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Laughter is Contagious

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Techsan, the pics were incredible...I can't imagine going in a couple of them!!!

I've got time for one funny...Make it a great day! :kiss: :kiss:



COLONOSCOPIES

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of them all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."
 
copperbutterfly said:
Techsan, the pics were incredible...I can't imagine going in a couple of them!!!

I've got time for one funny...Make it a great day! :kiss: :kiss:



COLONOSCOPIES

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, Now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of them all...
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there."
Click to expand...
ROTFLMAO!
 
giggles

The boss complained in a staff meeting that he didn't get any respect.


The next morning he taped a small sign to his door that read, "I'm The Boss."


When he returned from lunch, he found that someone had stuck a Post-It onto his new sign:


"Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
 
kayte said:
The boss complained in a staff meeting that he didn't get any respect.


The next morning he taped a small sign to his door that read, "I'm The Boss."


When he returned from lunch, he found that someone had stuck a Post-It onto his new sign:


"Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
Click to expand...
{{{{{{{{{{kayte}}}}}}}}}}

That one is so good, I had to steal p_m's stolen response ...
http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e50/margiepants/ATT111257E11.gif
 
(((((((Tech))))) Can I have the last potty in group 2? :D :D I like it the best!

((((((Copper))))) ((((((Kayte)))))) :rose: :kiss: :rose:

You all keep me in stitches! Those were hilarious! :nana: :nana:
 
pleaz_me said:
(((((((Tech))))) Can I have the last potty in group 2? :D :D I like it the best!

((((((Copper))))) ((((((Kayte)))))) :rose: :kiss: :rose:

You all keep me in stitches! Those were hilarious! :nana: :nana:
Click to expand...
Sure you can, sweetie. Don't you like the one before it? I think that's a recliner...LMAO...course it looks like you might catch something if you sit there...lol
 
techsan said:
Sure you can, sweetie. Don't you like the one before it? I think that's a recliner...LMAO...course it looks like you might catch something if you sit there...lol
Click to expand...
I think just looking at it I might catch something! :eek:

How's your day going handsome?
 
Pastor's Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!
"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22)
 
pleaz_me said:
I think just looking at it I might catch something! :eek:

How's your day going handsome?
Click to expand...
Not bad ... for an old guy! Hope you're doing well...!?! I can only assume that, if you're reading these at work, things are a little on the slow side...good, right?
 
techsan said:
Pastor's Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!
"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22)
Click to expand...
CUTE! :nana: :nana: :nana:
 
techsan said:
Not bad ... for an old guy! Hope you're doing well...!?! I can only assume that, if you're reading these at work, things are a little on the slow side...good, right?
Click to expand...
Am doing wonderfully, thanks! Yes, it is a little slow at work this afternoon. Just biding my time till I can convince them it's time for me to go home! :D
 
From rozezwild ...

The Goodbye Letter:

A Father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped
up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst
premonition, he opened the letter and read it with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've found real passion with Stacey, she is so very nice. But I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight, motercycle clothes, and for the fact that she is so much older than I am.

It's not just the passion, Dad. . . she's pregnant. Stacey says that we will be very happy. She owns a trailor in the woods, and has a stack of firewood that should last us all winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacey has opened my eyes to the fact that Marijuana does not really hurt anyone, so we'll be growing it ourselves, and trading with other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDs, so Stacey can get better. She deserves to! Don't worry, Dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, your son,
John

P.S. None of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to
remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card in my
center desk drawer. I love you! Call when it's safe to come home.
 
While watching the basketball game on TV Monday night my wife and I were discussing life and death. I told her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She promptly got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.

Some days I hate being married to a smart-ass.
 
Scientific Explanation of Hell

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa, (Cheerleader Captain and Class Valedictorian) during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night and again this morning, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, and thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!!!"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
 
A Night to Remember

I lie awake waiting for you
As I lie on my bed, thinking about you
I feel this strong urge to grab you and squeeze you
Because I cant forget last night.
You came to me unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night
And what happened in my bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me.
You appeared from nowhere and shamelessly, without any reservations,
You lay on my naked body...
You sensed my indifference, so you applied your hungry mouth to me
Without any guilt or humiliation,
And you nearly drove me crazy while you drained me.
Finally I went to sleep.
Today when I woke up, you were gone.
I searched for you but to no avail, only the sheets bore witness to
last night's events.
My body still bears faint marks of your enthusiastic ravishing,
Making it harder to forget you.
Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you
You f-ing mosquito! :rose:
 
wally2450 said:
I lie awake waiting for you
As I lie on my bed, thinking about you
...
You f-ing mosquito! :rose:
Click to expand...
LMAO...wally, why did I have this sneaking suspicion that it WAS NOT what I was thinking???
 
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