Jokes

[wally2450]

Lil Johnny
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a
loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Paris?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later,
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Menotti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Nikki Volpe?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Catelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Purina?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped,
Johnny Paris, and I admire that. But you've sinned and
have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4
months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Stumpy
slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"4 months vacation and five good leads."

 

[wally2450]

A woman was looking at the exhibition in the storefront windows. She
liked one of the dresses that was there, so she went inside, and
searched the racks -- but was unable to locate one like it. "May I
try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous young woman asks the
manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replies.
"Maybe it'll attract business."


George Dubya Bush went to see the doctor to get the results of his
brain scan. The doctor says, "Mr. President, I have some bad news for
you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides, the
left side and the right side." Bush interrupted, "Well, that's
normal, isn't it? Doesn't everyone have two sides to their brain?"
The doctor replied, "Yes, Mr. President, but your brain is very
unusual because on the left side there isn't anything right, while on
the right side there isn't anything left!"

 

[wally2450]

Try this quiz

This is a quiz for people who know
everything! I found out in a hurry that I
didn't. These are not trick questions.
They are straight questions with straight
answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither
the spectators nor the participants know
the score or the leader until the contest
ends.

2. What famous North American landmark
is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to
produce on their own for several growing
seasons. All other
vegetables must be replanted every year.
What are the only two perennial
vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear
brandy,
with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear
is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine;
it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the
pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English
begin with the letters " dw" and they are
all common words.
Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English
grammar.
Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is
never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked,
or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear
on your feet beginning with the letter "S."







Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither
the spectators nor the participants
know the score or the leader until
the contest ends . . Boxing

2. North American landmark
constantly moving backward....
Niagara Falls (The rim is worn
down about two and a half feet
each year because of the millions
of gallons of water that rush over
it every minute.)

3. Only two vegetables that can
live to produce on their own for
several growing seasons . .
Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the
outside . . Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the
brandy bottle? It grew inside the
bottle. (The bottles are placed
over pear buds when they are
small, and are wired in place on
the tree. The bottle is left in
place for the entire growing
season. When the pears are ripe,
they are snipped off at the stems.)

6. Three English words beginning
with dw Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in
English grammar . . . Period, comma,
colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen,
apostrophe, question mark,
exclamation point, quotation marks,
brackets, parenthesis, braces,
and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never
sold frozen, canned, processed,
cooked, or in any other form but fresh
... Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on
your feet beginning with "s" ... Shoes,
socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis,
skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

 

[wally2450]

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a
Midwest town he planned to visit on his
vacation. He wrote:

I would very much like to bring my dog
with me. He is well-groomed and very
well behaved. Would you be willing to
permit me to keep him in my room with me
at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel
owner, who said, "I've been operating this
hotel for many years. In all that time, I've
never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes,
silverware or pictures off the walls. I've
never had to evict a dog in the middle of
the night for being drunk and disorderly.
And I've never had a dog run out on a
hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is
welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog
will vouch for you, you're welcome to
stay here, too.

 

[wally2450]

http://pixcastle.com/pic/7320VMGVv/148459.jpg

 

[wally2450]

http://pixcastle.com/pic/7320VMGVv/148469.jpg

 

[lovemonster]

Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are attending the funeral of an old friend.

The Englishman, through his tears, says, "I feel so guilty. Before he died, I borrowed £50 from old Eddie and never repayed him."

His guilt becomes too much and he takes out his wallet, takes out a £50 note and throws it on top of the coffin.

The Irishman, sobbing heartily, says, "I feel awful. I borrowed £30 off Eddie and I never repayed him either."

He too takes out his wallet, removes £30 and throws it on top of the coffin as well.

The Scotsman, drying his eyes, says "I'm so moved by what you two have done. I borrowed £20 from Eddie before he died and didn't repay him."

So he takes out his chequebook, writes a cheque for £100 and throws it on top of the coffin, taking the change.......

 

[lovemonster]

**Amazing Home Remedies**

1. If you choke on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3.Avoid arguments with the wife about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough!

