Landing a Relationship?

[Haterade]

I think I either don't get it or I'm too unattractive to get a girlfriend. I've never actually been on a date (25 years old), and it's frustrating because it seems so natural for most people.

Why is this the case? I just don't understand how the process of getting into a relationship just flows for some people.

I talk to women, and I'm a pretty funny guy. And I get that body language tells the tale. But is it obvious for most guys when a girl is into them or something? Because I NEVER feel like a girl would be into me.

Or do girls date guys that ask them out regardless of their first opinions?

I don't even think I know how to ask the question. I just feel like life will be so much more fulfilling if I had a relationship - a solid one. I don't care for flings or sex.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "What the hell, man?"

 

[infinity706]

Asking for a date is easy. Just find out what she likes and ask her to go somewhere related with you.

 

[lady_poisyn]

you should try asking a girl if she'd like to go get coffee or dinner with you, worst she can say is no.

 

[Sf0man]

Your problem is one of self image.

You tHink that you are attractive enough to get that date. How do you know for sure?

Ask her out for coffee,

ask her out to dinner,

ask her if she is a hooker.

If she IS and turns you down...You have your answer!


If she ISN'T, then you don't want her.

You need somebody with experience that you are lacking.

Don't make it an amateur show and really screw it up.

And be prepared for rejection later, this part of sex will drive you crazy.

 

[bambikiller]

ABC, always be closing.
You suck as a saleman.
Ahh you just don't know is my guess have you asked a girl out that would be the first step.
Did she turn you down well then ask another.
Think possitive and keep trying.
You're not going to die if you get turned down.
There's a pot of gold wanting for you, you just have to ask for it.

Guys aren't the smartist things around when it comes to wemon. Once I was talking to a girl for over an hour and if my buddy didn't say what are you waiting for ask her out, I would have never gotten laid that night. I just didn't see it. It was obviouse to him but I just miissed the clues.
Lets face it guys are stupied unless a girl grabs are dick and say's fuck me we're cluelless.

 

[Boundlife]

Your problem is one of self image.

You tHink that you are attractive enough to get that date. How do you know for sure?

Ask her out for coffee,

ask her out to dinner,

ask her if she is a hooker.

If she IS and turns you down...You have your answer!


If she ISN'T, then you don't want her.

You need somebody with experience that you are lacking.

Don't make it an amateur show and really screw it up.

And be prepared for rejection later, this part of sex will drive you crazy.

That started out good, but it got confusing. Are you saying he should date prostitute?

 

[Sf0man]

No, simply don't go after an inexperienced woman like the original poster who obviously has no experience.

Whining about lack of experience is a sure fire way of never getting any....

 

[Boundlife]

No, simply don't go after an inexperienced woman like the original poster who obviously has no experience.

Whining about lack of experience is a sure fire way of never getting any....

Whining about anything is a sure fire way of never getting any

 

[mythtrav16]

No, simply don't go after an inexperienced woman like the original poster who obviously has no experience.

I have to disagree. My first GF and I were both inexperienced when we got together, and it was a really great relationship. There's nothing wrong with an inexperienced partner, if you're patient - or especially if you yourself are inexperienced as well.

I don't know if you read the second last line of the original post, but the OP doesn't want a woman who knows how to do all sorts of amazing things with her tongue, he wants a relationship.

 

[Felix_Jones]

It's never been as easy as the folks below have intimated, at least not for me. I don't know what to tell you, suck it up I guess. Find a hobby (or hobbies) that will distract you enough so that you don't think about it any more. Then do that for the rest of your life.

 

[Haterade]

Asking for a date is easy. Just find out what she likes and ask her to go somewhere related with you.

you should try asking a girl if she'd like to go get coffee or dinner with you, worst she can say is no.

Man, this sucks... I honestly really don't want to formally ask a girl out. That just doesn't feel right.

I mean, don't men feel a "this clicks" vibe and then proceed to move forward with things? I never get that feeling that a girl is in the position to be asked out. And like I said, I talk to plenty of women.

No, simply don't go after an inexperienced woman like the original poster who obviously has no experience.

Whining about lack of experience is a sure fire way of never getting any....

Yeah, I didn't understand your first post. But what do you mean by "experience?" With sex or past relationships?

