Joan of Arc (closed)

[heartofcourage]

Joan was quiet for the longest moment after Grimes had finished talking. The look on her face was one of a person who simply felt lost, a little vulnerable, and definitely looking for their place. It was hard to put into words what she felt and she had hidden away so much that she was afraid that she would come across as a wounded and broken person.

"What if I want that connection though?" She asked him in a soft voice. "If you're saying that a guy is only looking for someone that they can get off with, why should I try?"

She had never felt connected with anyone in her entire life. Max, her nephew, came very close to filling that void in her soul, but she never got to see him anymore. She had simply been adrift so many years, searching for that rock that she might be able to cling to.

 

[gearhead73]

Grimes thought about his reply before speaking.

"I didn't say that guys didn't look for a connection. I said we didn't need a connection to enjoy sex. I think for the most part, guys are looking for that deep, soul bending, turn your life upside down, feeling of being completely in sync with someone. The problem comes in finding that someone who we can reveal ourselves too. I don't mean the selves we are behind closed doors, or in the bedroom, I am talking about the bruised, raw, fearful, insecure selves that we are in our own head. We can only connect when we can feel safe enough to be loved for all that we are, good and bad."

Grimes looked away as he spoke. He wasn't sure if he was talking in generalities anymore of baring himself before her.

"You get a guy to show you that, he will dedicate his existence making you feel whole." he finished, meeting her gaze.

 

[heartofcourage]

"You seem to be trying your hardest with me." Joan commented, staring into his eyes as he looked at her. "Every time that I've talked to you today, you've tried to bare your soul to me. I don't think you realize what you're doing. I think it's charming, personally."

She did enjoy her time with him. It was like finding someone that could understand her, as damaged as she was. Grimes was the kind of man that made her feel comfortable, no matter if he were a cop or not. She was safe with him. He kept the voices away.

 

[gearhead73]

"It just feels like that no matter what I say, you will accept it for what it is and that's it. Every time you reveal more about yourself to me, I feel compelled to do the same. I feel like you somehow know all of the worst facets of the man Trevor Grimes, and they don't seem to matter."

He was both shocked and strangely turned on by their conversation. He swore that if they kept going she would know more about him than Skins, and he didn't think that was even possible.

"Do you want to see where I live?" Trevor blurted out suddenly.

 

[heartofcourage]

"You want to show me where you live?" Joan asked him, surprised that he had blurted the offer out.

It seemed that Grimes really was serious about forging some kind of relationship with her, whether it be romantic or platonic. The idea was actually welcome and Joan smiled slightly at the thought of learning a little more about the cop that was sitting across from her.

"Well, I guess we can. It's not like I have a pressing engagement to go back home to." She murmured. "Just me and some mindless TV. Kind of depressing. Oh, and the voices in my head. They keep me company."

 

[gearhead73]

"It's settled then," Grimes offered with a broad smile. "TV is nothing but violence and sex and though sometimes the two are good together, it doesn't make for good entertainment for one."

He flashed her a quick wink before motioning for the waitress to bring their check. He was both excited and nervous about Joan seeing his inner sanctum. He had never brought anyone there. He had always kept that part of his life completely private, but for some reason that seemed ridiculous now. He wanted to see her reactions to his living space. Was it clean enough? Was it too sparsely decorated? Would having someone else there actually make it feel like a home; if even for a little while?

"To be honest, I haven't spent enough time there lately to even tell you what to expect. So, be gentle." he said with a small chuckle.

The bill came and Trevor handed the young woman enough cash for the meal and a generous tip. After she had left the two, Trevor stood and stepped closer to Joan.

"Let me help you with your coat."

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan was already moving out of her seat as Grimes moved around to her side of the table. She didn't have the time to grab her coat before he grabbed it for her, helping to guide her arms into the sleeves. It made her a little nervous, but she decided that if she wanted this friendship with him to work, she was going to relax and enjoy it for what it was worth.

"Thank you." She murmured as she pulled on her gloves and scarf, her hat soon pulled over her hair to protect her against the snowy evening outside. "You know I'm the last person in the world that is going to judge you for what your place looks like, right? I mean, you saw where I live. It isn't exactly the Ritz."

Picking up her satchel, she had it strapped around her chest as she turned to look at him. "Thank you for coming tonight. It means a lot to me."

 

[gearhead73]

They were in such close proximity that the intimacy of the moment wasn't lost on Grimes. He stood there looking down into her clear eyes, allowing the warmth of her sincere thanks wash over him. They were still relatively strangers, but he couldn't help but be struck by how familiar it all felt. His hand raised to her arm and squeezed it gently. Even through all of the layers of winter clothing, he could still feel the jolt of electricity passing between them as they touched.

