Mr Duncan 001
Literotica Guru
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Laughter is Contagious
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copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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gimo33 said:
LMAO ROFF That is the funniest thing I've read all week!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh I hurt!
copperbutterfly
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pleaz_me said:
I know which one I liked the best!!!!!!
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Too too funny...I'm trying to catch up many pages...I'm laughing so hard, I can't see!!!!!
Jail
Mrs. Flameman
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Three guys - a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer, are working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each one of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
Poooof! With the blink of the Genies eyes, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Poooof! Again, with the blink of the Genies eyes, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The American engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall"
The Genie explains, Well, it's 5000 feet high and 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out it's virtually impenetrable."
The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
Poooof! With the blink of the Genies eyes, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Poooof! Again, with the blink of the Genies eyes, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The American engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall"
The Genie explains, Well, it's 5000 feet high and 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the countries. Nothing can get in or out it's virtually impenetrable."
The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."
Archangel_5607
Persistant Fooker
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Four blondes walk into a bar. They are all dressed real nice and one of them is clutching a large picture frame.
One of them goes up to the bartender and orders the most expensive wine they have. The ladies go into the back and sit down. They start drinking and celebrating while staring at this picture frame.
The bartender can't see the front of the picture, but he is curious so he walks around to look at the frame. It's a completed puzzle of Cookie Monster. He asks them all why they are so happy about the puzzle that they would celebrate and frame it.
The blondes are all smiling and one of them says, "You know everyone says we are so stupid. Well, we showed them. You see that puzzle, the box said 7+ years and we did it in three weeks!!"
One of them goes up to the bartender and orders the most expensive wine they have. The ladies go into the back and sit down. They start drinking and celebrating while staring at this picture frame.
The bartender can't see the front of the picture, but he is curious so he walks around to look at the frame. It's a completed puzzle of Cookie Monster. He asks them all why they are so happy about the puzzle that they would celebrate and frame it.
The blondes are all smiling and one of them says, "You know everyone says we are so stupid. Well, we showed them. You see that puzzle, the box said 7+ years and we did it in three weeks!!"
techsan
...just chugging along
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The Competition
The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them all a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try and catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI now goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The racoon is yelling, "Okay, Okay!!! Im a rabbit, Im a rabbit!"
The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them all a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try and catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI now goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten raccoon. The racoon is yelling, "Okay, Okay!!! Im a rabbit, Im a rabbit!"
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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Ok.....ok....ok.... big breath....tissue wiping the tears....I think I have finally caught up... 
Techie...please remind me to NOT go for several days without visiting here..... Catching up HURTS!!!!!! So many funny things....
Here is my tiny contribution for today!
*******
Your Wish Is My Command
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.
Bitch.........
Techie...please remind me to NOT go for several days without visiting here..... Catching up HURTS!!!!!! So many funny things....
Here is my tiny contribution for today!
*******
Your Wish Is My Command
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.
Bitch.........
techsan
...just chugging along
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LMAO! Copper, I can't remember myself sometimes!copperbutterfly said:Ok.....ok....ok.... big breath....tissue wiping the tears....I think I have finally caught up...
Techie...please remind me to NOT go for several days withou visiting here..... Catching up HURTS!!!!!! So many funny things....
Here is my tiny contribution for today!
*******
Your Wish Is My Command
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependant on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.
Bitch.........
Archangel_5607
Persistant Fooker
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Socialism: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Democracy: You have two cows. Government taxes force you to sell them in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Democracy: You have two cows. Government taxes force you to sell them in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government
copperbutterfly
Literotica Guru
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Jail said:
Thank you Jail....you are pretty funny too!
How about this one?
The Spinster
As a woman passes her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied: "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: “Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple of days later the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen table and heard a buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked 'What the @#@# are you doing?'
The husband replied "I'm watching football with my son-in-law.”
Archangel_5607
Persistant Fooker
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For All us Drunks out there, this ones for you....The dare is to actually try it
A man goes into a bar and orders 12 shots of tequila. The bartender looks on as the guy downs one after another.
As he slams the 10th one, the bartender says, "I don’t think you should be drinking those so fast."
"You would if you had what I have," the man says, throwing back number 11.
"Well, what is it you have?"
The man throws back his last shot and says, "Fifty cents."
A man goes into a bar and orders 12 shots of tequila. The bartender looks on as the guy downs one after another.
As he slams the 10th one, the bartender says, "I don’t think you should be drinking those so fast."
"You would if you had what I have," the man says, throwing back number 11.
"Well, what is it you have?"
The man throws back his last shot and says, "Fifty cents."
techsan
...just chugging along
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ROTFLMAOcopperbutterfly said:Thank you Jail....you are pretty funny too!
How about this one?
The Spinster
As a woman passes her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.
Shocked, she asked: "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied: "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: “Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple of days later the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen table and heard a buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked 'What the @#@# are you doing?'
The husband replied "I'm watching football with my son-in-law.”
techsan
...just chugging along
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- Feb 10, 2005
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A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: “Justice prevailed.”
The senior partner replied in haste, “Appeal immediately.”
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: “Justice prevailed.”
The senior partner replied in haste, “Appeal immediately.”
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