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of Life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. And finally, some people are like a slinky: They may not be good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

 

[lovemonster]

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2007-4/1255125/lastmealrequest.gif

 

[wally2450]

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2007-4/1255125/lastmealrequest.gif

Hahaha!

 

[wally2450]

QUICK JOKE

The following is supposedly a true story
relating to an actual event that took place
during a flight.

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over
Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was
providing his passengers with a running
commentary about landmarks over the PA
system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the
Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist
attraction in northern Arizona. It was
formed when a lump of nickel and iron,
roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing
300,000 tons, struck the earth at about
40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot
debris for miles in every direction. The
hole measures nearly a mile across and is
570 feet deep."

From the cabin, a passenger was heard
to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the
highway!"

 

[wally2450]

http://pixcastle.com/pic/7320VMGVv/149020.jpg

 

[wally2450]

Quote's of the Day

"The air quality in New York City is getting worse and
worse. I was walking thought Central Park during my
lunch hour and, honest to God, you could hear the birds
coughing."
- David Letterman

"This week we've had some fun at the mayor's expense, so
last night I apologized to Mayor Newsom for all the jokes
I made about him. And the makeup sex was incredible."
- Conan O'Brien

"That D.C. madam released her client list. There hasn't
been this many nervous lawyers since Dick Cheney renewed
his hunting license."
- Craig Ferguson

 

[wally2450]

Moses Montefiore, the great nineteenth-century philanthropist, once
found himself seated next to an anti-Semitic nobleman at a dinner
party. "I have just returned from Japan," the nobleman was saying,
"and it is a most unusual country. Did you know that it has neither
pigs nor Jews?" "In that case," Montefiore replied, "you and I should
go there, so it will have a sample of each."

 

[wally2450]

http://pixcastle.com/pic/7320VMGVv/149021.jpg

 

[wally2450]

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his artificial leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn't bring himself to tell his fiancée' about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place.

All he kept saying was, "Darling, I've got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.

The wedding night came and went and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don't forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.

Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his artificial leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife's hand on the stump.

"Hmmmmmm," she said softly, "That IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I'll see what I can do!"

 

[wally2450]

Things it takes most of us 50 years to learn:

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional
to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a
clear and compelling reason why we observe
daylight-saving time.

3. You should never say anything to a woman that
even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant
unless you can see an actual baby emerging from
her at that moment.

4. The most powerful force in the universe is:
gossip.

5. The one thing that unites all human beings,
regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average
drivers.

6. There comes a time when you should stop
expecting other people to make a big deal about
your birthday. That time is: age 11.

7. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and
"mental illness."

8. People who want to share their religious views
with you almost never want you to share yours
with them.

9. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason
why the human race has not achieved, and never
will achieve, its full potential, that word would
be "meetings."

10. The main accomplishment of almost all organized
protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

11. If there really is a God who created the entire
universe with all of its glories, and he decides
to deliver a message to humanity, he will NOT use
as his messenger a person on cable TV with a bad
hairstyle or in some cases, really bad make-up too.

12. You should not confuse your career with your life.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the
waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

14. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way
to take it too seriously.

15. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is
always one individual who perceives a solution and
is willing to take command. Very often, that
individual is crazy.

16. Your true friends love you, anyway.

17. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up
and dance.

 

[Succulent-one]

FYI...

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered up by U.S. Air Force and the federal government.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months later, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condoleezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all born.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?
This information may clear up a lot of questions.

 

[Succulent-one]

Subject: Mileage

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles
a year.

Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons
of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.

 

[wally2450]

I was at a friends wedding. Her father asked me to dance with him. He
was pretty drunk, but I figured what the hell. So were dancing and I
asked, "So, are you enjoying yourself, Richard?" He said, "I prefer
Dick." I said, "Well so do I, but what does that have to do with
anything?"



