Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
- Start date
- Status
mulehead61
Ever the mulette's mule..
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2009
- Posts
- 19,527
There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash.
Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting.
Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he is known as the chip monk........
Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting.
Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he is known as the chip monk........
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
There are more churches in Las Vegas than casinos. During Sunday services at the offertory, some worshippers contribute casino chips as opposed to cash.
Some are sharing their winnings - some are hoping to win. Since they get chips from so many different casinos, and they are worth money, the Catholic churches are required to send all the chips into the diocese for sorting.
Once sorted into the respective casino chips, one junior priest takes the chips and makes the rounds to the casinos turning chips into cash. And he is known as the chip monk........
LOl that was cute.
Slow Ride469
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2003
- Posts
- 49,419
Super Bowl Tickets
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was
sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl,
the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got
married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was
sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl,
the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was
supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got
married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Happy Hump Day everyone.
1. Polish Brides
Q. What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
A. Her husband's last name.
2. Marriage
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
3. Biker Story
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they spotted a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she said.
While the biker didn't want to appear insensitive, he also didn't want to miss an opportunity. "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
When she has finished kissing, the biker says, "Wow! That was the bet kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl ... "
1. Polish Brides
Q. What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
A. Her husband's last name.
2. Marriage
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
3. Biker Story
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they spotted a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she said.
While the biker didn't want to appear insensitive, he also didn't want to miss an opportunity. "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
When she has finished kissing, the biker says, "Wow! That was the bet kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl ... "
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
Happy Hump Day everyone.
1. Polish Brides
Q. What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?
A. Her husband's last name.
2. Marriage
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
3. Biker Story
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they spotted a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped.
The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she said.
While the biker didn't want to appear insensitive, he also didn't want to miss an opportunity. "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?"
So, she does and it was a long, deep lingering kiss.
When she has finished kissing, the biker says, "Wow! That was the bet kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are wasting. You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl ... "
I'm going to really try to remember those
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
A woman lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend getaway. Their first night there she undresses,as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend getaway. Their first night there she undresses,as he does. There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences."
AbsintheFather
Passing some time
- Joined
- Dec 10, 2009
- Posts
- 42,571
That's Horrible
. . . . . reminds me of the oldWhat's John Lennon doing these days?
. . . Decomposing
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
Where were these when I needed them?
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2003
- Posts
- 269,162
Thinking...
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then - just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius, Camus and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, her lower lip aquiver.
"You think as much as college professors and college professors who don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a fallacious syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night..
Leaning on the unfeeling glass and whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. "Stop before it's too late for you."
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step... I joined the Republican Party.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then - just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius, Camus and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, her lower lip aquiver.
"You think as much as college professors and college professors who don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a fallacious syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night..
Leaning on the unfeeling glass and whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. "Stop before it's too late for you."
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step... I joined the Republican Party.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Hi Kit ~ Thank you for all of your funnies.
This one has me really laughing. Hope you had a Happy Hump Day.
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Hi irish ~ I'm snickering and giggling over that one.
Thank youThat's Horrible
What's John Lennon doing these days?
. . . Decomposing
Now Abs ~ That one has me groaning.
Thanks.
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
LadyGenevieve
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2010
- Posts
- 3,934
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good Italian men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good Italian men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you."
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good Italian men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good Italian men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you."
So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"
"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Good afternoon ALL.
The funnies that have been appearing are just wonderful.
Here is a giggle.
On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.
At the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the very blonde waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us... Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr.... Gurrr.... King".
I do wonder though, is she blonde or just very, very literal?
The funnies that have been appearing are just wonderful.
Here is a giggle.
On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales.
At the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch they stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the very blonde waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us... Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr.... Gurrr.... King".
I do wonder though, is she blonde or just very, very literal?
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
Kitkat103
Waiting for Daylight
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2009
- Posts
- 24,514
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
Good afternoon KitKat~ Those are both great.
Hope you are having a terrific Tuesday!- Status
