Laughter is Contagious

[techsan]

6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cursing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"


Ive read these jokes on other forums, thought I'd share with you guys.

OMG ... what a riot!!!

 

[techsan]

:d :d :d

LMAO! Good one, wally

 

[Archangel_5607]

OOO MMM GGG

i read all of gimo's jokes, i was in tears, couldn't stop laughing
priceless, what a great site techsan



A panda bear meets up with a female prostitute and they head back to the
a hotel room. The panda goes down on the lady of the night, has
sex with her and then gets up and gets ready to head out the door.
The Prostitute says, "where's my money?"
The panda bear looks confused, and the prostitute simply grabs the
dictionary from the endtable and opens the book to the definition of

Prostitute: man or woman that solicits sex in exchange for money.

Without a word, the panda takes the book, looks at the definition
and flips the pages of the dictionary, hands it to the prostitute
and walks out the door.
The prostitute looks down at the page the panda bear flipped too and sees

Panda Bear: Eats chutes and leaves.

Ba Dum *cymbal*

 

[rozezwild]

Wonder if the owner will park beside a fire hydrant again....

OH fucking hell -- i would be Pissed

 

[techsan]

OOO MMM GGG

i read all of gimo's jokes, i was in tears, couldn't stop laughing
priceless, what a great site techsan



A panda bear meets up with a female prostitute and they head back to the
a hotel room. The panda goes down on the lady of the night, has
sex with her and then gets up and gets ready to head out the door.
The Prostitute says, "where's my money?"
The panda bear looks confused, and the prostitute simply grabs the
dictionary from the endtable and opens the book to the definition of

Prostitute: man or woman that solicits sex in exchange for money.

Without a word, the panda takes the book, looks at the definition
and flips the pages of the dictionary, hands it to the prostitute
and walks out the door.
The prostitute looks down at the page the panda bear flipped too and sees

Panda Bear: Eats chutes and leaves.

Ba Dum *cymbal*

ROTFLMAO

Great one, Arch

 

[rozezwild]

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute, and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course the Madam said no! He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall, dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom, and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG.

OH FUCKING HELL -- i can not stop laughing-- tears --- down --- face ---- oooooohhhhh the pain in my sides

 

[rozezwild]

6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it's about time we start cursing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ass."

"OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?

"I don't know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"


Ive read these jokes on other forums, thought I'd share with you guys.

Oh hell giggling like a freaking fool

 

[rozezwild]

:d :d :d

OH FUCKING HELL -- my sides are aching now

 

[rozezwild]

OOO MMM GGG

i read all of gimo's jokes, i was in tears, couldn't stop laughing
priceless, what a great site techsan



A panda bear meets up with a female prostitute and they head back to the
a hotel room. The panda goes down on the lady of the night, has
sex with her and then gets up and gets ready to head out the door.
The Prostitute says, "where's my money?"
The panda bear looks confused, and the prostitute simply grabs the
dictionary from the endtable and opens the book to the definition of

Prostitute: man or woman that solicits sex in exchange for money.

Without a word, the panda takes the book, looks at the definition
and flips the pages of the dictionary, hands it to the prostitute
and walks out the door.
The prostitute looks down at the page the panda bear flipped too and sees

Panda Bear: Eats chutes and leaves.

Ba Dum *cymbal*

OMG i can not breathe at all no more

oxygen i need someeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

[Mr Duncan 001]

I know its going to be a fine day. Hope you like these.

 

[techsan]

I know its going to be a fine day. Hope you like these.

Oh, heck , now I'm having problems breathing just like roze.

All four of these are good, Mr. D, but I like the redneck spoiler...notice the mitered cut on the ends of that 2x6???

 

[Jail]

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."

"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"

 

[Jail]

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

 

[Jail]

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was playing; the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD and lay down on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress" she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing."

 

[Jail]

A man walks into a public men's room, his arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart. He approaches another man and asks, "excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?" The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man's pants. Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed but does as he is asked. Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants. "Oh, I can take care of that" the first man says, blowing on his fingers, "I think my nails are dry now."

 

[Jail]

-- one day this pregnant women was walking through a shopping center, as she walked passed the bank a robber came out and bumped into her, then shot her 3 times in the stomach. She made it to the hospital and the doctor told her that everything was fine and that the only complication was that each of her triplets would have a bullet in their butt! -- She thought "thats ok" -- So she has all 3 kids successfully, and 15 years goes by. One day the mother is sitting on the couch watching her favorite soap when the first daughter came running out of the bathroom -"mommy mommy" she cried "I just peed and a bullet came out" -Her mother looked at her calmly and said "Its ok, its supposed to happen" - so the daughter thought nothing of it. 10 minutes later the second daughter came running out of the bathroom,"mommy mommmy", she screamed "I just peed and a bullet came out" - her mother looked at her at replied "Its ok, its supposed to happen" - ok she thought, she went back to what she was doing. -10 minutes later the son came running out his bedroom screaming "mommy mommy!" the mother looks at him and says "let me guess, you peed and a bullet came out?" "NO!" the son replies, "I was jerking off and I SHOT THE DOG!!!

 

[techsan]

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.
...
what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"

LMAO ... and then somebody takes a whack at 'em, huh?

 

[techsan]

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
,,,

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

ROFL...yeppers, that'd be me, don't know ...

 

[techsan]

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
...
"Needs ironing."

OUCH!!! That's not fair to us oldsters! LMAO

 

[techsan]

A man walks into a public men's room, his arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart. He approaches another man and asks, "excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?" The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man's pants. Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed but does as he is asked. Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants. "Oh, I can take care of that" the first man says, blowing on his fingers, "I think my nails are dry now."

HOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

 

[techsan]

-- one day this pregnant women was walking through a shopping center, as she walked passed the bank a robber came out and bumped into her, then shot her 3 times in the stomach. She made it to the hospital and the doctor told her that everything was fine and that the only complication was that each of her triplets would have a bullet in their butt! -- She thought "thats ok" -- So she has all 3 kids successfully, and 15 years goes by. One day the mother is sitting on the couch watching her favorite soap when the first daughter came running out of the bathroom -"mommy mommy" she cried "I just peed and a bullet came out" -Her mother looked at her calmly and said "Its ok, its supposed to happen" - so the daughter thought nothing of it. 10 minutes later the second daughter came running out of the bathroom,"mommy mommmy", she screamed "I just peed and a bullet came out" - her mother looked at her at replied "Its ok, its supposed to happen" - ok she thought, she went back to what she was doing. -10 minutes later the son came running out his bedroom screaming "mommy mommy!" the mother looks at him and says "let me guess, you peed and a bullet came out?" "NO!" the son replies, "I was jerking off and I SHOT THE DOG!!!

ROTFLMAO

 

[gimo33]

Father Murphy walks into a bar in Chicago, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said; "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to Jimmy and said, "Do you want to go to heaven? Jimmy said, "No, I don't Father. The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" Jimmy said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."


good mornin' guys.

 

[NotForSale]

This thread gave me a giggle and I don't think its too difficult to figure out Mario's oooops Maria's little secret......or is that just me being overly suspicious...hmm i wonder....

Very Wet Maria??

xxxx

 

[gimo33]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

too funny