Kinky? or BDSM?W

[Pixie Mischief]

Where is the line drawn between the 2????

 

[JoseIsWild]

I think of BDSM as involving pain, torture, humiliation, or extreme restraints. Kinky is just wild stuff like eating off of the body, using toys and light restraints.

 

[Richard49]

Where is the line drawn between the 2????

submission/surrender

 

[MissTaken]

Yes, I agree with Richard.

A flogging can be kinky, without the submission of one to the other.

Yes, the "power exchange" is what discriminates between the two.

 

[Richard49]

Yes, I agree with Richard.

A flogging can be kinky, without the submission of one to the other.

Yes, the "power exchange" is what discriminates between the two.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Where is the line drawn between the 2????

I don't. It is all in your point of view. One man/woman's kinky is another's BDSM.

It is all semantics.

I think a line can be more aptly drawn between BDSM and D/s.

 

[Quint]

Yes, I agree with Richard.

A flogging can be kinky, without the submission of one to the other.

Yes, the "power exchange" is what discriminates between the two.

Don't think I quite agree with you, MissT. I can see that the "power exchange" discriminates between kink and D/s, for sure, but I can have my masochism fulfilled without exchanging any sort of power. Same with sadism. Bondage and discipline I suppose require some degree of power exchange for them to be feasible, unless they are self-inflicted--but that's just a whole nother story.

Also, I don't count all exchanges of power as BDSM. As we've all read ad infinitum, some power exchanges are abusive, which we certainly don't want to count as BDSM. Some power exchanges are nilla. And some may just be two people out for a fun time, e.g. roleplaying, without any desire to take it further--which I for one would classify only as kink.

I think I'm more with Eb on this one; unless we take a more structured and formal definition of BDSM, it's far too loose to hold up universally under a question such as this. So I leave it at "depends" and move on. o)

 

[His_sugar]

i had someone early on during my introduction to BDSM-D/s give me a pretty clear example of the difference between BDSM and KINK.

She and her lover were into KINK. She was a true pain slut, in every sense of the word, but she was not into submitting. She didn't give up control to her Lover. She explained to me that what they shared was called "Top/bottom". Which in every since was about the same as BDSM without the exchange of submitting.

These two people were possibly the closest things to 'textbook' sadists and massocists as i have ever seen. They were a true joy to watch scene and they have remained very dear friends of mine.

My first real life group was mainly "KINKsters" as a whole. There were several couples who actually exchanged as Dom/sub.. but they were far and few between.

It was a very interesting insight and i cherish those times dearly.

 

[MissTaken]

Thanks Quint.

And yes, you are correct.

I change my vote, to it depends.

Don't think I quite agree with you, MissT. I can see that the "power exchange" discriminates between kink and D/s, for sure, but I can have my masochism fulfilled without exchanging any sort of power. Same with sadism. Bondage and discipline I suppose require some degree of power exchange for them to be feasible, unless they are self-inflicted--but that's just a whole nother story.

Also, I don't count all exchanges of power as BDSM. As we've all read ad infinitum, some power exchanges are abusive, which we certainly don't want to count as BDSM. Some power exchanges are nilla. And some may just be two people out for a fun time, e.g. roleplaying, without any desire to take it further--which I for one would classify only as kink.

I think I'm more with Eb on this one; unless we take a more structured and formal definition of BDSM, it's far too loose to hold up universally under a question such as this. So I leave it at "depends" and move on. o)

 

[pierced_boy]

Why does it matter?

While it is fine for one person to regard anothers BDSM as kink (EG Quint's comment) it is realy only the participants view and experence that matters unless you are doing this for the wrong reasons (eg to impress somebody else)

Some folk engage in BDSM 24/7, are heavily into this as a complete life style, other either cannot do this or don't want to do this and live some other arrangement that suits them. Kink to a lifestyler maybe but D/s or what ever to the important ones, the people doing "it"

Why does it matter Pixie are you afraid of not being good enough? Don't be because it does not matter. There is no line that you have to cross to impress others or standard to meet to "qualify" If it is Domination and submission to you then it is D/s end of story. If it SM to you then it is!

If you take up with somebody new you are going to need to establish boundaries and limits again and maybe these will be more intense than the last relationship but no more BDSM than the last less intense arrangement.

Too many labels in our world for me, labels can be so inappropriate, imo

oops fell of my horse, its a long way down

H

 

[Ebonyfire]

Don't think I quite agree with you, MissT. I can see that the "power exchange" discriminates between kink and D/s, for sure, but I can have my masochism fulfilled without exchanging any sort of power. Same with sadism.

I am not sure that the power exchange discriminates against anything or anybody.

I think it is the people who discriminate. Humans make judgments, and act accordingly. IMHO.

 

[Ebonyfire]

labels

I sometimes have to remind people that the "D" in BDSM stands for Discipline and not Domination.

