Kink Shaming

[Will527]

I think kink varies from bedroom to bedroom, and in some cases of the kink shamers, from boardroom to boardroom. If you aren't on board with somebody else's kink, ignore it and enjoy your own, and we all have them. There are some kinks that are confusing or disgusting to me but I'm not going to shame anyone or second guess their choices in life. The kink shamers all have something to hide, don't they? That's why they try to put attention on the rest of us.

 

[Goldenfinger]

My wife has a group of friends. In this group is one lady who seems to be straight laces and wound tight. Women talk and this lady has gotten second hand information about our sex life. She has said and asked me things usually in a negative tone. But we had a conversation once and I think she would like to be in a relationship like my wife and I have, probably not as sexual but I could see it in her eye.

 

[Erosfan]

Yeah, and they've got a real hate for BDSM. They say what you'd expect about maledom/femsub but irritatingly they also go after us male subs as well. Because apparently we're fetishising being a woman. Because they define the submissive role as the woman's role even if a man is doing it. And they call us the sexist ones.

I am and have been, into CFNM for a very long time. I have no desire to be or act like a woman. I am submissive sexually. In my public life, I am very much in control.

 

[calmlikeabomb]

What if your kink is to be kink shamed?
Edit: oops the joke's been made. Also, damm emoji.

 

[DpropertyofR]

I am too damn old to give a fuck what other people think about what I do in my private life. I am discreet, and I don’t subject non-consenting individuals to my activities by doing them in public. I don’t care what other people do either as long as all parties involved are consenting adults and nobody is actually being harmed or put in danger. People need to learn the art of minding your own business.
For the record, I consider myself a feminist, but I am also a sub. My life with my Master is like a fantasy role-playing game that we enjoy together. I would never tolerate real abuse or exploitation of any kind. My Master wouldn’t either.

 

[OldAsianMan72]

Yes I do fancy younger

 

[AnonymousDragon]

There is a source that discusses this topic in length, and yes, I agree with OP that there is an alarming amount of stigma associated with BDSM, it's one reason why I am turning to private at home journaling, I'm afraid of sharing in detail what I fantasize about, because if I do, I might get responses something to the effect of "You're sick, you really want a woman to do that to you?" or worse, obviously I don't want to increase the number of people doing something as dangerous as breath play in real life, the point of fantasy, is to explore things we can not necessarily do in real life without consequence.

I would hope activists in the BDSM community would be able to turn the conversation around in future and bring a more nuanced understanding of the matter to the public. But despite the fearmongering, BDSM edge play is not and never will be mainstream practice, nor should it be. What I am defending here, is people's right to fantasize and be given their autonomy as responsible adults to make their own decisions, not be treated like children, i.e infantilism which is degrading and insulting, and robs us of our civil liberties. What we need here are pro liberty movements.

https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-headlines/challenging-the-stigma-around-breath-play

 

[Erosfan]

Yeah, and they've got a real hate for BDSM. They say what you'd expect about maledom/femsub but irritatingly they also go after us male subs as well. Because apparently we're fetishising being a woman. Because they define the submissive role as the woman's role even if a man is doing it. And they call us the sexist ones.

Aside from hate, I have seen where a lot of people decide what a given fetish/kink must include. Gentle femdom is a major interest of mine. My late wife and I got really good finding ways for both of us to enjoy it.
Many think that CFNM/Femdom means the male is a cuckhold. For me, that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not a cuck and my wife was not interested in sharing our fun with anyone. We had some incredible experiences between ourselves and I have some wonderful memories.

 

[Crystal_Dust]

Can’t imagine why so many guys have trouble finding female partners when they are so full of misogyny.
Even more, there’s a huge reason Dommes seem so uncommon in kink spaces online.

This thread is very telling.

 

[seekingAlpha]

Some of the kinkiest and most depraved women (I say this lovingly) I have ever been involved with publicly appeared to be feminists so much so that if you had heard them around their friends, you would think they absolutely loathed BDSM and anything to do with submission. Without getting into too many details, I will say they were some of the best submissives I was ever involved with, they barely had limits, loved being used, and loved being shared.

 

[Statius]

Can’t imagine why so many guys have trouble finding female partners when they are so full of misogyny.
Even more, there’s a huge reason Dommes seem so uncommon in kink spaces online.

This thread is very telling.

I find that most of the 'kink' threads here are full of mysogyny. Kinda blows my mind what people will say like it's just how the world works? Like everybody thinks that way about relationships and women. It shouldn't surprise me, but it does. Those cuck threads? Holy EFF! Anyway. Not expressing it well. I'm gonna go mind my own business now.

