Jury duty excuse: I'm a racist, homophobic liar

[BlackShanglan]

They gave me a form to sign when I did jury duty; on it, I had to indicate that I was of good character. I very nearly wrote, "Unable to serve due to the fact that I write pornography while disguised as a genderless horse. I also posess more than the legally permissable number of sex toys for this town and county." Now I'm glad that I didn't, although my conscience did trouble me.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/07/10/reluctant.juror.ap/index.html

Jury duty excuse: I'm a racist, homophobic liar
BARNSTABLE, Massachusetts (AP) -- A Cape Cod man who claimed he was homophobic, racist and a habitual liar to avoid jury duty earned an angry rebuke from a judge on Monday, who referred the case to prosecutors for possible charges.


Daniel Ellis' excuses to try to get out of jury duty didn't sit well with the judge.

"In 32 years of service in courtrooms, as a prosecutor, as a defense attorney and now as a judge, I have quite frankly never confronted such a brazen situation of an individual attempting to avoid juror service," Barnstable Superior Court Judge Gary Nickerson told Daniel Ellis, according to a preliminary court transcript of the exchange.

Ellis, of Falmouth, had been called to court with about 60 other potential jurors for possible service on a 23-member grand jury.

On a questionnaire that all potential jurors fill out, Ellis wrote that he didn't like homosexuals and blacks. He then echoed those sentiments in an interview with Nickerson.

"You say on your form that you're not a fan of homosexuals," Nickerson said.

"That I'm a racist," Ellis interrupted.

"I'm frequently found to be a liar, too. I can't really help it," Ellis added.

"I'm sorry?" Nickerson said.

"I said I'm frequently found to be a liar," Ellis replied.

"So, are you lying to me now?" Nickerson asked.

"Well, I don't know. I might be," was the response.

Ellis then admitted he really didn't want to serve on a jury.

"I have the distinct impression that you're intentionally trying to avoid jury service," Nickerson said.

"That's true," Ellis answered.

Nickerson ordered Ellis taken into custody. He was released later Monday morning.

 

[glynndah]

Hmmm. I never thought you were a genderless horse. I just assumed you had a gender, but didn't want us to know what it was. I guess I was wrong.

 

[WRJames]

The last time I reported for jury duty, one young man showed up with his head shaved and wearing a black "Guns and Roses" tee shirt. I think he might have been trying to make a subtle statement.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

I haven't been called in a few years now. I would go down, cheerful, and inform them of my Canadian citizenship, produce my passport, and my Resident Alien Card, and they send me on my way....

 

[glynndah]

They send me letters telling me I'm on jury duty and then sent me other letters saying "never mind", because they had no trials in my county this session.

 

[galaxygoddess]

how my mom avoided jury duty was when they called her she started saying "fry the bastards!" and they quickly let her go

 

[Stella_Omega]

When the Old Man said he didn't trust the cop's judgement in stopping the Hispanic kid in the first place, they sent him home...

They had a really hard time filling the seats in that case.

 

[jomar]

I was called recently. Got all the way to the seat but was sent packing when I told them what I did for a living. My feelings were not hurt in the least.

 

[kramerkramer]

I like to respond with a threeparagraph response about how much i love our court systems, how open minded i am, and how i have no particular bias. i've noticed that using babelfish to translate each paragrah in a different language befuddles them enough that they take you off the roll call sheet. You can be complelty honest and still not serve the torture.

that being said, if you really dig torture, tender some jury duty. you may come out of thinking that the nipple clamps are like ice cream on a hot day.

 

[Vermilion]

I was called recently. Got all the way to the seat but was sent packing when I told them what I did for a living. My feelings were not hurt in the least.

Ok, now I have to ask... what do you do for a living?

I'd be excused (as I am from giving blood) on health grounds...
x
V

 

[glynndah]

I seem to be the only one who wouldn't mind serving on a jury. I guess it's official now: I have no life.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Hmmm. I never thought you were a genderless horse. I just assumed you had a gender, but didn't want us to know what it was. I guess I was wrong.

I'm actually a little hazy on the topic myself. Any time I draw too close to reality, my head hurts. It's terrible for my concentration.

The last time I reported for jury duty, one young man showed up with his head shaved and wearing a black "Guns and Roses" tee shirt. I think he might have been trying to make a subtle statement.

I remember one of our public media circus trials - Whitewater? - in which one person called for the jury showed up wearing a Star Trek uniform.

But it's not a guarantee of a pass. My mother once helped a young lady locate the courthouse entrance (cunningly marked "Jury Duty Enter Here"), although she was hesitant because the young lady was so far from the requested business dress (cut-offs, bare midriff top, sandals) that she thought they would probably send her home anyway. My mother wasn't sat on a jury, but her sartorially challenged companion was. Evidently just what someone's attorney was looking for.

My best and quickest out was to the city my parents live in, on the East Coast of the United States:

"Hello. I'm calling because I have been summoned for jury duty and am unable to serve."

"What is your reason for being unable to serve?"

"I'm calling from London."

"*laughter* OK, we'll take you off the role."

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

I believe many jurisdictions are cracking down on jury avoidance. I've seen an uptick in reports of judges whacking people hard.

Perhaps the most effective avoidance technique is to claim intelligence, as described in this Reason Magazine article, "Courting Stupidity: Why smart lawyers pick dumb jurors."

 

[glynndah]

But it's not a guarantee of a pass. My mother once helped a young lady locate the courthouse entrance (cunningly marked "Jury Duty Enter Here"), although she was hesitant because the young lady was so far from the requested business dress (cut-offs, bare midriff top, sandals) that she thought they would probably send her home anyway. My mother wasn't sat on a jury, but her sartorially challenged companion was. Evidently just what someone's attorney was looking for.