There are lots and lots of folks who use BDSM regularly who are not into D/s. By the sam token there are lots and lots of people into D/s who shy away from a lot of BDSM.

There is rule there are no rules, IMHO.

 

[pierced_boy]

EB depends who you read, whose label you choose!!

From another thread definitions by Cym

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=93684

Re: BDSM & D/s

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Sandia
I'm curious if anyone has any thoughts about the connection between BDSM and D/s. Thank you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What connection?
D/s is a subset of BDSM.

From page 1 of the M thread (and "it" refers to "BDSM"):

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It" is a lifestyle, like being a vegetarian or training for and competing in biathalons. "It" is also a style of sexual play. "It" can be as much a part of your life as want, or as little.

BDSM = Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism.

Additionally, the middle two letters, DS, are always taken to mean Dominance and Submission, often abbreviated D/s.

"It" involves, though this is WAY oversimplified, relationships in which the power wielded by one of the partners exceeds that of the other, always within the sexual arena, often outside it as well.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



D/s relationships are BDSM relationships.

Maybe there's some sadism/masochism involved and maybe not, but a D/s relationship is a BDSM relationship in the same way a Golden Delicious apple is an apple.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Re: Why does it matter?

Not good enough for what??? and no not trying to impress anyone.
as for what it matters nothing other then I could study and read so I can understand more.
just things with my bf seem to gradualy get more......... hmmmmm "different" LOL

so in other words... being told growled at told "Roll over wench. NOW" and then him smackin me ass a few times to you could be kinky but to me bdsm?

[B
Why does it matter Pixie are you afraid of not being good enough? Don't be because it does not matter. There is no line that you have to cross to impress others or standard to meet to "qualify" If it is Domination and submission to you then it is D/s end of story. If it SM to you then it is!

H [/B]

 

[lark sparrow]

kink·y
Slang. Showing or appealing to bizarre or deviant tastes, especially of a sexual or erotic nature.

kinky

adj 1: (used of sexual behavior) "kinky sex"; "perverted practices" [syn: perverted] 2: in small tight curls [syn: crisp, frizzly, frizzy, nappy] 3: informal terms; strikingly unconventional [syn: far-out, offbeat, quirky, way-out]

So, is it just a matter of semantics? Some people prefer kinky, others prefer BDSM, and yet others prefer erotic power exchange or some other terminology. Perhaps it has something to do with levels, commitment, importance in the greater scheme of things or exclusions in people's minds, but interpretations may differ greatly. I would answer yes to all three personally as broad definitions and don't get too hung up on it.

"Kinky" is a good word play off of "straight", or vice versa.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

But then again... if thats what kinky is.. then he and I.. we arent kinky.
becauser we dont think of it as "preverse" but normal. We dont find it "bizzare"
we have no problem with it..

kinky from the diffinition sounds negative.
So kinky is also a personal opinion.. some may call us kinky.. but we dont see ourselves as such.
so again.... it is a personal opinion???
on what you think of as "normal"

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Re: EB depends who you read, whose label you choose!!

Hm sounds a little like us. But its not something we agreed to.. but just IS.
funny I had no idea he could be so forward with sex. surprised the living crap out of me.
Before meeting me.. he never showed much.. well... his stories where always sweet and romantic and loving LMAO
big surprise

From another thread definitions by Cym

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=93684

Re: BDSM & D/s

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Sandia
I'm curious if anyone has any thoughts about the connection between BDSM and D/s. Thank you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What connection?
D/s is a subset of BDSM.

From page 1 of the M thread (and "it" refers to "BDSM"):

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It" is a lifestyle, like being a vegetarian or training for and competing in biathalons. "It" is also a style of sexual play. "It" can be as much a part of your life as want, or as little.

BDSM = Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism.

Additionally, the middle two letters, DS, are always taken to mean Dominance and Submission, often abbreviated D/s.

"It" involves, though this is WAY oversimplified, relationships in which the power wielded by one of the partners exceeds that of the other, always within the sexual arena, often outside it as well.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



D/s relationships are BDSM relationships.

Maybe there's some sadism/masochism involved and maybe not, but a D/s relationship is a BDSM relationship in the same way a Golden Delicious apple is an apple.

 

[lark sparrow]

But then again... if thats what kinky is.. then he and I.. we arent kinky.
becauser we dont think of it as "preverse" but normal. We dont find it "bizzare"
we have no problem with it..

kinky from the diffinition sounds negative.
So kinky is also a personal opinion.. some may call us kinky.. but we dont see ourselves as such.
so again.... it is a personal opinion???
on what you think of as "normal"

Well, you did say yourself it was "different", whether that is defined through your personal past experience, what you thought you were getting into or compared to what the majority of the society you belong to considers "normal".

Perversity turns some people on, and they don't necessarily want to be normal. So, yes, much of it is personal perception.

