KnightWing
Trouble...
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Damn,,, I hate when that happens! 
Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
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copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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Well I wonder if I'll get mail?
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy, down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr.Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000."
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy, down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr.Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000."
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 21, 2004
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Jail said:Someone was really wanking hard
http://www.perils-of-pleasure.com/Beginning/BrokenDick.jpg
OMG it's broke!
techsan
...just chugging along
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Sheesh, Jaily....if you just hadn't been showing off your .... (oh, sorry!)Jail said:Someone was really wanking hard
http://www.perils-of-pleasure.com/Beginning/BrokenDick.jpg
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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Jail said:Maybe it was a wish "bone"
I bet he wishes it wasn't BROKE!
wally2450
Inquisitive
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- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
Royal Wedding Night
The Royal Wedding Night
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla.
"Harder!" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I told you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
The Royal Wedding Night
Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.
That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling. Please remove my shoes. My feet are killing me!"
Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.
"Harder!" yelled Camilla.
"Harder!" Charles yelled back, "I'm trying, darling! But it's just so bloody tight!"
"Come on! Give it all you've got!" she cried.
Finally, when it released, Charles let out a big groan and Camilla exclaimed, "There! Oh, God, that feels so good!"
In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, "See? I told you with a face like that, she was still a virgin!"
Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, "Oh, God, darling! This one's even tighter!"
At which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, "That's my boy: once a Navy man, always a Navy man!"
Mr Duncan 001
Literotica Guru
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wally2450 said:
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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For the life of me I can't remember if I posted this! Happy Easter night everybody...I'm off to bed! 
In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" the man asked the clerk in the store.
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian, or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? If I had asked
for sushi would you have asked me if I was Japanese, or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish, or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no!"
"If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't!"
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."
Laugh yourself to sleep!!!!
In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" the man asked the clerk in the store.
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian, or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? If I had asked
for sushi would you have asked me if I was Japanese, or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish, or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no!"
"If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't!"
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."
Laugh yourself to sleep!!!!
techsan
...just chugging along
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ROTFLMAOcopperbutterfly said:For the life of me I can't remember if I posted this! Happy Easter night everybody...I'm off to bed!
...
The clerk replies, "Because you're at Home Depot."
Laugh yourself to sleep!!!!
No, I had never seen that.
techsan
...just chugging along
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http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/Leather.jpg
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Because she smells like a new truck!
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Because she smells like a new truck!
techsan
...just chugging along
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The following is from rozezwild ...
This is a test for us, the old kids! The answers are printed below, but don't you cheat.
READY????? Here we go!
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?____________
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The __________________ Show.
03. "Get your kicks, ___________________."
04. "The story you are about to see if true. The names have been changed___________________."
05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was low! ered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."
07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best _______________."
08. Satchmo was America's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on tiking? _______________
10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "_______________".
11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their____________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died." This was a tribute to ___________________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it It was called ___________________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________! ________
Scroll Down
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. ANSWERS:
01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion sleeps tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader, and "Good Night, and may God Bless."
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop
Send this to your "old" friends. It will drive them crazy! And, keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes
This is a test for us, the old kids! The answers are printed below, but don't you cheat.
READY????? Here we go!
01. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, Who was that masked man? Invariably, someone would answer, I don't know, but he left this behind. What did he leave behind?____________
02. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we all watched them on The __________________ Show.
03. "Get your kicks, ___________________."
04. "The story you are about to see if true. The names have been changed___________________."
05. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________."
06. After the Twist, The Mashed Potato, and the Watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was low! ered as low as we could go in a dance called the "_____________."
07. "N_E_S_T_L_E_S", Nestle's makes the very best _______________."
08. Satchmo was America's "Ambassador of Goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was _________________.
09. What takes a licking and keeps on tiking? _______________
10. Red Skelton's hobo character was named __________________ and Red always ended his television show by saying, "Good Night, and "_______________".
11. Some Americans who protested the Vietnam War did so by burning their____________.
12. The cute little car with the engine in the back and the trunk in the front was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ____________ & _______________.
13. In 1971, singer Don MacLean sang a song about, "the day the music died." This was a tribute to ___________________.
14. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it It was called ___________________.
15. One of the big fads of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist. It was called the ________! ________
Scroll Down
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01. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet.
02. The Ed Sullivan Show
03. On Route 66
04. To protect the innocent.
05. The Lion sleeps tonight
06. The limbo
07. Chocolate
08. Louis Armstrong
09. The Timex watch
10. Freddy, The Freeloader, and "Good Night, and may God Bless."
11. Draft cards (Bras were also burned.)
12. Beetle or Bug
13. Buddy Holly
14. Sputnik
15. Hoola-hoop
Send this to your "old" friends. It will drive them crazy! And, keep them busy and let them forget their aches and pains for a few minutes
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A man runs...
...into a Dr's office saying he had been raped by an elephant. The doc says, " Let's have a look," and procees to examine the mans backside. Grabbing a ruler, the doc measures the size of the hole and comes up with ten inches. The doc says, "I thought elephants had a long slim penis?" "They do, they do, said the man but he fingered me first!"
...into a Dr's office saying he had been raped by an elephant. The doc says, " Let's have a look," and procees to examine the mans backside. Grabbing a ruler, the doc measures the size of the hole and comes up with ten inches. The doc says, "I thought elephants had a long slim penis?" "They do, they do, said the man but he fingered me first!"
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
A young woman goes to heaven...
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A young woman dies in an accident and find herself in heaven. She is being shown around by an angel. She hears the sound of power tools and loud wailing in the distance and asks the angel what those sounds were. The angel replies, "Those are the newcomers having holes drilled for their wings and halo's." The young woman says, "I don't like the sound of that at all, I want to go to the other place." To which the angel replies, " You don't want to go there, as they will rape you over and over." The young woman smiles and said, "Thats ok, I already have holes for that!"
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A young woman dies in an accident and find herself in heaven. She is being shown around by an angel. She hears the sound of power tools and loud wailing in the distance and asks the angel what those sounds were. The angel replies, "Those are the newcomers having holes drilled for their wings and halo's." The young woman says, "I don't like the sound of that at all, I want to go to the other place." To which the angel replies, " You don't want to go there, as they will rape you over and over." The young woman smiles and said, "Thats ok, I already have holes for that!"
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
Grandkids
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
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I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
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Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grandfather about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.
In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark. "What caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Grampa, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"
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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's really simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add 'es'"
(What English teacher wouldn't love that one?)
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Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a Grandma, teaching a young grandson.
The Grandson boy said: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The Grandma took her grandson aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was.
She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Our five-year-old grandson couldn't wait to tell his grandfather about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.
In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark. "What caused the submarine to sink?"
With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Grampa, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's really simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add 'es'"
(What English teacher wouldn't love that one?)
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Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a Grandma, teaching a young grandson.
The Grandson boy said: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The Grandma took her grandson aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
techsan
...just chugging along
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- Feb 10, 2005
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What most men don't understand about a relationship ...
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