered if I could use that. And then I wondered if whoever made the suggestion about putting a cage on him could see something I could not see. A secret, personal challenge formed in my head. "COULD I get Travis in a cage?" And then I thought, "No, better than that. Could I find myself sitting in church with both of my boys caged and the keys in my purse?" God, how that thought arouses me! And I love a good challenge.

I have already begun being "mom" in all my interactions with Travis, and I try to give him a special chore every day, just to make him comply. That was going along fine, until one night when I told him to clean out the filter in the washing machine. He replied, in a very aggitated voice, "What the fuck? I'll do it later." I leaned up to him and whispered, "Do you want mom to still suck your cock?" His shoulders dropped with defeat, and he looked at me like I wasn't being fair. I looked back at him with an innocent expression that said, "It's your choice." Reluctantly, he turned and headed for the laundry closet, and he did what I told him to do. Later that night I very seductively whispered in his ear, "You're a good boy," I put my hand on his crotch and added, "and I like good boys." He tried to hide it, but I could see his whole being glow like the sun. He liked that! Sometime this weekend I am hoping I can arrange his first NCD (no cum day). I will bring him to the brink of cumming and then stop. I will tell him he is not allowed to cum until I give him permission, and then I will leave the room. We will see how that goes.

Wish me luck

Giving them regular chores like that is a great way to remind them of their place. It is another form of communicating where they stand. It also gives them an opportunity to be obedient, which they will come to see as it's own reward and they will not want to break the trend of ongoing compliance. That trend is aided by motivating Travis to do as he is told as you have done with the prospect of reward (the carrot so to speak) is opposed to punishment (the stick so to speak).

But the occasional rap on the knuckles is also a powerful lesson. For instance, if even that minor incident of back talk results in denial of sex for a day or two (or whatever punishment suits you if you don't want to do without the sex) he will learn to check himself even more, thereby more deeply entrenching his instinct to obey.

When I started doing this I found that when informed of his punishment my man would apologize and offer to do as he was told right away. At that point I would say it is too late. The punishment stands and he is expected to do as he was told right away if he does not wish to receive further punishment. And I would do it with a smile and a pleasant attitude so that he saw that I was in complete control without negative emotion. As a result, his ongoing compliance is not a matter of fear of punishment so much as an acceptance of inevitability. He understands that the end result will always be his obedience and he will be rewarded for that obedience. All other avenues are dead ends.

 

[LeaHaven]

I wish you a lot of luck, he wants you bad so he will do as you wish. taking control of him and giving him his reward is a great start. having him horny and wanting and not being able to cum without you is a start. if he does cum without you do you cage him then?
i like the idea of them both caged and sitting in church next to you. keys in purse or on a neckless

I am not sure I will get the chance this weekend. Robbie is kicking my car out of the garage tomorrow, because it is time for him to begin painting his project car. He will need the whole space. He warned me that he and Travis may be working until late in the night. If that happens, then my little plan will have to wait.

Isn't it interesting? People used to ask me, "What are you plans for Travis?" and I would always tell them, "I don't have any plans. I'm just taking things as they come." Now I actually have plans....and the best part...they're so devious!