Just wondering out loud

[hisgypsy]

I know that BDSM takes on many different forms, and to each his own. Maybe what I consider it to be is solely based on my own personal experiences.

I would never want a Master/Dom that is cruel just for the sake of being cruel. I'm not saying that I don't ever feel the bite of his anger, or that punishment/discipline isn't involved. It is, by all means. There have been many times that we disagree on something, but guess who always wins?

He never pushes me beyond what he knows I can take, or what I can do, although there have been times when he's known me better than myself. He loves me, and maybe that's the bottom line.

What I don't understand is submitting myself to someone who doesn't have my overall well-being in mind. Who is using me solely for his own gratification. There has to be a measure of trust involved, imho.

I know beyond a doubt that our relationship is D/s, there is no question when I'm feeling the sting of his hand, or his belt, or when I'm tied down, or when I have to beg for permission to cum. But again, there is trust involved. And yes, I push his buttons sometimes when I want more attention. I know I do things that will anger him, but that's the nature of our relationship.

There seem to be so many wannabe's that are just looking for a woman to degrade or humiliate. Yet there are also many Doms/Masters on here who also know how to fulfill their 'role' (for want of a better word).

I think I'm just rambling, putting my thoughts into words. And wondering how many different variations of BDSM there really are.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

And wondering how many different variations of BDSM there really are.

There are as many variations of BDSM as there are vanilla relationships. That's the simple answer.

 

[Etoile]

What I don't understand is submitting myself to someone who doesn't have my overall well-being in mind. Who is using me solely for his own gratification. There has to be a measure of trust involved, imho.

It would be a very foolish dominant who did not have their submissive's overall well-being in mind. Submissives are not something you can buy at the store, they are precious commodities and I think most dominants are aware of that. Even those who are pure sadists, who use their subs capriciously, in any way they please, still have the sub's well-being in mind. A submissive is the most awesome toy any person could ever have, and doms are smart enough not to break their toys.

Being a sadist - "cruel for the sake of being cruel" - and caring for your submissive are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I would venture to say that finding someone who can take pure sadism is so difficult, that the sadist is NOT going to fuck it up.

 

[kittenartist]

In fact, I would venture to say that finding someone who can take pure sadism is so difficult, that the sadist is NOT going to fuck it up.

Ain't that the truth! Especially when one's tastes run to non-masochistic subs... My sadism is just not rubbed right if he enjoys the pain

As for the different variations... They seem endless. Even when people look outwardly the same you will often find that they reach that place by very different paths. Which makes for fantastic conversations

 

[VelvetDarkness]

It would be a very foolish dominant who did not have their submissive's overall well-being in mind. Submissives are not something you can buy at the store, they are precious commodities and I think most dominants are aware of that. Even those who are pure sadists, who use their subs capriciously, in any way they please, still have the sub's well-being in mind. A submissive is the most awesome toy any person could ever have, and doms are smart enough not to break their toys.

In addition, a dominant/sadist can't use 's/he was asking for it, your honour' as a legal defence. Breaking ones toys effectively enough can mean a lawsuit or even jail and a lifetime's vilification as a domestic abuser or sexual offender. Dominants are extremely vulnerable, from a legal perspective and most of them are acutely aware of this.

 

[Dommoser]

This can be very confusin I understand but follow this:

Dom/Sub Relationship is as follows:

a sub/slave is there to please thier master and provide pleasure and enjoyment and happiness through loyalty, respect and honor.

a masters roll is to provide the sub happiness through servitude to her master, to build a safe enviroment so trust respect and honor can be taught.

Outside of this thought, there personalities on both sides of the coin who need to be fed thier fetish. If you are involved with a sadist, they do not get enjoyment unless you are outside of the bounds of you limits. If you are enjoying yourself they are miserable. It is imperative that when you commit, you understand and accept the others ways or you both will not be happy. Like anything in life, if everything is good but one thing is off, you need to ask yourself if you can accept and overcome that problem. In the case of you being with a sadist, you would not be able to overcome it and you would need to find another Dom. It sounds like you have found the correct person. Congrats.

 

[satindesire]

This is a nice thread. I'd like to share my own view about BDSM and Cruelty, if you all don't mind?

Cruelty for the sake of cruelty really goes against my SSC views about safe BDSM. There's such a fine line between Dominance and abuse sometimes it can look really blurry, and sometimes I'm sure it's tempting for PYLs/Sadists to cross that line in anger or frustration. I've said this before here on this site, but PYLs without personal limits scare the shit of me. A PYL's Self Control is paramount to safety and trust with me.

I would never get involved with a cruel person, no matter if it was a BDSM relationship or not. It simply doesn't jive with the fact that I need respect, love, and good intentions to be happy in my relationships. A person who cannot speak to me in a respectful way, as I do him, a person who cannot treat me in a respectful way, as I do him, has no place in my life.

 

[Homburg]

I've said this before here on this site, but PYLs without personal limits scare the shit of me. A PYL's Self Control is paramount to safety and trust with me.

Yeah, those sorts of people worry me too. Given that my relationships are TPE, the girls theoretically have no limits. I dislike the idea, and the terminology that they usually use is that they have the limits that I allow them to have.

To be frank, my limits are tighter than either of theirs, were they to choose their own limits. I prefer it that way.

 

[Hotch]

I don't use physical punishment as discipline… ever. Disagreements are reasoned out. Bad behavior is greeted with disapproval and if it continues possibly the dissolution of the relationship. I'm not daddy or Mr. Policeman and I'm not going to outline and enforce what should be common sense and appropriate behavior.

On the other hand, I'm a sadist and it's an incredible turn on when a sub offers themselves for my pleasure knowing full well their screams and tears fuel my desires. I can't think of a greater show of love, respect and commitment then to offer oneself to endure painful torment for the pleasure of another. It's beautiful.