And I never whine to women about never getting a girlfriend. I don't even bring it up. However, they usually know I'm single and am not experienced. But it's just something that I don't talk about. The subject never really comes up.

I have to disagree. My first GF and I were both inexperienced when we got together, and it was a really great relationship. There's nothing wrong with an inexperienced partner, if you're patient - or especially if you yourself are inexperienced as well.

I don't know if you read the second last line of the original post, but the OP doesn't want a woman who knows how to do all sorts of amazing things with her tongue, he wants a relationship.

What this guy said. I want a solid relationship. I don't care if she's experienced sexually or not.

It's never been as easy as the folks below have intimated, at least not for me. I don't know what to tell you, suck it up I guess. Find a hobby (or hobbies) that will distract you enough so that you don't think about it any more. Then do that for the rest of your life.

I really hope this isn't true, but honestly... I think it may be.

 

[Christopher2012]

Hey man, I feel your pain. I'm right there with you. 23yo here. I've sorta had a girlfriend when I was in high school, but that's it. As least you don't obsess over a girl who isn't into you like I do. It's a nightmare.

 

[CWatson]

I mean, don't men feel a "this clicks" vibe and then proceed to move forward with things? I never get that feeling that a girl is in the position to be asked out. And like I said, I talk to plenty of women.

Well there's your problem. *wry smile* Long story short: Nope, they don't. At least, anywhere outside of movies.

You're waiting for it to feel safe. You're waiting to be in a position where you can say something to a girl without taking much risk. Unfortunately, this is the exact opposite of dating. Whether it involves sex or not, dating is all about getting naked--about revealing yourself to the other person and hoping they don't laugh at what they see. And men always go first, by asking the woman out. If you don't feel vulnerable, you're doing it wrong.

If you're interested in her, say something. For us normal people, 90% of the time she won't be interested back. If you want something low-risk or low vulnerability, try Internet dating, where success rates are much the same but at least you're not being rejected to your face. Do not wait. Romance isn't something that falls into your lap, it's something you reach out and do.

 

[Boundlife]

You sound like you are expecting love at first sight. Asking someone for coffee isn't formal. Dial back the expectations. If you meet someone you like, spend some time with them, see where it goes.

Repeat after me: Movies are fake, relationships take time

 

[mythtrav16]

It's never been as easy as the folks below have intimated, at least not for me. I don't know what to tell you, suck it up I guess. Find a hobby (or hobbies) that will distract you enough so that you don't think about it any more. Then do that for the rest of your life.

No. Please, above all else, don't give up hope. So long as you have it, you are never truly lost.

I've been talking recently with a guy in Australia, in another thread here. And while I haven't read up on all the details (it's a mammoth-sized thread), the gist I get is that this guy has (or had) some pretty heavy personal problems. But when he was 18, he went on a trip to London with some friends. He went to a bar, started doing some stuff on his laptop and just by amazing good fortune, a woman there recognized his desktop theme and she struck up a conversation with him about it.

They are now happily married and now the guy faces life with a trusted and supportive partner.

Of all the bars in London he could've gone to, he picked that one...

So you see, there's always hope. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt when that's all you've got (I should know!), but it's only when you give up that you've surely lost.

 

[Haterade]

Well there's your problem. *wry smile* Long story short: Nope, they don't. At least, anywhere outside of movies.

You're waiting for it to feel safe. You're waiting to be in a position where you can say something to a girl without taking much risk. Unfortunately, this is the exact opposite of dating. Whether it involves sex or not, dating is all about getting naked--about revealing yourself to the other person and hoping they don't laugh at what they see. And men always go first, by asking the woman out. If you don't feel vulnerable, you're doing it wrong.

If you're interested in her, say something. For us normal people, 90% of the time she won't be interested back. If you want something low-risk or low vulnerability, try Internet dating, where success rates are much the same but at least you're not being rejected to your face. Do not wait. Romance isn't something that falls into your lap, it's something you reach out and do.

Well.... that just completely sucks... That's like asking to be kicked in the nuts over and over again. And I have a hard time believing that men overcome this...

You sound like you are expecting love at first sight. Asking someone for coffee isn't formal. Dial back the expectations. If you meet someone you like, spend some time with them, see where it goes.