"It was my pleasure Joan. Honestly, I don't remember having a better time. I am happy that you agreed to accompany me."

Maybe it was how close they were standing. Maybe it was the look in her eye, or the slightest of smiles that played on her lips. Maybe it was being together and warm on such a cold and snowy evening. Maybe, just maybe, he had been thinking about it all evening and decided that now just felt right. Whatever the reason, Grimes dipped his head down and forward, and gently placed his lips on Joan's.

Fearful of having crossed some imaginary line, Trevor straightened and said, "Shall we go?"

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan was not really prepared when Grimes suddenly dipped his head and pressed his lips against her own. Warnings bells should have been ringing instantly, but instead, Joan only felt peaceful. There were no voices, no worries or concerns. It was just the both of them sharing a moment on a cold winter's evening.

Then he pulled back, asking if they should go. He looked nervous, like she might scream and yell at him for kissing her like that. That was the furthest thing from her mind if she were completely honest with herself. She liked what he had done and that confused her very much. She had a boyfriend, as rocky as their relationship was. Never had she felt like that when she was kissed by Michael.

"Why did you stop?" Joan asked in a soft voice, not moving a muscle.

 

[gearhead73]

It took a second for the question to register. Trevor couldn't believe it; she wasn't mad. In fact she sounded more disappointed than anything.

"I thought...I mean I didn't... It's just that..." he stammered, trying to find the right words.

His mind was racing, his heart was beginning to thud in his ears, and his breath was growing a bit ragged. He stopped speaking. As his eyes searched hers for clues to what the correct reaction should be, the answer became abundantly clear. He took half a step closer to her, their jackets pressed together. His hand slid up her arm, across her shoulder to the back of her neck.

He leaned forward again, and muttered just before their lips touched for the second time, "I'm not sure I can stop."

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan found it slightly charming the way that he was stammering, trying to find the words to tell her why he had stopped kissing her. Maybe she was being too forward, but she really hadn't wanted that kiss to end. The voices in her head were buzzing, a pleasurable sound, as his hand slipped up her arm to the back of her neck and his head dipped forward again.

She didn't say anything to his mumbled words as their lips met for a second time. She whimpered softly, her hands coming to press against his chest as he told her that he wasn't sure that he could stop. That was alright by her, she thought to herself and closed her eyes, enjoying the moment for everything that it was worth.

 

[gearhead73]

For the second time he pressed his lips to Joan's. While part of his brain was still wrestling with the fact that it was happening; another part, a more primal part slowly began to become more assertive. Almost instantly, any apprehension or fear That Grimes may have had evaporated. With her simple question she had signaled that his advances were welcome, and with each passing heartbeat Trevor became lost in the moment.

His lips parted slightly and his tongue darted outward; searching and hoping to connect with hers. He felt her hands on the breast of his coat, as if cautioning him to take things slow, but he wasn't sure that that was even an option anymore. The hand that had been hanging at his side rose to her hip, before slowly inching its way across the swell of her butt to rest on her lower back. He gently pulled her closer to him, trapping her arms and hands between them.

As he held her close, he broke the kiss and looked into her half closed eyes. "I have been imagining what that would be like all afternoon."

 

[heartofcourage]

Her body was humming in time with the buzzing in her head. She had never felt this way before, she thought to herself. No one had ever kissed her the way that Grimes was currently kissing her. It had meaning and heat, passion and want. No one had ever wanted Joan before.

She let out a sigh as his hands were suddenly everywhere, cradling the cheeks of her bottom before he pulled her squarely against him. He was holding her tight, protecting her as his tongue suddenly danced with her own, making her weak at the knees.

When he stopped, she tried to follow for more. It was like a wonderfully beautiful drug that made her fuzzy yet lucid at the same time. When her eyes opened, she saw him looking down at her, telling her that he had been thinking about that all afternoon.

"You should have done it sooner." She said, feeling bold. "The voices are gone."

 

[gearhead73]

The barely perceptible sounds that Joan was making, were like music to his ears. Her whimpers and sighs spurred him on telling him that his advances were not only welcome, but in some way long overdue. He could feel a hunger as their tongues danced and sparred. The exploration of each other's mouths tentative but inquisitive. It seemed to him that both of them were trying to learn as much about the other with each touch.

Trevor liked the confidence he heard as she asked/admonished about not kissing her sooner. It was a side of Joan that he had hoped was there; he just wasn't sure that he would see it. Her eyes opened and he could see an even brighter sparkle to them than he had noticed before. His body was responding to the feeling of her pressed against him. He could see the intermittent puffs of breath in the cold air as they looked at one another.

He was about to respond when he heard the bell on the front door of the diner ring out in the still night. Trevor had become so lost in the moment, that he had completely forgotten that they were still standing outside of the diner by his car.

