just late night ramblings

[minnie179]

Have you ever been so tired and out of it that you cannot sleep or function? The bed does not hold any comfort for you because it is empty and cold? Ever wish there was another voice in the house to listen to, talk to, to bounce ideas off of? That is me tonight. I am so tired and so lonely that I cannot sleep. I have tried reading, finished the book in fact, tried the computer – well still doing the computer part, tried a little stress relief, tried some Tylenol PM, but nothing is working. I think I have hit the funk of being alone and not having a man near me that wants me. I know I should be happy alone, and usually I am okay with that, but tonight, the wind is blowing its cold chills and the night is dark and there is nothing to hide me from my thoughts. What is a girl to do? Hell, what is a person to do at these times? I know that being with others is not a sure fire way to battle the loneliness, hell, I have been lonely in enough crowded places in my life to understand that fully. I have been lonely with a guy in my life, but it is these late at night (okay, no so late yet) that gets me to thinking and evaluating my life. I have accomplished much in my time but how is that at these times, those accomplishments feel empty and not so great to brag about? Could it be cause they cannot hold me, caress me, kiss me, cuddle with me, whisper lightly in my ear that they love me and only me?

I was hoping that typing this out would help get this off my chest and let me get some sleep but guess what. It has not been that therapeutic yet. Should I type more of my ramblings while I sit here in the dark squinting at the screen cause I forgot to grab the eyeglasses? I have always wished that I could be one of those outgoing or secure in who they are people but I am just me, a scared little girl in an adult body with no idea of who she is or who she is supposed to be. This could also be contingent on the fact that I about to be a year closed to 30 and while I am ashamed to admit that growing older is affecting my psychy I cannot help but let it take me on its roller coaster ride.

Guess I will end this pity party now and let you get back to more important things than my ramblings and insecurities.

 

[Freya]

We all go through this, hun. Call a friend, or chat with people on the comp if you need to, and before you know it, the night will be over and a new day will have begun, and all will seem brighter.

 

[LukkyKnight]

You just have to remember how much better aging is than the alternative. Well, no, I guess that's not true, you don't have to, but it's a useful perspective if you want to enjoy life. Hm. That's probably an over-generalization, too. Let's just say that it works for me. Some days. Well, no, more like part of a few days that aren't so widely spaced as to be considered statistically unrelated.

I guess maybe you should put your glasses on and flip on a light or two. It may be a long damn while before I make sense.

 

[watergirl]

allo, minnie.

i know how you feel. a couple weeks ago, i was on here chatting with a friend... and i just got this crying jag, i had to get up and leave the computer. i felt really sad that all the new people i'd been getting to know are really far away, and what i'm i doing with all this time, and it's lonely and hard work being the captain of your ship - it isn't that we need to be taken care of, but wouldn't it be wonderful to have someone that would like to take care of us, and be the co-pilot...

but things are better now, and tomorrow, you'll feel better too.
hugs, we're right here with you...

 

[k¡tty]

Everyone has feelings of insecurity and being lost and alone at some point or another.


I hate crawling into my bed alone at night and having only a pillow to snuggle next to. To laugh while watching something on television, turn to look at the empty seat beside of me.. someone who isn't there to share it with. Sometimes my body literally aches to feel the touch of another, not just sexually but companionship.

When I feel that way I log on and talk to others, I read a book, phone up a friend or just go play a game with my son.

I do know that someday it won't always be this lonely.

 

[minnie179]

oh gosh, Freya is so right in that chatting helps....thanks

Lukky, just made me laugh....glad to see that I am not the only one who does not always makes sense

Watergirl and Kitty - you both made me cry a little but helped a lot by letting me know that I am not the only one to feel this way. thanks for sharing.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Lukky, just made me laugh....glad to see that I am not the only one who does not always makes sense

Always? Here, let me show you something.

Quick show of hands, please. How many can remember the last time I made sense?







































~peering around~


Don't wait for somebody else to go first, just raise your hands....




































Uh huh.


So, minnie, there you have it. Eloquent silence...err, inaction... proving I haven't made sense since before they invented indoor plumbing.

 

[k¡tty]

oh gosh, Freya is so right in that chatting helps....thanks

Lukky, just made me laugh....glad to see that I am not the only one who does not always makes sense

Watergirl and Kitty - you both made me cry a little but helped a lot by letting me know that I am not the only one to feel this way. thanks for sharing.

lol well I wished I hadn't made you cry more.

But I do hope that you might be feeling just a bit better, and if you ever just need someone to cry to.. gimme a hollar.




Oh Lukky you make sense! Well you did at least 2 nights ago. ;-)

 

[watergirl]

same here, minnie -
i was trying to cheer you up a bit! =) if you need an ear, just yell - and i really do hope tomorrow brightens up.

 

[minnie179]

so far today was a much better day....of course it has not come time to crawl into bed but I have laughed a heck of a lot more today. whoever said girls yak on the phone more than boys, needs to talk on the phone to my older brother....geesh, that man can ramble worse than me....

thanks again ya'll. I sure hope we can continue to chat.

 

[watergirl]

oh, I'm so glad to hear it..
today was brighter for me, too.... it's good to have friends.

Did you ever try to have a party, and worry no one would be able to make it, or want to come???

argh! I'm trying to get a bunch of people -college friends, and work friends - all theater freaks, tho - together next month, and wondering how they'll interact.. fine, i hope, if they come!

i'm a silly girl.

=)

 

[minnie179]

you are not silly....I had the same fear when I wanted to throw a Halloween party. I just moved to this town and only really knew one person and her entire family so I was sure it would end up just her and me (that would have been a blast to but I so wanted people to come over). Lucked out and people actually came.

we can all get along. whip out the movies or the board games and let it rip.

glad your day was better!

M

 

[watergirl]

ohhhhh, it'll be fine.. we'll get some drinkin jenga -

write on the blocks, stuff to do, "have you ever"s, that kind of stuff... i'm looking forward to it, i think.. one friend had an xmas party, one had a new year's party.. this is sort of a, hey, it's my birthday!" so bring your fabulous selves to my new apt.. party...

we'll see!