Repeat after me: Movies are fake, relationships take time

Movies are fake. Relationships take time.

I'm not really expecting love at first sight. I was just hoping it could be more natural. Going up to some random person and throwing yourself into their life is just not realistic. I mean, I never just go up to random people, stop them, and say "HEY, want to hang out?" That's ridiculous.

I don't know... Like I said, I just don't get it. It's such a weird idea. And it makes me feel comfortable knowing that I'm not doing what feels unnatural. However, wth that being said, it makes me highly uncomfortable knowing I'm going to have to do it if I want to have a relationship, which is something I greatly desire.

 

[ctgirl1]

Well.... that just completely sucks... That's like asking to be kicked in the nuts over and over again. And I have a hard time believing that men overcome this...



Movies are fake. Relationships take time.

I'm not really expecting love at first sight. I was just hoping it could be more natural. Going up to some random person and throwing yourself into their life is just not realistic. I mean, I never just go up to random people, stop them, and say "HEY, want to hang out?" That's ridiculous.

I don't know... Like I said, I just don't get it. It's such a weird idea. And it makes me feel comfortable knowing that I'm not doing what feels unnatural. However, wth that being said, it makes me highly uncomfortable knowing I'm going to have to do it if I want to have a relationship, which is something I greatly desire.

Some women want men to be men. If you're attracted to a woman, man up and ask her out. Even if it's just for coffee or a drink and not a full date. Also, some women will say no first but like persistent men. Just don't cross the line to stalking.

 

[Haterade]

Some women want men to be men. If you're attracted to a woman, man up and ask her out. Even if it's just for coffee or a drink and not a full date. Also, some women will say no first but like persistent men. Just don't cross the line to stalking.

Yeah... I know, and that sucks.

I was thinking about it today. I was sitting at some sub restaurant and I saw this drop-dead gorgeous girl standing 3 feet in front of me, waiting for her food. She was directly facing me and playing with her nails. I was studying on a laptop. It's just too difficult to speak to somebody I've never met. Half of me wants to kick myself and half of me understands how ridiculous the idea is to execute.

 

[koalakutie]

Do your thing...

.....

 

[Ex Princess]

You sound like you are expecting love at first sight. Asking someone for coffee isn't formal. Dial back the expectations. If you meet someone you like, spend some time with them, see where it goes.

Repeat after me: Movies are fake, relationships take time

Once again, you nailed it, Bound.

 

[Ex Princess]

"You seem cool. Want to hang out tomorrow?"

...totally natural and easy.

 

[Mick2150]

.......

 

[culloden]

I was pretty shy as a young man. Yet I managed to have a string of girlfriends, and have been happily married for as long as you've been on the planet.

The thing I found wasn't to approach random girls. That's out of my comfort zone (Although I did ask a couple of salesgirls out over the years. Crashed and burned, but survived). Rather, I'd focus on meeting girls at places such as class, work, parties, wherever. At least there was some commonality there. Get to know her a little first so you don't seem creepy, and so you can establish common interests. Once I got talking to a girl and found we had X in common, it seemed pretty natural to say something like, "Hey, got time for coffee?"

Don't go into every encounter with high expectations. That creates pressures that make it harder to relax. Just get to know the girl the way you'd get to know another guy. Think of her as a potential friend before you think of her as a potential girlfriend. Any LTR depends on being friends, anyway.

 

[TheOne007]

It's interesting that you bring this up. I think the major problem with dating is that it evolves so quickly that people can't adjust fast enough to keep up! I believe that if we didn't have internet or smartphones and went back to old fashioned calling on the phone it will make a huge difference.

With that being said, I haven't been on a date in over a year. I'm finding that since meeting people has become more difficult, I've become more of a materialistic man that indulges himself on wants instead of needs. It's sad, but I would give it all up for a genuine female companion!

Has anyone ever noticed it feels as though your are looked at, stared at, or smiled at more from the opposite sex when you are in a relationship?

 

[Felix_Jones]

I'm telling you, don't obsess over it you'll just get disappointed and maybe depressed. If you have the means see an escort every once in a while. Focus on work, or a sport, maybe make a hobby of the gym. There's volumes of literature out there, a lot of it very good. It's not hard, really, in a lot of ways it's a very leisurely existence.