Larger than life?

[MissTaken]

Submissives?
Do you ever find yourself in a position where you view your Dominant as larger than life?

Maybe even in episodes, and then find yourself reeling when his humaness shines through?

I was talking with a Dominant who is a very dear friend. In that he was the first Dominant who showed me a taste of submission and healthy, but complete D/s, he has a special place in my heart and mind. I had him built up to be really big.

Well, he has been diagnosed with a terminal, degenerative illness.

It has made me do a lot of soul searching, but a small part of the question had to do with how I had imagined him invincible, in some respect.

So, do you think there are times or situations where we imagine Dominants to be "larger than life?"

Do we expect more from them in terms of character, mental ability or physical ability than we do of other men? of ourselves?

Or maybe, is it simply that they are strong men and it is strong men that we feel this way about?

Just thought I would throw this out for discussion.

 

[entitled]

While i've never been in that sort of situation with a Dom, i have been in one somewhat similar before finding myself in the lifestyle.

We were both in high school, he being a grade ahead of me, and i absolutely idolized him. He was the do-all end-all of anything i ever wanted at the time. He was also one of the popular people, and i was as much a nobody as a person could get in a school that small. (less than 100 people from kindergarten through 12th grade) It just so happens that he got injured the year i was helping with the sports medicine.

i can remember quite clearly the shock it was to have to help treat him and actually seeing him bleed, and to touch him and note that he -felt- like everybody else. It was a complete shock to find out that *gasp* he really WAS just flesh and blood like anybody else.

That one little incident made me step back and do some serious self-examination. It also made me grow as a person.

Good topic, MissT!

 

[lancemanyon]

Submissives?
Do you ever find yourself in a position where you view your Dominant as larger than life?

Maybe even in episodes, and then find yourself reeling when his humaness shines through?

I was talking with a Dominant who is a very dear friend. In that he was the first Dominant who showed me a taste of submission and healthy, but complete D/s, he has a special place in my heart and mind. I had him built up to be really big.

Well, he has been diagnosed with a terminal, degenerative illness.

It has made me do a lot of soul searching, but a small part of the question had to do with how I had imagined him invincible, in some respect.

So, do you think there are times or situations where we imagine Dominants to be "larger than life?"

Do we expect more from them in terms of character, mental ability or physical ability than we do of other men? of ourselves?

Or maybe, is it simply that they are strong men and it is strong men that we feel this way about?

Just thought I would throw this out for discussion.

I think it is obvious that you hold some very unhealthy attitudes towards men and sex. I hate to beat a dead horse, but please......the only person worth worshipping in this world is yourself.

 

[MissTaken]

YOu both make me think that perhaps this situation has nothing to do with his being a Dominant.

In fact, anytime a relatively young (44), healthy, virile friend is given a death sentence, I can imagine feeling like I am.

As he just told me this weekend, I realize I am still a bit befuddled and yes, again, in shock.

You know, those impossible to understand curve balls that get thrown your way ?

 

[Justina123]

I agree, Miss Taken, I do not think this is a D/s question so much as a life one.

I lived for several years with a man I loved deeply who had cancer. (When we first got together, we knew he was a cancer survivor, and thought he had licked it.) Although he was not a Dominant, per se, neither of us had heard that word, he was a very strong man characterwise. As his illness progressed, by far the hardest thing for him was his feeling that he could no longer care for me. He did not want to be the one being cared for. I tried hard to find ways to physicall set up life, our home, etc. so that he could need as little care as possible, and tried to do it in such a way it was not noticeable or not directly attributable to his illness (like, "I moved our room downstairs so my two boys can have our bigger room as they need the space")... And I tried to often ask for his help with things I knew remained unchanged, things which did not involve physical, but rather mental and emotional strength ("I really need your advice on such-and-such...")

Sometimes I think I made him happier, other times not. In a way, I am thankful that he died more suddenly than expected because a more drawn out illness would have been very difficult for one of his character.

But it's one of those tough life questions, I think personally, way more than a D/s one. No easy answers.

- justina

 

[T.J. Jackson]

It is a larger issue than Dom/mes. To see someone who was strong physically or emotionally break down is extremely difficult to do. Almost unbearable at times. You want to remember them as you knew them. Not as they have or will become. While it will be painful for you to be there with your friend MissT....he will be eternally grateful for your presence and comfort in his upcoming challenges. Just know you have friends who can be around and listen when times get tough for you too. We all need friends and don't forget yours.