"How about we get going, and get out of the cold?" Grimes asked quietly, not wanting to let her go if only to get in the car. "Maybe we can make them stay gone at my place." he said with a slight smile.

It was probably the worst response he could have come up with as he said the words again to himself as he reached for the door handle. Still, he figured that he would try spending the rest of the night making her forget that he had said them.

 

[heartofcourage]

"Okay."

It was all that Joan could say as he offered to take her to his home, promising to make the voices go away. She knew that it was a temporary solution to her very serious problem. Grimes was a man that she could like, though. She was comfortable with him and knew that when she was with him she was safe. It had been a very long time since anyone had cared enough to make her feel safe like that.

She took his hand and let him lead her towards the car. Before they reached it, however, she pulled him to a stop and looked up into his heated gaze.

"Just for the record...I'm not a whore or a slut." Joan said in a soft voice as if saying those words would make her seem brave instead of terrified.

 

[gearhead73]

Trevor was surprised when she gently yanked him to a stop. "...I'm not a whore or a slut." she had said; the words echoing in his ears. For a moment, Grimes felt a sharp pang of guilt mixed with shame at thinking that he had given her the impression that she was either.

Trevor pushed the partially opened door closed and gently pulled her to him; turning them both so that she was sandwiched between him and the car door. He took a small step forward, and pressed his body against hers. His eyes searched for hers, trying to meet them so that there could no misunderstanding what he was about to say.

"Joan," he started softly. "I want you to know that I have no expectations of what will happen this evening. The only thing that I am sure of is that I want to spend the rest of it with you."

He slid his right foot between her shoes and leaned forward slightly, pressing his body gently but with purpose.

"If you decide to be with me this evening, it will be because you wanted it as much as I do. If that is the case, feel free to let go of any fears you have and be as slutty or whorish as you wish."

A slight smile was playing on his lips now as his mind conjured images of what slutty Joan might look like.

"However, you are in complete control of how far things will go. If we do nothing more this evening than talk, I will still be satisfied with how this night turns out. Regardless of what we do, you will lose my respect and consideration. I just want to be with you, and I hope you feel the same."

He hoped that she could believe him. He had meant every word of what he had said and although he wanted her, he wanted to be with her more.

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan was not expecting Grimes to pull her towards him, trapping her against the car door. She certainly wasn't expecting him to step forward, pressing his body against her own. Her eyes were large, slightly startled, but not scared. She trusted that he would keep her safe, no matter what happened. This moment was out of the ordinary, sure, but he had given her no cause to believe that she was in any danger.

"You have no idea what you're getting into." She murmured in a soft voice, her fingers clenching the strap of her satchel tightly. "What if the voices don't stay away? Are you prepared to deal with someone who isn't in their right mind?"

 

[gearhead73]

Joan's points were valid. There were probably a million things that he should take into consideration before getting involved with her. For one, a few hours ago she was a suspect in the homicide case that he should be working right now. Two, she was certifiable; by that he meant not in the way usually meant as an exaggeration, but literally certifiable. Most of all, she has enormous baggage that included another detective in his own precinct as well as a current live-in boyfriend. With all that...he didn't give a shit.

"Joan, you're right." Grimes began, as he cupped her cheek with his right hand. "I have no idea what I'm getting into...but you don't either. You will have to deal with the fact that I am always going to have to be a cop first. I work all hours of the night and day; sometimes not able to come home for days."

Trevor was searching her eyes, trying to find out if she was having second thoughts or was she just trying to tell him that she was feeling the same. Maybe she thought he should think things through further because she didn't want to get hurt if he changed his mind later.

"I can't tell you how things are going to work between us Joan. All I can tell you now, is that is has been a very long time since I have felt this way about anyone."

He hoped that she would be able to tell that he was sincere.

"The voices stopping has to mean something...doesn't it?"

With that, he kissed her quickly, and then backed away from her. He grabbed the door handle, pulling until the dome lights came on inside.

"Should we go?"

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan was quiet as Grimes explained all of the reasons that they should and shouldn't be together. She was use to having her heart broken by her family, her friends, and those that were suppose to take care of her and protect her. She believed Grimes when he told her that he cared. She believed that he wanted to love her. It was strange, especially considering that they had only met a few hours before.

When he leaned down to press a quick kiss to her lips, she let out a sigh and turned her attentions towards the inside of the car. She nodded quickly and slipped into her seat, buckling herself in as she thought about the moment.

The voices were slowly creeping back as Grimes walked around to his side of the car, jumbled words that meant nothing to her at the moment. It was always like that when she was coming off her meds, but she had never met someone that had made them stop the way that he had.