Many things in my life that are "normal" for me will not be so for the vast majority of people I run into. So, I suppose it really depends on where one wants to draw the line in relation to others and how wide or narrow of a world view you want to take, but recognizing and defining the differences and similarities is often a part of it. In this circle being kinky is normal, encouraged and accepted, but if you leave this little circle it once again becomes normal for only you.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

different from the average I've witnessed. yes.
and also .. very true. I pride myself on being differenet. I so dont wanna be another sheep in the crowd..
very much just like beauty.. what is normal to one may not to other.

hm makes sense I generaly agree with most of this.
I will say one thing I do wish people in soceity where more open minded.

Well, you did say yourself it was "different", whether that is defined through your personal past experience, what you thought you were getting into or compared to what the majority of the society you belong to considers "normal".

Perversity turns some people on, and they don't necessarily want to be normal. So, yes, much of it is personal perception.

Many things in my life that are "normal" for me will not be so for the vast majority of people I run into. So, I suppose it really depends on where one wants to draw the line in relation to others and how wide or narrow of a world view you want to take, but recognizing and defining the differences and similarities is often a part of it. In this circle being kinky is normal, encouraged and accepted, but if you leave this little circle it once again becomes normal for only you.

 

[lark sparrow]

different from the average I've witnessed. yes.
and also .. very true. I pride myself on being differenet. I so dont wanna be another sheep in the crowd..
very much just like beauty.. what is normal to one may not to other.

hm makes sense I generaly agree with most of this.
I will say one thing I do wish people in soceity where more open minded.

yes

 

[Pixie Mischief]

yes

well then.. to me.. its more the kinky.
some of it is.. but some of it is more then that. To me.

but NOW at least I know what to expect

I had no idea. not very fair I think.
but then again it does seem to be so gradual that I barely saw it creeping up on me.
but I had no idea he was going to be so forward.
Maybe he didnt want to till he met me to see how I'd react see if I was game ect.
played it safe before *Shrugs* hes a mistery lol

 

[Pure]

There's no clear line between BDSM and kink, in my aberrant opinion.

"Kink" is just slang for deviance or perversion--non standard way of getting off that one might prefer.

"Fetish" is perhaps narrower, if it refers to a 'fetish object', like vinyl panties-- a special object causing arousal. However many bdsm folks end up treating things like whips as fetish objects.

Lately, iirc, I've seen the term bdsm/fetish to describe a bunch of people and practices

===
www.houstonbdsm.com

HOUSTON BDSM/FETISH PAGE
In the past few years the Houston BDSM/Fetish scene has grown tremendously. Local fetish lovers have a much more active calendar to fill their time.

===

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: EB depends who you read, whose label you choose!!

So what? Quoting other people on this board will not make me change My opinion.

I think for myself, and I suggest to others that they think for themselves too.

That is what adults do, think for themselves, (hopefully).

From another thread definitions by Cym

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=93684

Re: BDSM & D/s

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Sandia
I'm curious if anyone has any thoughts about the connection between BDSM and D/s. Thank you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What connection?
D/s is a subset of BDSM.

From page 1 of the M thread (and "it" refers to "BDSM"):

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"It" is a lifestyle, like being a vegetarian or training for and competing in biathalons. "It" is also a style of sexual play. "It" can be as much a part of your life as want, or as little.

BDSM = Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism.

Additionally, the middle two letters, DS, are always taken to mean Dominance and Submission, often abbreviated D/s.

"It" involves, though this is WAY oversimplified, relationships in which the power wielded by one of the partners exceeds that of the other, always within the sexual arena, often outside it as well.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



D/s relationships are BDSM relationships.

Maybe there's some sadism/masochism involved and maybe not, but a D/s relationship is a BDSM relationship in the same way a Golden Delicious apple is an apple.

 

[cellis]

There's no clear line between BDSM and kink, in my aberrant opinion.

"Kink" is just slang for deviance or perversion--non standard way of getting off that one might prefer.

"Fetish" is perhaps narrower, if it refers to a 'fetish object', like vinyl panties-- a special object causing arousal. However many bdsm folks end up treating things like whips as fetish objects.

Lately, iirc, I've seen the term bdsm/fetish to describe a bunch of people and practices

===
www.houstonbdsm.com

HOUSTON BDSM/FETISH PAGE
In the past few years the Houston BDSM/Fetish scene has grown tremendously. Local fetish lovers have a much more active calendar to fill their time.

===

Well that is group that I am a part of and I happen to think we are a perverted group of people that have a good time. There are all kinds of extremes... from A to Z and everything in between.

I happen to think that the line is drawn where you want it to be... to each his own. I have said that before... there are no concrete rules here. I learned that lesson early on.

 

[lancemanyon]

I think of BDSM as involving pain, torture, humiliation, or extreme restraints. Kinky is just wild stuff like eating off of the body, using toys and light restraints.

Thanks!! Your response kind of confirms the point I've been trying to make for a long time now.

I'll pray for you tonight.