Maybe for her that was business dress.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Maybe for her that was business dress.

*snicker*

I didn't ask if they were gold sandals and hot-pink cutoffs.

 

[3113]

I believe many jurisdictions are cracking down on jury avoidance. I've seen an uptick in reports of judges whacking people hard.

Indeed! Almost all the possible ways listed to escape Jury duty above no longer work. Dress funny? Don't care. Bias? Don't care. Out of the country? When will you be back? In part it's because they've changed the rules in a lot of places. There's the one-day system in most states now. You come in and if you don't get put on a jury in that day, you're done. You get called in to be interviewed for duty, need to come back the next day, you come back, but if you don't get put on the jury, you're done.

Given that most cases are settled out of court--meaning most potential jurors just end up wasting away that day--the judges are no longer taking any but the most urgent excuses. You'd better have a good one and it'd better be real, 'cause the lady who allows postponements ain't gonna listen otherwise, and the judge is going to wack you over the head with his gavel if you try to weasel out.

I got called down a year or so ago, got into a court room and the judge asked, "Which of you can serve for ten days on a jury. I don't mean that you want to do it, I mean that you can do it even if it's a bit of a hardship." So, well, I knew I could, so I raised my hand. There were something like 4 or 5 of us who raised our hands. Everyone else wanted out and *thought* they had a good enough excuse. The Judge told us few we could go home for the day and be back tomorrow to be interviewed....and then he *reamed* the rest of the people. Gave them the sort of lecture on responsibility, justice, duty, citizenship and what-if-this-case-was-yours? sort of lecture you might have gotten from one of those father-figures you never want to disappoint. Apparently, a lot more hands went up when he asked the question a second time around.

Next day, we showed up to be interviewed by the lawyers. And whadda know? Case settled, potential jurors dismissed, jury duty over. The Lesson: It's really no longer worth it to try and get out of jury duty unless you fear being suck on a high profile case that could drag out for months.

 

[Just-Legal]

The last time I reported for jury duty, one young man showed up with his head shaved and wearing a black "Guns and Roses" tee shirt. I think he might have been trying to make a subtle statement.

Err, maybe I'm missing the point, but what exactly was wrong with this?

((I'd pitch up with my current dress - Dyed black hair, multiple peircings, pretty "Goth" if we're annexing))

 

[3113]

I remember one of our public media circus trials - Whitewater? - in which one person called for the jury showed up wearing a Star Trek uniform.

Indeed. "Lt. Commander Barbara Adams," to be exact, who "rarely leaves home without her rank pips, tricorder, phaser, and communicator badge. She has embraced the philosophy espoused in "Star Trek" and lives her life accordingly." She's featured in the movie "Trekkies." The uniform, to her, was her "suit and tie" as it were (she wears it to work as well), and yes, she was allowed to wear not only the uniform but the phaser, too.

She wasn't a Whitewater juror, but rather an alternate and while neither lawyers nor judge took issue with the uniform, she was dismissed for talking to the press.

 

[SeaCat]

LOLOL

I get called about once a year. The only time I had to turn it down was when I was in Germany. (I received the notice and sent them a reply. They asked when I would be returning and I didn't get called until a year after I returned.)

I have served on one, (1) Jury. (Out of 18 I was called for.) Usually I get canceled because of my experience in either medicine or the Fire Department.

Cat

 

[Edward Teach]

I seem to be the only one who wouldn't mind serving on a jury. I guess it's official now: I have no life.

Like you, I've never minded being called. In fact, I always wanted to serve and considered it not only a duty as a citizen but a privledge to be an active part of the system.

I had been summoned several times but never even called up for voir dire until a couple of months ago when I did get to sit on a stolen car case.

We ended up letting a guilty car thief go free because the prosecution didn't meet it's burden of proof but I felt very good about the verdict and about serving.

 

[Lisa Denton]

A relative told me of an incident when he served on jury duty for a homocide case.

His take on the whole matter was that some people who don't want to serve, shouldn't be forced to.

He said one juror who made it known she didn't want to be there stunned the other jurors during deliberations when she said "just because he admits walking in with a gun, firing a shot, and walking out, when no one else was in the building, doesn't mean he did it, because he didn't admit firing the shot into the dead guy"

No one could argue with her illogical conclusion, but when she asked the jury foreman if it would take longer because she was the only one who thought the suspect was innocent, and he answered that it probably would, she decided the suspect was guilty.

Justice.

 

[SlickTony]

I don't understand all these people who try to get out of serving on a jury. I finally got to serve on a jury last year; it was an interesting, educational experience, and I'd like to do it again.

The only thing I don't like about being called up is when I end up hanging around all day waiting and then being sent home. They ought to have a rule that when that happens three times, they have to take you whether the attorneys like it or not.

 

[Wildcard Ky]

True story:

A friend of mine was called for jury duty last year, and was trying to figure out a way to get out of it. I told him to simply walk into the room and say "What color is the defendant?"

 

[shereads]

I very nearly wrote, "Unable to serve due to the fact that I write pornography while disguised as a genderless horse.

I tried that one. Didn't work.

I also tried, "No, I don't think I can be fair and impartial." That didn't work either. Not surprising, considering that one of the jurors I served with on a murder trial didn't speak or comprehend English very well - and told the judge so, during the jury selection. "I know English about half," he said. Half was deemed good enough. It was only a murder trial, after all. Nothing serious.

 

[elsol]

I think they must have lost my paperwork.

I never get called.

It would be fun... I'm an extremist, flip me and I might land on the edge thus taking both sides down.