"I've never met anyone like you before." She finally said as he started the car to warm up the interior. "I mean that in the best way possible."

 

[gearhead73]

Grimes couldn't help but smile at her compliment. "Good, I was going to take it that way."

Trevor cupped his hands over his mouth and blew into them trying to warm them just a bit before taking hold of the cold steering wheel. He had forgotten about the temperatures outside as they had stood there kissing and talking, but now he could feel a slight burning in his fingertips as they began to warm up.

"Jesus it's gotten cold." he muttered before putting the car into gear, and then turning to look back as he back out of the spot.

As they headed down the street, Trevor's mind was racing. He couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking as they began the twenty minute drive to his house. For the first few minutes he concentrated solely on the street ahead. After a short while though, he reached over and put his hand on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.

God, was this really happening? Was he really bringing home a woman that he had met this morning; at crime scene? He looked over at her quickly before returning his eyes to the road. The silence seemed almost deafening now. He was dying to know what she was thinking. What was she feeling? Would she change her mind? Would he change his? Over and over these thoughts and questions rolled in his head. He couldn't believe he was this nervous.

"I'm nervous Joan." he blurted out. "I see and deal with things that would make the average person wilt with fear, but right now...I'm nervous."

 

[heartofcourage]

It had turned cold during their time outside of the car and the snow was coming down a little thicker. It wasn't anything unusual for that time of year and she found it incredibly beautiful, but she was happy for the warmth that her coat and gloves provided. Glancing over at Grimes as he reached down and squeezed her hand, she gave him a slight smile.

"Nerves are good. They mean that you aren't completely jaded or dead." Joan said simply as Mary's voice faded in and out in her head, sending her garbled messages as she held Grimes' hand.

 

[gearhead73]

The ride to his house seemed so much shorter this time as they pulled into his driveway. They hadn't spoken that much on the ride, but their hands had remained gently clasped together, and that was enough to satisfy Trevor. He had made mental notes as he drove, like he always did, about how many cars were parked on the quite suburban street. He thought it odd that the tracks his car was making were the only ones in the newly fallen snow. He shrugged it off remembering how cold and late it was on a weeknight.

The suspension squeaked as car twisted up the slight incline of his driveway. He stopped the car in front of the garage and used the hand he had been steering with to hit the door opener.

"Well, here we are." Grimes said with a hint of optimism. "Welcome to my humble abode."

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan wouldn't have guessed that Grimes lived in a quaint little house in the suburbs. She had figured his dwelling would be gritty, a lot like him. This house was anything but that. Add a dog in a fenced yard, a couple of kids running around, and you would have a nice little life. Much like the house that Joan had grown up in.

"It's nice." She said as he opened the garage door with the remote, her eyes taking in everything that she possibly could. "Not really what I expected."

'Joan, that's rude.' Mary whispered, finally breaking through the silence that had been clouding Joan's thoughts and mind.

"It's not rude, it's honest." Joan murmured quietly, glancing towards Grimes as she realized that she was talking to the voices out loud. "Your house isn't bad, alright? Just different from where I imagined that you lived."

 

[gearhead73]

Trevor chuckled a bit as he watched her argue with, whom he could only guess, was herself. He hadn't given any thought to what she must have pictured his living space to be. A single homicide detective that sleeps most nights in his car doesn't create a mental image of a homemaker.

"Don't worry about it." Grimes said gently squeezing her hand as he pulled the car forward until the tennis ball hanging from the string in the center of the garage lightly touched the windshield.

"I promise, the inside is even better than the garage." he continued with a bit of pride as he looked around at his neatly arranged space.

A year ago, his captain had mandated that he take at least a week of his allotted vacation time. Begrudgingly, he had complied and had spent the entire time organizing and cleaning out his garage. He had built shelving units and hung French cleat style slats on the walls that allowed him to hang things along them instead of piling them in each corner. A fresh coat of epoxy on the floor, and he was able to pull his service car through the garage door for the first time since owning the house.

'It's a shame that I don't spend more time here' he thought as he shut off the car and unfastened his seatbelt.

"Ready to see the rest?"

 

[heartofcourage]

Joan was looking at the inner sanctum of a man that had his demons. He had order in his life and then he never touched it again. It was a little sad and she wondered if Grimes was as lonely as she thought that he was. Not having anyone to share a life with was something that she worried about. Who would ever love someone with a mental issue? Who would ever think that she was worthy of being a wife or even a mother?

She was snapped out of those thoughts as he took her hand, wanting to show her the rest of the house. She nodded, glancing towards him as she reached to open her door. She was out of the car in an instant, looking around the eerily clean garage.

"You either spend a lot of time out here or not enough." Joan commented as she waited for him to show her the way. "I'm thinking that it's not enough."