Laughs For The Day

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

DRIED FLOWERS

Dried Flowers

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench
outside the local town hall where a flower
show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, "Life is so darn
boring. We never have any fun anymore.
For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and
streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady,
holding up a $5.00 bill.
As fast as she could, the first little old
lady fumbled her way out of her clothes
and, completely naked, streaked through
the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a
huge commotion inside the hall, followed
by loud applause.
The naked lady burst out through the door
surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.
"I won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement."
Go out and have fun!!!!!

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

WATCH THE EXORCIST IN 30 SECONDS

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Watch an animated THE EXORCIST in 30 seconds (on angryalien.com) re-enacted by bunnies! Hilarious with the sound.

"Exorcist" http://www.angryalien.com/0204/exorcistbunnies.html

There are others too:

"Alien" - http://www.angryalien.com/0704/alienbunnies.html

"Jaws" http://www.angryalien.com/0804/jawsbunnies.asp

"Titanic" http://www.angryalien.com/0604/titanicbunnies.html

"The Shining" http://www.angryalien.com/0504/shiningbunnies.html

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

Excellent Stress Diet

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.

Breakfast

1 grapefruit

1 slice whole wheat toast

1 cup skim milk

Lunch

1 small portion lean, steamed chicken

1 cup spinach

1 cup herbal tea

1 Hershey's kiss

Afternoon Tea

The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag

1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips

Dinner

4 glasses of wine (red or white)

2 loaves garlic bread

1 family-size supreme pizza

3 Snickers Bars Late Night Snack

1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts.

Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds

Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew) and you will lose ten pounds.

If you delete this message, you will gain ten pounds immediately.
That's why I had to pass this on. I didn't want to risk it.

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

TAKING A CENTIPEDE TO CHURCH

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today, we will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings."

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about The Lord!"

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!

Please scroll down !!!!















A little voice came out of the box:.."I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

LETTER FROM A FARM KID NOW AT THE MARINE CORPS RECRUIT DEPOT IN SAN DIEGO

Dear Ma and Pa:



I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps
beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before
maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got
to
stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.



Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine
some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split,
fire
to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's
warm water.



Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon,
etc.,
but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and
other regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two
city
boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon
when you get
fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.



We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to
harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A
"route
march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home Then the city guys get sore
feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.



The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Captain is like the
school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't
bother
you none. This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting
medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a
chipmunk head and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the
Higgett boys at
home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't
even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.



Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle
with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.
It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they
got
in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. He joined up
the
same time as me. But I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and weighs
near 300 pounds dry.



Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get
onto this setup and come stampeding in.



Your loving daughter,



Gail

 

[Guru]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Laughs For The Day

Well all it takes is a few to complain and I will stop posting all together. I have already done that on other boards.

If that's all it takes, then see you later. You have invited all manner of complaint posts to see if you'll leave.

 

[SEX_VAMPYRE]

Since you have taken it upon yourself to tell me that you don't like this thread I shall stop it.

Good bye

 

[LordOfDarkness]

Since you have taken it upon yourself to tell me that you don't like this thread I shall stop it.

Good bye

Don't go...please post some more.


I love this thread.

 

[obi wann]

BUMP!

Keep posting. Now don't let the buttbrains win.

Most of us enjoy whatever humour we can get.