Just a quick question....

[lovetoread]

I know that this lifestyle is not one that is advertised,but how secret do you keep it?

Do your kids know about it?

If not,how do you not let them see parts of it? (I am not talking sexual here with the kids,k?)

Family?

And heaven forbid,in my case,could my ex use this one day against me?

Thanks,
~LTR

PS-

This may have been talked about in the monster thread,but as of this date,I have not made it through the whole thing.

 

[ShyGuy68]

I'm still single and don't have any kids, so it's not that difficult for me to keep it private.

I do share it with those I'm comfortable sharing it with, but there is also certain people I don't think need to know that I like to spank and "torture" women to get me turned on So I don't tell them! lol

 

[MissTaken]

I have only participated in scening when the kids are at their dad's. Of course, mine are wee ones.

In terms of other issues, by and large, my interests in D/s include the power exchange that seems to occur in very traditional non BDSM relationships and it does not interfere with my kids.

Am I making sense?

 

[Richard49]

When do you tell?

When do you tell someone?
Do you keep it a secret?

Well if you keep it to secret you will not find a sub or D to be with.
I also am more into the psychological domination.

People know I am different.
I have a very high public profile.

[ no you will not find my picture o nthe post office wall <grin>

If someone asks or they are close to me on a personal life.....
I tell them.........

gggeeeee
I wonder if D/s radar id inherited?

Richard
Michigan

 

[Jesters_girl]

My D/s relationship with Master is most definitely kept secret from my family, friends and most especially my daughter. Family and friends would think i was absolutely nuts and my daughter would be mortified. Luckily for us, she is 18 and away at college, so privacy is only a problem when she is home on school breaks. We just need to be extra careful to put things away when she is home.

At these times, our relationship takes on a much more "normal" tone. The formalities such as, Yes Sir, No Sir, and titles such as Master are not used. The understanding of our relationship does not change. He is still the Master and i am still the sub, and we act accordingly.

 

[cellis]

No one knows the parameters of my relationship with Himself but the two of us...

They know him as my S/O but other than that... no

I do think that my son and daughter in law suspect that we have a little kink in our relationship, but they have no idea the extent.

I intend to keep it that way.

There is just no need to explain anything else to anyone.

 

[Lain]

I know that this lifestyle is not one that is advertised,but how secret do you keep it?

I don't volunteer the information. I'm thinking of wearing a discreet BDSM symbol, but even that may be a bit much.
If my vanilla friends were to ask me outright, I would tell them. I keep it from them more out of consideration for their comfort than because I want to hide what I do. If they asked, I would feel they're prepared for the answer.

Acquaintances have no need to know about my sex life, vanilla or otherwise. Same with coworkers and relatives.

And heaven forbid,in my case,could my ex use this one day against me?

This makes me think of a very good point -- child custody. Has anyone had any experience in custody battles involving BDSM? It seems like something one could use against one's spouse (what a nightmare!).

Lain

 

[lovetoread]

I can now say that the ex didnt use it against me.

Threatened to, but didnt.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I can now say that the ex didnt use it against me.

Threatened to, but didnt.

That is good news to hear.

 

[jon.hayworth]

I bought a key ring with a miniture ( about 6 inch long ) leather cat 'o nine tails attached - so I guess who ever sees my car keys might make an educated guess.

As I never conceal my id when I am on-line - so it does not take a lot to id me anyway - I believe that unless there is a very good reason not to be being honest is the only policy - but that is a personal belief.

Not that it really worries me - my sub partner has to be rather more circumspect because she has grown-up kids and grand-children. I think her grown-up kids suspect because she has done quite a few bondage theme paintings and pen and ink drawings, and they have at different times seen some of them.

jon

 

[Justina123]

I have three kids at home (and 2 in college nearby). They know that B is my s/o and lives with us on the weekends and holidays and that I am very respectful of him, care for him deeply, enjoy waiting on him, etc. They are used to coming in the bedroom and seeing him seated, me kneeling on floor with head on his knee or lap, etc. But other than that, they do not have any idea about kinky play, as of course adults do not discuss sex in front of kids, whether vanilla or kinky.

My best friend knows. No one else locally does; I believe it could cause some problems in the law office I work at and the church I attend.

When I attend munches and play parties, always in other cities (I live in a small rural area), of course the fellow attendees know, though only a few that I have now known for quite a while know more than my first name.

- justina

 

[LadyHeart]

Re: Re: Just a quick question....

This makes me think of a very good point -- child custody. Has anyone had any experience in custody battles involving BDSM? It seems like something one could use against one's spouse (what a nightmare!).