 

[Richard49]

Miss T

I do not know if I should thank you
bow down to you
or kick your butt
for this thread

I have been chronicly ill for 11 years now
since Feb 1992

My wife at one point became my keeper/warden
no wonder that marrage finally disolved

I think part of what goes on in R's head
is the knowledge that I am dying

It is damn hard on me
not just the physical
but the emotional and mental

to not be able to do what I once did
and for others to not be dependable
or worse
to not let me do what I can

Is it about D/s?
Yes sort of
it is about those who are know to be strong
and no longer can be
to have to ask for help
to be depentant

 

[Ebonyfire]

I agree, Miss Taken, I do not think this is a D/s question so much as a life one.

I lived for several years with a man I loved deeply who had cancer. (When we first got together, we knew he was a cancer survivor, and thought he had licked it.) Although he was not a Dominant, per se, neither of us had heard that word, he was a very strong man characterwise. As his illness progressed, by far the hardest thing for him was his feeling that he could no longer care for me. He did not want to be the one being cared for. I tried hard to find ways to physicall set up life, our home, etc. so that he could need as little care as possible, and tried to do it in such a way it was not noticeable or not directly attributable to his illness (like, "I moved our room downstairs so my two boys can have our bigger room as they need the space")... And I tried to often ask for his help with things I knew remained unchanged, things which did not involve physical, but rather mental and emotional strength ("I really need your advice on such-and-such...")

Sometimes I think I made him happier, other times not. In a way, I am thankful that he died more suddenly than expected because a more drawn out illness would have been very difficult for one of his character.

But it's one of those tough life questions, I think personally, way more than a D/s one. No easy answers.

- justina

A wonderful post, justina. There is nothing more I can say.

 

[Ebonyfire]

It is a larger issue than Dom/mes. To see someone who was strong physically or emotionally break down is extremely difficult to do. Almost unbearable at times. You want to remember them as you knew them. Not as they have or will become. While it will be painful for you to be there with your friend MissT....he will be eternally grateful for your presence and comfort in his upcoming challenges. Just know you have friends who can be around and listen when times get tough for you too. We all need friends and don't forget yours.

An excellent point. It never fails to amaze me at how the larger issues of life are intermingled with what we discuss here.

 

[psiberzerker]

It really sucks when we get an idea in our heads, and leave it there so long that it becomes our reality. This transcends D/s, and is part of the human condition, but your particular scenario may have aggrivated it.
I had a similar experience with my freind "Butch" and his grandfather. This particular ggrandfather just happened to be 3rd dan in Shotokhan, trained in Japan, and dying of intestinal cancer. I saw him sparring with Butch shortly before he died. He got tapped lightly on the shoulder twice, the cheek three times, and all I saw was the foot coming back.
The point of that little digression is that we have expectations of people, especially unique, and special ones. This often leads to dissapointment, and/or disillusion, but that doesn't make up for the honor of knowing them. Nothing, and noone lasts forever, enjoy it while it's here, and remember it fondly.

 

[Richard49]

When you are chronicly ill and especially when you know you are dying .... you sudenly feeel very weak

if you have a strong personality
ie: Dom
you feel like you have been kicked in the nuts

 

[MissTaken]

It is a larger issue than Dom/mes. To see someone who was strong physically or emotionally break down is extremely difficult to do. Almost unbearable at times. You want to remember them as you knew them. Not as they have or will become. While it will be painful for you to be there with your friend MissT....he will be eternally grateful for your presence and comfort in his upcoming challenges. Just know you have friends who can be around and listen when times get tough for you too. We all need friends and don't forget yours.

That is part of what is difficult.

I don't know what he will want or need from me. I am willing to give it, support, assistance, friendship etc.

In truth, you would describe our relationship in teh context of "dating" as opposed to long term anything. We were at a point where we were sharing common goals and itnerests and exploring how we could meet one another's needs, possibly be a match, about six months ago.

I chose to let this slide for a variety of reasons.
Now, it is sad because we can't talk, daydream or plan like we did.

Yep, I don't know what he will need, but have decided to let "nature" take it's course. I won't turn my back on him because there is not future, but he is also fair minded enough not to expect more of me than is realistic.

I am babbling now.

I just wanted to thank everyone for posting and helping me clear my head. I was very muddled and sad when I typed the first post.

So, I couldn't really make sense out of a lot of things. Whiel I still can't make sense out of the damn disease....I am able to sort through some of how it impacts him and does or does not impact me.

Thank you, everyone.

 

[Richard49]

Miss T

If you would like to talk feel free to call me

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Miss T

If you would like to talk feel free to call me

Thank you, Richard.