A married man we know relaxed on a recent business trip by enjoying a
lively weekend with a lively blonde who was not his wife. Not long
after returning to the home office, however, a rather shifty
individual paid him a visit and said, with the nasty innuendo of a
professional blackmailer, "Remember that trip you took? Remember that
blonde?" The answer to both questions was "Yes." "Well, mister," said
the unsavory one, "it just so happens that I have photographs of
everything that you and her did." "Everything?" asked our friend.
"Everything! See?" He spread a half-dozen highly detailed snapshots
on the desk and after giving them a chance to make the proper
impression, asked, "What are you gonna do about it, mister?" "Well,"
drawled our friend coolly, "I'll take one of these, two of those, and
five of this one over here. Can I have them tinted?"

 

[wally2450]

101 Lines from Carlin

1. I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
2. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
3. Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
4. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
5. Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
6. I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
7. I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American — you know, you grow.
8. You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
9. If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
10. Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
11. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
12. No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.
13. There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.
14. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
15. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
16. Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
17. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
18. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
19. If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.
20. If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
21. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
22. Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
23. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.”
24. As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.
25. If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
26. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
27. I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
28. I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
29. If you’ve got a cat and a leg, you’ve got a happy cat. If you’ve got a cat and two legs, you’ve got a party.
30. You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.
31. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
32. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
33. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
34. I don’t like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
35. I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
36. When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
37. Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
38. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.
39. I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.
40. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
41. Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place? There’s such balance in nature.
42. So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.
43. Catholic — which I was until I reached the age of reason.
44. Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
45. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them; I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.
46. Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
47. Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
48. God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
49. I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
50. One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
51. If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense?
52. What year did Jesus think it was?
53. George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
54. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
55. In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.
56. Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
57. “One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
58. No one who has had “Taps” played for them has ever been able to hear it.
59. Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.
60. The best thing about living at the water’s edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you can hear them splash.
61. The future will soon be a thing of the past.
62. The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
63. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
64. Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
65. The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
66. I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
67. Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.
68. “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?” This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
69. Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.
70. And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”
71. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
72. Whoever coined the term “Buyer Beware” was probably bleeding from the asshole.
73. Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.
74. Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?
75. I’m always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I’m listening to it.
76. Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin’ ready to hang himself.
77. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.
78. If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
79. “Meow” means “woof” in cat.
80. Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
81. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
82. “No comment” is a comment.
83. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
84. You can’t argue with a good blowjob.
85. Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it’s because at the moment they’re not actually dying.
86. So far, this is the oldest I’ve been.
87. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
88. Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
89. When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.
90. The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren’t quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a little practice.
91. I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
92. If the cops didn’t see it, I didn’t do it!
93. Hooray for most things!
94. Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
95. I don’t have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
96. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
97. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
98. Life is a zero sum game.
99. Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.
100. I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
101. It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

 

[wally2450]

The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was
wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother
(another blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds
and the bees and the blonde
said:
"No Ma. I can screw and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't
cook."

 

[wally2450]

Man's Wish
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while
his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he
prayed:"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my
wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so
please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The
next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,
set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,
drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it
to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery
shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and
balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the
dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the
laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the
school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way
home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their
homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the
ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,
breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper,
he cleaned the kitchen,ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the
kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his
daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to
make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed
and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to
envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let
us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel
you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back
to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You
got pregnant last night.

 

[wally2450]

Words Women Use

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument
when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means
a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if
you have just been given five more minutes to watch
the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means
something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments
that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-
verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud
sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders
why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the
meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous state-
ments a women can make to a man. That's okay means
she wants to think long and hard before deciding how
and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or
Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Whatever : Is a women's way of saying FUCK YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous
statement, meaning this is something that a woman has
told a man to do several times, but is now doing it
herself. This will later result in a man asking,
"What's wrong?", for the woman's response refer to
# 3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about argu-
ments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.
Send this to all the women you know to give them a good
laugh, cause they know it's true.

 

[wally2450]

An arrogant Department of Agriculture (DOA) representative
stopped at a farm and talked with the old farmer. "I need to
inspect your farm."

The old farmer said, "You better not go in that field."

The Agricultural representative said in a wise tone, "I have
the authority of the U.S. Government with me. See this card?
I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, the farmer heard loud screams. He saw the DOA rep
running for the fence, and close behind was the farmer's
prize bull.

The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and was
gaining at every step.

The old farmer called out: "Show him your card!"