Kill! KILL!

[shereads]

I've just spent ninety minutes (nine minutes ten times; or, one and one half hours USD) on the telephone with "Customer Service," attempting to achieve the correction of one mistyped digit in an account number.

I'm not sure we're there yet.

Special challenges included a poor connection with Guaranistan or Uranus or wherever this particular bank of phones has been outsourced to, and which resulted in my hearing an echo of my own voice overlapping the phone rep's replies; language gap; and first but not least, one of those circular phone menus that will not allow you to speak to anyone unless you first select one of the nine options, none of which has anything to do with the purpose of your call, with the result that you are routed to the wrong department and must be put on hold.

If Dante lived in this century, there would be at least one additional circle in the Inferno.

I don't need a drink. I need opiates.

 

[Guest]

Damn.

I feel your pain.

When you call again, don't talk to Stephanie.

 

[shereads]

Damn.

I feel your pain.

When you call again, don't talk to Stephanie.

I dealt with her supervisor, Lawrence. He was more confused than she was.

 

[Guest]

I dealt with her supervisor, Lawrence. He was more confused than she was.

Jesus.

(No, he wasn't any help, either.)

Glynndah just sent me these. They are appropriate for your situation.


http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/6/9/onholdkittehh128575126138357431.jpg


http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/6/9/kittehstartedt128575160106394086.jpg


http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/funny-pictures-technical-support-cat.jpg


http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/funny-pictures-call-center-cat.jpg

 

[shereads]

I see your kitteh and raise you one former Attorney General:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3024/2566166004_9706572c5c_o.gif

 

[jomar]

I usually hit 0 and more often than not it gets me to a person. But the phone menus give you a head start on frustration so that when you finally talk to a live person you're warmed up.

 

[shereads]

I usually hit 0 and more often than not it gets me to a person. But the phone menus give you a head start on frustration so that when you finally talk to a live person you're warmed up.

This is one of those "hang up if they hit 0" lines. They're onto us.

 

[Guest]

I see your kitteh and raise you one former Attorney General:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3024/2566166004_9706572c5c_o.gif

BWAH!!!

 

[shereads]

BWAH!!!

The classics never fail.

 

[jomar]

This is one of those "hang up if they hit 0" lines. They're onto us.

I curse them!

 

[cloudy]

How to Mind Control Customer Service Reps

Read it. Really. You'll thank me later.

 

[shereads]

How to Mind Control Customer Service Reps

Read it. Really. You'll thank me later.

I'll thank you now, in case I'm running through the streets screeching later.

 

[Guest]

How to Mind Control Customer Service Reps

Read it. Really. You'll thank me later.

Where were you when I was going through DSL hell???

Love it!

 

[Belegon]

How to Mind Control Customer Service Reps

Read it. Really. You'll thank me later.

That's wonderful. It really is. and should be effective.

Of course, I've also been a part of an industry where it absolutely would not work...

Do not try this in banking. Instead, go in to your branch and find a manager who will have a personal vested interest in fixing your problem. He/She will NOT outline policy, BTW. Scam artists often spend a lot of time and effort trying to figure out a bank's exact policies.

But for telephone customer service in a retail industry, this rocks.

 

[Just-Legal]

Mash # or *

Speaking as someone who works on the phones

 

[shereads]

Mash # or *

Speaking as someone who works on the phones

That only works on this planet.

 

[Belegon]

That only works on this planet.

Planet schmanet, Janet!

 

[shereads]

How to Mind Control Customer Service Reps

Read it. Really. You'll thank me later.

bumping this crucial info

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It doesnt matter if you get a real human in person.

The local library hired a debt collector to get $40 from me for a book thats on the shelf in the library. No matter how many times I take the book to the service desk and have them verify that THEY have the book NOT me, they dont correct the problem. And when I ask to speak to a supervisor SHE'S NOT IN. I've done this 6 times with the same outcome.

They arent programmed to do anything but respond to the computer.

 

[shereads]

It doesnt matter if you get a real human in person.

The local library hired a debt collector to get $40 from me for a book thats on the shelf in the library. No matter how many times I take the book to the service desk and have them verify that THEY have the book NOT me, they dont correct the problem. And when I ask to speak to a supervisor SHE'S NOT IN. I've done this 6 times with the same outcome.

They arent programmed to do anything but respond to the computer.

I had a similar but potentially more expensive problem with a tree that never existed on my property, and which I was accused of removing without a permit, based on a photograph of someone else's chopped-up tree at someone else's house.

For nearly a year, the city threatened to put a lien on my property if I failed to pay a $500 fine.

After repeated visits to the zoning office, comparisons of photos and street addresses, and assurances by various persons up and down the food chain that I had received these letters in error, I received a court summons.

Here's what eventually solved that, and has worked since then with the telephone company and one or two others:

1. I call their office one more time, and ask for someone in a supervisory position. 2. I request the name of the person to whom I am speaking. I write it down. 3. Then I explain my situation, politely, and add,

"I know this is the first time you're hearing about my problem, and I'm sorry for what I'm going to say now, but I'm left with no choice: I WILL MAKE IT MY MISSION IN LIFE to make you lose your job if I ever have to explain this to anyone, ever again."

It's not pretty, but it works. Every time.

 

[Guest]

You are a goddess.

This would have worked with Stephanie or Jesus a couple of months ago, yannow?

 

[shereads]

You are a goddess.

This would have worked with Stephanie or Jesus a couple of months ago, yannow?

At the Stephanie level, you're not entitled to her full name - and poor Stephanie probably isn't empowered to help you. But it works beautifully at the middle-management level, and it worked nicely with the Assistant to the President of Bellsouth...With anyone in city politics, it not only works, but it feels wonderful.

 

[Guest]

At the Stephanie level, you're not entitled to her full name - and poor Stephanie probably isn't empowered to help you. But it works beautifully at the middle-management level, and it worked nicely with the Assistant to the President of Bellsouth...With anyone in city politics, it not only works, but it feels wonderful.

I can't wait to try it.

 

[shereads]

I can't wait to try it.

Be sure he spells his name BEFORE you reveal your evil purpose.

 

[Guest]

Be sure he spells his name BEFORE you reveal your evil purpose.

I have such an evil grin.

And I'm wringing my hands with malicious glee.

Or I have intestinal problems.