Peace

 

[Crystal_Dust]

Sometimes it isn’t ’kink shaming’ it’s just ‘kink asking why’

 

[PaxNurgle]

Well, I'm just curious here; and I don't mean to be defensive, .... but what is "misogynistic" about cuck threads? What is it about those threads that you find troubling? I get it; it's certainly not for everyone. Some things just aren't. Sounding for example makes me downright squeamish. There are certain dynamics (the "Daddy" - little girl thing for example) that I just don't relate to either. But calling it misogynistic- I don't understand that.

So, as Crystal Dust said, kink asking why here; I'm not upset just wondering why that particular dynamic is so problematic as far as being interpreted as "Misogynistic." Because if I was a willing cuckold and my partner and I had that kind of open relationship- I would think it would be the opposite if anything; I would be respecting and adoring her for her sexual empowerment and independence.

To be fair, I have read some downright misogynistic things on the forums, but most of those have come from the Charlie Kirk types- who tend to have the same dim views of kink in general as they do of women.

 

[Statius]

I don't think the kink is inherently mysogynistic; I think the way it is sometimes talked about here in the threads can be from SOME of the users.

 

[Astrotrain]

I thought the politics board was a containment board for that sort of thing.

 

[Crystal_Dust]

I thought the politics board was a containment board for that sort of thing.

Politics isn’t something most of us can put into another thread and keep it there. It is an inherent part of our moment by moment lives.

 

[MiaBabe23]

I thought the politics board was a containment board for that sort of thing.

Um… for misogyny? Have you had a glance at almost any thread where a woman or women feature?

 

[AprilTwenties]

Most stuff ain't my kind of thing, but I never see it as good or bad, boo. Just not the shit that this ho is into.

Meanwhile, my 'kink' is selling myself for my owner and, during the act, thinking of all the money that I'll be giving to her...and I get shit from all kinds that really don't understand that!
It is what it is, boo.
We all have our weird shit....to others.

A x

 

[PaxNurgle]

I don't think the kink is inherently mysogynistic; I think the way it is sometimes talked about here in the threads can be from SOME of the users.

Well, in hindsight, I've read a couple cuckold stories where, let's just say the vibe wasn't what I was looking for and I can almost see where the misogyny claims come from.

These are the stories where, the woman doesn't just dally with other men, or take it further and force her hubby to watch (or in more extreme examples, force him to sexually service her lovers.) These are still stories of consensual loving relationships where there is still a mutual respect and love between the cuck and the wire/girlfriend. I'm talking about stories where the woman utterly destroys the cuck's life, draining him of his home, money, job and savings, and consigning him to working at a gloryhole 24/7 while she runs off and starts a new life. This is not sane or consensual, or anything where, even if this was your favorite kink, you would ever want to trade places with the hapless cuck hubby. I've read a couple stories like this. Not my cup of tea at all, lets just say, and I LIKE cuckold/hotwife stories (I've even written a couple.) It seems like these stories just portray the hotwife as heartless, cruel and manipulative and bent on destroying a man's life, which is not what a hotwife/cuckold relationship should be, in my opinion. In other words, depicting her in a misogynistic way rather than as a loving wife with extreme sexual needs.

And on that note, word of advice: Don't post stories about a willing/consensual cuckold in the "Loving wives" category. The readers there REALLY don't like it. I learned this the hard way.

 

[crazysexywants]

Recently I had a conversation with a older guy who thought young women being ageist because they wouldn't respond to his messages, and many of them had age limitations in their bios, such is '30-40 only'. I told him that it wasn't ageist to prefer dating people around their own age.

He hit me with the generic Andrew Tate type rhetoric, 'Younger woman are more fertile and have a better chance of having a healthy baby, so it's natural for older men to desire them', and 'Older men are better providers then younger men'.

I responded by, 1. Explaining younger men have a better chance of having a healthy baby, so older men impregnating young woman might be a benefit for older men, but a detriment and risky for young women. And 2. The more rights and opportunities women have in a society, the less they have to settle for 'a good provider' so they don't prioritize wealth over things like attraction, personality, compatibility, etc.

He immediately pivoted to calling me ageist and said I was a hypocrite, claiming that if he was gay or into trans woman then I wouldn't be 'kink shaming' him for his sexuality.

I could've explained that homosexuality is not a kink, then explain that most trans woman don't like being fetishized which is why they avoid 'chasers', and then explain that he's just a 'chaser' who fetishizes young women for their youth, which is why most young women will avoid him. But I didn't have the patience to untangle his faulty logic and reasoning skills combined with his strong desire to be a victim of ageism, so I just left the conversation.

My point is... what I learned from that conversation is that if somebody's dumb enough, they can lump anything that makes their private parts tingle into the 'kink' and 'fetish' category then use the 'don't kink shame me' defense.

A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.