Laughter is Contagious

[copperbutterfly]

Bits of Wisdom

*************************
Love is grand;
divorce is a hundred grand.
*************************
I am in shape.
Round is a shape.
*************************
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.
***************************
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels
good.
***************** **********
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
***************************
Even if you are on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
***************************
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
***************************
An optimist thinks this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears this is true.
**************************
There will always be death and taxes;
however, death doesn't get worse every year.
***************************
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
**********************************
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
***************************
A day without sunshine is like night.
***************************
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
***************************
The real art of conversation is not only to say the
right thing at the right time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at
the tempting moment.
***************************
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.
***************************
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes it comes alone.
***************************
Life not only begins at forty,
it also begins to show.
**************************

 

[rozezwild]

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool
and orders a drink.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things......

One: The bartender is a blonde woman

Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.

Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.

Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200-pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in
karate and I have a very bad attitude.

Now, think about it seriously mister, do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks about it for a few seconds, then shakes his head and
says: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

OHHHHHHHHH snap-- koodoos for someone with the balls to say that

 

[rozezwild]

Well it's Saturday night! Time for Bubba and Junior!




Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A
blonde lady walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we
don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid
the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a
measurement & announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We
ask for the height, and she gives us the length.

Bubba and Junior are currently doing government work supervising the
reconstruction of those New Orleans Levees.

OHHHHHHHHHHH lordy

 

[rozezwild]

LMAOROFF That's the funniest thing I've read all day!

I am so glad you liked it -- i had to explain it to a 14 year old

 

[copperbutterfly]

One more for the night and I'm off to bed!

Peanuts!

In the middle of trying to throw up a peanut and catch it in his mouth, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, the peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?"

The father replied, "From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law."

 

[techsan]

*************************
Love is grand;
divorce is a hundred grand.
*************************
I am in shape.
Round is a shape.
*************************
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
beautician.
***************************
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels
good.
***************** **********
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
***************************
Even if you are on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
***************************
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
***************************
An optimist thinks this is the best possible world.
A pessimist fears this is true.
**************************
There will always be death and taxes;
however, death doesn't get worse every year.
***************************
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
**********************************
I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
***************************
A day without sunshine is like night.
***************************
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
***************************
The real art of conversation is not only to say the
right thing at the right time,
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at
the tempting moment.
***************************
Brain cells come and brain cells go,
but fat cells live forever.
***************************
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.
Sometimes it comes alone.
***************************
Life not only begins at forty,
it also begins to show.
**************************

LMAO...Copper, I love these.

 

[techsan]

From rozezwild ...

 

[rozezwild]

From rozezwild ...

Thank you for putting them up there for me {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Techie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} i can never get it to work right

 

[techsan]

Thank you for putting them up there for me {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Techie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} i can never get it to work right

You are quite welcome {{{{{{{{roze}}}}}}}}...thanks for the laughs!!!

 

[Jail]

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
"Well it worked for your ass" says the boyfriend.

 

[Jail]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

 

[OutshinedOne]

Three old guys are sitting out on a park bench on afternoon.

The first one turns to the other two and says, "I hate being 70! Every morning at 6 AM, I get up having to take a piss. Every morning, I'm lucky if I even get two drops out! I try so hard, but that's all I ever get. It's terrible, I can't stand it!"

The second guy turns to him and says, "You think you got it bad? I hate being 80! Every morning at 6:30 AM, I get up and have to take a poop. Yet, every morning, I'm lucky if I just get one little nugget out! I push and push, but nothing comes out. It's horrible!"

The third guy turns to the other two and says, "You think you guys got it bad? I hate being 90! Every morning at 6 AM, I take a nice, healthy piss. And every morning at 6:30 AM, I take a healthy dump. I can't stand it!"

The other two guys look at him and say, "Wait, what's wrong with that?"

The third guy says, "Fellas! I wake up at 7 AM!"

 

[rozezwild]

A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your tits for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my tits bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
"Well it worked for your ass" says the boyfriend.

OHHH i would soooooooooooooo smack his ass right outta my bed

 

[techsan]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

ROTFLMAO

 

[techsan]

Three old guys are sitting out on a park bench on afternoon.

The first one turns to the other two and says, "I hate being 70! Every morning at 6 AM, I get up having to take a piss. Every morning, I'm lucky if I even get two drops out! I try so hard, but that's all I ever get. It's terrible, I can't stand it!"

The second guy turns to him and says, "You think you got it bad? I hate being 80! Every morning at 6:30 AM, I get up and have to take a poop. Yet, every morning, I'm lucky if I just get one little nugget out! I push and push, but nothing comes out. It's horrible!"

The third guy turns to the other two and says, "You think you guys got it bad? I hate being 90! Every morning at 6 AM, I take a nice, healthy piss. And every morning at 6:30 AM, I take a healthy dump. I can't stand it!"

The other two guys look at him and say, "Wait, what's wrong with that?"

The third guy says, "Fellas! I wake up at 7 AM!"

ROTFLMAO ... this oughta be a Depends commercial!!!

 

[blueskies]

Orgasmic Simulator

Orgasmic Simulator

 

[techsan]

Orgasmic Simulator

ROFL! I thought this was some sort of commercial...was I wrong!!!

 

[copperbutterfly]

Thank you for putting them up there for me {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Techie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} i can never get it to work right

She is such a BitchFairy! That was great Roze!

 

[copperbutterfly]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors:green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring.

The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

LMAOROFF

Jail that is wonderful!

 

[copperbutterfly]

Evening all! A little something!!!

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Henry, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Henry and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

Henry, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, Henry quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house . . walked home . . . and left it there all night.

You gotta love Henry . .

 

[kayte]

Orgasmic Simulator

Thank you blueskies ~ That is great!!

 

[kayte]

Evening all! A little something!!!

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Henry, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Henry and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

Henry, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, Henry quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house . . walked home . . . and left it there all night.

You gotta love Henry . .

Thank you copperbutterfly ~ That is so well done!!! Henry definitely got her attention, along with the towns!!

 

[pleaz_me]

Poppin in to leave lots of es and s for ya Tech......it is going to take me FOREVER to catch up on this thread!

Hope all is well with you!

 

[rozezwild]

She is such a BitchFairy! That was great Roze!

I do try to find some good ones and if i can not get them up here -- Techie can

 

[pleaz_me]

Oh my goodness!!!!!!!! 4 days of posts..........my side is killing me!!!!!!

These are all great!!!!!!!!