Laughter is Contagious
- Thread starter techsan
- Start date
- Status
There are three ladies working together in the same office - a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. After a while, they begin to notice that each day their boss, who is also female, leaves work early.
After this pattern continued for a few weeks, one day they decide that as soon as their boss takes off they'll leave right after her; after all, she never comes back or calls so how would she know? So, after their boss takes off they all leave as planned.
The brunette was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting her dinner date. The redhead was thrilled to be home early; she did a little gardening and went to bed early.
As for the blonde, she was so happy to finally come home early for once. But when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house without saying a word.
The next day during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to go with them.
"NO WAY!" The blonde exclaimed, "I damn near got caught yesterday!"
After this pattern continued for a few weeks, one day they decide that as soon as their boss takes off they'll leave right after her; after all, she never comes back or calls so how would she know? So, after their boss takes off they all leave as planned.
The brunette was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting her dinner date. The redhead was thrilled to be home early; she did a little gardening and went to bed early.
As for the blonde, she was so happy to finally come home early for once. But when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house without saying a word.
The next day during their coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to go with them.
"NO WAY!" The blonde exclaimed, "I damn near got caught yesterday!"
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he'd be able to get home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, even offering his credit card numbers, drivers license number, address, and so forth, but to no avail. The cabbie yelled, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to catch a ride back to the airport.
Naturally, sitting at the end of a long line of cabs was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the driver pay for his lack of charity, when he came up with the perfect plan.
He got in the first cab in line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he finally got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, even offering his credit card numbers, drivers license number, address, and so forth, but to no avail. The cabbie yelled, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to catch a ride back to the airport.
Naturally, sitting at the end of a long line of cabs was his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the driver pay for his lack of charity, when he came up with the perfect plan.
He got in the first cab in line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me a blowjob on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.
When he finally got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.
A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator, puts the gator up on the bar, and faces the patrons. "If I open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside, leave ’em there for five minutes, then remove my unit unscathed, will each of you buy me a drink?"
The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.
After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals—unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.
"Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd.
After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I’ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."
The crowd murmurs its approval, so he gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and places his privates in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator then closes its mouth as the crowd gasps.
After five minutes, the man grabs a beer bottle and raps the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opens its mouth and the man removes his genitals—unscathed, as promised. The crowd cheers, and the first of his free drinks is delivered.
"Anyone else have the guts to give it a try?" the man dares the crowd.
After a few seconds, a blonde woman timidly speaks up. "I’ll do it, but no hitting me on the head with the bottle."
pleaz_me
Icing Queen
- Joined
- Dec 2, 2005
- Posts
- 47,698
Why Parents Drink
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem
with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May
I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,
"Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the
earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME."
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem
with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May
I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,
"Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the
earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... "ME."
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
From limiwa ...
Observations on Life
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather ? who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
"The problem with the designated driver program is that it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
Observations on Life
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather ? who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
"The problem with the designated driver program is that it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy
"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
From limiwa ...
More Observations
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God . . . I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
More Observations
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God . . . I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery
"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
From limiwa ...
More Observations on Life
"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry
More Observations on Life
"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown
"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry
rozezwild
~*~untouchable~*~
- Joined
- May 11, 2004
- Posts
- 33,541
The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Take from that total the 14.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Take from that total the 14.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
19 If it's t rue that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
22. If! a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two
words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for their final exam.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
19 If it's t rue that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
22. If! a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
24. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two
words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"?
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away talking.
One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"
The second old guy replied, "I think she may be dead!"
The first man asked, "What do you mean you THINK she is dead?"
The second explained, "Well...the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."
One old man asked the other, "How is your wife?"
The second old guy replied, "I think she may be dead!"
The first man asked, "What do you mean you THINK she is dead?"
The second explained, "Well...the sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
The After Life
The minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called "The hereafter."
She said to him, "I think about it many times a day."
"Oh, really?" said the minister. "That is very wise."
"It's not a matter of wisdom," she replied. "It's when I open a drawer or a closet, I ask myself, 'What am I here after?'"
The minister told an eighty-year-old woman that, at her age, she should be giving some thought to what he called "The hereafter."
She said to him, "I think about it many times a day."
"Oh, really?" said the minister. "That is very wise."
"It's not a matter of wisdom," she replied. "It's when I open a drawer or a closet, I ask myself, 'What am I here after?'"
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
The Gates
At the gates to heaven, a new arrival, George, noted that there were two paths, one marked 'Women', and one marked 'Men'...
He took the later path and found that it lead to two gates...
The gate on the right had a sign that read: "Men who were dominated by their Wives." The sign on the left read: "Men who dominated their Wives."
The right-hand gate had a long line of men waiting, but there was only one scrawny little fellow at the gate to the left.
George, before deciding which gate to go to, went over to the scrawny man and asked, "Why are you at this gate?"
The little fellow replied, "I don't know. My wife just told me to stand here."
At the gates to heaven, a new arrival, George, noted that there were two paths, one marked 'Women', and one marked 'Men'...
He took the later path and found that it lead to two gates...
The gate on the right had a sign that read: "Men who were dominated by their Wives." The sign on the left read: "Men who dominated their Wives."
The right-hand gate had a long line of men waiting, but there was only one scrawny little fellow at the gate to the left.
George, before deciding which gate to go to, went over to the scrawny man and asked, "Why are you at this gate?"
The little fellow replied, "I don't know. My wife just told me to stand here."
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
Flower Show
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so darn boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower
show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. The first fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause.
The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement."
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so darn boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower
show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. The first fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause.
The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement."
techsan
...just chugging along
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2005
- Posts
- 6,165
Getting Old
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
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