Lain

I have an acquaintance that had this problem. Her husband was her Master. He introduced a third person to their relationship (another sub). After a while, he decided he wanted a divorce after moving the sub into their home with their small children. At the divorce hearing, he revealed she was into BDSM and used it against her. They pretty much ignored the fact that he was as well when she brought it up. I guess they thought she was trying to get back at him. He had copies of her emails and private messages for the court to see. It was very ugly and she lost custody of her children.
I don't have children of my own, and don't plan to, ever. I am really open about my lifestyle, to an extent. I know I would tone down quite a bit if I was to have children, but thankfully, that isn't an issue for me.


LadyHeart

My Stories

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Re: Re: Just a quick question....

I have an acquaintance that had this problem. Her husband was her Master. He introduced a third person to their relationship (another sub). After a while, he decided he wanted a divorce after moving the sub into their home with their small children. At the divorce hearing, he revealed she was into BDSM and used it against her. They pretty much ignored the fact that he was as well when she brought it up. I guess they thought she was trying to get back at him. He had copies of her emails and private messages for the court to see. It was very ugly and she lost custody of her children.
I don't have children of my own, and don't plan to, ever. I am really open about my lifestyle, to an extent. I know I would tone down quite a bit if I was to have children, but thankfully, that isn't an issue for me.


LadyHeart

Oh geez, thats awful.

 

[tyiana]

re: just a quick question

I know that this lifestyle is not one that is advertised,but how secret do you keep it?

Do your kids know about it?

If not,how do you not let them see parts of it? (I am not talking sexual here with the kids,k?)

Family?

And heaven forbid,in my case,could my ex use this one day against me?

Thanks,
~LTR

PS-

This may have been talked about in the monster thread,but as of this date,I have not made it through the whole thing.

This was a question that first trouble both my Dom and myself for quite a while when we first started, two years ago. We had been together for six years, I have 3 children aged (now) 23, 20 and 17, the eldest two from my first marriage and the youngest from my second. When we started both the youngest two were at home, my son then 18 and my daughter then 15. We were always very careful to keep noises and such like away from their hearing and would 'play' while they slept. This worked well until we lost track of time one morning about 6 months ago, and were still scening when my son got up for work, we did not hear his alarm go off, but he heard plenty, whips make such a noise in a quiet house. He was confused and worried over the noises and alerted us to this fact, not being satisfied until he saw we were both safe. After reassuring him enough so that he could go to work without worrying, we discussed the situation and decided it would be best to come clean so to speak and sit down and talk honestly with him, telling him the truth and explaining things properly. That evening we did, firstly reassuring him that we did love and respect each other very deeply and we were not doing anything that either of us did not want to do. We were both surprised and pleased when he was very understanding and accepting of what was going on. We also let him know that neither of us was into severe pain or marks and that, that sort of thing would not be happening. I have always been honest with my children and always tried to explain things to them, I have tried never to keep things away from them if I felt it would affect or concern them. In so doing we both realised that my oldest daughter (who has her own family) would have to be told as my son and her were very close and he often went to her with problems and as she had a young family we felt that it would be best if she was aware of the situation. We made arrangements to have a talk with her the same day and again things were accepted. Now only my youngest does not know, but at 17 she is engrossed in her own life, as many 17 year olds are, spends a lot of time with friends, does a lot of babysitting overnight at weekends and could sleep through WW3.
As to the other question could my ex use it against me, well I would not have thought so, I do not involve my children in this and it is not harming them in any way, I know here in the UK a great deal of interest is taken of the children’s well being but it is often decided by the children’s reactions to certain things not what one ex partner say about the other. Family law here is well aware of how partners can use children to attack each other through, and frown upon it considerably even sending estranged partners to counselling so that they can learn to get along for the children's sakes. I think all in all you know your own children and if in later years things have to be explained to them you will know them well enough to make those explanations easy to understand and reassuring and depending on them you will decide how much they need to know.

 

[Babcock77]

Hello A/all,

First time post. I had an interest run in with this over Xmas recently. A little back ground, I am 25(m), my sub is 22(f) and we have experimenting and playing with kink, D/s and some bondage for two years on and off. I have a profile on yahoo and her mother got added to my list for some reason or another. Well, I forgot to change the profile and it had some stuff up about being into bondage, D/s and looking for play partners from when she was over seas for the summer. So on Xmas day while at her brothers house she was asked what all that was about on the phone and her mother was concerned. Now to be blunt her mother is like most vanilla people and ignorant of the lifestyle, and doesn't understand the power exchange and how consensual everything is. Now, this would be cool, if only her mother hadn't gone to her sister (who had an idea of what we do), and her bothers about it before coming to us. That is what pissed us off, thankfully she didn't go to her dad, her parents are divorced. She has talked to her mother about it once more and tried to make her understand things but she seems to be getting nowhere fast and I am very upset she went gossiping to the rest of the family before coming to us, oh well, accidents happen.

