Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
- Start date
- Status
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
WalMart Greeter
A very unattractive, mean actin' woman walks into Walmart with her two kids.
The Walmart Greeter, asks "Are they twins"?
The ugly woman says "No, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7.
"Why?........ Do you think they really look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"!
A very unattractive, mean actin' woman walks into Walmart with her two kids.
The Walmart Greeter, asks "Are they twins"?
The ugly woman says "No, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7.
"Why?........ Do you think they really look alike?"
"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"!
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
Happy Keister!
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/HappyKeister.jpg
ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
All work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits
Some body parts should be floppy
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey
http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i306/eraney01/HappyKeister.jpg
ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket
Walk softly and carry a big carrot
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears
There's no such thing as too much candy
All work and no play can make you a basket case
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits
Some body parts should be floppy
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans
Good things come in small sugarcoated packages
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
LITTLE KNOWN MARITIME FACTS
A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better' ones.
This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves to chargers. (Christopher age 7)
Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)
I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kyle age 6)
A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)
When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids have babies? (Helen age 6)
When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy shrink. (Kevin age 6)
A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better' ones.
This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves to chargers. (Christopher age 7)
Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)
I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kyle age 6)
A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)
When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)
I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids have babies? (Helen age 6)
When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy shrink. (Kevin age 6)
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said,"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
A woman who had been married for several years was growing more and more frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex. She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship, and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a novelty shop.
One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her Crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm. ?Want some of this?? she purred??
?Are you kidding?? he replied, ?Look what it did to your underwear!?
One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous and he was, as usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned her Crotchless undies and a slinky negligee. She then strolled between her husband and the television and suggestively tossed one leg up on his chair arm. ?Want some of this?? she purred??
?Are you kidding?? he replied, ?Look what it did to your underwear!?
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
Two blonde guys were working for the city works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-man team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner."
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner."
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2004
- Posts
- 30,188
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout lady of the evening catches his eye.
He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the lady of the evening, "How much?"
Lady of the evening replies, "It starts at $500 for manual manipulation."
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For manual manipulation! No manual manipulation is worth that kind of money!"
The lady of the evening says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well," says the lady of the evening, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give manual manipulation that's worth $500."
Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the best manual manipulation of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.
He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose oral manipulation is $1,000?"
The lady of the evening replies, "$1,500."
$1,500? No oral manipulation could be worth that".
The lady of the evening replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy.
Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give oral manipulation that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific manual manipulation, says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.
He can't believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.
He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks the lady of the evening, "How much for conventional coupling?"
The lady of the evening says, "Come over here to the window.
Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
"No," the lady of the evening replies, "but I would if I were a female."
He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the lady of the evening, "How much?"
Lady of the evening replies, "It starts at $500 for manual manipulation."
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For manual manipulation! No manual manipulation is worth that kind of money!"
The lady of the evening says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well," says the lady of the evening, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give manual manipulation that's worth $500."
Guy says, "What the hell? I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel.
A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the best manual manipulation of a lifetime, worth every bit of $500.
He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose oral manipulation is $1,000?"
The lady of the evening replies, "$1,500."
$1,500? No oral manipulation could be worth that".
The lady of the evening replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy.
Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I own it because I give oral manipulation that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific manual manipulation, says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before.
He can't believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth.
He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.
He asks the lady of the evening, "How much for conventional coupling?"
The lady of the evening says, "Come over here to the window.
Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
"No," the lady of the evening replies, "but I would if I were a female."
kayte
This Was My Favorite Toy
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2002
- Posts
- 135,693
From my email
The Blonde Cowboy
The Sheriff in a small town walks out into the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots. So he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking the cowboy up, the sheriff asked, "Why in the world are walking around like this?"
"Well, it's like this, Sheriff," the cowboy explained. "I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to out to her motor home with her. So I did. We do inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did. Then she pull off her skirt and asks me to pull of my pants, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... so I did.
"The she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now, go to town, Cowboy...!'
And here I am."
The Blonde Cowboy
The Sheriff in a small town walks out into the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots. So he arrests him for indecent exposure.
As he is locking the cowboy up, the sheriff asked, "Why in the world are walking around like this?"
"Well, it's like this, Sheriff," the cowboy explained. "I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to out to her motor home with her. So I did. We do inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did. Then she pull off her skirt and asks me to pull of my pants, so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... so I did.
"The she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now, go to town, Cowboy...!'
And here I am."
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
The Hormone Hostage
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in
the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
13 Things PMS stands for:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Swing
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in
the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
13 Things PMS stands for:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Swing
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
The moral of this story is: KEEP CHOCOLATE HANDYwally2450 said:The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in
the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.
13 Things PMS stands for:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Swing
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect
ROTFLMAO!
Mr Duncan 001
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 10, 2005
- Posts
- 1,574
A little something for all
Chicken Crossing...
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers
and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
"How's the problem with those drivers Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was
spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST COLONY
Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
Chicken Crossing...
Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.
So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:
SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers
and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY
That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call.
"How's the problem with those drivers Did you put up your sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then.
The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was
spray-painted on a sheet of wood:
NUDIST COLONY
Go slow and watch out for the chicks!
Archangel_5607
Persistant Fooker
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2005
- Posts
- 1,756
Now thats what i call an anniversary present!!
A rich guy and a poor guy are discussing what they bought their wives for their Anniversaries. The poor guy says, “So, what did you get your wife for your Anniversary?”
“I bought her a fur coat and a BMW,” he says.
“Wow,” says the poor guy. “Why did you buy her that?”
“Because,” the rich guy says, “if she doesn’t like the fur coat, she can jump in the BMW and return it.”
“What did you buy your wife?” asks the rich man.
“I bought her a pair of bedroom slippers and a dildo.”
“Why did you buy her that?” the rich guy inquires.
“The way I figure it,” replies the poor guy, “if she doesn’t like her bedroom slippers, she can go fuck herself!!”
A rich guy and a poor guy are discussing what they bought their wives for their Anniversaries. The poor guy says, “So, what did you get your wife for your Anniversary?”
“I bought her a fur coat and a BMW,” he says.
“Wow,” says the poor guy. “Why did you buy her that?”
“Because,” the rich guy says, “if she doesn’t like the fur coat, she can jump in the BMW and return it.”
“What did you buy your wife?” asks the rich man.
“I bought her a pair of bedroom slippers and a dildo.”
“Why did you buy her that?” the rich guy inquires.
“The way I figure it,” replies the poor guy, “if she doesn’t like her bedroom slippers, she can go fuck herself!!”
Mr Duncan 001
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- May 10, 2005
- Posts
- 1,574
Happy Easter all
For your Easter
For your Easter
wally2450
Inquisitive
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2005
- Posts
- 12,353
Jewish Couple
A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh,"replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies
A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh,"replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies
Archangel_5607
Persistant Fooker
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2005
- Posts
- 1,756
ever have one of these days? This is one of my favorite jokes....
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. “Dear Lord,” she prays, “if I don’t get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.”
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn’t win. She prays even harder, saying, “God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
“Sweetheart, work with me on this,” he says. “Buy a ticket.”
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. “Dear Lord,” she prays, “if I don’t get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.”
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn’t win. She prays even harder, saying, “God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
“Sweetheart, work with me on this,” he says. “Buy a ticket.”
- Status