Not sure if that made sense or not, but my overall point is, what two people between the sheets so to speak and in the rest of their life is their business. Personally, I don't want to know what my parents did in their bedroom nor do I want mine knowing. As far as friends go, if they can handle iy they know about it.

Hope I added something to the discussion,
Bab

 

[Goddess Helena]

Welcome to Lit, Babcock77.


As far as most people are concerned, My boy is My SO. He will sit at My feet in the living room when W/we have company and people assume he just wants to be near Me.

I have a friend who is a Domme. She is the only person who knows what is really going on. Because I can trust her completely.

LTR, I'm so glad that your ex did not use this against you.


Helena

 

[bunny bondage]

ok, i have no kids so that's just out. if my dad knew, i think he'd gasp and gasp some more until he promptly died of a heart attack. i think i'll spare him.

i've known my little group of friends for quite some years now, so they all eventually figured it out. some in more interesting ways than others...(shut up, under) i'm glad that i have some people who are willing to accept me for who i am, and even celebrate it. and i know one or two in particular that i think might even be interested in the lifestyle as well, and i hope to act as a sort of guide along that journey. it's really nice to have that kind of openess with a little group of people.

i also (in a fit of hysterical boredom) drew the bdsm symbol circle thing on my backpack. so far, nobody's even asked me about it, but it's only a week or so into the semester.

 

[Bondagebunni]

ok, i have no kids so that's just out. if my dad knew, i think he'd gasp and gasp some more until he promptly died of a heart attack. i think i'll spare him.

i've known my little group of friends for quite some years now, so they all eventually figured it out. some in more interesting ways than others...(shut up, under) i'm glad that i have some people who are willing to accept me for who i am, and even celebrate it. and i know one or two in particular that i think might even be interested in the lifestyle as well, and i hope to act as a sort of guide along that journey. it's really nice to have that kind of openess with a little group of people.

i also (in a fit of hysterical boredom) drew the bdsm symbol circle thing on my backpack. so far, nobody's even asked me about it, but it's only a week or so into the semester.

interesting ways? oh...do share!!!!! pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssse!

I'm pretty open about it...i have a necklace with mini handcuffs on it that i wear constantly..i have a button that says slave (only worn once..only one person pointed it out...)...my bedroom door is lined with toys...and my parents know that i'm interested in it...to what extent, i'm not sure. I'm pretty sure most people i know are aware of it. I have nothing to lose by telling anyone...because if people don't accept me for who i am, then that's there problem...because it is VERY much a part of me.

 

[bunny bondage]

let's just say that when you're basically a tomboy at heart (like me) you end up hanging out almost exclusively with guys. in fact, i have exactly one female friend. i counted. (hi under) and well, it's hard to draw the line between getting close to a guy as a friend and getting close to him as a lover.

 

[slvjenn]

No one in my family knows, tho I do hope to be able to tell some of them at some point.

One girlfriend knows that I like kinky sex. I don't think she knows or understands the extent of it though.

A couple of his friends know, but again, I don't think they grasp the full picture. I think that they think it's just kinky sex.

If and when I have children, I think it would be a very tough thing to tell them or not. Maybe not, maybe not until they were older and out of the house. I don't think I'd want them growing up seeing it, thinking that it was something that HAD to be done. I'd be too afraid that they'd get into an abusive relationship and mistake it for D/s.

 

[snoozebutton]

Well I have to say my brothers and sister know I am in the lifestyle. I get the occasional joke but it's just family being family. As to Mom well saw no use in her knowing as it took her a long time to accept that I had an interracial relationship. She may not take the shock of her baby boy being a Dom lol. As to friends I'm open as I like who I am and have no shame in what I do.

 

[snoozebutton]

Well I have to say my brothers and sister know I am in the lifestyle. I get the occasional joke but it's just family being family. As to Mom well saw no use in her knowing as it took her a long time to accept that I had an interracial relationship. She may not take the shock of her baby boy being a Dom lol. As to friends I'm open as I like who I am and have no shame in what I do.

So this is what a double post is lol, well live and learn.

 

[Ebonyfire]

So this is what a double post is lol, well live and learn.

I have days when I cannot hit the correct button to save my soul.

 

[Shaq]

I know that this lifestyle is not one that is advertised,but how secret do you keep it?

Do your kids know about it?

If not,how do you not let them see parts of it? (I am not talking sexual here with the kids,k?)

Family?

And heaven forbid,in my case,could my ex use this one day against me?

Thanks,
~LTR

PS-

This may have been talked about in the monster thread,but as of this date,I have not made it through the whole thing.

That's an issue in every kind of relationship when it dissolves. Will secrets the two parties shared be held in confidence or used maliciously?

How long were you with your ex LTR?

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Re: Just a quick question....

That's an issue in every kind of relationship when it dissolves. Will secrets the two parties shared be held in confidence or used maliciously?

How long were you with your ex LTR?

We were married for 13 years.